RING AROUND THE TUB

Did you see the Super Bowl ring the Giants will receive? I've seen better rings in my fucking bath tub. What a cheap looking piece of shit. Who designed this thing Donald Trump. This ring looks like trumps bad hair. Tim Tebow is turning out to be a douche like the rest of the Jet players. His tweet to Fireman Ed Supreme Douchebag Anzalone was " going to play my heart out for you". I guess he doesn't know Fireman Ed is a big bag of shit. Now that the Jets have two quarterbacks that can't throw the ball, Santonio Holmes says give him the damn ball. So we have two quarterbacks that can't throw and a wide receiver that can't catch the ball and a fat loud mouth coach and a mascot that is a douchebag and we play in a stadium that was built over a landfill and glows in the fucking dark. Oh yeah gimme my season tickets. NOT Hey, Joe Willie you are still da man. Nissan is recalling 2 million vehicles, this recall includes the Cube. You talk about a piece of shit the Cube makes the Chevy Silverado look like a Bugatti. You know the name Nissan invokes pictures in my mind of us dropping bombs all over Japan. Who in their right mind would buy a jap car or even worse a korean car. Aren't those Kia's a thing of beauty.. Mega Millions is now at 600 Mil. Do you know what you can buy with that kind of money? Any fucking thing you want. But as usual there will be one winner. They will be from Tennessee with no fucking teeth and would have been molested by some wacked out uncle as a child. The fat ugly Kardashians marriage is in trouble. I guess Lamar doesn't like her booty anymore. Imagine waking up next to this beast every morning.peaceeee outtttttttt

THE JETS AND OTHER CRAP

Well Jet fans, tear up your season tickets now. Listen don't waste your fucking gas money, tolls, money spent on shitty food for your redneck tailgate parties. The Jets ain't going nowhere. Darrelle Revis summed it up perfectly. " His team is now a bearded woman short of a full circus lineup" Not only do you get to see the freak show with Sanchez & Tebow you get to look around the stadium and see docuhebag supreme, Fireman Ed, he is the the idiot screaming J-E-T-S. Thats one good reason to become a Giants fan. I am the only one who thinks this mentally challenged, city employee, isn't amusing. Listen Giant fans your season ain't going to be no bed of roses. Jacobs is joining Manningham, so the Niners will be next years Super Bowl Champs. I can't believe how Giant fans tailgate from their fucking Prius'. Its amazes me how Greenwich CT is empty when the Giants play at home. I am still hoping the Knicks can knock the team whose city has a cracked bell out of first. Believe me thats not the only thing cracked in that city. Wow that was pretty revealing about N.Y. Met, R A Dickey being molested as a child. I just don't understand, don't all kids in Tennessee get molested. When is David Wright going to reveal he was molested by Jose Reyes. Hey if I hit the Mega millions I could buy the Dodgers. I would move them back to New York so Fred Wilpon could move all that Dodger crap out of Citifield. What the fuck does Jackie Robinson have to do with the Mets. Wilpon is another old fool with to much money that him and Madoff swindled out of people. You ever been to a Dodger home game? What a bunch of gentrified douches. These fans are more boring then Sherwon Williams paint drying on my walls.

NOW THIS IS JUST FRIGGIN CRAZY SHIT

How about all those lucky truck buyers who purchased a GM truck during Chevy Truck Month. Listen up, GM is recalling 6,159 Vans and SUVs for a possible loss of steering. This is no big deal because you must have been out of your minds when you bought one of these pieces of shit. Yeah you look fucking great driving a Silverado with the fucking steering wheel that just came off in your hands. Another great job by those union workers at Government Motors. How about the pilot that went beserk while flying to Vegas. I guess if you work for Jet Blue one of the requirements is a diploma from Creedmoor. You have got to feel for the passengers when they were told the plane would be landing in Amarillo Tx. I would have told the co-pilot to take the plane into the ground. Amarillo, TX?? What a fucking shit hole. These people were on they way to Vegas, How lucky are they? Anybody see a picture of the pilot? He is one brain cell away from drooling on himself. I guess when he gets out of his straight jacket he could go to work for Southwest. How about actor Sam Worthington showing off his girlfriend Crystal Humphries. No relationship to the basketball player Chris Humphries but she does look like him. Anybody wanna go see an old, flabby armed, camel toed, hair bag at Yankee Stadium then go get your tickets for Madonna. How about Alicia Silverstone feeding her baby with her mouth. Do you know the first sign that she wasn't all there? She named her kid Bear Blu. If I was this fucking kid I would jump off my high chair and kill myself. Alicia please tell me when you will be joining Whitney and Amy I hope its soon. Well the Knick season is in peril. Carmelo has a groin injury fron banging to many white girls and Amar'e has a back ache from banging to many white girls. Hey that was 65 mil well spent. So much for knocking off the Sixers and their douchebag fans.you just cant make this shit up.

THE NY CAR SHOW

The Car Show will be at the Javits Center beginning April 6th. The price of admission is rather high but it does include all mob tax. This does not include parking which will set you back 50 bucks. What do you get for your 50 bucks you ask. Not a fucking thing. When you enter this shit hole most of the brand names will be on display. You will spot General Motors immediately, the smell of old people will permeate the air, and they will be hovering around the the Buicks. The Chevy Volt will be unplugged so it can't catch on fire and the same tired looking shit they have been pushing for years will cause you to go into a coma. Well its always good to start off with the worse because it can only get better from there. The people of many colors will be swarming over the Mercedes Benz Models while their kids are stealing parts off the cars which include the hood ornaments. Toyota will have every yuppie douche bag looking at the hideous Prius while the other yuppies are asking if the Camry comes equipped with a Life Insurance Policy. The minorities that are left are pushing and shoving to win a free hat or some other shit give-away and drooling over cars they will never own. It is now 4:00 P.M. and tickets are half price. Do you have any idea why you should leave now ? If you don't there is something wrong with you. So with the cost of gas, tolls, parking and admission you just pissed away the down payment on one the the cars you just looked at. March Madness, Louisville beat Syracuse, enuf said. The Knicks beat the Pistons which begs the question, Did D'Antoni really suck that bad? YES HE DID. A couple of weeks to opening season, everybody get on your trampolines and start jumping for joy.

HAPPY FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYY

Have you seen the new Honda Civic? They have a special lease program, 3 bucks a day with $ 1,999 down. This thing makes the Chevy Cruze look like a Bentley. In other words its a big piece of shit. I would rather be strapped into a Ford Pinto with a full gas tank. Listen take the $ 1,999 you would put down on this car and pre pay for your funeral. This is just another Japanese shit box..... The Mets play the Braves today, enuf said....... The Knicks are 1 game under 500 and are only 3 games out of first. We can only hope they can knock another douche bag philly team out of first place. I figured out why philly fans are so angry. #1 They are from Philadelphia. # 2 They have the mentality of a fucking handball # 3 They are from Philadelphia # 4 They have the Eagles, # 5 They have the Phillies ( not so hard to play in a minor league park ) #6 They have the Flyers # 7 They are from Philadelphia # 8 Have you seen Parking Wars ( Yup that sums up these loons )..... Is there any drug that wasn't found in Whitney Houstons system? Wow she was a walking pharmacy. I guess she was using the Benadryl to stop the itching from the cocaine and I guess she was smoking the weed while cutting the cocaine, probably had to use the Flexeril for her back from carrying all that coke around and Xanax to bring her down from all the shit she was on. Lesson to be learned, Never take all this and then decide to take a fuckin bath

TEBOW TIME

How much bad karma will one team get? For the Broncos it will be limitless. Wow they threw gods 2nd favorite son under the bus and he will not take kindly to that. So what did the Broncos get? I will tell you, they got what we didn't want or need a quarterback that is past his prime. The Broncos paid dearly, 5 years 96 million. He will be 37 and the Broncos aint never going to another Super Bowl. What some teams won't do to fill the seats. Hey, Wilpon call Peyton he's got 96 mil you could borrow. Does Manning know this place is a fucking mile high? He will have trouble breathing no less throwing the ball with a bum neck. " LETS GO BRONCOS" NOT. The Jets signed safety LaRon Landry for 4 mil. They paid 4 mil for a guy who can barely fuckin walk and only played in 17 games the past two seasons. Who the fuck is running the show for the jets. I would have given this guy a bologna sandwich and the 4 mill to stay the fuck away. Here we go the nonsense of Tebow coming to New York. Tim listen to me, go to Miami. You will accomplish something Marino never could, Yup win a Super Bowl. Talk about suck, The Mets are just a complete disaster. Freddie is 160 mil lighter and the team is one big disabled list, both mentally and physically. Mentally disabled is Mike Pelfry, physically we have Wright, Tejada, Hairston, Carrasco, Beato, and Santana one pitch away from retirement. Did you see the picture of Katz and Wilpon smiling after the agreement? Wow I never say two guys smile after losing 160 million, which leads me to believe they fucked somebody real good. You know who that somebody is Their Fans. How crazy are the Yankees to bring retread Petitte back. Hey Joe, Koufax may be available. our lunatic fan base must be estatic. Now we have an old man and a fat man as there 1, 2 punch. I heard a rumor Girardi may suit up and assume role of Manager and back up catcher when Yogi has a night game follwed by a day game. Hey didn't Petitte throw his buddy Clemens under the bus? What a douche. Okay here we go the Sweet 16. Wisconsin knocks off Syracuse. I don't know whats worse living anywhere in Wisconsin or living in a place where Carrier corp polluted the landscape. Cincinnati vs Ohio State, there both from Ohio what a fucking dump and who cares who wins. Lousville vs Michigan State If your from Michigan just kill yourself. Talk about a shit hole. Florida vs Marquette, Ho Hum. Xavier vs Baylor, Gold help me, Indiana vs Kentucky, its just getting worse, Ohio vs North Carolina, what can I say that wouldn't be offensive and N.C.State vs Kansas have you ever been to Kansas? My prediction the team with the most black players wins the whole thing. just sayin ......

MEET DA METS

Wow, did you hear the latest news? The two rich guys who own the mets, Fred Wilpon and Saul Katz just had their pockets picked for 160 mil. They got fucked by one of their own Bernie Madoff and this guy did alot of fucking,trust me if this douche bag took the italians money he would not be in prison he would be hanging on someones wall as a fucking dart board. By agreeing to this settlement doesn't that mean they were guilty and if so where's the other 140 mil you two bastards stole. Listen just fire your pant load 3rd baseman and theirs your 160 mil. Trust me this kid aint bringing you to a World Series. Don't feel sorry for these 2 guys they own a major league baseball team . They have turned this franchise into a total mess. First, Freddie hires Omar Minaya who brought in every Dominican he could find. What do Dominicans eat? they were constantly getting injured or sick, from pulled hammy's to colitis. Geez they even hired a rapist ( Do I have to name names ) and one mental patient Ollie Perez. When Omar's Latinos couldn't get the job done and they were done plotting with Madoff to steal 300 mil. they hired some white guy as General Manager, he inturn hires his grand father ( Terry Collins ) to manage this shitbag of a team. So now they unload Jose ( Gang Banger ) Reyes, keep rib cage Wright, and hope Santana ( The Rapist ) can be the pitcher of old. We keep ( Valley Fever ) Davis, Achy Balls Tejada and we have a cross eyed catcher Named Thole and a pitcher with down syndrome. Its one big fucking mess. But I digress, so the Wilpons have to come up with 160 mil and they aint going to get it back on Latino night. So heres the deal, Hot Dogs will now cost 40 bucks, Kosher Hot Dogs will still be 400 bucks, a beer is now 115 bucks and every fan entering the stadium will be asked to make a donation to the Bernie Madoff "I got fucked fund". Hey Wilpon just sell this team to Ringling Bros so the elephants have a place to take a shit.

HAD TO SAY IT

Looks like GM came out with another winner, a car called the Sonic. This piece of crap now joins the Volt as a car you will never see on the road. Hey GM whats next a car called the Hedgehog. I got an idea call the next car you come out with the Barack. Thank god the chinks like your cars or you would be out of business. Rosie Odonnell's show was cancelled by the Oprah network. What a shame, what are all the fat, nasty lesbians going to watch now? Oh yeah I know Ellen DeGeneres. Mitt Romney wins in Puerto Rico, Que Pasa? 83% of these beaners went for Romney. How about that March Madness, sixteen teams are left vying for the Final 4. Enuf said. Hey Jerry Lewis celebrated his 86th birthday, where was Dean Martin? Oh yeah he's dead. Thats A'more. Can things get any worse, Lady GaGA wants to be a mama. OMG, can we handle a Baby GaGa. Why do these people insist on having kids. How about them Knicks, now that whitey is gone they have racked up a 4 game win streak and won-ton fever is back at the garden. Do you know who won the Nascar Sprint Cup Series at Bristol. For all you non-goobers it was Brad Keselowski driving a Dodge. Thats right he was driving a Dodge not a rice sucking Toyota. Hey all you Nascar drivers using Toyota's, YOU EAT IT. Do you rednecks actually cheer for a guy driving a Toyota? I just poured my Pabst down the drain.

JUST A BUNCH OF SHIT

My dear friend Alec ( dick head ) Baldwin is urging Americans to boycott the circus. We have kids starving, homeless, uninsured, being abused, and this fat, bloated piece of shit is worried about how they treat elephants at the circus. Hey Alec how about I use a bullhook on your FAT ASS for about 20 minutes. You are a disgrace and will do anything to get attention. Didn't your mother have breast cancer? Oh yeah she did. You even exploited that to further advance your hideous career. You consistently win Douche Bag of the year because,well your a douche bag. Why don't you and all your left wing friends just get the fuck out. How about this scum bag, Brandon Marshall formerly a useless Dolphin and now a useless Bear 6 feet 4 230 lbs and he punches a woman in the face. Hey Brandon I got a baseball bat and I would like to imprint Louisville Slugger into your skull. Well the old saying "Incest is the Best" must work for Bobbi Kristina, she's banging her adopted broher Nick Gordon. Where did Whitney Houston get her looks from? certainly not her mother. I guess Rihanna is ready for another beating, do i have to explain? Talk about needing a beating, somebody please beat the shit out of Russell Brand and send this British import back to England. We have enough untalented people in America we don't need you and P.S. take that unfunny Ricky Cervais with you. Christ Almighty. Can you name one good Nicolas Cage movie? Your right he blows the mighty one and his movies also suck but here comes another one " Seeking Justice" This guy must work for 6 bucks an hour. Take about a no talent Will Ferrell has a new movie out " Casade Mi Padre this movie will be a bigger bomb then we dropped on Japan. Talladega Nights now that was a real knee slapper, NOT! Listen if you can get you Chevy Silverado started go see " 21 Jump Street' I think the ending has Channing Tatum getting pounded by Ice Cube or Jonah Hill or both

THEY SHOOT HORSES DON'T THEY??

Did you know the Bills signed Mario Williams to a 100 million deal and 50 mil is guaranteed. Hey Woody did you know this guy was available.why in gods name would we not want this guy he is a one man wrecking machine, so right now the big move the jets have made is resign the fuckiong kicker well there ya go that insures us a superbowl win.... You gotta sell a helluva alot of furniture polish to make 100 mil. So now we have to contend with the Bills, we are never going to the Super Bowl again,not with the fucking pant loads we have right now. Wow who woulda thunk it, Russell Brand assaulting a photographer. Not only can't he act, he is brain dead as well, what a fucking pant load. Did you hear about the fat douche, Americo Lopes, that tried to cheat his friends out of their lottery winnings. Now the fat bastard has to turn over the 20 million he stole from his buddies. I don't wish this guy any hard luck but I hope he chokes on a taco.What a scum bag. Dustin Hoffman is looking for a new gig, his new show "Luck" was canceled. Three horses died during the filming of this HBO series. "Did somebody make him an offer he couldn't refuse"?whats with all these dead horses . Hey Dustin I got an idea for a movie. Dress like a woman and we will call the movie Tootsie. Why don't you go to the retirement home in Encino and tell everybody who you are. When you are in an HBO series with Dennis Farina and Nick Nolte its time to take the pipe and call it a day. How can we go a day without Lindsay ( Swizzle Stick ) Lohan. Question # 1 Why are you driving a car? Question # 2 Why are you out partying Question # 3 Why are you driving a car ? Question # 4 Why are you breathing? GET OUT. Willem Dafoe is in another upbeat movie " 4:44 Last day on Earth" Jesus Christ how depressing.who the fuck would want to see this fucked up movie. Did you hear about the waiter suing Russo's on the Bay. He claims he was cheated out of his tips and overtime pay. Here is my suggestion. If you own a car have somebody start for you.

WON TON FEVER IS OVER

Listen, if you ain't black you ain't playing for the Knicks. It appears won-ton fever is over, you guessed it the Chinaman is being benched for a black dude, what a surprise. I guess the rich white plantation owners that go to the games prefer an all black team. Head plantation owner James Dolan is a putz, just another owner that any good coach in his right mind would not work for. Listen Jimmy is Isiah Thomas done trying to kill himself you may want to hire him back. Carmelo you are an untalented, overly tatted pant load, SHOW ME THE RING CAUSE YOU CAN'T. You are no Kobe or Jordan thats for sure. I hope Lin didn't sign a long term lease on his new digs. How about that March Madness, UConn gets knocked off, hopefully Syracuse is next, enough said FUCK COLLEGE BBALL. Can anybody tell me why crime goes down during March Madness? Here are some words of wisdom from the 5 yarder Mark Sanchez " Wins will fix Jets' problems" Wow, what a fucking genius,I can tell he wasn't attending class in college.this guy has the mentality of a fucking piece of fruit. You may notice I don't mention the N.Y. Giants because I don't give a shit. Just go to a Giant game and take a good look at the fans, I didn't know there were so many people with down-syndrome. Terry Collins got ejected from a spring training game that tells you were this team is headed. How long before the 106 million dollar man, Jose Reyes pulls a hammy. Well I am hoping for the first week. How desperate is Miami that they sign this pant load to a huge contract so that they can get a few latinos into the stadium. Dos Equos night is May 10th, every latino fan entering the stadium will get a free six pack. You may notice I don't mention the N.Y. Jankees, our fans don't have down-syndrome we are just fucking nuts. I have a question, does Joe Girardi has AIDS ?tell this fuckhead to eat a cheeseburger. Listen Ranger fans if our team can't beat the Penguins then just pack it in. Trust me the Rangers will get knocked off in the first round of the playoffs.Do we have to wait another 40 years. Just a reminder, Chevy Truck Month will be coming to and end shortly and so will your life if you buy any of these beauties. You can save a lot of money with their 0% financing and keep the money you save to pay for your funeral. Can't wait for Obama to have GM build those coal fired trucks.

MORE PANT LOADS

It looks like Carmelo and Amare got the white guy fired. Another pant load was dispatched as a coach for a New York Team. Yup guido D'Antoni was sent packing by a bigger pant load, Yup James Dolan. Jimmy, listen to me do us all a favor and go to work for your old man installing cable boxes,you are driving a dynasty into the ground. Now either hire Phil Jackson or John Calipari or just get the fuck out. Jimmy, I thinks it time you start thinking about salads and go light on the dressing you fuckin load. Also While your eating a salad think about dumping Carmelo Anthony. When you were stumbling around MSG the porter overheard you mumbling about suiting up Walt Clyde Frazier.I bet pimp daddy can still play a little ball. Talk about retreads, Jerricho Cotchery may come back to the JETS, could the sack exchange be far behind, god knows they need something. He replaced Cotchery with Derrick Mason. Thats right, Derrick who? He lasted five games and was traded to the Texans while Cotchery had 16 receptions for 237 yards with two touchdowns in a limited role with the Steelers. Hey Rex your a fucking genius. Now for all you Met fans, let me sum up the 2012 season. Tejada, Wright, Torres, Duda, Hairston and Cedeno have all missed time this spring with various ailments, Pelfry can't pitch and the rapist is questionable for a long run. So on Opening Day you will start off with a loss with many more to follow. Now lets move onto to bullpen catcher for the Mets, Eric Langill. He was suspended by the Mets for seven days without pay. Jesus Christ, don't you think being a bullpen catcher is punishment enough. Who the fuck is going to make the payments on his Honda. How about that March Madness, okay enough said i fucking hate college basketball. Just a reminder, it's Chevy Truck Month and from the looks of things I don't think too many people are buying these pieces of shit. I think I saw one Silverado and that was on the back of a tow truck. Don't pass up a good deal 0% financing for 6 years plus a 2,000 dollar trade-in allownace and a 1500 dollar discount. Just think after driving this piece of plastic for 6 years what kind of cancer you will have. Nice motto by GM, " Chevy Runs Deep" Thats right deep into the pockets of the American taxpayer. The only other truck worse than this is the Toyota Tundra, good god almighty what a hideous looking piece of garbage.

HELLO SPORTS FANS

How about them Mets. Douche bags replacement at short, Ruben Tejada pulled a groin muscle taking a shit during infield practice. Jesus Christ, it wasn't even during a game. I guarantee he was out partying the night before and pulled his groin while banging Ronny Cedeno. Oh it gets even better, Ronny Cedeno is suffering from knee tendinitis. Maybe he should get off his knees and try lying on his back. Johan ( The Rapist ) Santana celebrated his 33rd birthday, this broken down piece of shit is 231 in dog years. Let me tell you something, Ike Davis will get Valley Fever before Santana wins 20 games. Now that brings us to the OCD KING Mike Pelfry, what a fucking pant load. This guy is a waste of a carbon foot print. Thats right he racked up another loss in spring training and I am sure that streak will continue all thru the season. David Wright received an anti inflammatory injection in his rib cage like thats going to help. Hey David you BLOW THE MIGHTY ONE. Terry Collins was overheard in the locker room asking if Ralph Kiner could suit up. I don't think you guys can take another year of this team. Talk about losers the N Y Knicks are about to get eliminated from any playoff hopes. Hey Dolan great move signing Carmelo. he can't play basketball and neither can the flash in the wok...get it wok... Lin jersey's are on sale at Modells, buy one get ten free. I don't know who the bigger asshole is, you or your father so I am going with you. I would rather watch Housewives of Albany or Ru Paul's Drag Race. Can't wait for Opening day at Belmont. At least I know where the horse shit is.

HELLO NEW YORK SPORTS FANS

It ain't easy being a New York sports fan. First we had to sweat out the possibility of a broken down quarterback coming to the J-E-T-S. This would have disrupted my entire baseball season. Guess what, Archies boy ain't coming here. Now that we have a proven loser Tony Sporano to run the offence coming to town, guess who might be coming as well. You guessed it another proven loser QB Chad Henne. Now we have two quarterbacks that can throw 5 yards. How about those Mets. Douche bag Wright is setting you met fans up for another shit season. The old rib cage ploy. He certainly didn't hurt it setting any home run records thats for sure. Maybe Lucas Duda was pounding him to hard in the locker room. This piece of shit should have been traded along with Jose Reyes. We could have gotten rid of two pant loads at once. Listen, Wrights father is a cop in Norfolk, VA. maybe he should arrest his kid for loitering. ( You figure it out ) The Mets bullpen catcher Eric Langill was arrested for DUI. He flipped his Honda after leaving a team bowling night. Great idea serving alcohol at these events. First of all if your a bullpen catcher and your driving a Honda? don't drink, just kill yourself. Dear God how I wish they got Bobby Valentine back. How about them Knicks. Basketball is the only sport where every team can make the play-offs, except the Knicks. Thank god I didn't get caught up in Won-ton fever. What a fucking mess. The only good thing that comes out of this is that whitey hating Spike Lee won't see these bunch of malcontents in the play-offs. now me being a Ranger fan don't get to excited. It only been 18 years since there last Stanley Cup, and i think we have a few more years to go. Nice job by our military taking care of this G.I. who suffered a traumatic brain injury. Great idea to send this poor guy on another tour of duty. They should execute the people that sent him back into battle instead of talking about executing him if he is found guilty. Somebody get me a gun.and thats a rappppppppppp boys and girls

WEEKEND NEWS....

A U.S. Army staff sergeant who served three, count em, 3 tours in Iraq killed 16 Afghans. Well its a good fuckin start. What happened? Did he run out of ammo. What the fuck are we doing there? No Oil, No Disney Resorts, No Oil, No Hilton Hotels and No Oil. What a fucking dump. The Russians didn't even want to stay there. How about those Knicks. Carmelo comes back and the Knicks can't win. Listen D'Antoni, why don't you and Dolan get in the limo and keep going until you get the fuck out of New York. Hey D'Antoni why don't you go back to Italy and coach that spaghetti league you were in. What a fucking pant load, and take that tattooed, stupid looking ball hog Carmelo with you. With a name like Carmelo he will blend in perfect they will think he's sicilian. Time to throw those worthless Lin jerseys away. Another landmark will close, Cafe Liberty in Ozone Park joins the Ravenite Social Club, Oh if the walls had ears. On second thought the walls did have ears, FBI bugs. My next question is who do you think is prettier? Kelly Ripa or her husband Mark Consuelos. Text your answers to 1 800 who gives a shit. Hey Bobbi Kristina get your teeth fixed,i am begging you. Guess who is NOT going to play in New York, Peyton Manning. Thank God. That is the best news a real Jet fan could hope for. Trust me this guy wasn't bringing us to the Super Bowl. In so many words he said he couldn't play for loud mouth Rex Ryan. So Rex get us to the Super Bowl with the quarterback YOU wanted you fuckin loaddddddddddddddd

HAPPY FRIDAY

Fender Musical Instruments, yes makers of the Stratocaster and Telecaster eletric guitars is going public. They are planning to sell 200 million worth of shares in an IPO. You can now add Fender to the list of shit stocks never to buy. After they go public you might just as well tie your Fender to a fender of your car and drag that fucker right down the road. They claim they need to grow in emerging markets like China and India. Great, now we are going to sell guitars to the Chinks and Dot-heads,when was the last time you saw a fuckin indian rock star.... It is Chevy Truck Month. So if you want to commit suicide go buy a 2012 Silverado. No need to finance for 72 months because you won't be living that long if you drive one of these shit boxes. This thing has more plastic than a Poland Spring water bottling plant. Guess who died 40 years to late? Disco innovator James T. Ellis. Remember his mark or should I say scar on music with "Burn, baby Burn". Note to Woody Johnson, after your done snorting some of your furniture polish go over to Mike Tannenbaums office and smack the living shit out of this cheeseburger eatin asshole if he signs Archies boy Peyton. When you assholes signed Sanchez you made it sound like the second coming of Christ. WHAT HAPPENED? Hey Rex, if that stupid ass Coughlin can win 2 Super Bowls why can't you win 1. Shut your big fucking mouth and get us to a Super Bowl with what you got and with what YOU wanted. Peyton is yesterday's news. Did you hear Sue Simmons was fired by Channel 4. They fired Sue and kept the white guy. Wut up with that shittttttttt.

PANT LOADS

I am getting "gangrene" from Gang Green. I think the J-E-T-S should make a call and see if Jim Plunkett is available, he actually won a Super Bowl in 1983. Maybe they can prop this son of a bitch up, put him on the field and see what he can do. I am telling you Peyton is not the answer. Can you tell me the last time the Jets brought in a veteran quarterback and won a Super Bowl. Oh oh oh oh Oh pick me, pick me,FUCKING NEVER. It just makes everybody feel good. Peyton is 36 years old, thats 252 in dog years and this is what he will be a DOG. Here is fact for you so called Jet fans, Sanchez took us to two straight AFC Championship Games in three years, if the Jets had any receivers that could catch the fucking ball we might have made it to the Super Bowl. Then we had the son of a loser and proven loser himself Schottinheimer. What a fucking pant load. So what do we get, the possiblility of a Super Bowl with Manning and we throw a young quarterback and the future away. Now we have Tony (SUN Glasses ) Sporano, on second thought, hey Sanchez get out while you can. Sporano is a bigger pant load than the pant load we had. Why would Peyton want to come here and play on a field that was built over a landfill. Second, why would he want to look up and see that asshole Fireman Ed chanting J-E-T-S atop of some bigger assholes shoulders. Third, why would he want to over shadow his brother that has two Super Bowl rings in 4 years. Fourth, who the fuck wants to play for Woody Johnson. Miami is the place for him and I'm sticking with Sanchez. Or sign Manning, fire Rex Ryan, and bring back Rich Kotite. Because that also makes for a Super Bowl no show

J E T S ....JETS JETS JETS

The lunacy begins and the football seasons just ended weeks ago. Remember the Super Bowl? I don't, do you know why? Because my fucking team wasn't in it and that old hairbag Madonna was the half-time show. The jet's didn't learn their lesson with Brett ( small penis ) Favre so they are coming back for sloppy seconds with Peyton ( bum shoulder ) Manning. Get ready for another painful season. The only thing we can look forward to is the fucking dickhead Fireman Ed falling over the railing and getting splattered on the 50 yard line. What a douche. The last great quarterback the Jets had was Joe Namath, thats right Joe Willie, Broadway Joe. I can prove it. "HE HAS A FUCKING SUPER BOWL RING"!!!!!!!. Did you know that Ken Obrien was drafted by the Jets in 1983. Do you know who they passed on? Excellent, your right, DAN MARINO. Maybe if Dan came to New York he would have a SUPER BOWL RING. So from 1985 to 1991 we suffered with boils on our ass watching Ken Obrien. Then in 1993 who do we get but Bengal reject Norman "Boomer" Esiason. What the fuck is Boomer? I will tell you, it is a name without a fuckin SUPER BOWL RING. I skip the next few years because we didn't win any SUPER BOWLS.We got close with Vinny Testaverde but thats a whole other rant. That brings us to 2002, enter Chad Pennington, who the fuck signs a quarterback with a name like Chad. I will tell you, the same stupid bastard that hired a quarterback by the name of Boomer. Chad ( I can't take a hit ) Pennington lasted till 2007. Guess what!!! NO SUPER BOWL RING. Enter Brett ( I will throw the ball to anybody ) Favre, WOW what a steaming pile of cow shit. He was too busy texting naked pictures of his little dick and was to busy to study the fucking game plan. That brings us to the year of the Latino, 2009. This guy gets us to the playoffs and then has a 500 recored this year and they are looking to dump his mexican ass for a broken down over the hill quarterback that won't be able to withstand the pressure of playing in this wacky city. Hey Woody Johnson go home park the car in the garage close the garage door and take the fucking pipe

NEWS OF THE DAY

The son of a bitch that wrote It's a Small World, Robert Sherman died. I can't go to fuckin Disney World because of that fuckin song. I walk around for days and it keeps repeating and repeating in my head like a bad dream. Did you hear MTV star Tila Tequila suffered a "brain aneurysm", because she tried to take 2 bottles of pills, This came as news to everyone because no one actually knew she had a fucking brain . We just hope she doesn't start talking like Dick Clark. Here is a shocker, Jermaine Jackson isn't gay he was reportedly banging coke whore Whitney Houston. Hey Jermaine nice hairdo what is that called an eraser head or was whitney doing lines on the top of that fuckin square nogen of yours. The surviving Monkees won't be attending Davy Jones's funeral when asked why, they said they didn't know he died wtfffffffffff.... Lets all say a prayer for the kid Snooki is carrying. This kid doesn't stand a chance. I don't believe in abortion but in this case I will make an exception. The feminization of men continues, Emilio Cavallini some guido desginer from Italy is coming out ( no pun intended ) with pantyhose for men. They are called "mantyhose"I swear I read this, now please This is taking metro-sexual a little to far. Okay guys put away your Drakkar bottles and lock the Caddy CTS in the garage, Steve Schirripa is hosting a new show called " Nothing Personal" inside the business of murder-for-hire. Fuhgetaboutit. Now for those of you who get it, Hey Rush keep up the good work and keep those fema-nazi's in line.

QUESTION OF THE DAY

Who do think is a bigger douchebag Will Smith or his son Jaden Smith. Jaden just turned 18, Hollywood will have a party with this kung fu panda aka the karate kid. Talk about a douche, did you see the house Justin Beiber bought. He bought the house Ashton (MILF ) Kutcher was renting. Hey Justin, make sure you wear socks when walking on that carpeting god only knows how many used condoms are embedded in that carpet ....better yet rip that shit out you might get the plague. How toxic is Lindsay Lohan if hair bag Tina Fey doesn't want to hang with you. Hey Tina, you work with douchebag supreme Alec Baldwin but you won't hang with Lohan,hanging with her is atleast good for 1 episode on 30 rock..material like that you just can't buy. General Motors will start producing a line of natural gas trucks. The horrific looking Silverado and the more hideous looking Sierra will be equipped with natural gas and regular gas tanks,how nice of an explosion this will make when one of them hit a fucking wall This is another great idea from GM, remember the Volt, yeah the battery with 4 wheels, now trucks with natural gas, are you fucking kidding me. I guess GM doesn;t know there are only 1,100 CNG fueling stations in the entire U.S. These douchebags would build cars that ran on dog shit if Obama asked them to. Hey GM, hows that new car the Sonic selling? Sounds like a place where you buy a hot dog,chilli fries and a shake. This thing looks like a Poland Spring water bottle with coffee can tires. What a shock Chrysler also announced they are coming out with their line of natural gas trucks. Doesn't that surprise you, the two companies that stole taxpayers money are coming out with natural gas trucks. I heard a rumor, Obama asked them to build a truck that will run on fucking coal.it comes with its own shovel and locamotive hat. Bruce Springsteen new CD is out " Wrecking Ball" Thats what they should take to this CD and the rest of the shit he recorded. You won't be winning any grammy's for this waste of plastic. Why don't you sing another song about the down trodden then swing over to Bon Jovi's house get in the Rolls crank it up to 120 mph and ram that sucker right into a bridge abutment. Okay the baseball season is upon us. What are the odds the Mets will get to The World Series, let me tell you something Ike Davis will get Valley fever before the Mets get to the World Series.o ya this news update...IKE REALLY HAS VALLEY FEVER and went 1 for 2 last night....good luck met fans this year....

DIP SHITSSSSSSSSSS

If you look up the definition of Little Dip Shit in the latest edition of the Webster dictionary you will find a picture of Lindsay Lohan. And if you look up the definition of Big Dip Shit you will find a picture of her mother. Pillow Face was in town to host SNL, I am sorry but I had to make bread crumbs and boil some water so I didn't catch it. I hear she was partying with the Big Dip Shit at the SNL after party. Isn't it so nice to see that mom is taking care of her daughter. What a fucking mess. Leonardo ( Titanic ) Dicaprio and his girlfriend ( yup I still think he is Bi ) Erin Heatherton were out and around in W Hollywood to launch a new rum called Caliche. Translated this means "Gar-Bage". I heard he got excited when he heard he had to dress in womans cloths for the part he played in J. Edgar. Well I didn't think it was going to happen this quickly. Adele, yes the same Adele that won six grammy's thinks her mansion is haunted. So she hired a body guard. I think she should have hired an Exorcist if the place is fucking haunted. It won't be long now, I can see the headlines, Adele found on a London street with a fag in one hand ( In England a fag is a cigarette) and a needle in her other arm screaming at a Bobby "cop" " Do you know who I am, I'm Adele I won six grammys" as they cart her fat ass off into the sunset. And they will need a cart for this one. Hey Katy Perry who is going to bang you after being married to what's his name. Banging you would be like Star Trek, who dares to go where no man has ever gone before.

A QUICKY

Well it only took Demi Moore six weeks to break her addiction to everything from young men to smoking incense. So what's a girl to do after rehab? You go on a vacation. There's an idea for my friend, take a vacation after the dentist. Here is my recommendation, buy a one-way ticket on a Chinese Bus tour to Foxwood. Trust you won't be needing a return ticket. Tim Tebow must be out of his mind he is being linked to Taylor Swift. Doesn't he know who dicked her? Joe Jonas, John Mayer, and Jake Gyllenhaal. Well at least this time she was seen with a man. Wouldn't you like to have been the photographer that caught Beyonce breast feeding. Jeez I hope the kid isn't over eating. One of the greatest scams in sports was pulled off by the Green Bay Fudge Packers. They raised 67 million dollars in a stock sale to their fans. THE STOCK HAS NO CASH VALUE. Hey Packer fans, I'm selling a bridge in Brooklyn, any takers? Here is a reminder to all the gays out there. Liza ( with a Z ) Minnelli will be at the Borgata in Atlantic Shitty March 24th. They will be no refunds given if she shows up high or stoned. Madame Trusseau is doing her make up. If that doesn't float your boat, walk over to Harrah's and catch Kenny Rogers. Wow, now there's some happening action. You can catch a show, lose your money, pick up a hooker, lose more money, get a disease but the food is free. It's a bus ride ride away. You even get a roll of quarters. Please make sure the roll is secured properly just in case the bus flips over. Nothing worse than trying to pick up quarters off a 4 lane highway

STILL VENTING

Looks like Monkee and 60's teen idol Davy Jones took the" Last Train to Clarksville". Fidel Castros sister died at 88, we can only hope he ain't far behind and his brother goes next. After they are all dead its time to start importing those cuban cigars and hopefully all the cubans in Miami will go back to Cuba. Tornadoes ripped through the heartland yesterday killing nine people. What don't these people understand about the term "wheels up". Crank the wheels up on those mobile homes and get the fuck out. Now for some local news. Did you hear about this douche bag, Christopher Chinloy, 17 years old and has been busted three, do you hear me, three, count em three fucking times since Sept. 2011 for possession of a loaded weapon. Why the fuck is this piece of shit walking the streets. Hey, Mayor Bloomberg how come your not shooting your big mouth off about this. Oh yeah I know not enough publicity because he isn't a Plaxico Burress. Plaxico Burress got 18 months for carrying a weapon just once. WTF. The question of the day is Rosies son George Clooney gay. When he was asked that question he would not confirm or deny. I have the answer, he is dating Stacy Keibler, yup he is gay. All these guys hide behind beautiful woman. Talk about gay guys Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner had their third kid, I demand a paternal test be administered, wasn't he banging Matt Damon,just fuckin with ya boys..... Why is General Motors allowed to spend 1.34 billion dollars to buy a 7% share of Peugeot? First of all have you ever seen these pieces of shit.Peugot surpasses Toyota as the ugliest cars on the road. Hey General Motors how about paying back the money you stole from the American people. Oh yeah that Chevy Revolting seems to be a big seller, NOT. Who wants to drive a battery with four wheels. Who buys the crap their building? OOH OOH pick me I know. The Chinese and the over 80 crowd that love their Buicks. Have you ever sat in a GM product? you could get cancer from all that plastic. One last thing, Hey, Eric Lundqvist go get your eyebrows waxed for christ sake. For those of you who don't know he is the N Y Ranger goalie.we love ya hank but do some grooming will ya....

DIRTY LITTLE DIRT

Did you hear the sad news? Davy Jones of The Monkees died at 66 years old. He must have been listening to " Daydream Believer" because that song almost killed me. Lets be honest there was nothing going on there. I am still trying to figure out why they were so popular and I think I just did, so many people were stoned out of their fucking minds and actually thought the music was good . Here is a bit of trivia. Did you know Mike nesmith thats the dickhead who wore the friggin beenie while playing the base well anyway his mother invented white-out fucking white-out..how IN THE FUCK did she invent that shit.... Yeah he was another Monkee member that sucked. Up for grabs is the worse band back then. The Partridge Family or the Monkees. It is a tie, they both sucked.the only good thing about the partridge family was dreaming about banging the shit out of shirly jones on the fucking drums while keith aka davis cassidy sang "i think i love you"but thats for another time, I don't know about you but God must have a shortage of singers in his choir. Scientists discovered a 5300 year old ice mummy and I swear it looks like Billy Crystal. DNA testing to follow. Talk about DNA, Snooki, yes the biggest douche bag from the Jersey Shore is pregnant and they are trying to figure who the fathers are. I guess there is somebody out there stupid enough to stick their dick into this mess without a condom. Another demon seed child will enter this world without a chance. That brings us to Lindsay Lohan, They should take before and after pictures of this train wreck and I guarantee worldwide drug use will drop by 1/2. If she is trying to look like Victoria Gotti stop already. Can't wait to see what John Travolta looks like for his role. Do I have to mention the movies name? Now talk about people who can't act, Kelsey Grammar finally settled his custody battle, he signs all future earnings to his ex-wife and she gets the kids. Yup sounds about right. This is shocking news 50 Cent, better known to his friends as Half Dollar had to walk to the NBA all star weekend party because police blocked the street. Is that any way to treat a man of his magnitude? nigga pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee...it is kinda funny when these so called celebs actually get treated like the rest of us...ya gotta love that shit, If that was Chris Brown he would have smacked that cop right in the mouth. Did you hear that Bruno Mars dates woman, yup that came as news to me. Did I tell you that George Clooney didn't win an Oscar. Do you know why? HE SUCKS TOO..and thats a rap...........