AND THE WINNER IS.........

I thought "Smeagol" was a fictional character in Harry Potter so what was this troll doing hosting the Academy Awards? It turns out I was wrong, I was told it was Billy Crystal. Can anyone confirm that is was Billy Crystal. If it really was him then how come he wasn't funny. You can always tell a shitty comedian when they laugh at their own jokes.and this guy was laughing alone alot last night. I was hoping that Marty would direct Bobby DeNiro to come out and shoot this dumb bastard and put him out of his misery. Is it me or as he gets older he looks like a rabbi from Williamsburg. What a putz. Did anyone see Nick Nolte? Where did they dig him up from? Jesus Christ what happened to him,if this guy was'nt stoned to the bejesus i will eat my fuckin hat. I thought he was auditioning for the role of Bad Santa 2. Hey Nick you must be smokin some good shit. Nice outfit on the "the ass" from the Bronx, Jennifer Lopez. Listen if Marc Anthony didn't want to see your nipples anymore, than neither do I. Hey Jennifer you still look like "jenny from the block" with a big ass. My nominees were a no show. I guess Bogart,Cooper,and Gable were busy. Oh yeah they are all dead and trust me if they weren't they would be after watching this train wreck. It was the battle of the heavy weights for best supporting actress. I think they gave it to the fattest, but less likely to fall through the stage,so they gave it to Octavia Spencer for " The Help" Wow, I never saw so much tent material with sequins in my life. Was she really acting or did this role come natural for her. We are then bombarded with ads starring Ellen Degenerate. Funny?no fucking way. I guess J.C. Penny is targeting the lesbian demographic. Then we come back to the awards and they are giving Oscars for best lipstick in a drama, best short film, shortest actor in a movie, tallest actor, best actor who sleeps with an actor ( that went to Brad Pitt ), etc. We then move on to best supporting actor and Christopher Plummer wins for making it to 82 years old. After they wiped the drool from his chin he got up to accept the award. The Hills are Alive With the Sound of Music, hopefully its a funeral drill. Hey Chris, how about another Martini. The highlight of the show is a class act and no question the best actress ever, Meryl Streep. Like I said it was the highlight. Then we move on to best actor, ( drum roll please ) I had my bottle of vodka ready to throw at the T.V. when to my amazement and stunned, Georgie Clooney did not win. Hey George maybe you should have starred in " The Artist"this would have been perfect for you considering no talking was involved.and btw when your on the red carpet try pulling the string on the back of your girlfriends head ex wrestling diva stacy keebler so she might actually say something...this chick is like a fucking ventriloquist doll..not that i would not want to climb this bitch like a mountain but not i clue and georgie boy likes it that way. Don't worry you still hold the award for biggest pant load in Hollywood. So this French douche bag wins for best actor,how in the fuck do you give best actor to a guy who for 2 hours does'nt fucking act,ya gotta love how these pompus assholes from the academy try to be cutting edge and vote for a movie with no fucking sound..hello mcfly anyone home???I think this movie cost about 300.00 bucks to make and after winning this award it might gross about 301.00 bucks ..are you kidding me, did al jolson come back?all this guy needed was to be in blackface and mouth "MAMMY" well I guess the Academy doesn't have very high standards after all Frank Sinatra won for " From Here To Eternity". So we are left with this question. How do you get 5000 liberal leftist douchebags in one room? Simple, just tell them its the Academy Awards. I am sending a bill to the Academy for wasting my fucking time.

MORE DIRT

Zac Efron had a condom fall out of his pocket while hosting a L.A. premiere of his latest flick "Dr. Suess' The Lorax". So who do you think the guy was he was going to use it on.the only good thing is that we know his dick wont be falling off anytime soon since he is practicing safe sex...jezzzz Who the fuck carries a condom to a childrens movie premiere. What a dickhead. Well it looks like Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together. They claim it is just to make music together. Well I hope he doesn't beat her like a rented drum while making this music. Doesn't Rihanna understand it is hard to sing with 4 missing teeth and a broken jaw. Some good news, Demi Moore is on the road to recovery from rehab. She now weighs an amazing 100 pounds and is committed to getting better. Committed is the proper word. Hey Demi, Whitney called, and said to say hello and can't wait to see ya soon. Well we are gearing up for the Oscars and all the alcholics and drug addicts are getting ready at all the pre Oscar parties. Terrence Howard the Iron Man actor was seen with actress Erica Taylor. Yeah she's got a thing for that dark meat. I guess there aren't many good looking white actors in Hollywood. At least she wasn't seen hanging out with Douchebag of the Year George Clooney. Do you believe this no talent son of "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree" is up for an Academy Award. I didn't know the Academy gave awards for "best pant load". Talking about douchebags, Angeline ( let me adopt my 17th black child ) Jolie,i have not done a fucking thing since "bad santa" Billy Bob Thorton are still on good terms even though they are divorced. Isn't that touching, did you know that they wore vials of each others blood when they were married. Hey Brad your dicking this broad? or did Zac have that condom in his pocket to use on you.

NEW NEWSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Did you hear about seinfeld actor Daniel von Bargen. He tried to commit suicide by shooting himself in the fucking head. First off, who the fuck is this guy. Second,how the fuck do you actually shoot yourself in the head and not kill yourself.... Not only that, this guy is living in Cincinnati. Now theres a happening city. I guess I would shoot myself if I lived in a city with the Reds and Bengals try to play ball. This place is so bad Boomer Esaison wouldn't even live there.the last good thing to come out of cincinnati was WKRP in cincinnati, i would drool over lonnie anderson but thats for another time.... Listen, you know your life is a fucking abortion when you attempt to shoot yourself in the fucking temple and it does'nt take.....amazing. Jennifer Aniston gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I guess if you bang every co-star you do a movie with qualifies you for a star. Using the term actress is an insult to the word insult.cmon what do you think when you hear her name....great ass...would love to knock the dick out of her...would like to bury my face in you know where..ya know things of that nature.. Listen she aint no Meryl Streep. She's been dicked so many times she was promoted to detective. I guess they don't set the bar too high in Hollywierd. OH OH, R & B singer Ray J ( ever heard of him ) me neither. Well this asshole dated Kim Kardouchian, ( yes he is Black ) what a suprise. He claims she slept with him while she was married to music producer Damon Thomas ( I am assuming he is black ). I am shocked to discover that Kim is a slut whoreeeee. Where does she find the time to get dicked so often. Listen with Lin mania going on he could be next. On second thought, he probably has the smallest penis in the Knick locker room, so I guess her choice would be Carmelo. Get ready for the Oscars. It will be rivoting and my incite will be inciting. Can't wait for Rosemary Clooney's boy to get an award. He is nominated, and this is a new catagory for the oscars this year for the "biggest Douchebag in Hollywood" I was forced almost at gunpoint by my wife to watch this movie he is in, well she got so excited watching it that she fell the fuck asleep...and there i am yelling "i want my 2 hours of life you stole from me" and if you know my wife, I of course got no comment from her...thats my girl..i would like to know what the so called oscar judges are smoking,snorting or shooting...because babyboy wants some of this shit....you would have to be balls out bombed off your ass to say this was a good movie... Okay all you jap loving Honda buyers. Guess what, these Campbell soup cans with wheels are recalling 46,000 minivans. The rear door closes unexpectedly on the passengers dicks.These are the most hideous looking vehicles on the road. Thats pretty amazing considering I place them before a KIA. Hey Honda, look up, the Enola Gay is circling overhead. Did you hear Fuller Brush filed for bankruptcy. It was news to me as well. I thought they went out of business in 1950. I will have to check my portfolio.

MORE CELEB NEWS..MMM YUMMY

Hey, have you heard the good news. Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together again oo joy. I guess Chris gets another chance to beat her with his so called weapon. That would be the good beating she gets. The bad beating comes after the good beating.this dickhead is one talentless putzzzz. How about the lyrics in this Chris Brown song, " Girl, I wanna fuck you right now / It's been a long time, and I'm missing that body." What a beautiful love song. How touching,i think he stole those lyrics from charles manson..this kid has the mentality of a fucking handball. Tony Bennett ain't got nothing on this kid. Hey, Tony here are some lyrics for ya. " I left my hair in San Francisco" So we count the days when Rihanna enters a battered womans shelter and Chris Brown is led down Santa Monica Blvd in handcuffs. Can't wait. Now talk about lopsided romances, Taylor Swift and Zac Efron are rumored to be bangin the balls out of each other. Could you imagine the demon seed child if these two hook up, yup you guessed it. A gay country music singer. Poor Nick Cannon, he is going through some medical issues right now. This poor guy was the picture of health before he married sloppy seconds or is it thirds Mariah Carey. Who would bang this pig after Tony u know who, was sticking it to her and even worse Derek Jeter. The only difference is Mariah had the strap on with Jeter. Nick, listen to me get out before you die from some unknown disease. I hate to break the bad news but David Geffen broke up with his 27 year old boy toy. Yup the 69 year old Geffen now has to find another chin to rest his wrinkled balls on. What's a billionaire to do? Can Al Pacino get any stranger? Al, whats with the head band and the girlfriend thats 30 years younger. Jesus Christ you were a Corleone and Scarface, WTF come back to us Al. Now here is a tip for the Kardashian sluts, There are plenty of black guys to go around so just take one day at a time.i am sure some football player will pop up and slam kim so no worries big ass whoreeeeeeee. Now onto the Knicks Carmelo Anthony. Listen stop with the tats they look stupid, second stop doing the white girls after the game and your groin wouldn't hurt so much and listen if you weren't playing pro basketball you would be screwing rubber blow up dolls after working at the local car wash. So don't hog the ball and let the asian guy take some shots.

TALK ABOUT A "CHINK IN THE ARMOR"WOWWWW

Well, well, well. Who would have ever thunk it. . This is how you skirt the U S business laws. Pay close attention cause it really isn't that hard. First you turn down federal money to build the bridge or infrastructure, then you say the fabricators in this country don't have the welders to do this type of work. With unemployment at an all time high you can't find the workers to do welding. WTF So we let the chinamen steal jobs and money right out of our pockets. Did anybody see what these people build?. It is worse than the crap they import into this country. Obama, nice job you and your union cronies pulled off. What a bunch of douche bags. Oh by the way the Chinese are not our friends. These are the same creeps that are aiding in the slaughter of thousands of Syrians, persecute their own people, and are attempting to hack into our military computers, Oh yeah they are also building a massive navy to throw us out of the Pacific region. Nice guys aren't they. I have the answer. Wheel the Enola Gay out of the Smithsonian load it up and head in the direction of Bejing. BOMBS AWAY. MacArthur was right. When we had the troops massed at the Chinese border we should have crushed these sneaky rat bastards when we had a chance. Remember your vote counts this November. Give this guy 4 more years and you won't have to worry about speaking Spanish. Madarin will be the new language. Oh,by the way when were unions ever beneficial to this country? They would sell their mothers if it helped their self wealth. Just take a look at what they did to the auto and manuacturing industry in this country ENUF SAID

A LITTLE WEEKEND NEWS

The President of Iran, Igotadickinmyhand is ramping up the rhetoric so Isreal is preparing to turn Iran into the next Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Only this new Williamsburg will have golf courses and apartments built by Trump. Listen to me Isreal, and don't listen to the pant loads in the White House or those British fags we bailed out in WWII. Just start carpet bombing and start today. Your first two targets should be Igotyadickinmymind and the Ayatollah. These two punks are terrorist and deserve the same fate as the leaders of Al Qeada. What are you waiting for? They intend to finish what Nazi Germany started. Are you waiting for permission from our dumbo earred, basketball dribbling, chicken shit? You will be toast by then. What don't you understand when Igotadickinmyhand says he intends to wipe Isreal off the face of the earth. It time for shock and oh vay. Your attack will be called the 15 minute war, because it will take about 15 minutes for these douche bags to thrown down their arms. Don't you remeber they were at war with Iraq for 8 years? Wow there was a powerful army, The Iraqis had 2, T-72 Russian tanks, 4 hand guns and one WWII cannon and Iran couldn't beat them. I think it ended in a truce when both sides got sand in their vaginas. BOMBS AWAY. I leave you with this:: During the war years , Iran was a haven for Gestapo agents and German operatives. In Tehran's marketplace it was common to see signs the declared " In heaven, Allah is your master. On earth, it is Adolf Hitler. Jesus Christ what are we waiting for. A waste of a carbon foot print was laid to rest this weekend. Do I have to mention a name? This coke whore now leaves a daughter who was hold up in a hotel room Saturday night getting high. Can anybody tell me why she was honored the way she was? Isn't illegal drug use ILLEGAL. Okay she had a great voice did a great rendition of The National Anthem, and? and? and then what. This family is so fucked up Aretha Elephantitis Franklin didn't attend the funeral, she cited leg spasms as the reason. I won't even go there its just too easy. So whose funeral will be next Aretha's or Bobbi's, my money is on Bobbi. How about those comedians at ESPN. I think they forgot they work for ESPN and not Comedy Central. What a great line by ESPN editor Anthony Federico on Jeremy Lin. His headline was and I quote " Chink in the Armor". Guess what happened to this leftist douche bag. HE GOT FIRED. Maybe he can get a job at a Chinese restaurant serving won ton soup. What a stupid prick. I guess they didn't teach this stupid prick political correctness at the liberal college he attended. Hats off to the NYPD's Elite A Team. This elite group hunt down the cities scum bags. In 2011, they handled 89 cases and all but one was in custody. That's a 99% clearance rate. Ray Kelly for Mayor, this guy is the real deal. He is sending a strong message to all the cretons, move to New Orleans or Houston with the rest of the garbage. There isn't a bigger shit hole than these two places except for Miami.

JUST GOTTA VENT

What is it with the leftist, Jesus hating media. The remarks and comments made by the media about Bronco quarterback Tim Tebow were insulting and disgraceful. He is being attacked because of his religious beliefs.what fucking buisness is it of anyone on how this man lives his life and what he believes in. Now the media has a new target, Jeremy Lin. He expresses his religious beliefs and will now become a victim of the media. MSG of all companies posted a picture of Lin popping out of a fortune cookie with the title " Knicks Good Fortune".are you fucking kidding me....i mean its fuckin funny but are you kidding me. He may have have the smallest penis ( Get it ) in the Knicks locker room cause lets call a spade a spade no pun intended this boy does'nt have a cance matching dicks with those boys in the locker room, but he is one of their better players so far.....trust me knick fans don t start sucking each other dicks so fast about this guy talk to me in 2 months and if he is still playing at this level then let the sucking begin....so to speak...lmaoooooo. Hey Dolan get your head out of your ass. This pant load president..what a fuckin president this swollen hole is...this guy could not run a good riot if it was'nt for his daddy... is also a Lin fan. Didn't take long for this douche to jump on the band wagon. Government Motors ( GM ) introduced a new piece of shit in their line up of dog shit cars. The all new Chevy Sonic, this deathtrap looks like a honda from the rear.. and front end of the Malibu. Who would piece this piece of garbage? Listen if you want to kill yourself buy this car or the other piece of garbage they make the Chevy Cruze. I haven't even seen a Chevy Cruze on the road. I guess people are smarter than I think and aren't buying it. Chevy and Lexus are tied for having the dullest looking cars on the road. Well the italian community will be thrilled with the new GMC Acadia Denali. This monster will be on every guidos wish list. This truck has everything including a Drakkar dispenser. They should have called it the Acadia Denali IROC. Cadillac has introduced a concept car called the Ciel. This piece of shit looks like an ugly vagina and a 62 Lincoln without the suicide doors. Let us hope it stays a concept car. Keep up the good work General Motors nobody but the chinese are buying your cars. What happens when China figures out your cars are a pice of shit. The freak show funeral of coke head Whitney Houston will be topped off with the Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin. Thank God the Prudential Center has a freight elevator. Other freaks showing up are Jesse Jackson, Chaka Khan and the blood sucking Clive Davis. Would you believe that Gov. Rotunda Chris Christie ordered flags be flown at half staff. WTF. Is it me or is something wrong here. We are sending a great message to the youth of America. Could somebody please stop the world, I wanna get off.

LIN SANITY

Would you ever think that a Chinaman would be the savior for the knuckle dragging N.Y. Knicks. What else can he do when surrounded by a bunch of overpaid underachievers but step it up. You won't see many chinaman playing basketball usually they are in the library reading tolstoy and lets face it thats why most are doctors or have great takeout food.....smart fuckers i must say...they can't drive for shit but boy they can give you a hell of a protrate exam... but every black kid is raised on a basketball court. So Amar'e and melo watch and learn something and earn your salary. Carmelo when you come back from your bullshit injuries what did you do? stub a fucking toe... step it up and play the fucking game.cmon the Globetroters play better than you two. How fucking hard is it to bounce a ball? My 10 year old dog can dribble a fucking ball. Does anybody know why the chinese have chia pet hair? But I digress,SORRY anyway can you imagine the conversations in the locker room. Hey Lin your making us look bad, hey Lin who do you think you are, hey Lin I never made the cover of Sports Illustrated. Here is one perfect example of Amar'e being a pant load. He hit just two of nine shots and missed a bunch from close range. The excuse, he was winded and rusty from having last played ten days earlier. What? What? Excuse Me! Does he get winded from banging some broad after not getting laid for 10 days??does he run out of breath after a good shit are you kidding me ???? WTF Well I know one good thing, Chinatown will be representin and maybe they will smack the shit out of that whitey hating midget pantload Spike Lee. Here is a perfect example of what I am talking about. Floyd Mayweather, yes the boxer and felon said and I quote "Jeremy Lin is a good player, but all the hype is because he's Asian. Black players do what he does every night and don't get the same praise"are you fucking kidding me What? What? They don't? I can name a few that gets the same praise, Kobe,how bout Mr Jordon..cmon man give me a break you walking douchebag. Hey Floyd, you stupid mother fucker have you gotten hit in the head too much you pompus scumbag, go beat another women and just box and keep your stupid comments to yourself. What a dickhead. This is one guy you will never see at a mensa meeting. Oh yeah I forgot he took to many shots to the head, forgive me. Now since we are on the subject why are we playing basketball in Canada and for that matter baseball. First off there are too many French living there and secondly hockey is the only sport we should be playing with those frog leg eating douchebags. So here is my advise to LIn. Don't hang out with the rest of the losers on the Knicks.

just a quick note

Has anyone seen Aretha Franklin lately? Does she have elephantitis? Well it is obvious she is not on cocaine, but she looks like she is hooked on Snickers. Aretha come back to us, what happened to you. Then we have Dionne Warwick, I thought she had a sex change operation. She looks more butch than Butch.did the psychic network tell you that you would morf into a 1/2 man," Do you know the way to San Jose". These are just two of the approximate 19,000 freaks that will show up for the funeral of Whitney Houston. I wonder if any one of these 19,000 every tried to help this crack hooooooooooo. Then you have her daughter, poor thing just lost her mother,she looks like her father and has neithers talent. I guess she will be a candidate to host Worlds Dumbest. Yup she will be hosting it with Tanya Harding and Danny Bonaduce. Well the speeches and memorial will have to end on time because lets call a spade a spade no pun intended... we got a basketball game to get ready for. Whats the matter the IZOD Center wasn't available. For a moment I thought Whitney found a cure for cancer the way she is being honored, but we all should realize she was just another junkie from Newark that had a great voice. Amen and Amen

Tony Bennett Defends Drug Legalization

has this 85 year old "aldacocka" lost his fuckin mind...is the wig on his old decrepit head on wayyyyy to tight."mr pantload" wants to legalize all drugs, well would'nt that be special, lets go into 7-11 and buy a can of pepsi and a fuckin 8ball...are you fucking kidding me dude...even better lets buy some m&m's and some smack.....why the fuck not.....ya see this is what happens when somebody like tony gets really really old and should be having a nurse hold his dick and clean his diaper that he has been sitting in for hours on end....has the man gone mad because whitney houston has been smoking crack and other assorted drugs for years and now because she has gone to the other side this fucking vagina decides to come out with a statement like this.....what about all the rest of the poor people that have overdoesed over the years that are not celebrities.are we suppose to not make a statement about them..do they not count? only because some washed up singer who did not know what fucking day it was finally meets her maker then the country morns for this women.....give me a fucking break guys...there are children dying everyday from drug overdoses and you dont hear jack shit from any dickwad celebrity about that or for that matter anyone....what a fuckin joke....tony do us all a favor.....take a needle fill the fucker up with as much heroin as you can and inject it in your fucking eyeball....it will be a hell of a trip then you can visit your girl whitney and you can record another bad duet...i hearby knight tony as "KING OF THE DOUCHEBAGS"

THE GRAMMYS

Why do celebrities always wind up face down in the toilet or face up in the tub. Wow!is it that they can not take all the money,all the fame,all the women and or men all the mansions, all the pampering...wtf am i missing about this picture with these stars i tell you one thing i was famous with all those goodies you would not be able to wipe the smile off my face even if you hit me in the fucking face with a sack of dog shit, I know one thing, I am no longer taking my Xanax before I take my bath. Holy Shit!fuck that on second thought I just won't take as much as Whitney. Now she leaves a daughter that is just as fucked up as her. Yes the demon seed child of Bobby Brown her name Bobbi Brown ( how clever ). Bobbi the "brain surgeon" is no slouch when it comes to the nose candy,bam bam,yayo whatever you want to call this shit so let's hear it for the great job mom and dad did raising this kid. What a fucking mess. So we have the next Lindsay Lohan in our midst, the question is who winds up in the crack alley with shit smeared all over their body, screaming obscenities at a dumpster, asking the paramedics, " Do you know who I am " Ooh Ooh I know the answer, pick me pick me, Lindsay Lohan. Now onto the Grammys. They opened with a moment of silence and a respectful tribute to Whitney. Good job by LL Cool J.now the Opening act, The Boss? are you fucking kidding me Whatsa matta Frank Sinatra wasn't available? Oh yeah thats right he's AS DEAD AS BRUCE'S VOICE. Bruce, whats with the soul patch and earrings in both ears? your 60 plus fucking years old enought with this fucking guy. You can't sing, obviously can't dance although most white men can't and definitely can't entertain. he was painful to watch and my ears are still bleeding from his noise and ontop of that I had to use Visine to get the red out of my eyes because i was crying not because of whitney but because bruce just kept singing and singing. Does anybody know what he was singing?holy hanna! Bruce go pick up Bon Jovi and just get the fuck out. Now lets move on. Talking about homos, Bruno Mars is everything Springsteen isn't. At least he can sing, dance and looks good in gold,and his hair is to die for...i want that fucking hair...bastard...lol lol How about that Rihanna, don't you wish Chris Brown would have come out on stage and beat the living shit out of this no talent hairbag. The show was pretty upbeat until that awful duet with Kelly ("i won't put the fried chicken down" ) Clarkson, I started vomiting uncontrollably and almost reached for my zanax. But then Adele who is really good but i think is actually eating with miss clarkson and they might be fighting over the same piece of chicken... wins her 1st of 6 Grammys and things started to head in the right direction. Well almost,well then these fossels the Beach Boys start doing Good Vibrations, OMG. Somebody tell these guys its over johnnie.enough already i burned those records 30 years ago How sad, thats not the way I want to remember them so I pulled out my Beach Boys CD and listened to Little Duece Coupe.NOW Who dressed Lady GaGa and Nicki Minaj. GaGa looked like she was wrapped in a body condom although that bitch can sing like a mother fucker and Minaj looked like she was auditioning for Little Red Riding Hood.where was the big bad wolf up her skirt? well you get the rest... How about that Tony Bennett. What an asshole. This is the same dickhead that said the attack on the World Trade Towers was our fault. Why couldn't he be in the same bath tub with Whitney.if he was the only thing that you would recognize is the floating toupee on that old farts head, Whatsa matta Tony did you leave your brains and your hair in San Francisco. Get out you old douchebag. Now I am going to give you one very good reason not to do drugs, Glenn Campbell, enuf said. So to wrap it up. Adele 6 the losers 0.....

HOUSTON.... SHE HAS A PROBLEM

A moment of silence for a truly great pop singer. Okay ARE WE DONE YET... enough silence and your ONE MOMENT IN TIME is up. Now i am really pissed off,she had to die the night before the Grammies? Do u have any idea what this means? It means Adele won't get the attention she deserves.but adele can actually eat another meal before she goes on.can that fat bitch say she is full already...put the donuts down pleaseeeeeee It also means every fucking star that wins an award will have to say something about the late crack addict. The show will be unwatchable. What is it with these assholes? Michael Jackson, Amy Whitehouse,etc. With all that talent and money you would think they could get high on life. NO! they start doing blow, booze,whipits, painkillers and in jacksons case, little boys. But i digress. Couldn't somebody do an intervention? I guess not because Whitney took one to many hits. So if the drugs don't kill you the after affects will. I know you might say I am insensitive, ME! Not at all, how is her drug dealer going to make a living, what about the Columbian economy, doesn't this show you how sensitive I am. Let's face it Whitney came from Newark she was destined to be a crack addict but Clive Davis came along and made her a big star crack addict. Little did we know when Whitney checked into the hotel she would also be checking out the sameday. I'm surprised she made it to 48 aren't you. In the famous words of Whitney "Crack is Wack" She didn't even get the opportunity to be found on Hollywood and Vine with a crack pipe screaming profanities at a parking meter. Will Aretha be next? only her dietician knows for sure

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER

Bruce Springsteen announced his E Street Band "Wrecking Ball Tour". How appropriate, Somebody should take a wrecking ball to this dickhead. This guy exudes pant load. He is a cop hating leftist scumbag.and thats an insult to scumbags, I'm sorry i have to vent...lol lol . When he sings it sounds like he is taking the biggest shit someone could ever take and ontop of that when he speaks he sounds like he is from fuckin tennessee,correct me if i am wrong but is'nt this putz from new jersey, whats with the southern drall.Whats with that little piece of hair under his chin? Bruce grow up your an old fucker like the rest of us so stop with the tight pants and the bad chin hair... your a wanna be hillybilly. Hard to believe you were a back up singer for Roy Orbinson, obviously you didn't learn a fucking thing. Do me a favor pick up Bon Jovi that other pantload from jersey and drive your tour bus off a cliff. That would have a better sound than you and your E Street scumsuckers. Hey did K D Lang ever give you a hummer? just wondering. Now on to the TWO biggest prostitutes of parenthood. You would never guess,well ya you guessed its Jay-Z and Beyonce.can you fucking believe They filed a patent to trademark their babies name Blue Ivy Carter.are you fucking kidding me. This poor kid doesn't stand a chance. I hope to God this kid looks like her because that dude can haunt a house. These two low lifes see their kid as a way to make money. They win the "DOUCHEBAGS of the year award". They want to patent everything from fragrances to clothing to baby clothes. cha Ching. Maybe "The Boss" can swing by after picking up Bon Jovi, load these two douchebags and then drive the bus off a cliff.better yet let jayz drive the fucking bus...the last time i heard this guy sing or rap or even speak my fuckin ears started to bleed I immediatly rolled up into a ball and was yelling for some medication and my mother...trust me you will soon see a vodka named after this poor kid...look for the grape flavored vodka...sorry i had to say it.... JWoww "Titty titty Bang BANG" and Snookie "the Pig" are filiming a TV show called The Wrap. Somebody should wrap these two up in a giant used condom. if these girls are not the 2 biggest shitheads in all of tv i don t know what then.... I wouldn't fuck these pigs with any ones dick. What is this show going to be based on? How many times a day they can suck some poor guys ball sack or fall down drunk. Great example for the youth of America keep up the good work MTV. What ever happened to the guy that punched this pig in the mouth. He is my hero.why would we ever give these douchebags any attention is beyond me

CELEBRITY BONERS

Let's start with Russell Brand. First off, what did Katy"i kissed a girl" Perry ever see in this DICK HEAD. Not only is he talentless poor dudly moore is rolling in his grave after this fuckhead destroyed the remake of ARTHUR but he must be a fuckin dope to boot. He is entitled to 22 million of her 44 million estimated worth. He stated he does not want any of it.am i nuts or did he just say no to 22 million, i want what this guy is smoking and i want it now before MY fucking head explodes. WOW what does Perry have a picture of him doing A CAMEL, A DONKEY, what!!!! tell me what is it? or better yet, who is doing him. Thank God this couple split before they had some demon seed child. Could you imagine the name this kid would have inherited. This guy is as talented as the stool i dropped after my morning coffee and for what i am hearing he is one piece of shit so to speak.... Now talking about total pieces of shit, Gary"i hit my head way to many times" Busey filed for bankruptcy. WHAT A SHOCK. I am surprised it took so long. This nit wit is 1 million in debt and only has 50,000 in assets, what fucking bank is he with? I would like to join. This guy hit one to many bridge abutments. Could he please hit one more and put this maniac out of his fucking misery. If you would like to make a donation to the Busey fund, please make your checks payable to: One Stupid Mother Fucker po box iamadickhead ny ny 111111 It is now rumored that the " Situation" is gay. Yes thats right the Jersey Shore " Situation" . Can you just imagine how many homos just came in their shorts and came out of the closets. So he likes porkbuns instead of filet o fish, no biggie. The next season will probably have him picking up every homo he can find on the west side highway, bringing them back to his place for a fisting/dance session. The ratings will be higher than Super Bowl Sunday. That leaves us with pill popper drunk as a skunk Kim Richards of Real Housewives. This sea hag made the ever growing list of celebrities checking into the Betty Ford Clinic. You guessed it alcoholism and substance abuse WHAT A FUCKING SHOCKER There must be something about Hollywierd that makes these people into freaks. Or maybe they are freaks and Hollywood just brings out the worst in them. We now wait to hear that the Kardashian sisters were found dead in a swank California hotel. Cause of death listed: Inhalation of deadly fumes from Kims perfume.or as we say toilet water.....

MORE CELEBRITY SHITTTTTTTTTTTT

Poor Paula Abdul, she got fired again no not by Donald ( The fucked up hair Doo ) Trump but by her so called pompus friend Simon "i have a square head" Cowell. She was fired from Idol and now X factor. How hard is to be a judge on a T.V. show? All you have to do is sit there not stoned on valium or fucking whipits and mutter a few simple words like " Oh your good", " Oh your going places" or "You got what it takes to go to the finals". Somebody get this stupid cuntbag a cue card i am begging you. I don't think Fox was asking much. All she had to do is show up sober and not looking at people asking "do you know who i am" . cmon man you can't stay clean for a couple of hours? Well I guess she doesn't feel bad because they fired two other untalented dickheads, Steve Jones the host and another judge Nicole Scherzinger. Who the fuck is she?other then looking like she can take on the entire new york jets defensive line while they run the TRAIN on her ass and singing with the "PUSSYCAT DOLLS" how appropriate... and for that matter, Who the fuck is he? Well now the show is a complete fucking mess because rumor has it that Nick Cannons baby momma, thats right Mariah ( C Note ) Carey could be the replacement. Wasn't she married to some Drakkar wearing, CTS driving record guy by the name of Tony M. A new host has not been named but I think they are auditioning some homeless guys in L.A. What a fucking train wreck. Now onto Sherlock Robert Downey Jr. I thought this guy cleaned up his act. I think he is back on the pipe. Him and his hideous looking wife just had a bouncing baby boy, AWE. Do you know what they named this poor fuckin kid. No not Jason or Charles or Tony, they came up with Exton. Was he fueling up at an Exxon when he came up with this stupid name, his other sons name is Indio. Why do celebrities find it necessary to name their kids with such names as Chastity, Thimble, Beta Moon Zappa, Zappa Moon Crapper, Star,brooklyn, bronx,wtffffffff you get the point. Do they get this urge from watching too much basketball?. Deshawn or Shaquille wasn't available. Gold help us. Do you know what happens to kids that are named Indio and Exton? they wind up blowing guys in an alley for a 20 dollar bag of crack.can someone hit these fuckers over the head with a pot pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

SAY GOOD BYE HAZELL.....

A moment of silence for AMARE'S brother Hazell Stoudemire. Okay the moment is up.and that was too fuckin long... Why do bad things happen to such good people. This salt of the earth was arrested at the age of 22 and wound up in prison serving 3 to 9 for drug dealing and sexual abuse, What a nice guy. Then in 2006 he went back to jail for eight months for impregnating a minor. Oh yeah it gets even better. In 2008, his wife accused him of rape and 2 years later was arrested for domestic violence. What a charming individual. So this douchebag slammed his 2007 Escalade into the rear end of a juice tanker. I hope nothing damaged the juice. Well I guess thats one used Escalade that won't be hitting the streets of Bed Sty ( Sty is the proper spelling ) Don't shit yourself reading this because you know the world is just a slither safer with one less lump of shit. I know what they are going to say, "He was turning his life around", " He was a good person, just got mixed up with the wrong crowd", or " He didn't deserve to go that way" For all you non-believers Gods watching. I can't wait to see what he has in store for O.J.

MORE BEAUTIES....CAN T MAKE THIS SHIT UP

I never considered myself the smartest guy in the room, but you know what? I think i might be. When I read the paper I cannot believe what my eyes are seeing and my mind is trying to comprehend. Lets start with Tom Brady's main squeeze.Gisele ( The Stick ) Bundchen. Nice legs, so so tits, way to skinny and lets face it, if Tom Brady wasn't the star quarterback for the Patriots he wouldn't be back dooring this skinny bitch. She seems to have lost her mind and started a profanity laced rant against the Patriots. Why would she attack Wes Welker just because he couldn't catch the fucking ball. Did Tom tell her if we lose the Super Bowl no more sausage cock for you. Hey Wes go smack this bitch in the mouth. Gisele, do they play football in Brazil? I think not. So where did you learn about football? Lying on your back while Tom was whispering game plays in you ear and watching film on the jets are you fucking kidding me. Just another broad with a decent body and no fucking brain but i am sure she can suck the chrome off a cadillac. Nothing like insulting the players your husband has to work with. I can see this marriage headed right for the shitter. Listen somebody just has to tell Wes Welker that when you go to catch the ball you must open your fucking hands you midget assfuckerrrr. I am sure there are a lot of Drakkar wearing individuals not too happy with his performance as well. If I were Wes I would have Tom or better yet gisele start his car. Now lets move onto to Yankee GM Brian ( The Dweeb ) Cashman. Listen if you are going to cheat on your wife here are a few simple rules. # 1 She has got to be hotter than your wife Rule#2 She has got to be hotter than your wife # 3 Don't pick up chicks at the phyche ward # 4 Don't pick up chicks with criminal records # 5 Don't leave your pajamas and toothbrush at the bitches apartment. # 6 Don't leave text messages ( You know she is saving them for the right moment ) # 7 Make sure you have a Louisville Slugger with you on the next date # 8 She has got to hotter than your wife # 9 Pay with cash you asshole. # 10 No checks or credit cards. If you don't follow these simple rules your wife files for divorce, takes everything you own, and leaves you with 1.50, the 1999 BMW 750 IL with 275,000 miles, and the 6,000 dollar mortgage on the house in Greenwich, CT. I gotta say I am surprised anybody was having sex with this guy. He has got nothing going on. Short, and fucking stupid as a hand ball...amazing

THE NEWEST CELEBRITY NEWS

Poor Rumer Willis, she has to celebrate her birthday while her mom "Reddi Whip Moore" is in rehab. If she was that upset why did she celebrate at all. I will tell you why. In a very short time from now Rumer will be seated next to her hairbag mother at rehab. I understand the clinic she is in has a family plan. What can you get a girl that has everything for her birthday? Ooh Ooh pick me I know. You can get her a new mom that isn't a pill popping, nitrous oxide huffing, age anxiety douchebag. NOW Talking about girls that like that young stiff piece of sausage, Jennifer Lopez was spotted on a Malibu Beach with a 24 year old named Casper Smart. No no not Casper the friendly Ghost, Casper Smart. She traded in that broken down, sunglass wearing latino Marc Anthony for a brand new 24 year old. How lucky or smart ( pun ) do you think this kid is. It appears she traded the landscaper in for a white boy toy. Let me give you some info on Casper Smart. He is a back up dancer. This pantload isn't even the star dancer. He's the guy you call when the star dancer gets his dick caught in the zipper. Just think who he could dick if he was a star. Yup you got it Demi Moore. Now for all you Country Singing fans out there. Randy Travis was arrested in Sanger, TX on suspicion of (you got it ) DUI. Randy Travis has turned his life into a country song. First off where the fuck is Sanger, TX. maybe that's why he started drinking. Would you believe at the ripe old age of 53 he has been singing such tunes as Digging up Bones, I Told you So, Forever & Ever, Amen and my personal favorite On the Other Hand for over 25 years. He will soon join Hank Williams in the back of a Cadillac, DEAD. Poor Randy, recently divorced his wife of 19 years. It is stated for reasons as a state of incompatability. This means he was dicking Walker Texas Ranger. Randy, I am now begging you to come back to us. Check in at Betty Ford before you check out.

SUPERBOWL OR SUPERHOLE

I thought it was going to be a great day of pre game shows, halftime show, commercials and football. OMG the pre game show was hideous. Nick Cannon the black ryan seacrest who will host everything including anyone taking a shit if you pay him enough... hosting a pre game party? WTF was that about. Hey Nick stay home and bang that pig of a wife. Interviewing Adam Sandler and Danny Devito whats the matter Charles Bronson wasn't available? Oh yeah he's dead. Then a skit with Jimmy Fallon doing the Housewives of Atlanta. Did anyone think that was funny?fuck noooooooooooo It was embarassing and made me feel uncomfortable, my skin actually started to fall off my face and that aint pretty. It was realing going downhill when Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey did a 30 Rock routine. I went into the kitchen looking for any sharp object I could find and screaming for my mother at the same time. Am I the only one that thinks Alec Baldwin isn't funny or talented just swollen. All this switching between that shit and somebody that looks like shit, Al Michaels. You would think the make-up dept. could cover up the age spots. Al it is time to go to the Shady Hills Nursing Home and tell everybody who you are. That leaves Bob Costas, the midget of broadcasting. What inciteful interviews, Bob have you ever been to a mensa meeting? I think not. Somebody tell Costas questions should'nt be a paragraph long. Just ask the fucking question you midget fuckhead. Did you know that Chris Collingsworth was on the Giants payroll? neither did I that goose neck scumbag, if you put him in a bird feeder he would be very much at home. That brings us to legalized abortion, the halftime show. How cutting edge, I was so captivated I decided it was time to take the biggest crap i could while i read war and peace cover to cover. So I would be lying if I told you it sucked. But let me tell you it sucked large donkey cock. The best part came when it was over.she actually looked like russell crowe in drag playing maximus of rome....are you kidding me with this getup.... Do you think the economy had anything to do with the pathetic commercials. Wow! General Motors is coming out with a smaller version of the CTS, it is called the ATS. You paid the NFL millions of taxpayer money to advertise a car the Italians will never buy. Trust me the commercials went downhill from there. Budweiser, G.E., Bridgestone, Go Daddy and the rest got fucked real good by there advertising agencies. Then it game down to the game of football. Giants 21 Patriots 17. There will be a lot of bookies fleeing the country after they took a beating on this game So whatta you gonna do about it? Huh......

SUPERBOWL

I made it official today in my mind. I am routing for the Patriots. No not because I hate the Giants,although i am not crazy about you giant fans but because I hate this hairbag Madonna.she actually reminds me of my mothers old douche bag...sorry ma... This over the hill,anorexic,who i think has had more cock then linda lovelace is an Eli Manning fan. This Could possibly be the only dick she hasn't had. What was the NFL thinking? She might have been hot 20 years ago but that was 20 years ago.and by the way can you get that fucking space between your teeth fixed with all your fucking money go to the dentist.if that other hairbag leann rimes got hers fixed please call her and find out who she went to. She looks like Demi Moore on whatever drug of choice demi seems to be on, boy is that a mess. I hope the Patriots put Manning on his back so much he thinks Lucas Oil Stadium is a Serta mattress. I hope they have an ambulance waiting on the 50 yard line after this 53 year old "HASBEEN" starts screeching Material Girl, running around like a rat on crack, 20 latin gay guys dancing around her shoving their cocks in her face and she has a fucking stroke. Listen to me Material Pig. GET OUT The NFL is paying you to entertain so keep ur mouth shut, seeing her standing there saying nothing would be worth the price of the fucking 5,000 plus dollars a seat the nfl is raping everyone to sit in this cave of a stadium for this 3 hour mess.listen madonnadick Go to an Indy strip club grab the pole and start doing what you do best. You would probably be the youngest one working the pole considering your in the middle of fucking indiana. Brady is going to have the Patriots moving up and down the field like the Germans storming Poland. Patriots 31 Giants 20....take the under and Madonna a big fucking ZERO....sorry to my freinds who are gmen fans.....but hey ya never know....GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PATS

THE HOLLYWOOD ELITE.......

Here is a list of A-lister leftist turd sandwiches that donated the max to President Pant Loads ( Obama ) re-erection ( Correct spelling ) campaign. Jada Pinkett-Smith. This bitch wouldn't get rid of her maiden name after marrying Will Smith. What the fuck is her claim to fame? I will tell you, she ass fucked Will Smith then married him. Then we have leftist supreme George Clooney. Do you know what his claim to fame is? I will tell you, his mother was Rosemary ( Don't sit under the apple tree, come ona my house ) Clooney. This guy signifies Douchebag. Now here comes a surprise, just kidding, Steven Spielberg. I won't go there on this guy because I could get arrested. Here comes another loser, Leonardo DiCaprio. to bad this smuck didn't drown while filming Titanic. Should I go on? Okay I will. I have one that will surprise you. Michael Chiklis of ":The Shield". I just crossed that show off my list. Even Jeffrey Katzenberg ponied up. And this President hates Isreal. Could you imagine if he actually liked Isreal. So once again nothing changes. This hairbag that keeps saying the wealthy must pay their fair share is the biggest hypocrite on this planet. He has collected 39 million from the Hollywood elite for re-election. What a fucking joke. That old saying holds true. " It is what it is" Now for sad news. Don Cornelius shot himself in his L.A. home. I wonder if he contributed to the Romney campaign, just fucking wondering. In case you didn't know who he was, Don hosted " Soul Train" He should have shot himself 30 years ago this maniac. It was rumored before he shot himself he was stumbling around L.A. asking people Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am? I guess when people said I don't have a clue he couldn't take it anymore. Well I guess 75 is a good number unless your 74, he does have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The show was pathetic. Watching white people dance could almost make me shit myself or shoot myself. That leaves Demi Moore. Do you know why this old bag was huffing nitrous oxide? She had old age anxiety. Well guess what Demi you are old. you gonna hit the big 50 this year. So act your fucking age. Don't go out partying with your 23 year old daughter hitting on all those cute gay guys in Hollywood. They don't wanna fuck you like you think they are wanna fuck you. This hag is chasing after Zac Efron. This kid is 24. I thought Bruce Willis was a douchebag. I was wrong it was her all along. Bruce you are one luck son of a bitch. Demi go over to Dons house he left the gun on the kitchen floor YOU FUCKING DICK BAG.

ONLY IN AMERICA

The next Wall Street boom is coming up shortly. Facebook will offer a an initial public offering ( IPO ). Yes, on Wednesday the rich will get richer and scmucks like us will never have the opportunity to get involved with this IPO. Regular investors have to wait before they can buy Facebook. I know we can purchase the stock afterwards but we aren't able to get in on the ground floor like the Obama fat cats can. Mark ( The Douchebag ) Zuckerberg will become the ninth richest person in the world yes the fucking( WORLD ) with an estimated worth of 28 billion dollars. Do you think this walking shit sandwich knows how to operate a remote control. I think not. It is hard to imagine that there are 800 million users. 800 million maniacs like myself on Facebook. Wow, did you think there were that many assholes on one site lmaooooo.. So this chimp steals an idea fucks the 2 guys from harvard that really came up with the idea and sticks it right in their asses and then becomes a billionaire. Only in America You can have all the money in the world but you can't change a few things #1 You can't fix ugly, # 2 All your wealth can't buy you good health ( Ask Steve Jobs ) oops sorry can't ask him anymore, # 3 You can't fix ugly, # 4 Money doesn't stop you from being a Douchebag. All the money will buy you a few material things. Girls ( the ones you would never get if you weren't a billionaire ), Fancy cars, boats, and houses. I can't believe this nail biting, mole faced maniac is a billionaire but then again you never know. While I was banging everything women i can get my hands on in school, this kid was actually studying or paying somebody to study for him and just got dammm fucking lucky....amazing