NEWSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I have some sad news for Tony Martin fans, the singer died at age 98 and none of is fans are alive to hear about it.this fucker was older then water. I was actually routing for him to make it to 100.... Did you hear about Titan receiver O J Murdoch? He committed suicide in Tampa, Fl. There could be three reasons why he did this. #1 Could it be that O.J. stigma, #2 Could it be he played for the Titans, # 3 Could it be because he lived in Tampa. I believe it was the combination of all three.... Are you surprised the Chi-coms have 17 Gold medals, I'm not, I just want to know what drug they are on when a woman can swim faster than a man.IS it the wonton soup??? Who would ever believe the Chinks would cheat. While we are on the subject of suicide I think the U S Mens Swim Team should take the pipe. It's time to kill yourself when a Frenchman beats you... Mark Teixeira injured his left wrist diving for a ball, I just want to know if it was AROD's left ball or right ball. Does his mother still cut his hair? Well can't wait for the Olympics today, some of the upcoming events, leapfrog, the one and two legged sack race, hula hooping, women's outdoor scrabble and Men's Basketball Tunisia vs USA, JEZZZZZ shoot me now. No wonder NBC's ratings are in the tank

MY BIRTHDAY RANT

Are you ready for the Summer Olympics? I'm not,and frankly i could give a flying fart about these steroid induced people. They are being held in London, no not London KY., London England. This is the country we had to bail out in WWII. This is the place where they call cigarettes fags. So what do they call fags.they call fucking "shagging" so what do you call a friggin shag rug a fuck rug??? is it me? they call an apartment a flat so what do they call a fucking flat tire?? They are a fucked up bunch across the pond. Soccer, Fencing, Swimming, Running, Gymnastic somebody just kill me now. Judging from the size of the woman swimmers there won't be any Gold Medals in that sport. Is swimming really a sport?do i really want to watch a bunch of guys running a 100 yard dash and then waving a flag how fuckin exciting... How about them Mets. Too bad Fred wasn't in a certain movie theater. My only hope are the Jets, Jesus Christ who am I kidding. The Jets will lose by scores larger than the weight lost by Rex Ryan. The Phillies are paying Cole Hamels 144 mil for 6 years thats a lot of cheese steaks, that's 130 more than the Racino at Aqueduct made in one week. Six more years in Philly is like a life sentence in San Quentin. They must have pictures of Hamels fucking the Philly Fanatic. I forgot to mention they are now racing at Saratoga. Howard Beach is now deserted and the Drakkar wearing, Cadillac driving, velour jump suit wearing crowd is Upstate while their wives are filming next seasons episodes of" Meatball Wives". Fuhgetaboutit. Whatsa Matta, you can't make this shit up.

THATS ENTERTAINMENT

George Jefferson aka Sherman Hemsley will be "moving on up",i guess he made it to his delux apartment in the sky, He passed away at at 74. He is one year short of the 3/4 century mark. Rumor has it he passed away watching an episode of The Jeffersons, which means he didn't go peacefully. Paris Jackson and Janet Jackson oops I mean Michael were fighting over his will. Michael now sporting a great pair of tits slapped Paris. My only question is when will they catch Paris sniffing paint alongside Demo Moore and when does Janet Jackson reveal she is really Michael Jackson. Guess who suffers from depression. No not Alec Baldwon but The Boss. Yes Springsteen was on the cusp of suicide. I would kill myself if I recorded Born in the USA. Who stopped this guy from taking the pipe? What a wonderful world it would be if this piece of shit offed himself,this guy is one leftwing douchebag. Who wants to deliver a money shot to Miley Cyrus unfortunately I think her father beat us to it. I am going to the movies this weekend, is it too hot out to wear a fucking bullet proof vest? does anybody know where I can buy an AR-15 or a Ruger SR-556 assault rifle. You never know when some fucking nut might show up and put a damper on the evening. Gun sales are way in in Colorado, gee I wonder the fuck why. Talk about killing oneself why not watch the Mets at noon today. Hey Fred why don't you hang yourself in the Jackie Robinson Rotunda

SPORTS.....AND SHIT

Ichiro Suzuki is now a Yankee, another old-timer has joined the club with more gray hair then the city of boca raton. Ichiro said he will now have the smallest penis in the clubhouse. He replaces Jeter who held that title for many years. Japanese Night will be held this Friday against Boston. All Yankee fans attending the game will receive a $5.00 gift certificate to Benihana's. Ichiro said Seattle sucked and he couldn't take the fucking rain anymore. He is now applying for a full carry permit before arriving in the Bronx. Talk about things Japanese the Honda CR-V beat out five rivals to win Cars.com Compact SUV of the year. If you love the look of fucking plastic this piece of shit is for you, this thing is a symbol of all things japanese. Guess what college football team had no wins from 1998 thru 2011? Thats right The Pedophile Lions of Penn State.they took every win off the record because i guess the shower was filled with little boys during the games.... I think the kids that were abused by Sandusky should be allowed to piss on Joe Pas grave, what a fuckin douche. So I guess it wasn't okay to look the other way when you saw little boys taking a shower with one of your coaches. I think his wife should be run out of town for being married to this asshole. Just in case you didn't know the Mets suck, but David Wright did hit another home run with nobody on base. Isn't he awesome. Catch 'The Godfather Legacy' tonight on the History Channel at 9:00 tonight. Whatsa Matta I gotta make you an offer you can't refuse. Just fucking watch it.

WEEKEND NEWS

Does anybody know where I can buy 30,000 lbs of tainted beef? Oh yeah, I know Hannford Supermarkets.... Did you hear that Miley Cryus's brother is in the hospital. Rumor has it he listened to one of her CD's and then listened to one of his fathers cd's and then went into a fuckin coma.... They removed the statue of Joe Paterno at Penn State, I believe they are going to melt it down and replace it with something that looks like the biggest lump of shit you can find.... President Obama was in Aurora, Co. trying to secure a few more votes, do I have to explain.... Ernie Els won the British Open which means Tiger Woods blew it again, but then again since he was caught banging 238 different women he has never been the same but hey i can only imagine what goes on in a given night in that whore house of his. .... Mets were swept by the Dodgers and the Yankees were swept by Oakland.... Poverty Level in the U.S. has reached its highest levels since 1960 and the Stock Market is down 100 and something points. Let me see, let me see do you still think Obama is doing a good job.... The Dark Night Rises broke a record taking in 160 mil this weekend. Thats 146 mil more than the Racino at Aqueduct grossed in a week. People just love those live action movies don't they.

THIS IS UGLY SO LOOK OUT

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, QUEASY, CRAZY, OR A MOVIE BUFF. Did you hear about this new movie " The Dark Knight Rises". Well theater goers in Aurora Co. were treated to some live action. Some people were overheard saying " this is almost like the real thing" others were heard saying "wow this is like 3D' All I know when I go to see this movie I am wearing a fucking bullet proof vest.This piece of shit who shot all these people will be some big bulls fucking dinner when they lockup this lump of shit and throw the key away.Enjoy hell you poor excuse of a fucking human being..... Michael Jacksons will is a fake. Well atleast I don't think he is dead,I just think he changed his name to Janet Jackson and slapped on a pair of tits. Did you hear Sylvia Woods died? Who is she you ask, she owned a place called Sylvia's. It is a place where black America dined. Now where is Rev Al gonna get his free fried chicken. Every piece of shit alive ate there. Besides the Rev, Mayor Bloomberg, David Dinkins,Charlie ( Cook the Books ) Rangel even our President born in Kenya ate there. No not the President of Kenya,our president. I wonder if the first black president Bill Clinton ever ate there. Just wondering. Did you hear about Fred Willard? this jerk off was caught jerking off in an adult theater. What is the world coming to when you can't jerk off in a porn theater. I hope he doesn't get a stiff sentence. Here are some sure signs the economy is getting better. The jobless rate in New York is back up to 10% and the housing collapse caused 1.5 million seniors to lose their homes, Morgan Stanleys earnings plummeted 50%, Microsoft reported its first quarterly loss as a public company and sales of previously occupied homes fell 5.4% should I continue? Well at least the Racino at Aqueduct took in 14.8 mil in one week. I guess thats a good reason to vote for Obama. Whatsa matta you actually thought things were getting better.

NEWS OF THE DAY

Capital One was hit with a 210 million fine for misleading consumers. DO you know who is the pitchman for Captial One? Yup thats right the biggest asswipe on the planet, Alec Baldwin. Who would have ever thunk it..... Did you know that minorities where the hardest hit by foreclosures. Well they were, thats what happens when you buy a 400,000 dollar house making 7.75 an hour. Is it me or is this fuzzy math. The Racino at Aqueduct grossed 14.8 mil in one week. I got an idea, lets not pay our mortgage and go the Racino and seeif we can double down. Well thats another 14.8 mil the minorities pissed away. You ever see the interior of this place? Who decorated this place Lighthouse for the Blind. The only thing missing is the velvet wallpaper and vinyl covered chairs. Syrian President Bashar Assad needs a new Defense Minister, they are still scraping the old Defense Minister off the walls. You can apply at Monster.com click on Temporary Jobs.... Halle Berry was rushed to the hospital after hitting her head on concrete she is okay but the concrete suffered a severe crack. Bobby Rydell, remember him such great hits as Wild One and Volare, had a kidnbey and liver transplant. He is 70 and I thought he was dead. Sounds like he was drinking soda with a bit too much alcoholic content..... The Chinese community in New York is mourning the loss of Jeremy Lin. No he didn't die its even worse he is playing in Houston. What a shit hole, this place make Philly look like Paradise Island.

I'M BACK BABY

Did you hear that Barak Hussein Obama's birth certificate is a fake? What's next Yeti isn't real. My whole day is now ruined. Well it was almost ruined until I read about Sage Stallone. First off you knew his fate was sealed when mommy and daddy dearest named him Sage. Whatsa Matta Salt or Pepper or any other fucking spice was not available?. Yup the old white powder did him in. No you stupid ass not talcum powder. I heard a bus tour in Isreali can prove to be very exciting, that is if you can survive the fucking tour. Who in their right mind would go to the middle east for vacation. Haven't they heard the news, Iran, Iraq, Egypt, Syria don't like us. I wonder if the families will get there money back. Just wondering. Well its the second half of the baseball season and you know what that means. Thats right a total collapse of the N.Y. Mets. This is the half of the season when Wright strikes out and pops up with the bases loaded or hits a home run with nobody on base when they are losing 10 zip. Get the Fuck Out. I hope the Marlins sign him so they could be 18 games out of first instead of 9. Kris Humphries signed a 24 million dollar deal with the Nets. To bad Kim didn't hang on to him she could be fucking every black basketball player in Brooklyn. Hey Kim, so many players so little time.

CHINESE FOOD

Is anybody in need of a chinese baby? The Chinese are smuggling kids at an alarming rate. Not so alarming to them because they have so many but alarming to others. Listen it didn't work out so bad for Jeremy Lin he is going to make 40 mil. Listen don't we have enough Chiese Restaurants. Stop the smuglling now, Jerry Sandusky is no longer allowed to adopt. Lucky for the kids that can get out of that shit hole. Most of of the kids are being sold so their parents can make ends meet. I should have sold my cats to them when I had the chance these bastards eat these things all day long. Baby girls can fetch as much as 1 Yankee shirt and two box seat tickets. Baby boys can fetch as much as 2 Met caps and season tickets. so Whatsa Matta? Better this kids get smuggled out of China than get caned for not working fast enough in the rice paddies. We wouldn't be reading about this if we let MacArthur cross into China and wipe these bastards out. Come to think of it I need my shirts pressed

SUNDAY LAUGHS

You gotta love bbq's at a friends house on a sunday afternoon when you have about 50 drunkin bastards jumping into a pool of salt with no clue who the fuck they are jumping on, the glenlivit was flowing and the vodka shots did not stop until of course one drunkin wacked out women starts stumbling around bangin into shit and trys to sing showtunes like fuckin judy garlan, then insists on trying to drive her car and the host has to spoon her ass just to keep her from running down the road like the maniac in the chainsaw massacre, although 2 drunk women spooning is not a bad idea. I think we all need more of that this summer.....way to go Danielle....keep inviting all the young hotties so the old married men can continue to think they might have a shot of reliving their youth,the only problem is all of us could not stop wiping the drool from our chins which really makes it difficult to look attractive in anyway...lmaoooooooooo

WEEKEND UPDATE

Guess who won't be in the remake of McHales Navy? Thats right Ernest Borgnine, he jumped off the PT Boat at 95. I guess 96 just wasn't in the cards.Cmon how long do you really want to hang around here i think 95 is long enough.MR DICKHEAD BALDWIN spent the weekend in the Hamptons with his 28 year old wife Hillaria Thomas. Hopefully her Yoga instructions will get his old wrinkled nut sack in shape. Talk about nut sacks, did you hear about this. Mick Jagger and David Bowie were caught in bed, yeah stupid, together. Listen if i had lips like mick i guess i would be sucking everything that walks. I think I know who the catcher was in that relationship. There is a 50-50 chance it was Bowie. Is it me or does Tom Cruise's daughter look like a extra from the set of Children of the Corn. Mark Teixeira is being accused of being prejudice against latinos by Vincente Padillo. What? This could get ugly if it turns into a knife fight. Listen guys just go to the parking lot and see if your cars will start. Padilla said Teixeira should be playing a womans sport. ( Tennis anyone ) Well I have to agree by the way he cuts his hair. The mens doubles at Wimbledon was won by Serana and Venus Wlliams. Roger Federer won the womans singles title. Wait hold on, just a second, I'm confused.anyway a bunch of short wearin fuckers banged a tennis ball around all weekend and i did not know who was a man and who was the women in the finals,they all look alike to me, all i know is that the brits thought they had a shot at one of their own winning the mens finals....well fuckoff you tea drinkin humps he did'nt fucking win so its 73 years and counting that you stuckup asses can't win your own tournament. It is now official Reggie Jackson was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome. You can't be normal and say the shit he says. Hey Mr. October SHUT THE FUCK UP.

SPORTS BABYYYYYYYYYY

Que Pasa. Citifield will be hosting Hispanic Night tonight. Please make sure you leave all your knives in the glove box of your 1970 Hondas.immigration will be checking to see if you have your Green Cards. Goya will be handing out free samples of rice. Corona will replace Budweiser and Jackie Robinson Rotunda will be turned into Roberto Clemente Way. Free tow truck service will offered after the game if your car doesn't start. Pesos will be accepted as payment for this event only. The Mets will field all their Latino players, Cedeno, Torres, Quintinella, Tejada and Valdesphin. Batista will be the starting pitcher and Beato will be the reliever. Fireworks will start after the game or by the 5th inning. No not the fireworks your thinking of. Anyone wearing red bandanas can sit anywhere they want. Season tickets holders are advised to stay home....... I am the only one who thinks Serena Williams has a penis..... Davis Ortiz hit his 400th home run and still can't fuckin speak English. But then again neither can the people from Boston...... 40 mil for Jeremy Lin? Do you know how much fuckin Chinese food you can buy with 40 mil

SPORTS NEWS

The Yankees celebrated Old Timers Day on Sunday in front of 48,000 plus Obama voting, rich white douchebags from Greenwich and Westchester County. 48,000 fans wearing their Yankee caps sideways or backwards wishing they served Martinis instead of beer. No wonder Red Sox fans kick the shit of Yankee fans when they go to Boston. It was nice to see the old time Yankee players like Jeter, Arod, Pettitte, Rivera, reunited, hey wait a minute they still play for the Yankees. Did you catch the commercial of Mariano Rivera driving an Acura? Come on Acura do you actually think his fans can afford to buy an Acura. They are more like a used Honda crowd with mismatched painted doors and missing hub caps.Then Mariano utters something in the commercial but you can't understand this fuckin foreigner because after 20 plus years in this country he still can't speak fucking english. Talk about suck, how about dem Mets. They fielded their B Team and lost to the team Jackie Robinson actually played on. Hey Wilpon you stupid bastard why didn't you buy the Dodgers when they were up for sale, then you could put Tom Seaver Rotunda in Dodger Stadium. What a putzzzzzzzzzz. Great idea by Collins keeping his hottest hitter on the bench and using a blind man at first base. Two useless countries played each other in the Euro 2012 soccer finals, Spain and Italy. Apparently Italy had no goalie because Spain won 4 to Zip.Now in my mind if i had to guess the italian goalkeeper was either watching porn during the game or just blacked out because In soccer 4-0 is a slaughter. So once again Italy got the shit kicked out of them. Listen stick to stomping grapes, making gravy and polishing marble. Wow,and the biggest news of all was nobody was crushed to death or trampled on at this event,fuckin amazing. Do you know what is nuttier than watching the movie Magic Mike? The Summer Olympics. And guess where this event will be held, London. This is the place where they call cigarettes fags. So what to they call fags? i don't get it..and i thought a shag was a fuckin rug from the 70's not getting laid but if you talk to the the brits thats what it is....who the fuck knowssssssssssss