THE KARDOUCHIANS.....

It just doesn't stop.kinda like reality tv.... There is nothing this family of pigs would not not do for money. Now this trio of douchebag trash are now posing semi nude to sell there brand of jeans at Sears.fuckin sears can you believe this i thought you bought tires at sears not jeans... These three sluts couldn't cut a deal with Lord & Taylor,macys,saks jc penny ? Who the fuck shops at Sears other then for tires and car batteries and power saws? So this is what Sears does to try and capture some business. Now I won't even go into sears to buy a Craftsman tool. The only way I want to see these girls naked is in a porno film with a train of guys bangin the balls off these whores and then clubbing them like a fucking seal not when i walk in to a store to buy a tree trimmer. Enough already, I am begging you. Do you really think these botox injected, boob job sisters are attractive? They should have a cut a deal with Russell Simmons because they seem to really really really like black dick so much. At least they would be going after their target audience. This really gives new meaning to over exposed. What a bunch of hairbag sluts. Their parents are just two pimps and their three daughters are the prostitutes. Great role models.

PLEASE STOP THE REALITY

I am wondering when Reality Shows will run the fuck out of steam. Have you ever watched these train wrecks? Lets start with Swamp Men. This show is based on people from the Bayou of Louisiana hunting alligators. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea. He must have been on shrooms or some type of really good drug that took them to another fucking planet. This group of toothless, overall wearing, cajun speaking, beer guzzling hicks hunt alligator. Ooh how exciting. These idiots go around in aluminum flat bottom boats hook an alligator and then shoot it in the head. The only thing that would make this show interesting would be the alligator jumping in the boat and shooting these dumb bastards in the face. This show is un-watchable. Are there that many shut-ins living in America? Next up is Ax Men. OMG. How many times can you watch somebody cut a fucking tree down. One guy lost his arm cutting down a tree.i guess he thought it was a fucking tree branch The only problem it wasn't during the filming of this piece of shit show. Trust me this sums up the whole show. I think two midgets in Oregon wearing womens stockings and singing show tunes watch this show and cry everytime they see another tree being cut down. Just when you think it can't get any worse, well your wrong, we have Pawn Stars, pretty catchy name, based in Las Vegas. Well this show is focuses on people coming in with shit they found in grandmas closet or hope chest hoping to get enough money to play the nickel slots for 8 straight hours or buying a 10 dollar hooker for 8 minutes my guess is the hooker.... While the show is interesting how many times can you watch the owner cheat somebody out of the true value of an item. This guy is slicker then 2 porno actors filming a double penetration scene with enough lube to fill the exon valdese... The line up just keeps coming, Deadliest Catch, Big Shrimpin, yes 2 shows about catching fish how fucking exciting to watch a bunch of assholes catch shrimp and crabs. I didn't know shrimp and crab where so tough to catch. Wow, how tough it must be to throw out a net and have a machine haul the net in by pressing a button the show should be called "men freezing their balls off on the ocean" If your not shoving ground glass in your eyes by now and calling for your mommy there is something mentally wrong with you. It just goes on and on with The Beverly Hill Housewives, Housewives of Atlanta,new york, newjersey, washington,miami and i think they are working on houswives of the fucking homeless...wtfffff now you talk about doing a 180. Beverly Hills Housewives has more women with money, more money even more money and jewels than you can imagine kissing each other on both cheeks like we live in fucking europe are you kidding me then you turn on the Housewives of Atlanta what a difference. Calling them trailer park trash is an insult to trailer parks and trash.these fucking houswives need to go fuck themselves because they are certainly not fucking their husbands all these husbands look like they want to take the biggest bat they can find and smash these cuntbags right in the face.Then we have Mob Wives. What can you say without the risk of endangering your life. Well here it goes. These woman could go ten rounds with Oscar De le Hoya and kick his ass. No wonder the guys have mistresses, would you wanna go home to that. I would enter the federal witness protection program before marrying one of these woman. Im not even going into Storage wars and Storage wars Texas. Gold Help us There must be a part of this country that actually finds this crap entertaining. This is why Utah, Indiana, Texas and Idaho must be annexed from the United States. Who else could be watching this shit

ROME IS BURNING....

A corruption scandal has rocked the Vatican. No it is not what your thinking. This times it isn't about altar boys being forced to do god only knows...so to speak, and it isn't to say prayers. This is not as bad so the Vatican should be able to explain this one way easier. Next time you make your Sunday contribution think about where your hard earned money is going. Trust me, if God needs any money he knows where and how to get it. This is about corruption at the Vatican. An Archbishop his name will remain nameless (Carlo Mario Vigano)ooops did i just say that..he uncovered corruption at the Vatican. Does this come as a surprise to anyone? Haven't you watched "The Godfather", what part of the movie didn't you understand? heyyyyyyyyyy Fuhgetaboutit. He alleges there was a web of corruption, nepotism and cronyism, for a minute I thought he was talking about washington, but no it is the Vatican. He also alleges that the management of some Vatican investment funds was entrusted to 2 funds managed by Italian bankers who looked after there own interests. Well isn't that what your suppose to do?are you fuckin kidding me listen to me your holyness if your money managers names end in a vowel hire then as chefs,bodyguards or limo drivers...lmaoooo and leave the investing to the jews please.. Now I'm really thinking this guy took this right out of a Mario Puzo novel. First of all why in God's (pun) name would anybody in his right mind trust two Italian fund managers to handle anything but tonight's veal chop dinner. Jesus Christ ( pun ), is the Pope out of his mind. It gets better. The Vatican was charged 500,000 euros to have a Nativity Scene erected in St. Peter's Square. 500,000 euros I think thats' a lot of Lira.for those who can not concieve that in dollars its friggin 659,000 bucks to put some statues up..... What was this Nativity Scene made of? Empty Drakkar bottles and Cadillac CTS hub caps? Do you know what happened to Archbishop Vigano? Nope not that, Nope not that either. He was "Transferred". Now if I was Archbishop Vigano I would consider myself very lucky that I didn't become part of a Fiat 500. Do they have a federal witness protection program in Rome? because if they do I suggest you enter it. Don't go to any Italian restaurants or Steak houses without being seated with your back to the wall and hire a fuckin food taster would be my suggestion..OMGGGGGG YA JUST CAN T MAKE THIS SHIT UP....when i go to mass this sunday i will certainly be praying a little harder for all of us......god help us.....please

JUST A QUICK ONE

Some of you may actually believe the hype lathered on by self-serving politicians that our economy today is the worst since the great depression. This is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT of course just like everything else you hear a politician say as he tries to divert you from the tax burden he sticks us with. We have had several ‘bad ‘economies since the depression and I am NOT thinking about the 90′s. Remember that we are not just cantankerous middle aged undersexed people, we are pissed, undersexed coots lmaooooo. We have lived through the oil embargoes, odd-even gas buying days and sanctimonious Jimmy Carter. So just to help you keep some perspective in these dire days...and god willing things will get better as we go forward and our children and our childrens children will laugh about what these days have been all about.....GOD SPEED MY FRIENDS

OSCAR OSCAR OSCAR

Is it wrong for a man to wear fish net stockings? I guess not, if along with that you like to have sex toys shoved up your ass while high on cocaine and weed. It is reported he had a female perform an extreme sex act on him. Can you imagine what that was? What extreme sex act can a woman perform? Remember we are talking about extreme. So I look up defiant sex acts and this is what I think happened. She came into the bedroom with a black strap on in the likeness of Mandigo,she runs towards him the lights go out screaming is involved and well you know the rest. Now have you seen the one accusing him of this? Bill Clinton wouldn't fuck this beast. She looks like she went ten rounds with Oscar. She claims she has modeled for Maxim and Playboy. I DON'T THINK SO. she may have modeled ( wink, wink ) but trust me the pictures never went to print.i think they where burned....omggggg Listen we all like to get in touch with our feminine side but this is taking it to an extreme don t ya think..lol lol .Oscar come back to us man and if you need a prostrate exam go to the doctor pleaseeeeeeeeee......ya just can t make this shit up

DEMI DEMI..WANNA GET HIGHHHHH???

Hey I know what to get Demi for Valentine's day, a case of Redi-Whip cans. What the fuck is this hairbag thinking about. When did she realize she had a problem? Before she started huffing nitrous oxide or after she started to have seizures. Demi, your 49 years old not 19. So now at the age of 49 you look like 69. And 69 is an appropriate number because you look all fucked up. Plus your hooked on prescription meds. Ashton married some dreamboat ya some dreamboat she is now officially called the titanic. Nobody ever accused movie stars of being to bright and now you join the list of famous people found lying naked in the gutter, shouting profanities at a street light while urinating on themselves and screaming "do you know who the fuck i am" This is not your first time in rebab, what don't you understand mrs douche bag. So now it is reported she dropped out of recent film project the Linda Lovelace biopic " Lovelace". How fitting you were chosen for this role. The directors must have known you were 2 seconds away from becoming a porn star getting a train run on you and doing anything else to pay the rent. Too bad because I would like to have been a stand in giving you a facial. I think the problem started 23 years ago when you married Bruce ( I can't act ) Willis and named your daughter Rumer. What fuckin kind of name is that? Where you drinking Barcardi when you named this kid. Demi do us a favor, hire Michael Jacksons doctor and just get out. It is sad when you start looking like Al Pacino in Scarface. Hey Demi, Amy Whitehouse said to say hello

DOGGGGGGGG HOW DO WE WATCH THIS

have you ever watched this train wreck of a T.V. show. Dog is an old suit case leather looking pant load with long flowing blonde hair wearing sunglasses and some type of badge, and a fancy canister of mace that looks like something out of a James Bond movie. His wife is an overweight blond that wears clothes two sizes smaller and has tits bigger than the front end of a Buick. This showed is based on these two nit wits running around Hawaii in two black Cadillac Escalades, calling everybody bro, chasing after Hawaii's bail jumpers. His one son is a drug dealer in Hawaii and one of his daughters is a junkie. Hey Dog I got an idea, stay the fuck home and take care of your kids. I can't believe anybody watches this show. Do you know why this show isn't based in New York? Because this guy would have been killed filming the first episode. Could you picture him chasing after a bail jumper here? He would have that can of mace shoved up his assssssssss. This is just another reality show based on no reality. It joins a list of shows like, Ax Men,Big Shrimping, Swamp Men, Housepigs of Atlanta, Beverly Hills Bimbos, etc. What's next, filming somebody taking a crap. Is this really what people are really interested in. Well, not me. Could somebody please put reruns of Cannon or Green Acres or Mannix back on lmaooooooooooooooooo. Listen you know there is nothing of interest on T.V. when you find yourself watching the State of the Union speech. I usually turn my T.V. on around seven. I am forced to watch Wheel of Fortune and then Jeopardy. Wow, are these shows getting old or is it me. Then I flip thru 1084 channels of absolutely nothing. Telemundo is more interesting.

GIVE ME A BIGGER SHOVEL PLEASE

I have two questions before I delve into the lecture Obama gave last night. 1st Question:: When was the last time you saw so many old fuckers in one room other then the sunshine rest home 2nd Question:: How do I get the 76 minutes of my life back that I wasted watching this beauty. It was quite a lecture the President gave last night. He brags about our military ( The Republicans made sure of that ), he brags about killing and caputring Osama Bin Towel Head, He brags about bringing the war to an end in Iraq and troop withdrawal from Igotadickinmyhand. And in this regard he was right. After that part of the speech I thought I was listening to old tapes of a Stalin speech. How government must watch over all us, yes thats right ALL of us. They must help create jobs ( that isn't ever going to happen ), they must take care of the unemployed, help with your college education, pay your medical, pay your presciption bills, refinance the house you couldn't afford and shouldn't have gotten in ther first place, bail out the car companies ( except Ford ), watch over the Banks and Wall Street, help the down trodden, and on and on and on.NOW If this guy isn't a Socialist then Moscow isn't a City in Russia. He claims that 8 million jobs were lost between his administration and Georgie Bush and that 3 million new jobs have been created while he has been in office. Well I am no fuckin CPA or a Mathematician but that leaves 5 million people still looking for work you boooob. After 3 years your still blaming George Bush? He claimed that bailing out the car companies saved thousands of jobs. He included Ford Motor Co. Again he was wrong. Ford didn't take one red cent from the U.S. Government and they were the only car company the union thugs were allowed to strike. That was the payback Ford got. Yes he is correct General Motors or now referred to as Government Motors returned to the top spot as the #1 car mfg. Yup they got there on the backs of the taxpaying American people and are building cars I wouldn't put a crash dummy in. Do you know where they sell most of their cars? China, thats right fuckin China, only the chinks would drive the garbage their building and trust me the chinese drive like total shit...those fuckers crash shopping carts into people....trust me i have been on the end of it. Now onto class warfare. Is there some law I am unaware of that being rich is a crime? Did the rich and large corporations write the tax laws? Isn't this a country where you can be anything you strive to be? If you make a million dollars a year you are considered filthy rich and subject to paying higher taxes than anyone else. Hey Obama your pals at G.E. don't pay any taxes. You are the biggest phoney in Washington. I could go on and on but I will finish with our elected officials. The jobs you have were created so a Senator was elected every 6 years and a Congressman was elected every 2 years. This wasn't created to be a career position. So many old farts getting re-elected cycle after cycle. Whats wrong with this country? Why do the people elect the same idiots that got us where we are today. McCain, Schumer, McConnell, Kerry, Pelosi, Reid and the list of names could go on and on. Old fools with the same tired old ideas. You got rich and made careers off the backs of the American people. Shame on you and shame on the people who keep re-electing you. Obama take the 4 years you were given and get out . Ponder this:: What ever happened to the Tea Party movement? Gingrich 2012

THE STATE OF THE UNION...GET READY FOR THIS LINE OF SHIT

President ( pant load ) Obama will give his State of the Union spiel tonight. This speech will contain so much bull shit you will think you were in Pomplona Spain. ( Get it ...the running of the the bullshit) His head will move from left to right and right to left as he reads from his TelePrompTer. ( what an boooob ). You will see his mouth move but your ears won't believe what they are hearing. He will tell us he brought the war in Iraq to an end, he captured Osama Bin Laden, completely wiped out our bank accounts ( he may omit that...maybe ), unemployment is going down ( yeah, down the tubes ), universal health care is really and truly the way to go ( don't tell the AMA that ) and the moon is made of cream cheese and he accomplished this before a round of golf, a game of basketball while smoking a Newport ( Get it ).. He will ask for another 4 years to finish what he started. ( Finish fleecing this country) all the while his V.P. Joe ( Hair Plugs with no clue) Biden will be jumping up and down like a Jack in the Box. Look up the word clueless in the dictionary and you will see his picture. This plagiarizing douche bags claim to fame is being a Senator from Delaware. I repeat from Delaware. Do we really need representation from Delaware. This state is so bad that Jersey won't even dump their garbage there. If you farted while driving you would miss the sign that said you are now leaving Delaware. I guess when you are sitting in a nursing home it sounds good when you say " I was the Senator from Delaware" Do you know me! I'm Joe Biden as the nurse wipes the shit off his ass. Calling him a Douche Bag is an insult to Douche Bags. The camera will then pan to our elected officials. ( you talk about a pile of shit ) so many shit heads in one room is truly a picture to behold. Half of them sleeping, a quarter of them drooling on themselves, an eighth of them for Obama and his social programs and the remaining eighth counting all the money they stole from us. What a bunch of pricks. Be prepared for catch phrases such as " Smaller Government", "Save Social Security", Medicare is going broke", " Lock Box" these and other words will make you bend down grab your ankles and make an attempt to kiss your ass goodbye. DOES ANYBODY GIVE A SHIT GINGRICH 2012

SUPERBOWL IN INDY STICKEM UP

The NFL has got a lock on legal prostitution. First off the Super Bowl is being hosted by Indianapolis at Lucas Oil Stadium. I didn't know the NFL was associated with the Russians. Did you? Indianapolis is not a very glamorous place so why would anybody shell out the kind of money required to attend this event. The only people seated at this game will be the elite from Mass. and the New York Metro area. Regular fans on both sides will be home or a bar wearing their favorite players beer stained jerseys, puffing on a Marlboro, hoping they hit the 5.00 dollar Super Bowl office pool. The Giant fans will be home or at their trailer park painted in blue, sitting on their favorite bean bag chair, drinking bud lites in excess wishing they could afford the 85,000.00 Ultimate Luxury Package. Hint:: The NFL doesn't want the common guy at the game. They want the high rollers pouring their money into everything and anything related to the Super Bowl. Listen the Patriot fans could drive there if they could afford to pay for the gas and tolls. The Giant fans could jump on a Greyhound if they could muster up enough money to pay the 216.00 round trip fare. ( Your sleeping accommodations is the bus ). The douche bags called the NFL bought up all the tickets in Indianapolis for players, guests, and corporate sponsors. The rest they probably gave to scalpers so you and I couldn't go to this game anyway. I would rather have somebody from Lucas Oil shoot me in the kneecaps before I spent 1 minute in Indiana. What an effen dump. People from Indiana don't even like living there. Have you ever seen people from there? Very ashen looking, frown lines in their foreheads, squinty eyed and not one woman under 250 lbs. So the beat goes on. We consumers spend millions and millions on our favorite teams during the year, but when it comes to your favorite team making it to the Super Bowl the NFL says you can drop dead. Stay home because we sucked you dry during the year now its time to cash in off the fat cats. Look at the bright side. When that saggy tit, camel toed, hair bag Madonna does the Half Time show you can go take a crap, have another beer, scratch your nuts and get ready for the third qtr. So for 85 grand the entertainment is Madonna at Half Time? Wow! somebody is getting fucked over. Just be happy it isn't you. If anybody happens to see Brent Musburger during the game please tell him I said he is a DOUCHE BAG. Patriots 27 Giants 14 somebody told me.

WEEKEND UPDATE..OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Where to start, where to start. So lets start with the bitch slapping Newt Gingrich gave Mitt Romney. A double digit rout in the So. Carolina Primary. Newt came into So. Carolina with 4.00 bucks in his pocket, driving a 65' DeSoto with bald tires and his wife that looks like she was rode hard and put away wet. He embarassed a guy with perfect hair, lots of money, but A personality of a handball. Listen Mitt if your outspending your opponents by millions and still can't win a primary take the fuckin hint and GET OUT. This country isn't electing anybody called Mitt. We elected The Gipper twice, we are not electing you even once. Oh yeah, you couldn't even beat Newt the sameday his ex-wife trashed him on national T.V. Jesus Christ almighty get out. You are embarassing yourself, your family and the Mormon community. How about them Giants. Eli Manning was on his back more times than a ten dollar hooker. It was actually a pleasure watching this game. Joe ( The putz ) Buck what a Giant butt boy he is and Troy ( I'm totally confused ) Aikman routing for the Giants was enough to throw me over the edge which gave me the excuse to drink heavy all day good excuse right...lol lol anyway Did these two douche bags have money on the game? I loved when the cameras panned into the stands and not one pant load Giant fan could not be seen. Do you know why? Giant fans don t know where san francisco is on the map. You know their fan base, guys painted blue, heads shaved with N.Y., hats on backwards, sentences that include words like... Dah, um, you know, like, fuck you, no fuck you. So drunk by the 1st quarter their jerseys are covered in beer and urine. These aren't fans these are guys that like to drink 1.00 dollar buds. Have you seen the woman who route for this team? They look like they just stepped out of a porno movie or a Go Daddy commercial. They make Snookie look like Heidi Klum. So now onto Indy for the Super Bowl. Can the Giant fans find a car that will make it to Indianapolis. Well at least they have two weeks to pool their money for those 1.00 Buds so they can hang out at their local pub and get shit faced. There are no bigger douche bags on the planet.ok i take that back when i start talking about baseball then we will find out the biggest toads on the planet..but thats for another time.... Then we have Joe Pa or Joe Paterno. Dead at 85. Well theres a start. I can see Joe at the pearlie gates and St. Peter asks this question. " You were aware kids were being sexually abused and said nothing" Whatdid you say because your coaching history don't me a damn thing up here so down there you go. So he will join Frank Sinatra, Hitler, Saddam, Osama and some other pretty well known names. Don't feel sorry for him. Did he feel sorry the the 10 year old boy that he knew was being sexually abused. God works in mysterious ways. Not only did he get fired from Penn State he got fired from life.

AMERICAN EXPRESS OMGGGGGGGGGGGG

American Express enjoyed a record year for profit as 4th qtr income rose 12%. It is amazing considering that this morally bankrupt company has a douche bag running it. I have a friend, I won't mention his name, but Randy THE MAD RANTER had a recent issue with this shit bag outfit. He wasn't receiving his Amex statement and made a fatal mistake.Do you know what this mistake was? He actually called to inquire on why he wasn't getting a bill. ( What an asshole...me ) That was his first mistake. Why would anyone in their right mind call and say I didn't get a bill. Well we won't go there other then being extreamly OCD. So damage done he gets to speak with a customer service rep. This 8th grade graduate tells my friend MR OCD your credit cards are on hold until you pay your bill. He says I would love to pay my bill but I did not received a statement for over 5 weeks and asks "where are you sending the bills". She replies with an INCORRECT address and my friend MR OCD says there in lies the problem.SO She says your accounts are still on hold until you pay your bill. What didn't this hair bag from god knows where not understand the first time? This is what happens when you pay your workers 7.00 dollar an hour. This woman is making 6 dollars and 99 cents too much.Now How can you admit your mailing bills to a wrong address and freeze someones account who is willing to pay and has a 20 plus year perfect payment history with this pant load company. He then demands to speak with her supervisor. Well things get even worse. This High School dropout without a green card wack job who has the personality of a used condom gives him the same bullshit. Now to be a supervisor you would think some training is involved, apparently not she had about as much tact as fly paper on a shit covered wall. Totally enraged and about to open an account with Visa ( God Forbid ) MR OCD now demands to speak with her boss. Now we are finally getting somewhere. Someone they are actually paying enough money who finally understands that THEYYYYYYYYYY FUCKED UP. HE FINALLY makes good on the wrong that was committed by this corporate scumbag comapany. There are many lessons to be learned here. 1) Don't do business with Amex 2) Don't deal with the morons who sound like broken fuckin robots go right to the top 3) Don't do business with Amex 4) Next time go the address they are mailing your bill and ask the resident for your mail and ask him why the fuck have you not sent it to me. 5) Don't do business with Amex I hope this isn't another company we bailed out. Hey Amex, don't lump us in with the douche bags you extended credit to that stand on the corners where 7-11's are. Assholes. We work hard and pay our bills. Try looking at the history you have with your clients. Hello MCFLY HELLO get your head out of ass long enough to train your employees you stupid ass.

TRICKY RICKY SAY BYE BYE

Have you heard the latest news? Rick Perry ( another guy with 2 first names ) drops out of the Presidential Race. Well one good thing, America is better off that he did. Did you know who Rick Perry was? Well guess what, why do you thinK he dropped out of the race, thats right you can come to the next Mensa Meeting nobody who knew who this putz was. So let me fill you in. He is a former Governor of Texas. Have you ever visited this shit hole of a state. OMG I would rather live in New Orleans that's how bad it is. Yes the Lone Star State. Lone Star is a correct term because if it was rated more than one star they would be lying. Texas claim to fame is being next to ( you guessed it ) Mexico. This is the state where they do everything big. Do you know why? because they are a bunch of big dicks. The oil and cattle rich Texans keep pushing these assholes' on us like I really need another asshole.This beauty makes Georgie Bush look like an Einstein. Listen if you can't convince the people of South Carolina your an ass hole then you made the right decision. This bunch of rifle toting, Pabst Blue Ribbon drinking, gravy stained tee shirt wearing, Confederate Flag waving douche bags are his voting base. Did you know that South Carolina is called the Palmetto State. Do you know what a Palmetto is? It is a huge flying roach. No stupid not the kind you smoke. Rick when you entered the race you started out right at the top of the Presidential pile, then you opened your mouth and became part of a pile of shit. Listen some notable douche bags come from Texas. LBJ, George Bush, Ann Richards,jerry jones, jerry jones jerry jones oo did i say that again and you. The only reason to be in Texas would be to drive through so you can get to New Mexico. Texas now joins Utah and Idaho on the list of states we don't want as part of The United States. Dear God please help us, this dolt couldn't even name the three agencies of government. So now Ricky joins John Huntsman soon to be followed by Ron Paul ( he is the other guy with 2 first names ) then Rick ( I should have been aborted Santorum ) and the finishing touch Newton Gingrich. Well that leaves us with Mitt Romney. One good thing about Mitt he ain't from Texas. I know one thing for sure it would be better than what we got now.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS

Kraft announced they are going to layoff 1,600 workers. Well isn't that very thoughtful of them. I know the exact day these 1600 workers will get the pink slip, it will be the day before Thanksgiving. Kraft has decided to split into 2 different companies, one that focuses on snacks and another that will own its grocery business. Now I don't know to much about their grocery business but as a consumer I am very familiar with their foods. Did you know they make Velveeta. This is a cheese poor people won't even eat. They also make that cheese you squeeze from a tube that looks like baby shit and how about those hideous lunch packets your kids feed to the rats at P.S. 61 in the Bronx. Worse than that is there mayonnaise, OMG. I wouldn't feed that to my dog. I hope Kraft realizes that 1600 fewer people will be buying their product. I just sold my stock in Kraft and put my money into Sargento. I know what your thinking, don't worry I know how "they" operate. Should I elaborate? I think not, broken kneecaps are painful. It was a bad Christmas for Hasbro. Do you know why they are the 2nd largest toy maker? Because they suck. Listen how many Black Barbie Dolls do you have to sell to make a profit. I don't know but apparently they aren't selling enough. My suggestion to Hasbro, start a whole new line up of Barbie Dolls. How about Siesta Barbie or Patel Barbie or even better Chi-com Barbie. Hey Hasbro keep up the good work for your investors. By the way the over priced suits in this company could not manage a 7-11 douche bagsssssssssssssssss. That leaves us with Citigroup. They just got hit with an 11% drop in 4th quarter profits. Hey all you Citi investors hold off on buying that Rolex. As a matter fact go buy a new shirt to replace the one you are going to lose with this shit bag outfit. So the profits drop 11% and you know who takes it up the ass? You guessed it, 5,000 workers will get the ax. They are looking to save 3 billion dollars this year. Listen I am not an accountant or a CFO but I am not an asshole. 5,000 workers are making 3 billion dollars? Can somebody get me an application. This is another bank that gave mortgages to people that were living out of a shopping cart. What did think was going to happen? This was another bailout paid for by you know who. The American Sheeple. I got a good idea for Obama, lets lend them another 50 billion so they can lose 75 billion

do you actually have this "TOOMUCHONMYMIND"

Are you affected with sleepness nights? This condition may be caused by Toomuchonmymindinitis. Millions of American have this condition and there is nothing a doctor can precsribe to help you. Have you tried Xanax, Prozac, Tylenol P.M., Clonepon, Advil P.M. Have you tried taking all these at once and you still couldn't sleep. Here are the symptons:: Do you flip thru 1084 channels of absolutely nothing to watch on your T.V., Do you fall asleep for and hour then wake up and stare at the ceiling, Do you toss and turn all night, Do you turn the T.V. back on just to find ads for sex toys and penis enlargement. Well there is no cure for this affliction. If you were born before 9-11-01 you probably have some form of Toomuchonmymindinitis. It all started when George Bush stood on pile of rubble that once were the World Trade Towers and said he was going to get the bastards that did this to us. Did you wake up the next morning to find out we were in Iraq?? We were told there were weapons of mass destruction, he was harboring terrorists and murdering his own people. Well I bought that line of crap hook line and sinker. The only part I didn't mind was him murdering his own people. Really who gives a shit as long as he wasn't murdering ours. We attacked a country with 4 tanks, 1 Jeep, 2 Colt 45 pistols, 1 Rifle and sand as far as the eye can see. He was in the right area of the world just the wrong country. I don't know about you but I don't recall Bin Laden being there. Then we went into Afghanistan to wipe out the Taliban. Well this was a good thing and he was headed in the right direction. Our mighty military ( The Greastest in the World ) found Bin Laden in the mountains of Tora Bora for unexplainable reasons he was not captured or killed. Then the pant load from Texas said he was living in a cave or was dead. Okay Georgie boy was he in a cave or dead. I think not you stupid bastard. Years dragged on and Toomuchonmymindinitis worsened. After 8 years of the Texas Dolt it was time to pick a new President ( Thank God ). The only problem is the American people picked the wrong one. Oh yes, that bullshit phrase " Hope and Change" This new President picked our pockets and left us with no hope and only change. He did catch Osama Bin Laden. Do you recall where he was? No he wasn't at the Pakistani Hyatt but pretty close. He was leaving in the biggest complex in Pakistan right next to a Pakistani military base. So after they captured and killed this douche bag you got one goods night sleep. Then Toomuchonmymindinitis kicked right back in. Now your mind was racing. First of all we never took out the pricks that started all of this. The Saudis. The scumbags that flew the planes into the towers were Saudis. Yes Saudis, Camel riding, robe wearing, dirty smelling, oil rich scumbags. And therein lies the problem OIL. You know what we got in return. Are you stupid? We got 4.00 dollars a gallon gas. So the Toomuchonmymindinitis continues, because I have to work my ass off to pay for all the government handouts and bailouts. Now I am worried that by the time I retire my government handout won't be there for me. Are you stupid again? Social Security. Thats right I need that 500 a month to pay my mortgage, electric bill, water bill, cable bill, gas bill delivery and the 16.95 for the 50 lb bag of Purina dog food so I can eat.

GETEM WHILE THERE HOT!!!!!!

Well the Germans aren't building them like they used to. BMW is recalling over 200,000Mini Coopers. The wiring harness may get to hot and cause a fire. First of all who drives a Mini Cooper? Have you ever seen this hideous piece of shit on the road. It makes the Smart Car look like a Bentley. This car looks like a Tonka Toy on steroids. My suggestion to BMW, don't recall these cars and let these pieces of shit all catch on fire and burn to the ground. Listen BMW stick to what you did best years ago building military vehicles for the Nazis. Why are people still buying foreign cars? The Americans are building cars just as good as any foreign car out there, ( Except for General Motors lol lol ). Have you seen there line up of cars. Jesus Christ Almighty. The Chevy Cruze? Would you put your kids in this car? The car is made out aluminum foil and left over Poland Spring water bottles. Hey GM how about some new cars. The Malibu, The Impala how many of those did you sell this year. Judging by how many I see on the road I guess the number is Zero. Listen when Chrysler starts building a better car than you it is time to leave town. Hey I got a good idea. Lets bail out GM so they can keep turning out the worse looking pieces of shit cars on the planet Ford had better idea. They told Obama and his union cronies to take the money and shove it. You know what happens when your a Car Co. and don't take government money. The unions are allowed to strike you. GOD BLESS AMERICA, BUY A FORD ya just can t make this shit up

AND HERE NOW THE NEWS OF THE DAY

Let's start with the Jewish man that was busted for painting swastikas and " All Jews Should Die" on a graffiti spree in the Midwood Section of Brooklyn. Let me tell you about this neighborhood. You will find no pizzerias here. How conflicted is this individual. Well if all Jews should die I got a bullet with this assholes name on it. I have a question, can a Semit be Anti-Semitic? I suggest you ask one of your jewish acquaintances. We all have them, your doctor, lawyer, insurance agent, just don't ask your landscaper because you know and I know he ain't Jewish. How proud the Nazi's would be knowing they converted this guy. What would this guy have done if they didn't catch him? Paint a crucifix on a Synagogue. Now let's turn to Politics. The King of Queens ( Andrew Cuomo ) wants to run for President. Andrew, listen to me very carefully. You might be popular in the New York, New Jerky area but everywhere else your a nobody. You, just like your father will never never never ever be President of the U.S. I have a suggestion, move to Italy set up a residence join the Facist Party and you can be the next Mussolini of Italy. What did they call him EL DOUCHE, because an Italian will never be President of the United States. A women will be elected before a pinstripe suit wearing, Drakkar reeking, broken down Corvette driving gets elected. What kind of an Italian are you anyway? driving around in a Vette. Whatsa matta your father couldn't afford the Camaro IROC Edition. The last guy that thought he was italian didn't make it out of Dallas. Now let's focus on a Presidential candidtate, his name Ricky ( No Abortion ) Santorum. This abortion of a politician believes no abortions should be performed even in the case of rape. Now I don't believe in abortions but in these ( 2 ) cases I do. Your parents should have aborted you and in the case of rape. Ricky boy I wonder if your wife was raped if you would change your mind. Forcing a woman to have the baby of a rapist? You win the title of DOUCHE BAG of the year. By the way you as well as Cuomo will never be President. I suggest you go back to Philly and have somebody start your car for you YOUR A PUTZ. My day wouldn't be complete without a personality of star quality walking around with his or her head up their ass. Well speaking of asses ( No not Kim Kardashian ) Sean P. Diddy Combs. Just in case you don't know this pant load, his claim to fame is being a hip-hop star. Have you ever listened to any of his shit? I would rather shove feather quills in my ears. Chalk on a blackboard makes a better sound. Then he expanded into a clothing and perfume line. That brings us to his new womans perfume named Empress. This crap should be sold in CVS for 4.99 right next to BIG ASS KIMS SEWER WATER. Egads, this so called fragrance smells like a Knicks locker room after they played the Lakers. And whats with the Ray Charles like sunglasses you always wear? What a PUTZ. You push a line of products only white people buy including that swill of a Vodka called Ciroc. Listen why don't you, Madonna, Jane Fonda, Leo DiCaprio, all the Kardashians, Asshole Kutcher, Ricky Gervais, and Beyonce get in a limo crack open a bottle of Ciroc have a toast to each other then become toast.

MR UTAH WHO IS THIS GUY

Republican candidate for President, John Huntsman dropped out of the race today. First of all does anybody know who John Huntsman is. I will tell you. He is a former Gov. of Utah. Yes, the great state of Utah. Do you know where Utah is? It is stuck between Colorado and Nevada. Utah now theres a happening place. A mountain, 1 ski trail, 2 steer, lots of mormons and dirt. This guy has the personality of a fuckin egg crate or a limp dick take your pick. We don't even want Utah as part of the United States ( this also includes Idaho ) This land locked shit hole where only mormons would want to reside. He couldn't run a race worthy of the America people he stated. Maybe if he drove around in a Toyota, wearing clothes made in Sri Lanka, signing autographs with a pen made in China and spoke Spanish he would bond with the American people. What a beauty and you think Romney has no personality. This guy couldn't raise enough cash to run a lemonade stand on the corner of 5th ave. He was runing on a platform of 2 cars in every garage and a chicken in every pot or something like that. It could have been driving to a car while smoking pot I don't remember because I was high. So one more loser drops out. Now that leaves us with a guy named Newt, an old man named Ron Paul ( He is Dillusional ), an Italian from Pennsylvania, a putz from Texas, and a guy whose parents named him Mitt. I guess it could be worse, his name could have been Glove Romney or polo pony romney or igotgreathair romney Well one less guy that would never have beaten you know who. You know the guy thats married to the woman with piano key teeth, Yeah Yeah what's his name oh yeah Obama

WHAT A WEEKEND

Wow, so many delicious things happened this weekend I don't know where to begin. So lets start with the sinking of the Italian Cruise Ship. The Captain bailed out faster than the Italian Army at Anzio. This pasta eating, Galliano drinking douche bag drove a 10 story ship into the Tuscan Island of Giglio. By the way in case you didn't know this was not a scheduled stop. What doesn't the Captain of this ship understand? Ships go in the water, cars drive on land. Did he have a memory lapse and think he was in his Fiat. What an ass. The press compared this to the sinking of the Titanic. Let me explain something, first of all the Titantic was suppose to be unsinkable, it sank in frigid waters and didn't have enough lifeboats and was hundreds of miles from land. This ship hit a rock tipped over and landed five feet from land. The passengers knew something was wrong when the furniture in their rooms slid to one side and the smell of someone cooking Osso Bucco on the island came wafting into the ship. Do you think the Cruise Line will refund the passengers money or offer them another trip at their convenience. Then we had Big Blue go into Green Bay and destroy those cheese eating Packers. Green Bay was 15 and 1 this season. How did they acheieve this feat? They don't have any receivers that can catch the ball. I guess this is what happens when you play in the NFL Pee Wee Division. The Giant fans are elated because next weekend the bars in the New York area will offer $1.00 Budweisers again. So now all these fans will take the last twenty bucks they have left on Sunday and will get blitzed more than Eli Manning. You can always spot a Giant fan, hat on backwards, head shaved on the sides, pumping their fists like they are in a gay bar LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Then we had the Golden Globe Awards. What a mess. A bunch of Champagne drinking liberal drunk douche bags. Christopher Plummer wins Best Supporting Actor. Well the hills are alive with the sound of music, a midget won an award for something, George Clooney ( Rosemarys boy ) won an award for being a smug pant load and what night wouldn't be complete if Madonna wasn't given an award for being a washed up, saggy tit, leftist, shitbag. Ricky Gervais do me a favor. Get in your car head on over to JFK Aiport and take the next 747 back to England. Whats the matter Ricky the British didn't think you were funny so you came here. Well guess what we don't think your funny either.go back to that shithole you came from and bore the fuck out of your own people....

NOW THIS TAKES THE CAKE

I have a friend ( I won't mention his name )'fuckin me"  that purchased a  motorcar. This vehicle is called the Porsche Panamera Recall.

I couldn't understand why Porsche would come up with such a name. But to my surprise I found out this car has had more recalls then a telephone.  While the car looks very nice parked in his driveway ( when it is in his possession )"fuckin me" it looks even nicer at the dealership up on a lift with a mechanic working on it with some expensive tool that can only be purchased in Berlin Germany. Now comes the part that leaves a gapng hole in his rectum."fuckin me" The loner car is not a Porsche, it is not an Audi, it is not a BMW, would you believe it even isn't a Mercedes. No, it is a KIA . A fucking KIA.They had the nerve to give him"fuckin me" a fucking KIA . This luxury automobile comes fully equiped with cloth interior, manual windows and a radio that only a Korean would know how to operate. The road noise is so deafening that you have to wear earplugs ( which is illegal ) in New York State but apparently isn't in Korea. Would you believe he has to kick the empty beer cans under the seat everytime he comes to a stop. This car is so dirty somebody had the nerve to leave a gift certificate to a car wash under the wiper blades. Now comes the most frustrating part. They gave him an appointment"fuckin me" to bring the car in for service . This was the day Hanz was flying in from Essen Germany to make the necessary repairs. Unfortunately, Hanz missed his connection and will not be in to service the car until tomorrow. How does this poor man "fuckin me"explain  that one, this KIA piece of shit isn't his and two, no he hasn't fallen on his head, or third, worse yet the Panamera did not explode. My suggestion would be to get a magic marker and write on the rear window " THIS IS A LONER CAR"

People have the nerve to belittle the American Car Companies? At least we know we are buying a piece of crap as soon as we walk through the showroom door.

THE NEW YORK DICKS I MEAN "KNICKS"

Did you realize we have another under achieving team that plays in New York. The N.Y. Knicks. They rank right up there with the Mets and the Jets. They might even be worse than the those two put together. The Knicks are owned by a douche bag and his name is Dolan. He also comes from a breeding of douche bags. You are correct, his father is Charlie Dolan. He is the beauty thats owns Cablevision and Newsday. There can't possibly be two worse corporations in America.  . This fat pant load of a son couldn't run a ship aground. The only thing good about this team is that when they play crime goes down in New York.   Jr has also made some great coaching moves. How about that Isiah Thomas ? and isnt D'Antoni doing a great job? Listen when you can't beat a team called the Grizzlies its time to fold up the chairs and go home. Just leave that stupid looking hit the ugly tree pant load Spike Lee strapped onto a chair with a car battery hooked up to his genitals. This team is a mess. If they weren't playing for the Knicks they would be stealing hub caps off cars in Newark. I was told when they go to cash their checks at the bank they wear masks because they are actually stealing from their own team. Whatever happened to great coaches like Red Holzman. One of the Top Ten all time NBA coaches. We get a D'Antoni. What is it with New York hiring all these guidos.

Even Pat Riley thought he was a guido until he went to Miami and became a cuban. Aren't there any great coaches that want to come to New York and stir things up. Listen, even though the Garden is a shit hole and still is after it was renovated. Did you know it was renovated? Check out the bathrooms they installed new toliet paper holders even though there is no toilet paper on them. I don't know what smells worse. Penn Station or the Garden. I think its the smell from the Garden wafting into Penn Station. Do people actually watch basketball? You gotta be a shutin or a mental patient with nothing better to do with your life. I can actually picture a Knick fan sitting in a one room rental with a 25 watt bulb hanging from the ceiling, in a recliner a homeless person wouldn't sit in, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon with his Joe Boxer shorts with the yellow stains in the front and brown in the back. I dsave you the time the Grizzlies are 4 and 6. A team that hails from Memphis. DEAR GOD HELP US

"Keeping Up With the... 3 Talentless Whores..."

What can you say about the Kardashians that hasn't been said. Well sit back because you ain't heard this. Lets start with Kim shes the dwarfette standing at 5'2" with an ass you can rest ( 2 ) Colt 45 beer cans on. Remember shes the one that married Chris Humpries at 10:00 A.M. and they were divorced at 10:30 A.M. the same day. Lucky for him they didn't consummate the marriage. They would have had to freeze his penis to kill the bed bugs. She is also the one with a line of perfumes. If you check the bottles they say eau de toilet.
Okay translated this means toilet water. Thats exactly what this shit smells like. TOILET WATER. Shes been dicked so many times they promoted her to Detective. Next we have smurfette Kourtney standing at 5' The perfect height to rest your penis on her head. This pig claims to fame is being the sister of a pig. Then we have the beast of the sisters, Khloe this amazon stands at 5'10" or I might be confused she might weigh 510. Her big career will come shortly. She will be starring in a movie titled Khloe Does Kansas. Pig doesn't describe this one but slut does. In this movie she is getting banged by all the black guys Kim dated. It is now rumored she is not the daughter of the late lawyer Robert Kardashian or Bruce Jenner. Now doesn't that make the mother a slut. Now we know where the kids got it. The mother got great taste in men. Robert got a murderer off the hook and Bruce Jenner should be hung off one. Bruce, listen to me. Enough with the face lifts. YOU LOOK LIKE A BURN VICTIM.

There is nothing attractive about any of these girls or is it me? I would rather slam my dick with a dresser draw. to bad the father didn't let O.J. date his daughters

 

Sparano, Soprano...Who Cares...

Okay all you Jet fans her we go into the abyss of Super Bowls never won. I guess Woody Johnson is using the team as a tax write off. This guy must be huffing fumes from one of the plants that produce the shit products he makes. Is this guy actually letting Tannebaum ( Put down the hamburgers ) make a decision on hiring. The same Tannebaum that allowed the hiring of a Plaxico. The same schmuck that hired Rex ( The Twin ) Ryan. So they get rid of Schottenheimer and the fans think this is a good thing? Well it would have been if they didn't hire Tony ( Ray Ban ) Sparano. When this pant load took over the Dolphins in 2008 they went 11 and 5. Trust me he had nothing to do with it. That was all part of the previous years coach and to prove it the next 2 years they went 7 and 9 and this year they really did well 4 wins and 11 loses. Oh yeah Tony is going to do a great job for the Jets.This sun glass wearing douche bag couldn't coach a pee wee football team. Just what Jersey needs another sun glass wearing Italian. This douche worked under coaches like Bill Parcells and Tom Coughlin. Hey Tony weren't you paying attention its obvious you didn't learn anything. You were also the Offensive Quality Control for the Cleveland Browns from 1999 to 2000. WTF is this position? What did this job entail? checking the toilet paper for its texture. So now we have another two years working for a losing team. Did the Browns create this position because you made them an offer they couldn't refuse. Now lets some it up Zero Super Bowl wins, zero overall championships, zero conference championships and zero division championships in your coaching career. Now, I'm no mathematician but that's all adds up to ZERO. Now Sparano who's claim to fame is bringing the Wildcat formation to the NFL is going to restore the teams ground and pound. The only person getting grounded and pounded is Sanchez in the locker room. The Jet offense ranked 25th will be retooled. Retooled is the proper word because they are a bunch of tools. Just when you think it couldn't get any worse it does. Peyton Manning, Peyton Manning, OMG. Mike ( The Midget ) Lupica says Eli and Peyton would be the kings of the Big Apple. First of all there can't be two kings. So one is a queen and my money is on Peyton. Second of all you stupid ass neither of these teams even plays in New York. They play in that mob landfill called Jersey. Can't wait to see the tail gate parties. A parking lot loaded with Cadillac CTS's, a bunch of mustache petes cooking sausage on gas grills, sipping Galliano and the smell of Drakkar wafting in the air.
The scent is so strong the Port-O-Sans even smell good. The only thing left to hope for is Fireman Ed falling off the shoulders of his friend while screaming J -E-T-S and laying in his own pool of urine.

P.S. and by the way Schotteenheimer is owed 3.2 mil. Hey Woody your a jerk-off. Everybody got fired but the fat ass who created this mess.

 

SanCHIZE My ASS!!!!

The fans and players jumped off the Sanchez ship faster than a Cuban on an inner tube. The team is fed up with 'LAZY' Sanchez. Isn't that an ethnic slur. Didn't he bring us to the championship playoff game twice. I got an idea, why not hire some receivers that can actually catch the fuckin ball. What did Tannenbaum and Ryan see in this pant load. They took a page out of the Met hiring book and went for the latin fan base. How many latins does it take to throw a football? One. Because there are no other latin quarterbacks. Listen fix the issues with this kid and fire Shittenheimer which i think they just did thank goodness. His father sucked and he sucks.While we are handing out pink slips get rid of that Dom Delouise look alike Rex Ryan. His father sucked, his brother sucks and he sucks. It is just one long line of suck. Peyton Manning, Peyton Manning he we go again. Going after legendary quarterbacks after the legend is gone. Is Doug Flutie available?, Terry Bradshaw is on weight watchers with Dan Marino do they want to make a come back. Maybe Theisman is available after he takes his prostrate supplements. Maybe Favre is tired of doing Wrangler commercials. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Lets stop the bullshit. Manning is shot. He plays in a climate controlled stadium. Do you think he is stupid enough to play here. The only part of Jersey he wants to see is when the jet he is in flys over at 30,000 feet. Maybe fireman ( The Douche Bag ) Ed wants to take a crack at it. Maybe if New Orleans gets wiped out by a major hurricane Drew Brees would want to come here. Christ Almighty stop the friggin madness. Oh yeah and by the way who hires a player named Plaxico. Woody, I think your sniffing to much of the shitty products you make.

 

Bama/LSU Barnburner

Last night I got ready for the Bama / LSU game. I got my Orville Reddenbacher popcorn, a six pack of Dos Equos, phoned my buddy and bet him my normal 5 bucks in for Bama lol lol and sat on my couch to watch the college game of the year. This game was like me watching a bad porno from 1972 with a midget and a guy with black socks bangin some drugged out pant load my eyes balls just about fell out of my socket and after taking my 2nd zanax because i could not take watching this piece of crap anymore i went into a semi coma. Although the outcome was what I hoped for there were many shortcomings. First of all they played the game in New Orleans. Yes the same stadium where the Saints play. I hope they finally cleaned up that bedroom they call a stadium I was wondering how many people got robbed before the game started because not all the scum of the earth moved to Houston. Did you know that LSU was favored by 2 1/2 points. Do bookies really live in this shit hole. This city makes Philly look like the Taj Mahal. Then the cameras panned to Bourbon Street. So many drunkin, jambalaya eatin, craw fish eatin pant loads packed into such a small space. This is the same place where they celebrate Mardi Gras.
And what a glorious celebration it is, fat, ugly, gravy stained women wearing housecoats, and thongs on an ass so huge that it looks like dental floss on a movie screen flashing their amply sagging bellies to a bunch of drunken douche bags. I was all prepared to see players named Billy Joe Bob, Tommy Ray Lee, James Earl Ray, Jimmy Ray Jones. Instead I saw names like Darius, Marquiz, Santrelle, Don'tra and Jerrell. WTF. Bama and LSU how more southern can you get. What kind of names are these for players from Alabama and Louisiana.
Hey I watch Swamp People and Lizard Lick Towing and there no names like that. Well just when you thought it couldn't get any better the cameras pan into the stands.
I never saw so many white people in my life. All a bunch of morons wearing Tiger and Elephant heads waving Miller Lite beer cans. So I think I got it now. The black players go to college to play football and the white players go to college to watch the football games. Can you imagine when your kid comes home and says Dad I got accepted at LSU.
Make sure you pack him a canoe, life jacket, umbrella and a glock 9

You do understand that this place is rated in the top 3 for murder. I believe Detroit and Mexico are the other two and Mexico isn't even a part of the U.S. or is it?

 

Big Ben, Broncos, and Brotherly Love

Looks like Big Ben ( not the tower in London ) had a tough Sunday afternoon. Yes Sunday, Gods day, therefore this dirt bag didn't stand a chance against Tebow and the Broncos.
Big Ben got sacked so many times I thought he was a potato. Yes, Ben the rapist and woman beater couldn't beat the Broncos. I bet if it was a women's team he could beat them.
What is it with Pennsylvania and their felon quarterbacks. Vick for the Eagles and Rottenburgers for the Steelers. This douche bag that plays for Pittsburgh, a city that consists of 4 wooden houses and two dirt roads. One of the dirt roads takes you into West Virginia. Pittsburgh with a fan base that can't spell Pittsburgh. Have you ever been to this shit hole.
99% of the people that live there are street vendors that sell Steeler merchandise. So you have the Pirates, Penguins, Steelers. What happened couldn't come up with another name that started with a ( P ). I got one for you, how about Pricks. Listen to me Ben you are no Terry Bradshaw so get on your motorcycle get on Rte 80 get that sucker up to about 120 and hit a bridge abutment. Yeah your the same Big Ben that goes to a nightclub ( I didn't even know they have a night club in Pittsburgh ) enters the ladies room and attempts to rape and beat an innocent woman. Your a douche bag. If that was my daughter not only wouldn't you be playing football you wouldn't be breathing.

What is it with Pennsylvania? Is there something in the water. How about the Flyer fans that beat on the Ranger fan. I guess I would be pissed off if I came from a city with a cracked bell, row houses and a TV show called Parking Wars. Have you ever watched this show. These morons keep getting their cars towed for illegal parking. Then they go to the impound and don't have the 1.50 to get their car back. This is the city of Brotherly Love. What don't these pant loads understand about Brotherly Love. Who would waste there money to travel to Pennsylvania to watch a New York Team play any Pennsylvania team. Their fans don't have the money to travel here so why pump money into their economy. Watch it on TV and stay home or go support your local pub. This is the same city that has that rat infested restaurant called Bookbinders and Philly cheap steaks . I guess if you like minor league fields like Citizens Bank Park. My sister can hit home runs there. Or you can go to Pittsburgh and watch the Pirates. I would rather shove broken glass under my finger nails.

This is another one of those states that wave towels when there teams play. It is obvious they are not using the towels to wash themselves. I didn't know you could have that many beer stained jerseys in one state. Listen if your looking to get to Ohio from New York unfortunately you have to drive thru Pennsylvania. Just don't stop depending on the season to see the Penquins, Flyers, Steelers, Eagles or the Sixers. The live you save may be your own. GO BRONCOS

 

Dear America, Stop Being a Pussy!!!

There is a country in the middle east called Iran. Yes this is one of those countries with lots of sand, lots of people that smell and people walking around in robes like it is 200 B.C.
The country is run by a religious fanatic called an Ayatollah. ( I had one of those but the wheels fell off ) . You ask, what is an Ayatollah? It is an old man with a beard, wearing a toga or something of that nature who believes woman should be raped, stoned, murdered and abused, that Islam is the only religion and we are infadels and men should smell. This piece of shit gives orders to a president. This guy is the same prick who led the hostage crisis in the 70's when Jimmy the pant load Carter was president. I believe his name is, Igotadickinmyhand.

We are now entering the next crisis with the Iranians. Igotadickinmyhand is threatening to block the Strait of Hormuz. Doesn't he know we will turn the Iranian Navy into sunken treasure. Go ahead block the Straits and your next navy will have glass bottoms so they can see the old Iranian navy. Why do we let these douche bags push us around. The only thing that is going to be blocked is the mausoleum he is going to be buried in. Why are we so afraid to flex our military might? Are we afraid the Chinese won't ship over any more wonton soup, that the Russians might hurl a molotov cocktail, what the fuc is going on? I don't mind spending trillions and trillions on the miltitary but sometimes you got to use what your spending trilllions on. I got an idea. Why not send the U S S Ronald Reagan into the straits fully loaded with every F-22 Raptor we built and turn Iran into something suitable so Trump can build casinos and golf courses for the Saudis. 

Isreal, listen to me. Obama isn't going to stop the Iranians from enriching uranium. They are not building nuclear plants to generate electric for their people. they are building nuclear weapons to finish what Hiler started. WAKE UP. So here is my suggestion. All the F-18's we sent you, fire them up, gets the tanks rolling and start heading towards Iran. When Obama is told by the unions that a war with Iran is good for the economy he will back you. What ever happened to men. Where are the men who had balls, Churchill, Roosevelt, Reagan.
What are we turning into? We are the most powerful country in the world. WTF

Oh yeah Sempre Fi

 

 

Drew Barrymore Getting Married Again?!?!?!

Now for the good news. Drew Barrymore is getting married. No not for the first time, not for the second time, but yes for the third time. I guess this former drugged up actress isn't to bright. Hey Drew if it didn't work out twice it ain't ever going to work out. What are you trying to do become the next Elizabeth Taylor? your background would indicate you are headed in the right direction. My question is who would your Michael Jackson be? Your first marriage ended after two months your second marriage ended after five months.
What don't you understand about " Till Death do us Part". How lucky is the guy that marries you? I would rather stick my penis in a window and then slam it shut. You come from such a talented acting family. What happened to you, weren't you paying attention.

If anybody reads the Daily News turn to page 24. Justin Bieber wearing a bathing suit with his underwear hanging out. What a pant load. Who wears underwear with a bathing suit.
Whats the matter Justin your swim trunks don't come with the pants lining inside you stupid douche bag. Trust me the only thing this guy is impregnating is his gerbil.

 

Hey Casey - GTFO!!!!

I suggest if you have kids in the room you ask them to kindly leave. You do not want them to read this rant.
Casey Anthony, yes the same Casey Anthony that did not murdered her baby daughter"ya right" and threw her away like a piece of trash.
Yes the same Casey Anthony that beat the judicial system because of a bunch of beer guzzling, gravy stained rednecks. You know that crowd. Driving their Ford F-150's with the gun rack and confederate flags on the antenna. I guess there wasn't enough evidence. Not enough fuckin evidence? She reports the kid was abducted by the baby sitter ( this piece of shit couldn't afford a baby sitter ) and reports it weeks after the fact. Her car smells like a dead body ( there's a fuckin clue ) and material the kid was found in was stolen out of the garage where her parent lived. ( Duh ). Well you can't change the past and can't retry this hair ball for murder but enough is enough already.

Hey Casey, after you beat the system why not slink off to wherever garbage like you is suppose to slink off to. Don't worry after your gone from this earth there is a special place for you. Hell yeah. You won't be visiting your daughter in heaven that's for sure. What is it about people who get away with murder ( I will name a few ) Casey Anthony, O.J. Simpson, Brian Peterson, that they have the audacity to remain in the eye of the public and continue to shove it up our ass. She has the nerve to release a Video Diary on YouTube.
I will not watch and can't imagine it contains anything good. Somebody watch it and tell me if she confesses to murder. I know there is a God and I wish I knew what he had in store for dear old Casey. I know it won't be good because my God is a vengeful God. WE ARE BEGGING YOU CASEY GO THE FUCK AWAY...

 

Who the Fuck is Greg McElroy?!?!?!

What possesses a 4th string quarterback, do you hear me a 4th string quarterback to shoot of his mouth and call the Jets " selfish & corrupt."
There is a reason you are a fourth string quarterback. The reason is you suck. Not even a third string quarterback. The word "corrupt" is a powerful word.
What exactly does he mean by that. Is the 4th string quarterback even privy to what goes on in the locker room? Is the 4th string quarterback even allowed in the locker room ?
His parents must be so proud. Yup that's my boy he is a 4th string quarterback for the corrupt N.Y. Jets. What a douche. Where does this douches career go after this.
Is there such a thing as a 5th string quarterback. Is the XFL back in action? Listen the Jets have to do two things. First fire Chubby Checker look alike Rex Ryan. He shot off his big mouth and didn't produce. 2nd get rid of Fireman Ed. Yeah this is the douche bag that wears the fireman's hat in the shape of a Jet then at 90 years old climbs on his brothers shoulders and screams J-E-T-S, J-E-T-S what a moron. He isn't a fan he is a nuisance. I'm surprised he can spell J-E-T-S. What some people won't do for attention at a stadium filled with 80,000 people
So much to look forward to next season. After year of under achieving.

 

 

Bachmann Calls it Quits

So Michele calls it quits. No no not Michele Obama she called it quits when she married Barack. I'm talking about Michele Bachmann. Remember her? she started the Tea Party revolution. What ever happened to the Tea Party? I guess they picked up their cups and went back to Alice in Wonderland. The Tea Party deserted her faster than an SST catching fire on a French Runway. What a loser, she couldn't even beat a guy named Newt. John Huntsman almost finished ahead of her and nobody even knows who John Huntsman is. This hair ball wanted to be President? Well I don't think so. She quits because she loses a caucus in Iowa. Do you hear me? She quits because she loses a caucus in Iowa. First of all what is a caucus? second of all who gives a shit what people in Iowa think. Jesus Christ its Iowa. Oh yeah she would have made a great president. I quit today because my mascara got smudged or I quit I am having a bad hair day. What was her freaking message anyway? Oh I think I recall, her message was Obama sucks. We already know that so lets move on. And so we will move on to the next primary state. New Hampshire. I'm surprised these goobers even know how to vote. New Hampshire? Isn't that the garbage dump for Massachusetts. New Hampshire oh yeah that state is relevant. They expect a massive turnout, 100 people over the age of 80 and guess what? They won't be voting for Michele Bachmann because she lost a caucus in Iowa. Christ it's effen Iowa.

 

Who the Fuck are we Voting For?!?!?!

Well I guess we better get ready for another ( 4 ) years of you know who. That is correct the human teleprompter Barack Obama. Mitt Romney wins the Iowa caucus by 8 votes over a nobody named Rick Santorum. Yes the same Ricky that comes from the place where Cheese Steaks are famous. You ever eat a Philly Cheese Steak. What crap. Lowest quality beef served with some type of cheese Kraft wouldn't even sell served on a stale hero bread. Yeah this douche is going to be President. Then we have Mitt Romney. Lets start with this guys parents. Who names their kid Mitt? the same people who came up with Plaxico. Is there a book of baby names I am not aware of.
 

This guy has got hair that hair I'm jealous of. The same Mitt who brought state sponsored health care to Massachusetts before Obama became a union thug. Mitt, listen to me. Your father wasn't president and your not going to be either. This guy comes from the same state that has Fenway Park.such a great stadium and this guy is an absolute booooooob The third place finisher is a guy with two first names, Ron Paul. Did the aliens land and nobody told us. This guy is from Texas but arrived there in a space ship. Just what we need a cranky old man with his arthritic finger on the button. What can you say about Texas. Let me start. It has the Alamo, thats good, It has the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, thats good, It has George Bush, you decide, It has all the Katrina criminals living in Houston, ( That city is doomed ) and another bungling fool, Rick Perry. What a pantload. He couldn't even beat a guy name Newt. So we hope the Mayans are correct and there will be no swearing in a new President in 2013.

 

Happy New Year, Dick!!!

It all came down to this. Dick Clark's New Years Rockin Eve. What can you say about Ryan Seacrest. Oh yeah, I know. Is there any show he won't friggin host.
Then for entertainment we get Lady GaGa. She comes out dressed in a manhole cover ( no no not a tampon ) or something that looks like a burnt out light bulb over head.
I could have saved her a lot of money and given her a bag to put over her head, preferably a plastic bag. Then we have Santana and Justin Beiber. NO, not separately but together.
When was the last time Carlos Santana had a hit. I think it was 1982. Justin Beiber, let me tell you something, no talent and there is no way this kid is impregnating any woman. By the end of the musical entertainment I shoved the spoon I was eating my ice cream with into both my eyes. Then at the end all cameras focus on Dick Clark. I don't want to sound mean but a man has got to know his limitations. They sprayed so much orange dye on him he looked like a naval orange. I had nobody at my house who could translate Swahili so I didn't understand an friggin thing he was saying. Did he have a stroke or something?ooo ya he did this poor fuck stay off tv and ride off into the sunset will ya please. how do people who run the network allow this poor guy who was an icon for so many years go on the air spray tanned more then snookie and speaking just as bad....friggin amazing...although this guy still has a great head of hair go figure

P.S. Don't forget Super Bowl Sunday. Halftime show with Madonna. I already have my zanax pills ready for that mess. Order yours early.

 

Jets Playoff Chances

It all comes down to this. The Jets at the Dolphins this Sunday. The entire Latino community in Miami will be at the game ( if they can get their cars started ) to see their hero Mark Sanchez. The ones that don't go to the the game will be at Jai Alai. Budweiser will not be served this day, it will be replaced by Dos Equos and Corona. The only problem at 11 bucks a pop I don't think they will be selling to many beers.

This is a good thing because they will already be showing up drunk from the night before and their pay was already spent on Friday night. Sanchez is so stupid he thought he was signing up for a role on West Side Story when asked if he wanted to be a JET. Oh yeah the real Jet fans will there. You can spot them, milky white, wearing Namath jerseys, hats in the shape of a jet with two beer can holders and a straw. Some douche bag on his friends shoulders chanting J - E- T -S J-E-T-S ( they had to practice the spelling for a week ) the women with their bleach blond hair,stretch pants ( that are really be stretched ) chewing gum, chanting youse guys suck.

Then the Jets have to win to have any hope for the playoffs. The only problem is ( 3 ) other teams have to lose. One of the teams the Bengals also had a former Jet douche quarterback called Boomer. ( no Super Bowls with him either ) . Then we have to put up with that overweight loud mouth ( no not Mike Francesa ) Rex Ryan. Hey we gonna win Sunday, Hey we are da best, Hey, I don't care what anybody else thinks. Hey, bigmouth how about coming up with a game plan and it shouldn't include ( let me stuff a gun in my pants ) Plaxico. Joe Namath on bum knees gauranteed a Super Bowl win and backed it up so shut up Rex.

What the eff is a Plaxico. How did his parents even come up with a name like that. The baby is born and the parents turn to one another and say " Lets name him Plaxico"
Thats like Mary & Joseph coming up with Jesus Christ. Tony Sporano ( not Tony Soprano ) will be showing up with his best game plan and the sunglasses, fake Ray Bans and the Jets go down 17-14

 

Douchebag #2

Kim Jung Un has been named " Supreme Leader" of North Korea. I think the last " Supreme Leader" was named Stalin. So this overweight, basketball loving pant load thinks he is the next Stalin. Rumor of what his Executive Office looks like are sketchy, but this is what is being leaked to the media. His desk is an old whiskey barrel that came with a folding beach chair. No computer ( remember they have no electricity ) however he did get the gold plated toilet his father left him but it isn't attached to any plumbing A step stool so he can reach the potty. A box of crayons so he can take notes and an American made Duracell heavy duty flashlight ( he is waiting on the next delivery of batteries from China ) so he is in the dark. He also got the two pictures on the wall of his scum bag father and douche bag grandfather. So now we had Douche Bag who was succeeded by Scum bag who is succeeded by Pant Load. All three couldn't make one 6 foot tall American. This is the same country that alleges it has Nuclear Weapons. I guess in No Korea a fire cracker attached to a hand grenade and then strapped to a bi-plane is considered nuclear. Hey Kim, China called they want their two 1972 Lincoln's back. He was overheard saying " My father dies and I inherited this piece of shit for a country " Now the world waits to see what games pant load will play. We can only hope there is a missile out there with his name on it

 

Kim Jong Il Finally DIES!!!!!

The tyrant of No. Korea was laid to rest somewhere in this shit hole known as No. Korea. To my amazement they once again showed the world how advanced they are technology wise. The funeral procession consisted of two 1972 Lincoln Continentals and four 1940's style jeeps. How come no world leaders showed up for this douche bags funeral ? Oh I know why, because he was a douche bag. I know where he got the 40's jeeps from, they were left over from the Korean War. The Korean War?

I am puzzled where the Lincoln's came from. I believe he got these from another country that eats dirt for dinner, China. They probably called No Korea and said we have two 1972 Lincolns' or two 1968 Caddies we could lend you. I still question why we didn't let General Mac Arthur march right into China when we had the opportunity. I think Truman liked Chinese Food thats' why. But I digress. How fitting that this piece of crap was brought to his final resting place in an American car. I do question why we did not have a Drone in the area to take out the funeral procession. We could have easily said we thought it was a unfriendly military maneuvers. Maybe his son Kim Jong Un was there and we could have taken this porky pig looking pant load with the Lemon Tree haircut out as well. . This country has Nuclear Weapons? I don't think so. They don't have electricity so how can you have a Nuclear Weapon. Here is how we put an end to the lunacy going on there. We tell China you better not get involved because if you do we are going to eff you out of all the money we owe you, second we place an embargo on all the shit products they export into the USA, so if you want your economy to collapse take your slanted eyes and look the other way. Then we send the most powerful Navy in the world ( in case you didn't know that is the USA ) the largest Naval armada ever assembled and tell sonny boy either get the eff out or you will become the parking lot for So Korea. These tyrants and dictators around the world better look around. Their time is coming to an end.

 

Cowboys/G-Men Win and You're In

Well it all comes down to Sunday night for the Giants. Met Life Stadium 8:20 P.M. The team that comes from a state with steers and queers ( Dallas ) and the team that comes from the state with queers and no steers ( Giants ) will meet head on for the Division Title. The pressure is on Eli to get it done so he doesn't get smacked around by his father Archie and sexually abused again by his older brother Peyton. Yes, The Big Apple against the Big D ( That's what these assholes in Texas call Dallas ). The big question is will Tony Romo play. He has an ingrown hair and his left ball sac and is questionable. This is the most sensitive quarterback ever, he cannot take a hit. We will have the toothless goobers from Texas in the stands wearing there gravy stained Cowboy Jerseys, holding signs that read Dallas is #1 or D " FENCE" ( they actually think it is spelled correctly ). The Dallas fans will be sober because they can't afford the 11 bucks for a beer. Then we have the Giant fans. Aren't they a special breed. They don't have signs that say we are #1 because they can't count that high. 

Crime in the state of Jersey will drop significantly ( Except Newark ) while the game is on. They will be wearing their beered stained Giant Jerseys because they can afford the 11 bucks for a beer.There will be more hits in the stands then on the field. Get there early because security will be tight. They have to tell the assholes from Texas your not allowed to carry sidearms into the stadium. Can't wait to see these Giant fans all dressed in blue with their hair dyed blue spelling out the word G I A NT S holding a beer in one hand and pumping their fist with the other hand then covering their faces as the Dallas fans kick the living shit out of them. The stands packed with 82,000 drunken douche bags. The kids will hear such phrases as You Suck, Hey Coughlin GO FUCK YOURSELF, Hey Romo GO FUCK YOURSELF, Hey Eli Go FUCK YOURSELF, Hey Romo YOUR MOTHER SUCKS. Hey Eli YOUR MOTHER SUCKS, they will witness fist fights, adults throwing 11.00 beers at each other, and I forgot one phrase, YO, GO FUCK YOURSELF. Don't you wish you were at this spectacle as the Giants lose in OT. I put my money on Eli that he will be crying before the 2nd half.

 

 

Late to Work!!!

Randy’s Top TEN excuses on why he will be late to work



#10. HAD TO GIVE DOG HIS INSULIN SHOT

# 9 HAD TO GIVE HIMSELF AN INSULIN SHOT

# 8 MY KID BLOCKED MY PANAMERA IN THE DRIVEWAY

# 7 MY KID COULDN’T FIND THE KEYS TO HIS CAR

# 6 HAD TO TAKE THE PANAMERA BACK TO DEALER ( AGAIN )

# 5 HAD TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE THE KIA SORRENTO RENTAL THEY GAVE ME

# 4 MY FUCKING COMPUTER BLEW UP

# 3 I CAN’T GET OUT OF BED AS FAST AS I USED TO

#2 DID YOU SEE THE ACCIDENT ON LAKE AVE?

#1 HAD TO WAIT FOR CVS TO OPEN. I RAN OUT OF DRAKKAR

 

Jets/Giants Christmas Eve

Well won't Christmas Eve be a delightful event for many Jet / Giant fans starting at 1:00 P.M. 82,000 drunks driving, taking trains, buses and yes some even walking. You can spot the ones that walk they have the seats way up on top near the flags. Not only will there be 82,000 drunk and crazed fans at the game hundreds of thousands will be home. The Jet fan sitting in his or her recliner, watching on a new 73" Samsung ( Made in Korea ) while the Giant fan will be sitting in his or her bean bag chair, watching on an old 13" RCA ( Once made in America ) with aluminum foil wrapped around the antenna.
 

Yes this combination of Big Blue and Gang Green will make for a very entertaining game. We can only hope the camera will pan into the stands while the fans painted green with jet plane hats attached are getting pummeled by the fans painted blue, while 6 Giant fans are standing behind this brawl each fan with a painted letter on their beer bellies spelling out G I A N T S. The most amazing part, it is spelled correctly. Now at home the families are divided, the old man is a Giants fan ( he is drinking Budweiser with a chaser ), The kid is a Jet fan ( he is drinking Heinekin through a straw from two bottles strapped to a Jet helmet. By the time the first quarter is over these two morons are rolling on the floor punching the living shit out of each other. ( one is wearing Drakkar the other Davidoffs Cool Water ) you figure out which is which. Mom is in the kitchen getting the fish ready for Xmas eve dinner when she says " Hey, what the fuck are you two idiots doing" ( She is wearing Poison ) the house smells like a perfumery. 

It will be a game filled with Eli lying on his back sacked so many times he feels like a potato, while Sanchez is throwing his ten yard interceptions. I predict the game ends 2 zip Jets on a Safety. The game ends and the camera pans to Joe Willie Namath drooling on himself with his 1960's eyeglasses are sliding down his nose. He turns to Woody Johnson and says " Do you remember me, I'm Joe Namath. You know the quarterback that actually won a Super Bowl for this team.