WHATS UP WITH THAT?????

Whats up with Miley Cyrus? First off your not that fucking good looking and second your not that fucking talented. The only people buying your music are 13 year old boys jerking off on the CD cover or a poster they got at Disney. Listen when you can't sing or dance and have a hair style that looks like Porky Pigs then I guess you resort to sexual overtones to sell what your pushing. But what else could someone expect from the demon seed of Billy Ray Cyrus..... Whats up with Alec Baldwin and his jersey mob wife looking Hilaria. While we are on the subject what kind of name is Hilaria, is there a cure for that, just asking. Alec,first of all whats with the tube socks and black sneakers are you fucking kidding me who dresses you helen keller???anyway he was out again beating on photograghers. Alec,do us all a favor and stick to the Capital One commercials or just get the fuck out. Listen if you want to beatup somebody start with your wife..... Whats up with Lamar Odom? He is held up in a hotel room trying to kick his crack addition. His friends thought when he said he was addicted to crack he was taking about his wife big ass. Hey Lamar, pass me the steel wool for my pipe. Listen if I married into the Kardashian family I would probably start using heroin...... Whats up with Bashar Assad of Syria. Doesn't he know we are cranking up the Enola Gay, however this will be the Enola Gay on roids. We are about to turn Syria into a parking lot for Turkey. No stupid not the turkey you eat at Thanksgiving. BOMBS AWAY. I haven't seen a mushroom cloud in quite some time.... Hey President Stupid, Syria crossed that red line you established. So stop banging that buck tooth looking wife of yours and flip the switch..... Whats up with Gentlemen Clubs? Two men were wounded when gun fire erupted inside Goldfinger's Infinity Club. Maybe the shooter doesn't know the meaning of GENTLEMEN..... Whats up with the Crips? A riot broke out at Rikers Island because the Crips denied their rival gang the Trinitarios the use of a hot plate for grilled cheese sandwiches. REALLY. I have an idea, why not let these guys sit in an electric chair holding a cheese sandwich. This will solve two problems, 1st, their sandwich will definitely get grilled and 2nd, there will be no more fighting over the hot plate.

UPSCALE????????????????

What exactly is a upscale Gentlemens Club??? Are the girls tits bigger and better than at a regular strip club??? Maybe at an upscale club they actually wash the drink glasses and don't put bullshit charges on your credit card??? Instead of parking your own car do they actually valet park your car at the Gentelmens Club and steal the loose change from the center console???? Who the fuck is kidding who, if your going to a place were the girls shove their tits and ass in your face and do lap dances for 20 bucks and ride a chrome pole well then how fucking upscale can it be. I personally would rather slam my dick in the car door before getting ripped off and then walking out with a set of blue balls the size of montana... . The N.Y. Mets signed Daisuke Matsuzaka 7 years after they originally wanted him, BRILLIANT. So know we have a broken jap in the line up. I thought baseball was an AMERICAN sport. Geno Smith will start for the N.J Jets Saturday. Hopefully this wanna be football player doesn't suck all the air out of the stadium.... The lawyer for Aaron Hernandez says his client is innocent Huh, Duh, What, he said that Aaron told him to say that or he would kill him. FUGHGETABOUTIT

TODAYS NEWS

Guess what you liberal Honda driving douche bags, the Ford Focus is the number one selling car in the world. Thats right, it isn't that japanese shit box your driving. I bet your shocked thats its an AMERICAN car. Here's another fact for you stupid bastards that buy Toyota Tacomas, the Ford F-150 is the number 1 selling truck, PERIOD. And you went into a Toyota dealership and bought that piece of shit. Why thats worse than driving a Honda Ridgeline. Instead of hugging a tree why don't you lefty douches drive your jap shit boxes into one..... The News endorses Christine Quinn in the Democratic Primary. Well I guess if your choices are a Chi-com, a sexual deviant, and 3 dopes then I guess the lesbian would be my choice. Jesus Christ, you have to be kidding me what a fucking freak show. The City Planning Commission approved a plan to build a mega mall near Citifield as part of the redevelopment of Willets Points. a fucking Mega Mall? what a great idea, Sammy the Bull can't wait to get those cements trucks rolling again. I got a better idea, take Ebbets field oops I mean Citifield and demolish it along with the junk yards that surround it and turn the area into a duplicate of Hong Kong. I can see it now, rickshaw rides along Flushing Marina, Sampans on the water and more fucking chinese restauarants than any jew could imagine. It won't take much the area is already over run with Chi-coms anyway. Here is some great news, JP Morgan Chase is being investigated . I can't wait to see what inside trading scumbag is taken out of the Corporate Headquarters with handcuffs behind their backs and rain coats over their heads...... Has anybody seen David Cassidy of Partridge Family fame. Holy shit, what a train wreck. He was arrested for drunk driving but he looks like he was beaten with the bottle. David what happened did Danny Bonaduce rape you, just asking.

LIAR LIAR

Lindsey Lohan claims in an interview with Oprah who buys 30,000 dollar handbags that she used cocaine on 10 to 15 times. Huh, Duh, What? Now was that 10-15 times a fuckin day or just 10-15 times. Who the fuck is she kidding, this broad is still in total fucking denial. Lindsey do us all a favor go into your closet and look for something to hang up., hopefully it will be you.... Yankee GM and sexual deviant Brian ( I bang wierd chicks ) Cashman is calling A-Rod a liar. Coming from this piece of shit thats a compliment. A-Rod has hired top notch lawyer Joe Tacopina, when this guy gets through with the Yankees and MLB it will be strike three for both..... Hey Jet fans how did the game against the Jaguars make you feel. Another long season for us and guess what, the Super Bowl is at MetLifeless Stadium, Guess who won't be in the Super Bowl, thats correct. Sanchez, just get the fuck out and take that Jose Reyes looking Geno Smith with you. Not to worry its only a pre season game. When the regular season starts it will only get worse.... Say it ain't so. The fucking muslims are planning a million man muslim march on guess what day, thats right you fucking genius on 9-11. One million terrorists marching in Washington on 9-11. Do we have enough drones to take these mother fuckers out. Is it me or has the world spun off its axis. These allah fucking duece bags should march off a fucking cliff. I got 3,000 reasons why it better not happen. You don't know what the 3,000 reasons are? I can't believe your that stupid. NEVER FORGET.

TODAYS NEWS

Shamu is dead in the water. Stock in Sea World are set to tumble or in Sea World terminology are set to tank. These geniuses are blaming their performance on poor attendance. Yeah okay, something smells pretty fishy here..... What can brown do for you? How about not crash land their cargo planes. If you are expecting a package to be delivered in Birmingham, AL. today, well I don't think thats gonna happen. The plane crashed in a field near the airport, now there is the problem, I don't think it was supposed to land in a fucking field. If you suspect your shipment was lost or damaged in the crash you can file a claim with UPS that they will never pay anyway..... Bachelor star Gia Alllemand said she was going to hang something in the closet, her NBA boyfriend Ryan Anderson didn't know she meant herself holy hanna what went wrong there?????. The government can't even print money right. a pile of 100.00 dollar bills worth 30 mil had to be destroyed because of a printing error.who is running the presses over their helen keller??? Guess who picks up the tab for that??....... Another liberal activist pant load judge struck down " Stop and Frisk" in New York. Be prepared to go back to the 70 and 80's filled with murder & mayhem, personally I can't wait. Talk about murder & mayhem, 500 Egyptians has been killed in civil unrest. Well the number isn't high enough but it is a start....... Jesse Sticky Fingers Jackson Jr. got a 2 1/2 year sentence for spending 750,000.00 in campaign cash. Hey Jesse, Bubba likes to get kissed and it ain't on the lips. I guess his father the Rev didn't teach him the proper way to steal..... It is rumored Derek Jeter put a ring on gal pal Hannah Davis. She's 23, he is a broken down 39 year old baseball player. Hey Derek, with all the hot babes you went out with you picked her. I guess not only your legs are shot but your eyes are starting to go..... Cisco Systems is pink slipping 4,000 employees, thats 4,000 more yuppie douche bags looking for work. Mob Fund mogul, oops I mean Hedge Fund mogul, John Paulson bought Steinway Musical Instruments for 512 million.Sergei Rachmaninoff just turned over in his grave. ENUF SAID

POOR OPRAH

Oprah was in Switzerland trying to buy a 38,000.00 Tom Ford handbag. Really? 38,000 for a fucking handbag. Well anyway the clerk said " Fick dich " For those of you not fluent it means Get Lost, we don't sell 38,000 dollar handbags to schvartza's. I guess the clerk didn't notice she was speaking to Oprah because nobody watches Oprah in Switzerland, and the store "Trois Pommes" doesn't get any black customers unless they are getting robbed lmaooooo just kidding.. Hey Oprah how about spending your money in America and second who goes to Switzerland to buy a handbag. Hey Oprah I got a bag for you, its a body bag. Just get the fuck out...... Whitey Bulger was found guilty of 11 of 19 murder charges. How stupid are these jurors, listen you found him guilty of 11 why not just pin the other 8 on him as well. Lets face it, it won't change his sentence, besides he's fucking 83 years old , i don't think 20 years is in future. What did the juror foreman say " Pick a number any number" and they rolled an eleven. How about this one, John Petrocelli who owns Petrocelli Construction took his wife out on the yacht and you guessed it, WOMAN OVERBOARD. Police are calling it a tragic accident. Well I guess its better than being emtombed in a concrete foundation. Anybody wanna go fishing. Seems like a lot of people happen to slip off their boats UM, UM..... Holding onto your shares of blackberry are only going to make you poorer, they are down 40% to 10.78. If you bought in at 150.00 back in 2008 get out on the ledge and take the swan dive. SAYANORA

JUST IN TIME

A new product just hit the market and its called Recti/care. Just in time, because after I got fucked by the makers of Omega K my ass is still sore. Recti/care ? What asshole came up with that name. I guess they want to put pressure on the company that makes PreparationH. They couldn't come up with a better name than that. How emabarassing going to the checkout counter with your Recti/care, everybody in the store knows you are going to rub some ass cream on you guessed it, YOUR ASSHOLE. Listen if you didn't sit on the bowl for an hour trying to crap out something that resembles the size of a baseball bat then you wouldn't have hemorrhoids. Here are some names that they decided not to use. Hole in One, Spincter Relief, Orifice Itch or how about Rhoid Rage Relief. Now we move onto a commercial that deals with men who leak, no not for men who are taking a leak. Tony Siragusa is pushing pads for men who leak. WHAT, HUH, are you kidding me. Listen if your pissing your pants its time for the nursing home so you can sit next to the guy who is crapping in his pants and talking to the fire hydrant. WOW. Now your at the checkout counter with your Depends for Men and Recti/care trying to explain to the cashier they are not for you but your buying them for a friend. Listen, just go home put the car in the garage close the door and take the pipe. ENUF SAID

OMEGA K MY ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Omega K is a fish oil supplement alledged to reduce the chance of a heart attack. Yeah sure, if the heart attack doesn't kill you then taking this crap will. 1 in 3 people die from Heart Disease. DUH, So, less people on Obamacare. If your heart is that fucked up, a transplant won't even help you. So just grab a cigarette after you finish eating your Big Mac that you just washed down with a super sized chocolate shake and just get the fuck out. This shit product boasts no fishy after taste, EVER. Well guess again, I took one and after 15 minutes thought I swallowed a fucking tuna. I called the manufacturer and they told me this does happen to some people. What happened to it will never leave a fishy taste I asked. They told me to stick it in the freezer and this should solve the problem, HUH, WHAT, DUH. If this shit is suppose to be frozen then why isn't sold that way? So I told them where to stick it and stuck mine in the garbage. Now I am left feeling like I got fucked, and for the 135 bucks I wasted on this shit I could have gotten fucked. Did you know the Yankees have a white guy on the team, yeah Im not kidding his name is Brett Gardner. He must be one lonely guy in the locker room, on second thought with a name like Brett I don't think so. ( Do I have to explain ) There will be Angels at Yankee Stadium tonight, no stupid not those angels. Maybe Mo Rivera can blow another save. Fuck you Mo, go sell another Acura.

PIZZA WARS

San Diego was ranked #1 for pizza, FUGHGETABOUIT. Who the fuck took that survey. Vegas got 2nd, Boston 3rd and New York 4th. New York got 4th place, whoever took that survey better go into the Federal Witness Protection Program. The only thing San Diego ranks #1 at is, Um, lets see, duh, I can't fucking think of anything...... Snooki is trying to find out who the father of her baby is so she went to a DNA testing facility. They narrowed the possibilities down to 30 men..... I guess President Stupid now realizes that Al Qaeda isn't on the run so three U S Drone strikes took out 34 members of the terror group. Hey President Stupid, the #2 man responsible for the 9/11 mass murder is still on the loose. DUH..... Two winning Powerball tickets were sold in New Jersey, now those people can finally afford to move out of the Garbage State oops I mean Garden State. Do me a favor take that blimp for a governor with you..... Swimming lessons will be held at the Usher estate today. Don't forget your floaties and please don't wear underwear under your swimsuit. The pool isn't a fucking washing machine. Shares in Tesla surged 18% to a record high. Hey has anybody even seen one these AAA batteries on the road. I HAVEN'T. Be careful this companies name ends in vowel. Somebody gonna get fucked and it ain't me. I thought Nicholai Tesla was dead. Jobless claims were up but best since 07. What, Uh, what, claims are up but they are up less than 07. That was fucking 6 years ago. The media will do anything to put a positive spin out there for President Stupid and Vice President Stupider. Sign me up for Obamacare because I think I'm gonna be sick.

GIANT NEWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Former N.Y. Giant lineman Luke Petitgout was arrested for beating his female impersonator looking wife Jennifer with a purse and shoving her out of a fucking parked car. What else are you suppose to due when the bitch won't leave the radio alone...... More proof that black people can't swim. Usher's 5 year son nearly drowned in the backyard pool in Atlanta. Why would a black man have a swimming pool ? I guess Usher couldn't afford to put up a fence around the pool. ? Come on your fucking Usher..... The Yankees lost their 3rd straight game losing to the last place Chisox. Another fucking team that can't spell SOCKS. They say the comsumption of Cervaza is way up in the Bronx. The Mets are in 3rd place only 17 games out of first. The Manager Terry Collins believes his team can finish first by 2020 if David Wright could ever drive a run in with 2 out and runners on 2nd and 3rd. Terry said he doesn't believe that will happen anytime soon so David should fake an injury and end his season. Oh yeah he already did that. The Mets claim there were 27,198 fans in attendance last night WHAT UH That has to be a typo. There might have been 2719 fans

NEWSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Alex Trebeck screwed a Conn. 8th grader out of finishing first in Jeopardy because the kid mis-spelled Emancipation in final Jeopardy. I watch this hideous show and answers are spelled incorrectly all the time. Whatsa matta Alex did the kid refuse to kick you in the balls?? The question is Alex Trebeck. Answer, What is a dickhead. President Stupid has said on several occasions that he has Al Qaeda on the run. Oh yeah, then why are we closing 20 Embassies in the mid east and issuuing a travel alert. Oh yeah, I know why because Mr. President Al Qaeda isn't on the run, we are.The leader of Al Qaeda said they are fighting to be included in Obamacare. Another good kid was shot and killed by police in the Bronx. This black 14 year old was just running down the street with a fucking 9MM firing at someone he was after. Whats the world coming to when you ain't allowed to do things like that. His aunt called it murder. Murder? this kid is seen on video firing a gun. Maybe the aunt didn't have her dose of crack yet. The previous week this punk shot a 15 year old in the shoulder. I got a question, why was this kid on the street and not in jail. Thank god the cops took another murderer off the streets. Guess what? he won't be shooting anytime to soon. Say hello to Trayvon for me. A skydiving instructor died when his equipment malfuncted. It was his 8,000th jump. Everybody has a number when there time is up, I guess his was 8001. Start taking Pepto-Bismol now, Hillary ( Hair Bag ) Clinton may run for President in 2016. Can it get any worse in this country? Yeah if she ever gets elected.

WHAT UP WITH THAT

What up with Simon Cowell banging his best friends wife and getting her pregnant. I guess his new show will be called the Rated XXX Factor. Could somebody please deport this douche back to England and take the skank with him. What up with American Idol, the ratings are dismal and they are looking for a star to bump up the ratings. How about Lindsay Lohan, how awesome would it be to see her staggering out and slurring her words while her mascari is running down her face, or Nick Cannon he appears on every fucking TV show anyway why not Idol. I got a better idea, what if they got George Zimmerman and he shot the contestants he didn't like. Now thats a ratings bonanza. Are you driving a Toyota Tacoma pick-up, REALLY. Apparently there isn't a Ford dealer near you because why else would you by a japanese shit can. I guess you didn't know that the Ford F-150 is the number selling truck for 36 years straight. DUH And them some of the assholes driving the Tacoma put an American Flag decal on the rear window and are probably in a union job. GOD HELP US. What up with Exxon Mobil, profits plummeted 57% to 6.9 Billion. That's profit. These pant loads were actually making a profit of 13 Billion at one time, what happened did somebody cash in on their golden parachute. What up with Aaaron Hernandez, he believes he will be acquitted of murder. Come to think of it he is being tried in the state of Mass. Can you name somebody who got away with murder in Mass. ? oh yeah Ted Kennedy. FUGHGETABOUTIT