END OF THE YEAR

The man who helped save the 3 kidnapped women in Ohio signed a book deal. I have three questions, Who signed the deal for him? Who is going to write the book for him? can he actually read the book when it is written? Mattel has introduced a plus size Barbie Doll. The bitch has got a double chin. Barbie, Ken ain't gonna fuck with you anymore. Ooops wait a minute rumor has it they will be introducing a pot bellied unshaven Ken doll holding a bottle of Dos Equos in one hand and a bowling bag in the other. MacArthur Airport is set to lose 1.4 million dollars for 2013. Can the politicians please put back what they stole. The new Fast & Furious movie will be released on April 10th , 2015. Does Paul Walker die in this movie, just asking. Beyonce was spotted in a Massachusetts store imitating a white women and handing out 50 dollar gift cards to the peasants that were in the store. JayZ was spotted getting his lips done. Carmelo Anthony sprained his ankle last night against the Magic. Really? a sprained ankle playing basketball. Maybe you should wear high tops for more ankle support you pussy. What is it with black men and their feet. Just Asking.

OLD PEOPLE

Do old people sitting on the couch at night watching T.V. realize they are getting old. The answer is yesss and you know why? commercials for Lyrica, Humira, Warfin, RectiCare and Cialis were holding their interest. I guess eating those mallomars with a glass of milk every night brought on their diabetes so the Lyrica will help ease the tingling they get on the bottom of my feet. The arthritis in the back bothers them everytime they go to stand up so its time for the Humira. they can't afford to retire so everytime they think about that they get Afib you know a symptom not brought on by a heart valve problem so I better order up some Warfrin. Well do I have to explain why they need RectiCare. No stupid thats not why. the seniors have been fucked over so many times I guess this will help ease the pain. This cream alarms me because it also says for other rectal disorders. What other rectal disorders are they talking about. Lets face it because of the diabetes from the mallomars they can't get a boner, hence they need the Cialis. You really don't think they are giving up the mallomars do you. My only hope is when they signed up for Obamacare the application actually was processed. If not they am back on the couch shaking their feet to get the tingling out, rubbing blu/emu on their back, feeling their heart skip a beat, scratching their ass while trying to get a boner. FUGHGETABOUTIT

WELL THERE YA GO

The nation's No.1 maker of the shittiest cars on the rode, General Motors is spending 1.3 Billion they stole from the government to upgrade 5 U.S,. plants. I guess that still leaves them 49 billion they took during the bailout from guess who? THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER. Remember last week the Treasury sold its last shares of GM for a 10 billion dollar loss. Bailouts and Obamacare, the government sure knows what they are doing, what a fucking joke but I digress. GM said it will unveil 14 new or improved models next year. OMG, 14 more hideous looking cars. Compared to Honda, the plastic being used in their cars might create a shortage of polymers. The new female CEO, Mary Barra said pink is the new black for their cars. Listen if your riding around in a GM product its time to do a Paul Walker and go down in flames, hopefully behind the wheel of your Silverado. The Dow was up yesterday 129 points on news that the American public is getting fucked royally. Wall Street always responds to good news who said the mob is a thing of the past. Beyonce's new album sold 617,000 units on itunes, " Drunk in Love" is the most popular track. This is bigger crap than "Put a Rink On It" Does anybody have a Prosche GT Beyonce can go crusing around in. JUST ASKING. Oh yeah make sure Jay Z is a passenger.

REAL CRAP

Beyonce has released her 5th album and it is titled MORE CRAP. It's going to be hard to top "Put a Ring on it". Lets face it she ain't no Etta James. You ever see this train wreck with no make up, WHOA. Susan Sarandon said she was stoned during all the award shows. Gee I just thought she was retarded now I find she was drug induced retarded. She is now 67 years old and looks it. Robinson Cano signed a 240 million dollar contract and gives his baby mama 600 bucks a month in child support that he often pays late. When asked why he replied "WHAT, TOO MUCH???. Hey Cano, your a douche bag. Could somebody please tell Miley Cyrus to keep her clothes on, she looks like a boy with tits. The physco that was doing the sign language ( not really ) at the Mandela send off will be hired by President Obama to explain Obamacare, Good FUCKIN Luck. The drama series " Breaking Bad" was nominated for a Golden Globe Award. Isn't that terrific, a show that glorifies the selling of meth. Who said there aren't any good shows on T.V. FUGHGETABOUTIT

I'M BACK BABY

Gisele Bundchen was photograghed breast feeding while getting her hair and nails done. I was shocked to find it wasn't Tom Brady she was breast feeding. The Antartica recorded it's lowest temperature ever at 135.3 below zero. So all you global warming tree huggers can go FUCK YOURSELVES. A woman was named CEO of General Motors, her first executive decision was to place tampon holders and better sun visor mirrors in all new GM cars. The government sold their final stake in GM for a lose of 10.5 BILLION dollars. Somebody should tell the government you buy low and sell high, stupid bastards. 95,000 people packed into to the Rugby Stadium in So. Africa for what they thought was a game taking place only to find a dead guy was being eulogized, riots did not break out and tear gas and rubber bullets were put back into storage for another day. President Obama did give a hearty handshake to President Raul Castro the communist leader of Cuba. Didn't anybody tell Obama Cuba is the enemy?. Instead of fucking us with Obamacare he should be fucking Cuba every chance he gets. What up with that. Curtis Granderson was introduced on his first day as a Met, fans are shocked he can speak english. No Mas

BAD CLUTCH????

The former owner of the 2005 Porsche Carrera GT in which Paul Walker died said the car had a "tricky" clutch with a tendency to stall. Well I don''t think stalling was problem here, DO YOU. If the car stalled it wouldn't have been doing 120 mph into a tree. Porsche said they contacted Toyota and will purchase the same anchors they install on their cars. Porsche stopped selling this car in the U.S. because it couldnt meet safety standards. I guess that was the first warning. Besides not buying a Honda because you can get cancer from all the plastic in their cars here is another reason not to buy these jap shit cans, Michael Boulton. Who thought it was a good idea to put him in your commercials screeching out Christmas songs while standing on top of those hideous looking cars. Services will be held for Nelson Mandela today at FNB Rugby Stadium in Soweto. Four U S Presidents will be in attendance. South Africas own Barack Obama, President Bush, no not father Bush and the worse President ever Jimmy Carter and our first black President Bill Clinton. Somebody tell Jimmy he won't be getting a send off like this one. We believe Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett will be the half-time entertainment. Eleanor Parker a three time Oscar nominee who played the scheming baroness in " The Sound of Music" has died at age 91. I guess the hills are not alive with the Sound of Music.

TGIFFFFFFFFFFF

A teen was arrested for stealing parts from the crash site of Paul Walkers accident. Listen I don't think Paul Walker has any use for them do you?? It appears the Stock Market is up on news that 200,000 worthless part time jobs were created. This means 200,000 people are now making 7.25 an hour for less than 32 hours. After they sign up for Obamacare their take home pay will be a negative 480.00. Yup it appears the economy is headed in the right direction. Workers at McDonalds are demanding 15 bucks per hour. Wow, 15.00 bucks to say would you like fries with that or Te gustaria papas fritas con eso. Former CEO of Tyco Dennis Kozlowski will be released from prison after serving 8 years for stealing 134 million. When asked what he will do he said " Spend the 134 million I stole" Let's break it down, thats 16.75 mil for every year served. Some asshole paid 197 G's for the handwriiten lyric sheet to Springsteens " Born to Run" I guess that old saying is true " One man's garbage is another man's gold". Springsteen SUCKS. Playboy is heading into its 60th year, I only buy it to read the articles. With all the porn on the internet who the fuck buys Playboy. Robinson Cano wants to extort 300 million for a 10 year contract from the Yankees. Isn't extortion illegal? Cano's dad said it appears the Yankees don't want Robbie. The Yankees said he will be 65 when his contract ends or 90 in latin years. Robbie go play in Seattle it has a very high suicide rate. Enuf said.

OOO BOYYYY

The coroners office in Los Angeles released Paul Walkers cause of death, FLAMES. Enough said. Mariano Rivera gave Derek Jeter a life size blow up doll for xmas saying "he can finally have a wife". The only problem is the doll is female. Now somebody tell Mariano to get the fuck out because nobody cares about him anymore. Celebrity Chef Nigella Lawson said she took cocaine 7 times. I guess her receipes required it, lets see 2 teaspoons of salt, a dash of sage and an eight ball you are good to go. Sinatra's Upper East Side penthouse is up for sale and all it takes is 5.6 mil. and a can of renuzit to get rid of the smell left from Marilyn Monroe. While we are on the subject of Sinatra did anyone watch Mob City last night. Wow, I wasted 6.99 on a bottle of Drakkar to try and set the mood and was gravely disappointed. I don't know what was worse the acting or the script or both. Thank god South Park was on. A Norman Rockwell painting " Saying Grace sold at auction for 46 million. I have Norman Rockwell plates and they are worth 1.99, what up with that. December 25th is the birthday of Jesus Christ. Do we sing Happy Birthday or Blue Christmas by Elvis, just shoot me now.

TIS THE SEASON???????????????

Tis the Season? The season for what? Listen you cannot turn on the radio without hearing Christmas tunes, thats right not Carols. Faith Hill singing Christmas songs, she can't carry a tune in a Salvation Army bucket. Then if your ready to stick the barrel in your mouth or go in the garage and take the pipe how about Elvis singing Blue Blue Christmas. When your ready to take your final breath make sure the radio is playing Bob Carlisles Christmas Shoes. This lovely song has mom dying on Christmas Eve and the her kid is in the store trying to buy her a pair shoes for Christmas. For Christ's sake ( No pun intended ) you have got to be fucking kidding me, What happened happened to Sleigh Bells Ringing right about now I will even take Dominick the Donkey. Do you know why the suicide rate increases around this time of year? because the democrats are in control of the Senate. And you thought it had something to do with the holidays, fooled ya. Listen Xmas is suppose to be a joyous occasion, Christ was born. If you want to play depressing songs then how about on the day he died. Whatever happened to Happy Birthday To You. A great new series starts tonight on TNT at 9:00, Mob City. The series is based on the 40's mobsters in Los Angeles. Ah the good old 40's when mobsters were mobsters, Bugsy Sigel, Mickey Cohen, Frank Sinatra well maybe not. Make sure you tune in tonight. Leave the keys in the CTS and put on a splash of Drakkar your in for a treat. FUGHGETABOUTIT.

WELL HERE YA GOOOOOOOOOO

I just got my Kardashian Christmas Card. Hey wait a minute is this a Christmas Card or a picture from the Paul Walker car crash. I did spot a burn victim in the picture I believe it is Bruce Jenner, but he wasn't in that car was he. I guess Kanye isn't part of the Kardashian familly because I don't see any black guys in the photo and the kid born out of wedlock North West. What kind of name is North for a kid and worse yet North West. If I was this kid I would overdose on Tramadol as soon as I could get my hands on some scrip. When asked why the black side of the family wasn't in the card Khloe replied " they celebrate kwanza". Odom was too busy trying to score, no not in basketball and said he would never have dicked Khloe if he wasn't high as a fucking kite. Kanye was on tha radio ranting about rich white men. I guess rich black men are okay. Did you hear speed was a factor in the fatal car crash involving Paul Walker. That LAPD sure do have some fucking geniuses on the force. I wonder how they figured that out. LETS GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE

WHAT CAN I SAY

What can you say about the Jets. Lets start with they SUCK. We have a quarterback that can't throw the fucking ball to his own team and another that should'nt be allowed in the same room with his father. We have an offensive coordinator that makes Tony Sparano looks like a fucking genius. Rex had the same game plan as usual, NOT TO HAVE ONE. Its time for Rex and his crew to just get the FUCK OUT. What can you say about Paul Walker. He wont be starring in the new Fast & Furious movie called Crispy and Welldone. Maybe Vin Diesel should have been driving instead of Walkers friend. Listen if your riding in a Porche shouldnt you have a fire extinguisher as standard equipment. What can you say about David Beckham who was made to jerk off to a picture of a male soccer player as part of a school hazing. When did he think this wasn't a good idea? Was it after the money shot? Does it make you gay when you jerk off in front of other males? YES

DA JETSSSSSSSSSSSS

Can somebody tell Geno Smith that he is suppose to throw the ball to the guys wearing green uniforms. Did the Jets actually think they could win with a ground game, what a fucking mess. When Geno was asked why he had a bad day he simply replied " I SUCK". Maybe the Jets should play at night, Do you know why? Because most black people are still sleeping at 1:00pm in the afternoon. Here is a message for Ed Reed GO BACK TO BALTIMORE. Listen if you go into this shit hole they call Baltimore and can't beat a quarterback that looks like he has down syndrome then just pack it in, oops you already packed it in. The Raven fans were holding up signs with the number 3. I was assuming that was their IQ. Listen if you live in Maryland you cant be too fucking bright. The jets are not going to the playoffs or any Super Bowl with a black guy that has an italian first name. It's time to bring in the albino quarterback, Matt Simms...... What can you say about the Giants. 81,000 fans attended the Giant game at MetLifeless Stadium. 80,000 were there to watch the Cowboys. The other 1,000 were Giant fans drunk in the parking lot tailgating from there 1989 Honda Civics. While we are on the subject of Honda's, they were ranked #1 by Kelly Blue Book for resale value. Kelly Blue Book said " Who doesn't like a car with lots of plastic and vinyl" . The N Y Nets are off to a horrible start. JasoN Kidd told his wife the beatings will continue until the Nets win. She is in for a long season. Who thought this punk was going to be a good coach. The Knicks play in Portland tonight. If they can keep Amare and Carmelo out of the strip clubs they might have a chance to win.

CELEBRITY NEWS

Does Hannibal Lecter cut Alex Baldwin's hair? This guy looks like he should star in a remake of Physco, because he is a physco. Did he get hold of moms cancer meds and why doesn't somebody just smack the shit out of this asshole. He called a photgrapher a cocksucking faggot. Isn't that like an oxymoron, because if your sucking cock then you are a faggot, just asking. His daughter "the thoughtless little pig"and thats a quote from him to her on a voicemail that i am sure everyone heard a few years back has come to her dads defense. She said he is not a racist or a homophobe,she did say he a certified nut case..... It has been 50 years since JFK was wacked oops I mean assassinated. Can somebody finally tell us who assassinated this fucking guy, I am dying to find out. Dying might be a bad choice of word..... Rumors are flying that Faith Hill and Tim McGraw are filing for divorce. Faith Hill said she can no longer take his big hats and little penis. Tim said he went tone death listening to Faith trying to sing. Can't wait to hear the words of their next country duet. I believe Geno Smith is color blind and while we on the subject what kind of name is Geno for a black guy. Geno throw the fucking ball to somebody on your team, Buffalo might be in New York but they are wearing BLUE uniforms you stupid ass. A fan fell from the third tier of the Buffalo - Jet game, I was praying it was fireman Ed. Kanye West is going to make an honest woman of Kim Kardashian. Can you imagine the guest list on the West side of the family. This will be a bigger wedding then the Corleones except no italians will be at this wedding. FUGHGETABOUTIT.

OOO BOYYYYYYYY

Two nuts faced off in court yesterday, the son of a cancer survivor Alec Baldwin and a Kings Park physco ward patient Genevieve Sabourin a Canadian actress. She claims Alec banged her with his 2 inch penis while banging his daughter Hilaria, oops I mean his wife who is close to his daughters age. What kind of name if Hilaria it rhymes with Milaria. Sabourin is charged with aggravated harassment, stalking and attempted criminal contempt. Too bad there isn't an attempted murder rap attached to the indictment. They should both be locked up, but I'm not sure being a douche bag is a crime. I just got the Ben-Gay account and was told all the shipments are hot. The Mets are trying to add a little juice to their line-up. Ooops I mean juiced up players Jhonny ( spelled correctly ) Peralta and Nelson Cruz. Maybe we can get Keith Hernandez suited up and start doing lines in the club house. Maybe the Mets can sign Robinson Cano after he files for unemployment

WHATSA MATTA

John Gotti Jr.'s velour sweat suit was damaged yesterday following an altercation outside a CVS while purchasing a bottle of drakkar in Syosset, N.Y. The sweat suit sustained knife holes and blood stains in the stomach area. Gotti was rushed to Syosset Hospital with a stab wound and his sweat suit was rushed to his tailor in Howard Beach for repairs. He claims he was trying to break up a fight outside the CVS when he was stabbed. Yeah, I bet. He refused to talk with police. If you happen to hear that somebody was found with a bullet in his head in the Syosset area then you will know who the stabber was. Gotti's Cadillac CTS was not harmed in the incident, however a bottle of Drakkar was found shattered on the ground in the parking lot. His neighbors said they can't believe it, he is such a good neighbor. FUGHGETABOUTIT. Do you know how much a Marmot Mammoth jacket cost. Well if your a 16 year old gang banger its free for you if you don't mind the bullet hole you just put in it. Then this stupid bastard then posts on Facebook what he just did. It appears brains at not a requirement to become a member of the Bloods. The biggest disaster to ever hit the Philippines, no stupid not the japanese invasion during WWII but Typhoon Haiyan. The people said that can't get medical attention because the Obamacare web site is down. Some Philippinos said they didn't get a notice in the mail their insurance was canceled because there homes are gone. NEED I SAY MORE. The N Y Mets tried to trade Ike Davis to MIlwaukee, Ike said Oy Vey there are only 30,000 jews in Milwaukee and the beer sucks. Robinson Cano may have to file for unemployment because MLB teams have no interest in paying him 300mil. I believe he would max out at 475.00 a week on unemployment Que Pasa

NEWS WORTHY

Toyota said their profits were up 70%. They credit this to the lower price to purchase plastic. ( you figure it out ). The biggest drug dealer CVS said revenue rose 6% to 32 billion with a "B". Ever wonder why they can't find a cure for cancer, well stupid theres your answer. A black man was elected mayor of New York. No stupid it isn't David Dinkins his name is Bill DeBlasio. Hey wait a minute he isn't black but his family is. Well just like the Jeffersons ( no not Thomas ) they are moving on up. A heavyweight was elected Governor of New Jersey, no stupid not Mike Tyson, I mean a real heavyweight, Chris Christie. He beat his vowel ending challenger Barabra Buono. When she was asked what she will do now she replied, make an appearance on Mob Wives. Hey Barbara, get the fuck out. Why does it always seem to be a problem with voting machines in mimority neighborhoods. How fucking hard is it to press a lever that says DEMOCRAT, REPUBLICAN, CONSERVATIVE, INDEPENDENT. Oh yeah I know you have to know how to read. An 86 year old woman who ran the marathon Sunday died in her hotel room after the race with her running shoes still on. Oh well I guess she completed the marathon of life. Hey at 86 aren't you suppose to be drooling on yourself and crappping your pants. Who could possible be worse than President Obama, how about a President Hillary Clinton. Not only would she be the first woman President elected but also the first lesbian. James Dolan said if the Knicks continue to lose he will close the Knicks locker room and make the players get dressed in Penn Station, he will also turn off the lights at the Garden and make the Knicks play in the dark. The Knick City Dancers have filed for unemployement. How does a prick like Dolan get to own a major sports franchise, oh yeah I know his father the prick that owns Cablevison. Can somebody at Cablevison please fix my fucking wi-fi connection

REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????

President Stupid said " If you like your healthcare plan you can keep your healthcare plan" President Stupid said this at least a dozen times.As it turns out the word "IF" actually meant I FUCKING LIED. You can keep your plan IF your plan was in effect before the new law MAYBE. You can keep your plan if your a member of Congress. IF you are Joe Citizen you ain't fucking keeping your plan or the last dollar you got in your wallet...... Porky Pig look alike James Dolan went on the war path ripping into Carmelo Anthony whose ex wife tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios according to kevin garnett, GM Steve Mills nixed the Knicks City Dancers. I don't know about you but the only reason I go to a Knick games is to watch the Knicks City Dancers. I actually try to guess which one Carmelo didn't bang. Dolan expects the Knicks to win a championship this year. REALLY? You ain't ever winning a championship with Carmelo Anthony on your team.JR Smith returns Sunday from his suspension for having way too many tats. The Knick have already committed 53 turnovers, no stupid not the kind Pillsbury makes..... You know your season is at an end when the Ducks beat you. It was the Ducks 2 the Rangers SUCK. Has anybody seen the Tort. Lets move onto Richie Incognito of the Dolphins. The mis-shapen pant load has been suspended for things like extortion, ethnic slurs, and death threats. Is he a friend of Aaaron Hernadez by any chance???? According to ESPN Incognito was bullied as a youngster being called a fat-ass lard-ass and whale, well if the shoe fits. With a name like Incognito thats what this tub of shit should have been. He will no longer be playing in the NFL so trust me he will be INCOGNITO

HOW SPORTING

Did anybody see the Jet game yesterday. Was that Gov. Chris Christie on the Saints sideline wearing a gray wig or was that Rob Ryan. Hey Rob how about a salad once in awhile. The final score was Jets awesome the Saints suck. Did anybody catch a glimpse of the NYC Marathon, Christ sakes i didn't know you could fit so much ass into a pair of stretch pants. I wonder if those fat asses ever got over the Verrazano Bridge. These are 50,000 of the must unhealthiest looking people on the fucking planet. Some guy won that looked like he was starved himself in Kenya or Nigeria, you know,its one of the worlds garbage dumps. Every NYC Cop was on duty collecting their overtime while standing around with their arms folded. No cops were arrested for drunk driving during the race. Scientists have discovered how King Tut died. He was hit by a fucking Chariot. I wonder if he was hit by a drunk driver, the mystery continues and does anybody give a shit. 4,000 rabbis gathered in Brooklyn for their annual convention, OY Vey. Thats means there were 8,000 unshined shoes and 4,000 stained black coats. Gillette was not handing out razors at this convention

K IS FOR KARDASHIAN

What happens when you are seperated from a burn victim husband? Well if your Kris Kardashian your banging a 30 year old that is half your age. Something is wrong because the guy banging her isn't black. The only Gold Medal this guy has must be in his pants. Kris was overheard saying " I don't date black men because my daughters would try and steal them. 37% of middle class Americans expect to work until they are to sick or until they drop dead,OY VEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. The Obama adminstration is listening in on German Chancellors Angela Merkels phone calls. I guess Obama thought the Germans were trying to take over the world, "AGAIN" or he was trying to figure out why they have such a good economy. What was the Jet game plan for the Bengals? Oh I know, not to have one. Listen if your Geno Smith being replaced by Matt Simms your fucking career is over. Lets face it the Simms boys ain't no Mannings. The Bengals didn't need a quarterback because Smith was throwing them TD passes. It's a big pile of shit and Rex Ryan is the stink emanating from the pile. Jets play the Saints this week weekend the score should be 70 -3 no stupid the 70 ain't the Jets. Do you know what the Jaguars and the Jets have in common? The both start with a " J" and they both suck.

WHO???????

Who are you when 63% of the American people hate you. You are Speaker of the House, John Boehner. This surprised his family that said 100% of them hate him. Bud Adams longtime owner of the Tennessee Titans died at 90. I guess he reached the 4th quarter of life. His last words were " the Titans really suck".... What quarterback spent most of his Sunday getting sacked and still beat the Ravens 19-16. Your rapist oops I mean quarterback by the name of Roethlisberger..... What happens when a loud mouth blond Patriot fan starts arguing with a Jet fan wearing a Chebert Jersey, she gets punched in the fucking face.i can't believe it, but it did happen yesterday... So what do you say to a woman with two black eyes? nothing because you already told her twice. Hey Bob Kraft,blow it out of your ass and take that fucking tie off your at a football game,oooo it was so sweet to be a jet fan yesterday. Is Tom Bradys mom still cutting his hair?did he get his haircut sitting on a horsey or a little airplane?? Who is his fucking barber,Helen Keller???. Can you imagine paying New York type money for tickets to The World Series at Fenway. What does the owner do with all that money? He certainly doesn't put any money into the stadium. The Green Monster? What Huh Duh? Its a fucking plywood wall painted green. Whats with the beards? the players look like they should be on Duck Dynasty. Fenway Landfill oops I mean ballpark will be hopping with when the Cardinals come to town Wednesday for the fall classic. Yeah a classic case of who the fuck is gonna watch this shit. Hopefully nothing collapses during the game. Bobby Valentine sends his regards

THE PIANO MAN

The Piano Man, Bill Joel played the Paramount last night. You had to pay 4 G's to stand next Tony his friend Tony and Tony's friend Tony to see Billy Joel who is as big as a grand piano. Drakkar permeated the air and there was enough gold in the room to fill Fort Knox. Residents in Huntington were overheard saying " I didn't know General Motors builts so many black Cadillac CTS's. The goomatta's were 30 years older and looked every bit of it. I didn't think hair could be teased that high. How electrifying to see an old fat man sing those great 80's oldies, Captain Jack, Only the Good Die Young and the audience went wild when he sang Scenes From An Italian Restaurant. ( I wonder why ) To bad Michael Jackson isn't alive to buy Joel's songbook so he could burn it alongside the Beatle songbook. Really you wasted 4 grand of your drug proceeds to see this pant load. Hopefully someone drove Joel to the concert. ( get it ). Is there anything worse than a Billy Joel concert? Yeah, Kenny Rogers at Westbury but thats about it. The only difference Kenny Roger tickets go for for 1.50. Fughgetaboutit

OOOO BOYYYYYY

The very talented Paul McCartney, yes thee Sir Paul of Beatles fame has a new CD no not a new cross dressing outfit a new music CD stupid. The name is "Memory Almost Full" yeah full of shit. This CD reflects on his marriage and romance with Nancy Shevell whose father owns New England Motor Freight. I am wondering if there will be any good truck driving songs on this CD. Remember the crap the Beatles sang, Help, I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Yellow Submarine, these songs will go down in the annals of my anus. Real shit. Lets be honest the Beatles couldn't shine Jim Morrisons shoes or wouldn't even be allowed near a Hendrix guitar. Paul why not make like Lennon and get the fuck out and take Ringo with you. The Beatles had one great song, Hey Jude the rest was fucking garbage. Thank god I still have my Beach Boy albums...... No murders have beem committed in New York City for seven days and there is a 26% decrease in murder from last year. That will all change if that left douche Bill DeBlasio gets elected mayor of New York. This guy makes Stalin look like a republican. Hey Bill just get the fuck out and take your afro wearing kid with you. An afro? How 1960 is that....... a 72 year old moron was lost for more than two weeks in a California forest. Whatsa matta you lost your compass. Here is some advice STAY HOME you idiot and if you drive get a car with navigation. And since your from California I am sure it will be a Toyota Prius or some other jap shit can. The Italians had the Columbus Day Parade down 5th Ave yesterday and nobody got whacked. The parade ended with everybody getting a free meatball hero. Andrew Cuomo was overheard saying Ive never seen so many black Cadillac CTS's in my life. FUGHGETABOUTIT

O MYYYYYYY

Joe Girardi listened to his wife and kids and accepted a 4 year 16 million dollar deal to manage the Yankees. Not too shabby since he will probably be fired after the second year. When asked why he went with the Yankees instead of the Cubs he said, Chicago sucks. How great is it when a cop is doing the perp walk and he's the perp. You know the look, head down, face covered, handcuffs hidden. The stupid polock that was involved in the SUV attack posted 150,000.00 and the judge should have beat him with a night stick. Just another punk with a badge in the New York City Police Dept. Toilet bowls are exploding in a Brooklyn co-op . People taking a crap are being blasted by flying porcelain when they flush. Wow that Church's Fried Chicken must pack some walllop. The state is finally going after workers who run up high overtime tabs to pump up their pensions. HUH DUH What. Really, they finally figured it out. Brooklyn real estate is going through the roof. People just love living 6 inches from the BQE and are paying dearly to do so. Listen you can raise the rent in Greenpoint and Williamsburg but you know and I know its still a fucking dump.

WOWWWWWWWWWW

Bruce and Kris Jenner are calling it quits after 22 years of marriage. When Kris was asked why, she said her husband wasn't black enough. Bruce Jenner who is now 63 and looks like he stayed in the pool to fucking long ( know what i mean ) spawned two children with Kardashian, Kendall and Kylie. I believe they got the name Kendall off a bottle of wine and Kylie is the next up and coming prostitiute in the Jenner/Kardashian clan. Hey Bruce, why not hang yourself with one of your gold medals. Mark Sanchez underwent a successful sex change operation, oops Im sorry successful shoulder surgery yesterday. They implanted the shoulder of a male so he can throw the ball more than 5 yards. Hey Jacksonville do u need a quarterback? An NYPD undercover detective was arrested for his hands on role in the chase and beating of an SUV driver this past Sunday. How unusual a cop involved in a beating of an innocent person. Wojchiech Brasczok ( Stupid Polock ) was seen on video pounding the rear window and kicking the SUV. Maybe this stupid mother fucker doesn't understand the meaning of "PROTECT & SERVE" Police are hunting four more douche bags. Besides what the fuck is a Wojchiech. I think in Polish it means asshole. BMW just introduced the new 4 series for their customers that can count past three. ( get it ). Sales at J C Penney fell 10% in August and another 4% in September. Because sales dropped 4% in September a spokesman for Penney said sales should get better the rest of the year. HUH DUH WHAT. Can somebody tell me what is going to make that happen. Whose running this place the saprano crime family. FUGHGETABOUTIT

OOO MYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

What up with Eli Manning, does'nt he know that you have to the throw the ball to YOUR FUCKING TEAM to win the game. Does he look like he's a bit downsy to you lately??? or is it me. What up with Tom Couglin yelling and screaming on the sidelines. Hey Tom take it easy maybe they should put some Bombay Gin in your Gatorade. Coughlin is now blaming Eli for the teams demise. Tom, better start sending out your resume because your toast and Eli will still be the QB. How much does Michael Vick owe the bookies? A leg cramp REALLY ever hear of Ben-Gay no not that Ben Gay. Well guess what, Foles led the Eagles to victory so I guess you still have a problem. How does Vick get to keep his job. What a dog oops let me repharse that, HE SUCKS BALLS. Hey Giant fans don't feel so bad, The Jaguars are 0 and 5 so join the club. It was the Peyton Bowl once again this time against Dallas. Peyton has thrown a record 19 TDS in 5 games. It was all offense but the better quarterback won. Hard to bet the Broncos this week when they are 28 point favorites. Boston eliminates Tampa Bay tonight, The Pirates eliminate the Cardinals and Carlos Beltrash this afternoon and I pray to the baseball gods that the Dodgers kick the living shit out of the Braves. Wait a minute, they did that last night. Well you know what I mean. Jets tonight, Hey Geno our team is wearing green. GOT IT

WHAT A SHOCKER

How shocking, fewer new jobs were created than expected in September. How shocking, home loan applications dropped, and with that news so did the market. If you bought gold at 1700 bucks an ounce because some mob controlled financial institution told you gold could reach 3000 bucks an ounce, well guess what ? it closed at 1320.00. Hey Wlliam Devane, GO FUCK YOURSELF. Now these doches are pushing silver. Whats next a shortage of tin. How shocking, all of a sudden because of the government shutdown veterans in larger numbers want to get into the WWII Memorial. Listen you guys waited 60 fucking years for memorial whats another day or two. How shocking, the Obama adminstration led by President Stupid wants to sign up 7 million people for insurance under the Affordable Care Act the first year. Not bad that still would leave 23 million uninsured. What a fucking joke, the minimum cost for their best shit package is 300 bucks with deductibles around 5 GRAND. HUH DUH WHAT. AFFORDABLE???? The illegal immigrants get their health care for free, what up with that. How shocking, Tom Clancy had 17 No. 1 best selling novels sold more than 100 million books , had four No. 1 debuting movies and was worth 300 million bucks but couldn't make it to age 67. What up with that. Now tell us what the brief illness was, pills, booze, both or AIDS. Maybe he actually read one of his books and took an overdose. If you can't fall asleep then I recommend you watch the Jets at Falcons Sunday night at 8:40. You should be out like a light real quick unless you killed yourself after the Giants lost to the Eagles. The Cincy Reds got wiped by the Pirates. Hey Dusty, shove that tootpick up your ass. I was never a Dodger fan but I am now. Looking for a sweep of the Braves and hopefully the so called Brave fans will burn down Atlanta. Would be nice to see because I only read about the first burning in history books.

NOT SO GIANT

What up with Antrel Rolle ? this guy took too many shots to the head ( no not the Aaaron Hernandez kind of shot ). This dillusional nit wit says the Giants will win their next 12 starts. Huh, Duh, What??? You fucking guys can't win one in a row and this week you play the Eagles,oy veyyyyy don't laugh, at least they have won 1 fucking game this year. Well you are in a division that isn't exactly the creme de le creme of football. The first place team is 2 and 2 with a quarterback that used to bang a Simpson. Tom Coughlin challenged Victor Cruz to a fight after that trouncing they took on Sunday from the Kansas City Cheaps. Wish the cameras where rolling, because I would love to see Coughlin lying flat on his back. Hey Tom, wanna go for a cab ride like your brother did...get it????? Eli Manning the anti Peyton seems to have what they call the Sanchez disease. He can't throw the ball to someone on the same team or just plain can't throw the fucking ball. So now the Giants are looking for Coughlins replacement and may fire him before he becomes unhinged and walks into MetLifeless Stadium with an AR-15. Rex Ryan may be available by this seasons end. So this Sunday tune into Channel 5 at 1:00 P.M. grab a few beers and the Glock 9 and by the end of the first quarter you should will either have killed yourself or shot your T.V. Just do me a favor, take that Giant butt boy Mike Francesca with you. Listen when your in last place there ain't any place to go but 0 and 16

POLITICS... SORRY FOLKS

The government is is shutdown mode.God Bless Congress for doing their job. So here is the deal. National Parks will be closed. That means the liberal douche bags can't go to a National Park and hug a tree and the yuppie scum can't camp out and smoke pot all day while taking pictures of squirrels with their iPhones. All non essential government workers will be told to stay home without pay. How great is that, if your NON ESSENTIAL who the fuck needs you anyway. The elderly, the retired and the free loaders will still get their Social Security and Medicare benefits. The FHA will now approve fewer mortgages for home purchases. Wow, how devastating is that? Tell Congress to inform President Stupid we can't keep spending money we ain't got. We can't keep funding programs for the stupid, the lazy, the teamsters and the free loaders. Oops I didn't mean to insult the Obama voters. So nothing has really changed except there will be less traffic on the Beltway. I am actually proud to say I'm a Republican this morning. I gotta go now because I have a job, I'm not sucking off the teet of the U S Government.

BRADY VS GENO

Its appears the Patriots have a rocket scientist for a General Manager and the Jets have the guy that drives the fucking truck and delivers the fuel to the rocket. One GM has the ability to spot raw talent and the GM for the Jets is at a topless club looking at raw talent. It seems whatever receiver the coach for the patriots marches out onto to field for some strange reason they have this canny ability to actually know how to CATCH THE FUCKING BALL. Is Belichik that smart, because he really doesn't look that smart. On the other hand, the incredible shrinking Rex Ryan who when he was a big fat fuck was a great coach but now since having a tummy tuck looks really stupid and actually is. I'm surprised the Jets didn't try to pick up Aaron Hernandez after he was let go by the Patriots.Rex was overheard saying" Oh yeah, I know he was arrested but do you think we can get him cheap?". Did Geno Smith think he was playing Basketball Ball on Sunday. What up with those moves, there's no dribbling in football you boooob. Hey Geno the only two points in football is a safety you fucking moron and you almost got called for one. Maybe Geno is color blind. Perhaps the blue uniforms looked green to him. I almost thought he was the second string quarterback for the Titans. I think I got it, Geno thought he was throwing to the N.Y. Titans. Does Woody Johnson hang out at the car wash asking the workers if they want to play for the J-E-T-S.because i gottta tell ya Bob Kraft is hanging out at the local 7-11 picking up tightends named Mulligan and Sudfeld who were cleaning coffee pots and are now making plays on the football field...I just dont know how they do it.... A jewish tightend and an irish tightend who by the way has been with more teams then jenna jameson has been gangbanged somehow are making plays.... Is Tom Brady really that good. The answer is yes you stupid ass of course he is. Guess who has Super Bowl Rings, thats right, rings with a S and guess who doesn't. Your right, the head band wearing mexican and his back up Geno ( The Intercepted ) Smith. Like Fireman Ed i'm outta here. Has anybody seen Vinny Testaverde, just asking.....

THINGS THAT WILL KILL YA

A powerful typhoon hit China and 20 people were killed. That fucking typhoon wasnt powerful enough, for Christ sake the Jets were called for 20 penalties. Now 20 is a big number for penalties but it ain't enough for a death toll in china. President Stupid said he has Al Qeada on the run. Well I guess they ran to Kenya where they killed 69 people in a mall fucking insane just makes no sence..... The Giants got creamed by the Panthers and Tom Coughlins brother was not on the side lines this weekend. His brother was heard saying last week that those cab rides can kill ya. Mariano i luv ya and you are the best that ever played your postion but please just get the fuck out and take that juiced up Andy Pettite with you. 19 years as a Yankee and you still can't speakie no good english. Those Acura commercials you do are riviting. Tina Fey won an Emmy last night for her role in Scarface oops I mean 30 Rock. Please stop with the photos of Miley Cyrus half naked or in so called seductive poses, the next time I want to hear about her is the tree she wrapped her car around. Is it against the law to prostitiute yourself, just asking. Listen if your dog is talking to you and your neighbors are sending micro-waves through the floor and ceiling then you have a good chance of getting a government job with top security clearance. You can apply on line at www.whatafuckingmess.com

REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????

REALLY, you have the time to fucking stand or camp out for 14 days to get the new Iphone. Thats right some people waited for two weeks to get this phone. Don't you yuppie douche bags have jobs or do you steal the money from mommy and daddies martini shaker. Wait a bunch of fucking dickheads. This is the same crowd that drives those jap shit cans and hug trees and voted for Obama because it was a cool thing to do.. So now that you lost your jobs and health care because of Obama at least you have the new Iphone so you can wait by the phone for that job offer that will never come, at least you weren't stupid enough to buy a Blackberry. REALLY,..... the creator of Beanie Babies was hit with tax evasion charges and agreed to pay a 53.6 million dollar penalty. This guy had 93.6 million in secret swiss bank accounts. He must be a Republican because they found the money. Does anybody know where Charlie Rangel has his millions stashed? Just asking. J. P. Morgan Chase agreed to pay a 920 Million fine for the " London Whale" trading fiasco. And the CEO Jamie Dimon gets to keep his job. HUH DUH WHAT. No wonder nobody can get a refi from these loadssssss. According to Obama the economy is chugging along, I guess thats why unemployement claims went up by 15,000. It ain't chugging along for them. Well Yankee fans you won't have to sell your gold teeth to buy play off tickets. Do you know why? Because the Yankees won't be in the playoffs. By the way Braves fans you won't be seeing your team in any World Series. Do you know why? Because your team sucks . Take that tomahawk and shove it up your ass. The battle this Sunday will be who sucks more Cam Newton or Eli Manning my money is on Cam, by the why, what is Cam short for????. Rumor has it Coughlins brother will not be at the game.GOOD NIGHT ALICE

WHAT HAPPENED??????????????

What happened to Johhny Bench, yeah the same Johnny Bench from the Big Red Machine. I will tell you, he is doing an arthritic cream commercial and I can't tell you the name because when I saw who it was I was in disbelief. Johnny come back to us you look like somebody beat you with a fucking baseball bat. Someone in South Carolina hit the 400 million dollar Powerball last night. Every number that came out did not exceed their IQ.. The highest number picked was 35 so I am shocked somebody from So. Carolina could count that high. Can't wait to see what trailer park he or she comes stumbling out of with a gravy stained tee and a Pall Mall hanging from their lips. No more Pabst Blue Ribbon for them its on to Miller High Life. Odds are they will file for bankruptcy in 6 months after all how many F-150's , Bibles and AR-15 assault rifles can you buy. Tom Coughlins brother died on the way home from the game sunday. His last remarks were " This team is killing me" He stumbled getting out of a cab hit his head and later died of a brain hemmorage. An Irishman stumbling out of a cab? NO WAY

HEATING UP

Capo Chris Christie of New Jersey will annouce that it wasnt jewish lighting that burned down the boardwalk in Seaside Heights but that somebody left a yogurt machine plugged in. Now that this eyesore is gone let Trump build some fucking condos. Seaside Heights now thats a happening place, I would rather shove ground glass under my nails. By the way Gov. did they have a salad bar on that boardwalk, apparently not. Another wack job took out 12 innocent people yesterday.This maniac was walking around with an AR-15 assault rifle. His name, Aaron Alexis, this is what happens when you give somebody two first names. He was an ex Navy petty officer who was in the reserves from 2007 - 2011. Do you know why he left?? He didn't like getting up early. UM, WHAT, DUH, a black man who doesn't like getting up early. How unusual. Well guess what, this mother fucker won't be getting up anymore. Bill Gates is the wealthiest man in the U.S. Donald Trump is ranked at 134. Hey Donald YOUR FIRED. I guess amongst the rich The Donald is a peasant. Bill Thompson finally conceded in his bid to be mayor of New York. Somebody had to explain to this jackass when you have 26% and your opponent has 41% your the fucking loser. Who was doing the math for this guy Charlie Rangel. The U.N. is headed by a guy named Ban Ki Moon and he says there is convincing evidence that Syria used poison gas. Does the U.N. think anybody believes a guy named Bank Ki Moon. I have more trust in Winnie the Pooh.Here is some good news. Super Bowl tickets at MetLifeless Stadium are going for 2600.00 bucks for upper level seats. I guess they don't want anybody from Newark, N.J. at the game. FUGHGETABOUTIT

WEEKEND NEWS

Jap car maker Suzuki is recalling 193,000 vehicles for faulty seat belts. Who even knew they sold 193,000 cars. I've never seen one have you? As the car starts to fall apart pulling out of the dealership the seat belts fail to hold you in as the doors fall off. Just another japanese shit can. Lets see, you drove past a GM, Chrysler, Ford, Lincoln dealerships and decided on a Suzuki. REALLY. Paula Deen was back on T.V. trying to make a comeback from her racial remarks. She said she hopes the niggars will forgive her.I'M SORRY, I HAD TO SAY IT because you damm well she was thinking it..... Dina Lohan who gave birth to demon seed Lindsey Lohan was arrested on a DWI charge. Have you ever seen a more fucked up family. Yes I have the Kardashians. At least the Lohans don't marry black guys. Peyton Manning once again molested his little brother, but at least this time it was on the football field. Hey Eli, you got bitch slapped. Archie Manning was overheard saying, Eli who. Bill Parcells got his Hall of Fame Ring at Halftime. Now Bill, just get the fuck out and take that ugly sport jacket with you

WHO WHAT ????? REALLY????

Cops are looking for someone who stole 400,000.00 dollars from an unlocked armored car. Not only did he take the cash he took the truck which had the keys left in it. I guess this truck wasn't so armored. Who the fuck leaves an armored truck unlocked and running. The only thing I can think of he took a magnesium supplement and had the shits. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Anthony Weiner got 4.9% of the democratic primary vote. That equates to 31,874 people. I will have to assume these are all Met fans. No stupid not fans of the opera. 2nd place finisher William Thompson said he won't concede to the winner Bill DeBlasio. WHAT, HUH, DUH, you finished second with 26% of th vote to his 40%. I guess you shouldn't be mayor cause your no fucking good at math. The 87th Annual Feast of San Gennaro started today thru the 22nd. It just isn''t the same since they closed the Ravenite Social Club. Hey has anybody seem a guy named Vinny walking around in a bath robe. FUGHGETABOUTIT. Apple shares fell 5% on news the new iphone 5c -2 divided 3 x the square root of 4 cost 550.00 bucks. This was suppose to be a cheaper phone. HUH DUH, WHAT? I guess its time to switch to Samsung.

I WANT MY 17 MINS BACK

I was was robbed and want my 17 minutes back. President Stupid spoke for 17 minutes on the subject of Syria and their use of chemical weapons. It went something like this, Blah Blah Blah innocent children were killed Blah Blah Blah Assad can't be allowed to get away with that and some other incoherent comments as my eyes started to glaze over. Who wrote that speech? My dead dog has more conviction. After that spiel I still didn't want to bomb Syrian and was actually ashamed of being an American. What a fucking pant load. The Alpha Male appears to be a Russian, his name Vladimir Putin. No he isn't a cartoon character in Rocky & Bullwinkle. The primaries are over for NYC Mayor. Guess who didnt win on the democratic side, your right, Anthony ( The Weiner ) Weiner. Christine ( Christopher ) Quinn only got 38% of the gay vote. What up with that. Listen if your a lesbian and can't get a majority of the gay vote its time to go straight. The Democratic winner Bill DeBlasio got 44% of the gay vote, UM ? I found a new wonder supplement. Yes its Magnesium. Throw your bottles of Omega K away because this stuff is the real deal. Magnesium cures everything form gapping gun shot wounds to painful hang nails. There are hundreds of testimonials of people making claims that it has cured sleeping disorders, given them more energy, replaced hair loss, and made their penis larger. The only downfall is it gives you the shits. So if you don't mind sitting on the throne all day this is the supplement for you. ENUF SAID

ULTIMATE FIGHTINGGGGGGG??????

Did anybody see the Ultimate Fight match in Camden Yards last night. Smokin Joe Girardi against Bucky Buck Showalter. It was a classic match, Fuck You no Fuck You, Go fuck yourself no you go fuck yourself. It got so wild the umpires had to step between these two heavyweights. Well really the only heavyweight was Showalter. Now if MLB would just allow the bats to be used in fights the stadiums would be packed to capacity. While we are on the subject of using bats the Democrats vote today for their candidate to run for Mayor of New York. Somebody should beat these candidates with a bat. You got DeBlasio using every family member he can to get the vote out, Thompson the black candidate who doesn't have any white people in his commercials, Christopher Quinn, oops I mean Christine Quinn the loud mouth lesbian, and Weiner the sexual sexting deviant. Weiner has 6% of the vote, REALLY I would like to meet these morons. By the way none of these democrats are going to be Mayor of New York. President Stupid will speak to the American sheeple tonight. It will go like this Blah Blah Blah, kids got killed with chemical weapons, Blah Blah Blah, I gotta drop bombs Blah Blah Blah. Look like i gotta go to Red Box tonight. FUGHGETABOUTIT

HAPPY NEW YEAR?????????????

It is 5774 on the Jewish Calendar. I guess that explains why Moses wandered around a fucking desert for 40 years. Maybe it wasn't really 40 years but about an hour and a half. Lets face it most Jews have bad feet and they ain't walking around for forty fucking years. If it really is 5774 why aren't there flying cars. And if there were flying cars you can bet they would be Mercedes. I also have other proof it is not 5774, why is Syria, Egypt and Palestine on the map. I thought by now they would have been long gone. Don't try and get a reservation at any Chinese Restaurants because they are booked. Why don't you and the Chi-coms get with the program. Listen I can't blame you for trying to get more interest on your money at the bank but over 3000 years more interest. So stop fucking up business and get back to work and yes i am married to a jewish girl so i am allowed to say these things lol lol mazel mazel i wish you all a happy and healthy wonderful year god bless...... Samsung just came out with watch phone, no flying cars and President Stupid is still the President, Oy Vey

ATLANTA?????????????

What is up with Atlanta? When general Sherman burnt Atlanta to the ground it should have stayed that way. Now Atlanta is a city with Banks, Credit Card Companies and Financial Services. Guess who works for these companies? thats right yuppie douche bags. So guess who goes to the Braves games? your right again, yuppie douche bags. The Braves are in 1st Place and there were 100 fans at the stadium and those 100 fans were doing that moronic and hideous Tomahawk Chop. Were there Indians in Atlanta? If so were they called Braves? Were they West Indians, or Indians from India, just asking. How insulting is that Tomahawk Chop. Why don't you rednecks go to the game in black face carrying flaming crosses. Great fan base, can't fill the stadium when your in 1st place, but then again you only won one World Series in about 10 attempts and I so enjoyed watching Bobby Cox pick his nose, Im gonna miss that. My only hope the Braves get eliminated in the first round so you red necks can go home and watch Swamp People. Does anybody have any Molly, you figure it out.

I FOUND MO VAUGHN

I found Mo Vaughn, no he wasn't in Triple AAA, no he wasn't even playing baseball. He is a New York City slum lord. Thats right, a slum lord. He formed an affordable housing company called OmniNewYorkLLC that has 2 properties on the slum lord list. Way to go Mo, taking care of the brothers. Yes, Mo is still a big fat piece of shit but thanks to the NY Mets he is rich big fat piece of shit. This guy is so out of shape he sweats when peeling an orange. While we are on the subject of big fat pieces of shit I don't think that lap band surgery Chris Christie had is working. Hey Chris, Wendy's does sell salads.... The West Indian Day Parade was held in Brooklyn yesterday. In fucking Brooklyn, really? Jesus Christ even the Irish have a parade but theirs is on 5th Ave. A fucking Parade in Brookyn, why not just stay home. Besides what is a West Indian? are they indians from the west? It's funny cause they don't look like any type of indian I've ever seen, just asking..... How many quarterbacks should a football team have. Well if you are the N.Y. Jets all the players should be quaterbacks. They signed Brady Quinn who is a back up to Phil Simms kid who is a back up to Geno Smith who is a back up to Mark Sanchez. Hey, just back up a minute does Quinn have a Super Bowl Ring. FUGHGETABOUTIT

WHATS UP WITH THAT?????

Whats up with Miley Cyrus? First off your not that fucking good looking and second your not that fucking talented. The only people buying your music are 13 year old boys jerking off on the CD cover or a poster they got at Disney. Listen when you can't sing or dance and have a hair style that looks like Porky Pigs then I guess you resort to sexual overtones to sell what your pushing. But what else could someone expect from the demon seed of Billy Ray Cyrus..... Whats up with Alec Baldwin and his jersey mob wife looking Hilaria. While we are on the subject what kind of name is Hilaria, is there a cure for that, just asking. Alec,first of all whats with the tube socks and black sneakers are you fucking kidding me who dresses you helen keller???anyway he was out again beating on photograghers. Alec,do us all a favor and stick to the Capital One commercials or just get the fuck out. Listen if you want to beatup somebody start with your wife..... Whats up with Lamar Odom? He is held up in a hotel room trying to kick his crack addition. His friends thought when he said he was addicted to crack he was taking about his wife big ass. Hey Lamar, pass me the steel wool for my pipe. Listen if I married into the Kardashian family I would probably start using heroin...... Whats up with Bashar Assad of Syria. Doesn't he know we are cranking up the Enola Gay, however this will be the Enola Gay on roids. We are about to turn Syria into a parking lot for Turkey. No stupid not the turkey you eat at Thanksgiving. BOMBS AWAY. I haven't seen a mushroom cloud in quite some time.... Hey President Stupid, Syria crossed that red line you established. So stop banging that buck tooth looking wife of yours and flip the switch..... Whats up with Gentlemen Clubs? Two men were wounded when gun fire erupted inside Goldfinger's Infinity Club. Maybe the shooter doesn't know the meaning of GENTLEMEN..... Whats up with the Crips? A riot broke out at Rikers Island because the Crips denied their rival gang the Trinitarios the use of a hot plate for grilled cheese sandwiches. REALLY. I have an idea, why not let these guys sit in an electric chair holding a cheese sandwich. This will solve two problems, 1st, their sandwich will definitely get grilled and 2nd, there will be no more fighting over the hot plate.

UPSCALE????????????????

What exactly is a upscale Gentlemens Club??? Are the girls tits bigger and better than at a regular strip club??? Maybe at an upscale club they actually wash the drink glasses and don't put bullshit charges on your credit card??? Instead of parking your own car do they actually valet park your car at the Gentelmens Club and steal the loose change from the center console???? Who the fuck is kidding who, if your going to a place were the girls shove their tits and ass in your face and do lap dances for 20 bucks and ride a chrome pole well then how fucking upscale can it be. I personally would rather slam my dick in the car door before getting ripped off and then walking out with a set of blue balls the size of montana... . The N.Y. Mets signed Daisuke Matsuzaka 7 years after they originally wanted him, BRILLIANT. So know we have a broken jap in the line up. I thought baseball was an AMERICAN sport. Geno Smith will start for the N.J Jets Saturday. Hopefully this wanna be football player doesn't suck all the air out of the stadium.... The lawyer for Aaron Hernandez says his client is innocent Huh, Duh, What, he said that Aaron told him to say that or he would kill him. FUGHGETABOUTIT

TODAYS NEWS

Guess what you liberal Honda driving douche bags, the Ford Focus is the number one selling car in the world. Thats right, it isn't that japanese shit box your driving. I bet your shocked thats its an AMERICAN car. Here's another fact for you stupid bastards that buy Toyota Tacomas, the Ford F-150 is the number 1 selling truck, PERIOD. And you went into a Toyota dealership and bought that piece of shit. Why thats worse than driving a Honda Ridgeline. Instead of hugging a tree why don't you lefty douches drive your jap shit boxes into one..... The News endorses Christine Quinn in the Democratic Primary. Well I guess if your choices are a Chi-com, a sexual deviant, and 3 dopes then I guess the lesbian would be my choice. Jesus Christ, you have to be kidding me what a fucking freak show. The City Planning Commission approved a plan to build a mega mall near Citifield as part of the redevelopment of Willets Points. a fucking Mega Mall? what a great idea, Sammy the Bull can't wait to get those cements trucks rolling again. I got a better idea, take Ebbets field oops I mean Citifield and demolish it along with the junk yards that surround it and turn the area into a duplicate of Hong Kong. I can see it now, rickshaw rides along Flushing Marina, Sampans on the water and more fucking chinese restauarants than any jew could imagine. It won't take much the area is already over run with Chi-coms anyway. Here is some great news, JP Morgan Chase is being investigated . I can't wait to see what inside trading scumbag is taken out of the Corporate Headquarters with handcuffs behind their backs and rain coats over their heads...... Has anybody seen David Cassidy of Partridge Family fame. Holy shit, what a train wreck. He was arrested for drunk driving but he looks like he was beaten with the bottle. David what happened did Danny Bonaduce rape you, just asking.

LIAR LIAR

Lindsey Lohan claims in an interview with Oprah who buys 30,000 dollar handbags that she used cocaine on 10 to 15 times. Huh, Duh, What? Now was that 10-15 times a fuckin day or just 10-15 times. Who the fuck is she kidding, this broad is still in total fucking denial. Lindsey do us all a favor go into your closet and look for something to hang up., hopefully it will be you.... Yankee GM and sexual deviant Brian ( I bang wierd chicks ) Cashman is calling A-Rod a liar. Coming from this piece of shit thats a compliment. A-Rod has hired top notch lawyer Joe Tacopina, when this guy gets through with the Yankees and MLB it will be strike three for both..... Hey Jet fans how did the game against the Jaguars make you feel. Another long season for us and guess what, the Super Bowl is at MetLifeless Stadium, Guess who won't be in the Super Bowl, thats correct. Sanchez, just get the fuck out and take that Jose Reyes looking Geno Smith with you. Not to worry its only a pre season game. When the regular season starts it will only get worse.... Say it ain't so. The fucking muslims are planning a million man muslim march on guess what day, thats right you fucking genius on 9-11. One million terrorists marching in Washington on 9-11. Do we have enough drones to take these mother fuckers out. Is it me or has the world spun off its axis. These allah fucking duece bags should march off a fucking cliff. I got 3,000 reasons why it better not happen. You don't know what the 3,000 reasons are? I can't believe your that stupid. NEVER FORGET.

TODAYS NEWS

Shamu is dead in the water. Stock in Sea World are set to tumble or in Sea World terminology are set to tank. These geniuses are blaming their performance on poor attendance. Yeah okay, something smells pretty fishy here..... What can brown do for you? How about not crash land their cargo planes. If you are expecting a package to be delivered in Birmingham, AL. today, well I don't think thats gonna happen. The plane crashed in a field near the airport, now there is the problem, I don't think it was supposed to land in a fucking field. If you suspect your shipment was lost or damaged in the crash you can file a claim with UPS that they will never pay anyway..... Bachelor star Gia Alllemand said she was going to hang something in the closet, her NBA boyfriend Ryan Anderson didn't know she meant herself holy hanna what went wrong there?????. The government can't even print money right. a pile of 100.00 dollar bills worth 30 mil had to be destroyed because of a printing error.who is running the presses over their helen keller??? Guess who picks up the tab for that??....... Another liberal activist pant load judge struck down " Stop and Frisk" in New York. Be prepared to go back to the 70 and 80's filled with murder & mayhem, personally I can't wait. Talk about murder & mayhem, 500 Egyptians has been killed in civil unrest. Well the number isn't high enough but it is a start....... Jesse Sticky Fingers Jackson Jr. got a 2 1/2 year sentence for spending 750,000.00 in campaign cash. Hey Jesse, Bubba likes to get kissed and it ain't on the lips. I guess his father the Rev didn't teach him the proper way to steal..... It is rumored Derek Jeter put a ring on gal pal Hannah Davis. She's 23, he is a broken down 39 year old baseball player. Hey Derek, with all the hot babes you went out with you picked her. I guess not only your legs are shot but your eyes are starting to go..... Cisco Systems is pink slipping 4,000 employees, thats 4,000 more yuppie douche bags looking for work. Mob Fund mogul, oops I mean Hedge Fund mogul, John Paulson bought Steinway Musical Instruments for 512 million.Sergei Rachmaninoff just turned over in his grave. ENUF SAID

POOR OPRAH

Oprah was in Switzerland trying to buy a 38,000.00 Tom Ford handbag. Really? 38,000 for a fucking handbag. Well anyway the clerk said " Fick dich " For those of you not fluent it means Get Lost, we don't sell 38,000 dollar handbags to schvartza's. I guess the clerk didn't notice she was speaking to Oprah because nobody watches Oprah in Switzerland, and the store "Trois Pommes" doesn't get any black customers unless they are getting robbed lmaooooo just kidding.. Hey Oprah how about spending your money in America and second who goes to Switzerland to buy a handbag. Hey Oprah I got a bag for you, its a body bag. Just get the fuck out...... Whitey Bulger was found guilty of 11 of 19 murder charges. How stupid are these jurors, listen you found him guilty of 11 why not just pin the other 8 on him as well. Lets face it, it won't change his sentence, besides he's fucking 83 years old , i don't think 20 years is in future. What did the juror foreman say " Pick a number any number" and they rolled an eleven. How about this one, John Petrocelli who owns Petrocelli Construction took his wife out on the yacht and you guessed it, WOMAN OVERBOARD. Police are calling it a tragic accident. Well I guess its better than being emtombed in a concrete foundation. Anybody wanna go fishing. Seems like a lot of people happen to slip off their boats UM, UM..... Holding onto your shares of blackberry are only going to make you poorer, they are down 40% to 10.78. If you bought in at 150.00 back in 2008 get out on the ledge and take the swan dive. SAYANORA

JUST IN TIME

A new product just hit the market and its called Recti/care. Just in time, because after I got fucked by the makers of Omega K my ass is still sore. Recti/care ? What asshole came up with that name. I guess they want to put pressure on the company that makes PreparationH. They couldn't come up with a better name than that. How emabarassing going to the checkout counter with your Recti/care, everybody in the store knows you are going to rub some ass cream on you guessed it, YOUR ASSHOLE. Listen if you didn't sit on the bowl for an hour trying to crap out something that resembles the size of a baseball bat then you wouldn't have hemorrhoids. Here are some names that they decided not to use. Hole in One, Spincter Relief, Orifice Itch or how about Rhoid Rage Relief. Now we move onto a commercial that deals with men who leak, no not for men who are taking a leak. Tony Siragusa is pushing pads for men who leak. WHAT, HUH, are you kidding me. Listen if your pissing your pants its time for the nursing home so you can sit next to the guy who is crapping in his pants and talking to the fire hydrant. WOW. Now your at the checkout counter with your Depends for Men and Recti/care trying to explain to the cashier they are not for you but your buying them for a friend. Listen, just go home put the car in the garage close the door and take the pipe. ENUF SAID

OMEGA K MY ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Omega K is a fish oil supplement alledged to reduce the chance of a heart attack. Yeah sure, if the heart attack doesn't kill you then taking this crap will. 1 in 3 people die from Heart Disease. DUH, So, less people on Obamacare. If your heart is that fucked up, a transplant won't even help you. So just grab a cigarette after you finish eating your Big Mac that you just washed down with a super sized chocolate shake and just get the fuck out. This shit product boasts no fishy after taste, EVER. Well guess again, I took one and after 15 minutes thought I swallowed a fucking tuna. I called the manufacturer and they told me this does happen to some people. What happened to it will never leave a fishy taste I asked. They told me to stick it in the freezer and this should solve the problem, HUH, WHAT, DUH. If this shit is suppose to be frozen then why isn't sold that way? So I told them where to stick it and stuck mine in the garbage. Now I am left feeling like I got fucked, and for the 135 bucks I wasted on this shit I could have gotten fucked. Did you know the Yankees have a white guy on the team, yeah Im not kidding his name is Brett Gardner. He must be one lonely guy in the locker room, on second thought with a name like Brett I don't think so. ( Do I have to explain ) There will be Angels at Yankee Stadium tonight, no stupid not those angels. Maybe Mo Rivera can blow another save. Fuck you Mo, go sell another Acura.

PIZZA WARS

San Diego was ranked #1 for pizza, FUGHGETABOUIT. Who the fuck took that survey. Vegas got 2nd, Boston 3rd and New York 4th. New York got 4th place, whoever took that survey better go into the Federal Witness Protection Program. The only thing San Diego ranks #1 at is, Um, lets see, duh, I can't fucking think of anything...... Snooki is trying to find out who the father of her baby is so she went to a DNA testing facility. They narrowed the possibilities down to 30 men..... I guess President Stupid now realizes that Al Qaeda isn't on the run so three U S Drone strikes took out 34 members of the terror group. Hey President Stupid, the #2 man responsible for the 9/11 mass murder is still on the loose. DUH..... Two winning Powerball tickets were sold in New Jersey, now those people can finally afford to move out of the Garbage State oops I mean Garden State. Do me a favor take that blimp for a governor with you..... Swimming lessons will be held at the Usher estate today. Don't forget your floaties and please don't wear underwear under your swimsuit. The pool isn't a fucking washing machine. Shares in Tesla surged 18% to a record high. Hey has anybody even seen one these AAA batteries on the road. I HAVEN'T. Be careful this companies name ends in vowel. Somebody gonna get fucked and it ain't me. I thought Nicholai Tesla was dead. Jobless claims were up but best since 07. What, Uh, what, claims are up but they are up less than 07. That was fucking 6 years ago. The media will do anything to put a positive spin out there for President Stupid and Vice President Stupider. Sign me up for Obamacare because I think I'm gonna be sick.

GIANT NEWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Former N.Y. Giant lineman Luke Petitgout was arrested for beating his female impersonator looking wife Jennifer with a purse and shoving her out of a fucking parked car. What else are you suppose to due when the bitch won't leave the radio alone...... More proof that black people can't swim. Usher's 5 year son nearly drowned in the backyard pool in Atlanta. Why would a black man have a swimming pool ? I guess Usher couldn't afford to put up a fence around the pool. ? Come on your fucking Usher..... The Yankees lost their 3rd straight game losing to the last place Chisox. Another fucking team that can't spell SOCKS. They say the comsumption of Cervaza is way up in the Bronx. The Mets are in 3rd place only 17 games out of first. The Manager Terry Collins believes his team can finish first by 2020 if David Wright could ever drive a run in with 2 out and runners on 2nd and 3rd. Terry said he doesn't believe that will happen anytime soon so David should fake an injury and end his season. Oh yeah he already did that. The Mets claim there were 27,198 fans in attendance last night WHAT UH That has to be a typo. There might have been 2719 fans

NEWSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Alex Trebeck screwed a Conn. 8th grader out of finishing first in Jeopardy because the kid mis-spelled Emancipation in final Jeopardy. I watch this hideous show and answers are spelled incorrectly all the time. Whatsa matta Alex did the kid refuse to kick you in the balls?? The question is Alex Trebeck. Answer, What is a dickhead. President Stupid has said on several occasions that he has Al Qaeda on the run. Oh yeah, then why are we closing 20 Embassies in the mid east and issuuing a travel alert. Oh yeah, I know why because Mr. President Al Qaeda isn't on the run, we are.The leader of Al Qaeda said they are fighting to be included in Obamacare. Another good kid was shot and killed by police in the Bronx. This black 14 year old was just running down the street with a fucking 9MM firing at someone he was after. Whats the world coming to when you ain't allowed to do things like that. His aunt called it murder. Murder? this kid is seen on video firing a gun. Maybe the aunt didn't have her dose of crack yet. The previous week this punk shot a 15 year old in the shoulder. I got a question, why was this kid on the street and not in jail. Thank god the cops took another murderer off the streets. Guess what? he won't be shooting anytime to soon. Say hello to Trayvon for me. A skydiving instructor died when his equipment malfuncted. It was his 8,000th jump. Everybody has a number when there time is up, I guess his was 8001. Start taking Pepto-Bismol now, Hillary ( Hair Bag ) Clinton may run for President in 2016. Can it get any worse in this country? Yeah if she ever gets elected.

WHAT UP WITH THAT

What up with Simon Cowell banging his best friends wife and getting her pregnant. I guess his new show will be called the Rated XXX Factor. Could somebody please deport this douche back to England and take the skank with him. What up with American Idol, the ratings are dismal and they are looking for a star to bump up the ratings. How about Lindsay Lohan, how awesome would it be to see her staggering out and slurring her words while her mascari is running down her face, or Nick Cannon he appears on every fucking TV show anyway why not Idol. I got a better idea, what if they got George Zimmerman and he shot the contestants he didn't like. Now thats a ratings bonanza. Are you driving a Toyota Tacoma pick-up, REALLY. Apparently there isn't a Ford dealer near you because why else would you by a japanese shit can. I guess you didn't know that the Ford F-150 is the number selling truck for 36 years straight. DUH And them some of the assholes driving the Tacoma put an American Flag decal on the rear window and are probably in a union job. GOD HELP US. What up with Exxon Mobil, profits plummeted 57% to 6.9 Billion. That's profit. These pant loads were actually making a profit of 13 Billion at one time, what happened did somebody cash in on their golden parachute. What up with Aaaron Hernandez, he believes he will be acquitted of murder. Come to think of it he is being tried in the state of Mass. Can you name somebody who got away with murder in Mass. ? oh yeah Ted Kennedy. FUGHGETABOUTIT

GOOD NEWS I THINK?????????????

The jobless rate is up but it is lower than last year. If the jobless rate is up then how the fuck can it be lower. I guess if your an optimist this is good news, if your a pessimist then nobody has to tell you that your fucked. More good news for Anthony Weiner, the pig he was sexting with is going to star in an X Rated video based on her raunchy online romps. I wonder if she spits or swallows, judging by her looks she swallows. Two months from now when her fame has ended we will read about her found in an alley giving BJs to black guys so she can buy more heroin. Betcha her parents are proud. How about Teresa Guidice from Real Housewives of New Jersey. This over made "cum dump" and her guido husband who has bigger tits then she does had to come up with 500G to make bail on fraud charges. Her mom and dad are class acts, mom was using the F bomb at reporters and her broken down father was bending down spreading his ass checks in a gesture to kiss his ass. Now we know where the daughter got all her class. ALL LOW. Do they serve fabulini spaghetti in prison? These people give people with a bad name a bad name. I hope the next fatal car wreck I hear about on the Jersey Turnpike will be them. Maybe they can pick up Anthony Weiner on the way out of town. FUGHGETABOUTIT

REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????

Officials in Spain lowered the death count on the train wreck from 80 to 78. What up with that? . Talk about big numbers Anthony Weiner and his weener won't drop out of the N.Y. Mayoral race. I can't say I blame him, there are so many dicks in politics why not another one. Anthony get the fuck out and take that Hilary Clinton cling on wife of yours with you. Odds makers in Vegas are taking bets on the size of this dicks dick and if he is circumsized or not. Hey, 500 lucky Met fans you are about to get the opportunity of a lifetime. August 10th you can pay 200 bucks to sleep on the outfield grass at Citifield. Why pay the 200 bucks when most of you sleep on park benches for free, but i digress. What do you get for your 200 bucks? well, you get a dinner buffet and if your still alive in the morning breakfast will be served. Not only that you get to watch the Mets play the Diamondbacks on the big screen. Wow, just think you don't have to be at home sitting in your one room apartment watching your 15" tube T.V. drinking 16 oz Busch beers. Its gets even better, you get to schmooz with Mr & Mrs. Met. Gee, I thought Mr. Met was gay. Oh he is gay alright but not that kinda gay. Sleeping with 500 people you don't know? Hey pedophiles and sexual deviants this is your night out. I understand David Cone will make appearance in the bullpen, he will be the one jerking off. If your lucky you will find the clump of sod Fred Wilpon has his money buried under. Listen if your life comes down to sleeping out at Citifield then its time to throw yourself in front of the # 7 train. ALL ABOARD

WEINERS WEENER

Whats up with this fucking putzz Anthony Weiner who can't stop showing his weener. He wants to be Mayor of New York, I DON'T THINK SO FUCK HEAD. He was caught again sexting his penis to a 21 year old. First off he is not that good looking and second who wants to see this dicks dick. Your life must really be in the shitter if you continue to do this, and how about the dickheads you are sexting with. These are girls you wouldn't fuck at closing time. Now his wife comes out to defend him, pleaseeeeee do you really need his paycheck that bad. I guess he met his wife on the internet at www.checkoutmydick.com. Now that leaves us with the following democratic candidates, a loud mouth lesbian, a made member of a crime family, and some black guy, and a Chi-com. I think the serial killer from Cleveland has a better chance to become mayor of New York. Former boxing champion Emile Griffin was KO'd at the age of 75. There will be no 76th round for him. the number one city for having the highest percentage of heart attacks is, and the winner is, Huntington-Ashland West VA. Now let's figure this out, 38% of there popluation is obese, BINGO. I guess obesity and stupidity are a deadly combination. A deadly earthquake hit China, please let me know when the death toll is in the millions, otherwise who gives a shit. ENUF SAID

WHAT AS WEEKEND

Hey Met fans ( No not the Opera fans)What a big weekend you had at Citi field. NaS the rapper kicked off the festivities with a post game concert. The place was hopping. That was'nt the sound of Grucci fireworks you hear, that be the sound of .380's going off, DUCK. The first 15,000 fans got a bullet proof vest the rest of the fans will be told to take cover. If your into saggers you know the guys with their pants downto their fucking ankles this will be the place to be. You will see more underwear here than at a chinese laundry. Then on Saturday if you didn't get enough of NaS, the first 15,000 fans will get a Collectible Toy Truck. What??Its a truck displaying W B Mason, I see them at the Dollar Store for guess what, A DOLLAR. Then Sunday tops the entire weekend. The first 25,000 fans will get a Dwight Gooden Bobblehead. This is very authentic because it even comes with white powder marks under the nose and he is carrying a mirror and razor blade. The kiddies will love it. This all took place while the Mets played the Phillies. some of the Philly fans actually got their cars started to come and watch. You can tell if the Philly fans made it to the game because all the cheap seats got filled. Cheesesteaks, get your cheesesteaks here

REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????

What up with Tom Seaver? Did MLB tell Seaver 5 minutes before the game he was throwing out the first ball. Hey Tom, your The Franchise, Tom Terrific, you couldn't practice throwing the ball on that shit winery you own. Listen if your Tom Seaver you have to stand on the mound and not throw the ball like a girl. Just get the fuck out. You knew the National league wasn't going to win after that sorry display. How about the great David Wright, the star for the N Y Mutts. Two outs runner on third and in typical Wright fashion grounds out. He's the star? more like a burnt out meteorite. David do us a favor, pick up Tom Seaver get on 495 crank whatever your driving up to 120 and slam into a parked tractor trailer. People paid an avergae of 750.00 to see this game, boy did they get fucked. Do you know what happens when you mix heroin and alcohol? You wind up in Vancouver dead. Do I have to explain. Hundreds of dead sting rays washed up on a Mexican beach. Scientists believe they were protesting the Not Guilty verdict in the Zimmerman trial. What do you call a bunch of white people protesting the Not Guilty verdict ? Unemployed hippie douche bags. What do you call Black people protesting the Not Guilty Verdict? Scared. I hear the City of Oakland CA is giving away free A/C's and 60" Flat Screens. The Reverend Al Sharpton is holding a rally in 100 cities to protest the verdict in the Zimmerman trial. Admission is free, that means all blacks must attend. FUGHGETABOUTIT

WOWWWWWWWWWWWW

Asiana Airlines has released the names of the pilots of the plane that crashed at SFO. Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk and Bang ding Ow. It is reported that the natives are still restless after the Zimmerman verdict. P.C. Richards and Best Buy said they will shutter their stores until further notice. President Obama has asked all liquor stores in Oakland to close until further notice. All whites in Times Square protesting the not guilty verdict are mostly uneducated, without jobs and still living with their parents. Who else has time to protest?Guess who won't be on the next season of GLEE. You guessed it Cory Monteith. Police have listed the cause of death as being stuck in Vancouver. The Kardashians just won't go away. Now Mama Pig will get her own TV show. Whats next Bruce Jenner in a reality series called Burn Victim. JUST GET OUT

MY O MYYYYYYYYYYYY

What was a Tennessee woman to do when her husband breaks an order of protection and threatens to kill her and the kids. You got it, she shot this asshole and killed this piece of shit 15 minutes after he was released from prison and threatened her again. What didn't this asshole understand ? Maybe the Order of Protection was in fine print or maybe being from Tennessee he couldn't read it. Either way he now has holes were he never did. What is the world coming to when a man down south can't say " Hey bitch get me another Schlitz before I smack ya ".... Another Patriot player Alfonzo Dennard was arrested, this time for DUI. What a team the owner Kraft has in New England. A murderer, a drunk, an idiot ( that would be Tom Brady ) and a virgin ( do I have to name names ) What are the requirements to play for the Patriots? Are you a felon, Do you come to practice armed, Do you drink & drive, do you drive and drink, Do you like to date models, Do you have homicidal tendencies, have you spent time in a mental institution with Bill Belichik. Belichik was overheard saying " I hope I have enough players left before the season starts" Genital searches will be halted at Guantonamo, WHY? President Obama said the guards told him that if you've seen one hairy muslim ball sack you've seen them all. Derek Jeter will be released from the old age home today, im hoping he breaks his ankle in the first inning. WHY? That removes all doubts that it will happen again. Has anybody seen the new Chevy Impala? If you did then why are you driving a fucking Honda. FUGHGETABOUTIT

OOOOOOOOOO BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Randy Travis the country singing legend was listed in critical condition due to a heart problem. The heart of the problem is he drinks too fucking much. He joins a list of people in critical condition, The Ketchup Queen Teresa Heinz and Nelson Mandela. hopefully this list will shorten quickly. ( Get It ). Here is an NFL update::: 28 players have been arrested since the Super Bowl., well make that 29. Giants LB Connor was arrested at a philly airport for carrying a switchblade knife in his luggage. When asked why he was carrying it he replied " doesn't everybody carry a weapon in philly". Like father like son, Lawrence Taylor Jr. was arrested for molesting a 16 year old girl. When Sr. was asked about his son getting arrested he replied " thats my boy " Victor Cruz signed a 30 million 5 year contract with the Giants. Vegas is taking bets when he will file for bankruptcy or get arrested for murder. The F A A has issued new safety warning following the crash of a 777 in San Francisco. You are advised to stay aboard an aircraft that crashes. Your chances of survival are greater because you are less likely to get killed by Emergency Service Vehicles arriving at the scene. This is your pilot speaking, We are approaching SFO please prepare to die. FUGHGETABOUTIT

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS

Did you hear that Elliot Spitzer wants to run for controller of New York City. REALLY!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.... Who will be his assistant Ashley Dupre. ( Do I have to explain ). Another sexual deviant seeking elected office after being disgraced. I guess he thinks he can fuck all of us. Like Anthony Weiner these people have no shame. This is what the Democratic Party in New York has to offer the public. Why not throw in some serial killers to really make it interesting.... I couldn't believe it when I heard a plane crashed in San Francisco and one person who survived the crash was killed when she was hit by an emergency service vehicle. WHAT UP with that. I thought these people were suppose to save people NOT FUCKING RUN THEM DOWN. Listen if your running down the tarmac, in tattered clothes, your hair is on fire and your missing a shoe screaming help me help me I guess you make a good target.... A Baltimore Ravens cheerleader was killed in a motorcycle accident. Here is the good news, Ray Lewis wasn't the driver. A Hotel collapsed in India, only twelve people were killed? this is very disappointing news. Andy Murray is the first englishman since 1936 to win the mens singles at Wimbledon. Who gives a flying fuck.... Teresa Heinz, the Ketchup Queen is critically ill. Rumor has it she tried to overdose on ketchup. FUGHGETABOUTIT

THE WARS OF THE DAY

Two rival Mexican Soccer team fans went to war in Las Vegas. The fight started in the parking lot and escalated in the stadium. Whatsa Matta these guys thought it was Cinco De Mayo. Needless to say the game was canceled, no big deal it would have ended in a tie or several homicides. They should post a big sign that reads : "No Cerveza si sirve aqui" Either they drink too much fire water and go to sleep or start a brawl. Did the cops check to see if these hoodlums were legals. OLVIDARSE DE EL. The New England Patriots will allow fans that have a Aaron Hernandez jersey to trade it for any jersey of they chose. No they don't have any O J Simpsons jerseys. I suggest you grab a Tebow jersey because it will be a collectors item. Twenty Eight football players has been arrested since the Super Bowl. Isn't that an amazing number? I was thinking it was higher. Two of the twenty eight were white. WHAT UP WITH THAT. The football commissioner, Roger Goodell said " there is no truth to the rumors that crime goes down during football games" The inventor of the mouse died. No stupid not the rodent, the computer. He said he felt compelled to invent the mouse after Al Gore invented the internet. Vegas is taking bets on how long the next President of Egypt will last. I guess that Muslim Brotherhood Party wasn't the way to go. I guess Allah fucked you guys again. Nelson Mandela is now listed in GRAVE condition. Well I guess that would be an appropriate word to use. FUGHGETABOUTIT

A QUICKY

four black men walked into the Borgata Hotel went into the jewelry store and stole an assortment of Rolex watches. If you hear about four black guys each found with a bullet hole in the head wearing a Rolex watch then consider the case solved. No the case isn't closed it was SOLVED lol lol . Never rob from a Hotel whose name ends in a vowel. Here is the story of another dope. The V.P. of Product Development at Tiffany stole 1.3 mil in jewelry over a 2 year period. I guess she was trying to save for her retirement. Whatsa Matta Tiffany doesn't have a 401K. Do you know what happens when you fire the grandson of a Gambino family associate. You guessed it, you get whacked. Fortunately the attempted whackee was just wounded. FUGHGETABOUTIT

WTF IS ?????

WTF IS a Maserati Ghibli, I will tell you. Its an entry level Maserati starting at 65 grand. I guess they thought the Soprano wannabes were driving too many Caddy CTS's. You guessed it, the pizza oven is an option. This is for those that can't afford the Maserati Linguine. I equate this to the people who buy the Mercedes E Class because they can't afford the Nazi Box S Class. You can tell your friends you own a Mercedes and when you turn your back they are laughing at you. An EF Zero Tornado touched down in Jersey. WTF is an EF Zero wind gust of 5MPH ? There was extensive damage reported. Pansies were blown out of their pots, wind chimes were blown off their hooks and one person was reported to get hit by a flying gum wrapper, no medical attention was required. An EF Zero REALLY!!!! Get back to me when your house is blown off its foundation. WTF, President Pantload visited the prison cell where Nelson Mandela was held for years. Why didn't they slam the cell door and lock him in. He was also in seen in Tanzania doing the Curly Shuffle. There is no truth to the rumors that the So Africans admire Michelle Obamas teeth. WTF, the Chi-coms got a 235 million dollar renovation project for the Verrazano Bridge. When the Steelworkers Union was asked to comment all they said was FUGHGETABOUTIT

HELLO HELLO

How does a fucking company lose 84 million and not go out of business. Hello, is there anybody home at Blackberry. Who is running this company? Jon Corzine. While speaking of Johnny Sticky Fingers Corzine. The fed has hit him with a civil lawsuit for failure to prevent the financial meltdown of MF Global.The Stock Market is down on rumors that guns sales at Smith & Wesson will be down after the arrest of Aaron Hernandez. While we are on this subject Aarons mom, aka Nut Job says her son will be cleared of all charges. REALLY. She must be smoking some good plantain. He is now being investigated for drive-by murders in Boston. The mob ( No not that mob ) said there "goom byes" to Jimmy Gandolifini. It was a whose who of wannabes. They even hired a blimp or was that Chris Christie. I still think Tony Sirico aka paulie wallnuts is a made man. FUGHGETABOUIT. Nelson Mandela is 'Better" but still crictical. HELLO, how can you be better and still be in crictical condition. Hey, What Up with Paula Deen. Whats the world coming to when you can't call a spade a spade. I assumed she was talking about doing some garden work.GET IT????

THE TRUTH?????

There is no truth to the rumors that James Gandolfini will be laid to rest in the trunk of a car with 7 bullet holes in it. Nelson Mandela was placed on life support and thats the truth, but you have to ask yourself, WHY? He is 94 fuckin years old and thats a good fuckin run. Rumor has it Aaron Hernadez is a scumbag. That aint no rumor, he really is, and a murderer to boot. this boy is gonna be somebodies bitch in the bighouse . The rumor is President Pantload was dissed by Russian President Vladimir Putin. Putin told him go fuck yourself when he was asked to return the traitor Edward Snowden. The truth is Putin said NYET. The truth is these are the Democratic primary choices running for mayor of New York. Anthony Weiner, a sexual predator.Although Mayor Weiner does have a certain ring to it. Christine Quinn, a loud mouth lesbian. Her friends call her Chris. William Thompson, WHO? he's the token black. Bill De Blasio, FUGHGETABOUTIT and John Liu, his friends call him Johnny Won ton. There aren't enough asians in Flushing to get this guy elected. Rumor has it we are doomed. The truth is if you bought gold at 1,921.00 an ounce and was told it would reach 3,000 an ounce, well you were lied to, it closed yestereday at 1,230.00. Rumor has it the suicde rate just increased but gold didn't.

ITS MURDER OUT THERE

No stupid, I am not talking about the weather. Aaron Hernandez of the New England Patriots was arrested in connection with the murder of a friend of his Odin Lloyd. He was shot several times and it is reported once in the head. I guess he wasn't a GOOD friend. So after you sign a 5 year contract worth 40 mil I guess you go out and murder somebody. Just another steroid injected douche sports figure doing the perp walk of shame. You know the look, handcuffs on, head down, shouting " I DIDN'T DO IT, I'M INNOCENT". While we are on the subject of assholes, did you catch the U Tube video of Mark Sanchez dancing with his pants pulled down. First off who wants to look at this assholes, asshole. Second are you that stupid to let someone video tape it? I guess he is that stupid. I thought this idiot went to college, what was he learning there, how to do the Rumba. The Hip Hop world is mourning the loss of Rapper Lil Snupe. The 18 year was shot to death over a video game he was playing in his house with a 36 year old. UMMM, i bet that wasn't the only game they were playing. I think the arguement went something like this. My dick is bigger than yours, no nigga my dick is bigger than yours, okay nigga, BANG. Now we move onto to future murderes, The Kardashian/West clan welcomed a newborn baby into the world and named it North. No not North Korea, no not North Vietnam, but North West. Yes, North. So is that a girls name or a boys name Trust me 17 years from now they will be arresting North West as a serial murderer

A QUICKY

How disappointed was I when Nick Wallender didn't fall while crossing the Grand Canyon on a 2 inch cable or that the cable didn't snap, what up with that. James Gandolfini was wacked by a heart attack. His wife said his last words were " I'll have the Veal Parma "oooooooh " General Motors has an available app for their cars. It is called find my car. This app allows you find your car in a parking lot. The only problem, the commercial has three cars in it. Listen if you can't find your car in a lot with three cars and one of them is yours, A. You are a typical General Motors driver B. You shouldn't be driving a fucking car, PERIOD. The Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup and NOBODY gives a flying fuck. Fughgetaboutit

RECALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

If you are one of the lucky ones that wasn't burned alive in you Jeep Cherokee or Liberty then return the fucking thing, it was recalled. I guess they will now start to install a fire extinguisher. If your wondering why your ass is getting fatter after downing 10 Latte Grandes a week at Starbucks then stop wondering, Stabucks will start posting the calories in this shit they sell. Who knew that coffee that tastes like it was burnt would be such a success, go figure. North America returned to the top of list in millionaires with 3.73 million. Asia - Pacific region has 3.68 million. We just keep beating the slopes at everything. Can you say Enola Gay. The dad from Jersey, no not John Corzine, but the fucking tool who named his kid Adolf Hitler, has another child on the way. If its a girl they will name it Eva Braun, if its a boy, who knows but my imagination is running wild. I guess this guys girl friend isn't a 39 percenter but for this occasion I wish she was. ( Get it ). Another physco New York City Cop beat his wife because she broke the remote control, don't you have to pass a physc test to become a cop, just asking. She called 911, lucky she wasn't beaten again. . Spurs will beat the Heat. FUGHGETABOUTIT

GOOD NEWS BAD NEWS

Here is some good news. A bomb exploded at a Baghdad Mosque, the bad news it only killed 20 people. Hungary arrested 98 year old Lazlo Csatary for Nazi war crimes he committed at a concentration camp. The bad news, this guy is 98 years old. The good news, he can still be executed. Good news, Zack Wheeler was brought up from the minors by the N Y Mets. The bad news is the Mets still suck balls. Hopefully Wheeler and harvey can win 40 games for this sorry ass club and go 40 and 120. Can anybody say 1962. Here is more good news, two Rikers Islands correction officers were arrested for smuggling in drugs and weapons into the maximum security prison. The bad news, how can it be a maximum security prison, just asking. good news, Delmon Young of the Philadelphia Phillies is being sued for 10 mil for calling a guy an anti semetic remark and knocking him to the ground back in April of 2012. The good news, he really sucks, philly sucks and so do the phillies. More bad news, pant load rapper Lil Wayne steps all over an American Flag in his latest video, the good news, I am loading my .357 magnum right now. Good news, Johnson & Johnson will pay up to 1 Billion with a B for Aragon Pharmaceuticals which is currently running clinical trial for prostate cancer. The bad news, we didn't hear about before the stock market closed. FUGHGETABOUTIT

MR ALLSTAR????????

David Wright an All Star third baseman?? I DON'T THINK SO. Listen you have to be able to hit the ball off the infield grass, he is a so so fielder batting .288 and he sucks. He was the 38th pick in the first round draft. This pant load signed a 192 mil dollar contract and compared to other Mets yeah he looks great. The only All Star David is going to see is Sandovar of the Giants standing at third during the All Star game. David, just get the fuck out. Hey can you guess how many games into the season before Jason Kidd gets fired or how many losses before he beats his wife. Has anybody figured out if he is black or white. More than half the Net fans took the subway to the games. Do you know why? They couldn't get their cars started. Whats the world coming to when you can go to jail for buying a knockoff Gucci bag or a Rolex watch for 10 bucks. How else can I get a Gucci or a Rolex.Whats going to happen with all the chi-coms on Canal Street. Little Italy was destroyed and now Chinatown we are slowly being taken over by yuppie douchebags and their chic little boutiques. How many chi-coms can you fit in Flushing? Too many. FUGHGETABOUTIT

THE PILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Well here is some good news for those 39 percent of women who think abortion is the most important issue they face. For those who don't get abortions when your kid is old enough to say "Morning After Pill " they can walk right into a pharmacy pop the pill and BINGO. For those that think abortion is the most important issue, you don't have to worry anymore just take this FUCKING PILL and shut the fuck up. Now for those who can't afford a condom or the pill, well not to worry because you can still get an abortion. Now maybe just maybe we can reduce this percentage. So now alls good in the world. Rush out now and get these pills while supplies last. Talk about abortions, Tim Tebow has signed with the New England Patriots. This move will insure the Jets never beat New England. Is he the next Tom Brady? you bet your sweet ass. Who said pigs don't hang out together, Kim Kardashian was seen in Beverly Hills with Brittny Gastineau ( Yes, thats how she spells Brittny ) Lets face her father wasn't a fuckin brain surgeon. The other sisters Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian launch their line of " Kardashian Beauty" It's a fuckin brown paper bag you put over your face. Do you know what happens when you lose a 160 million dollar year account? you guessed it Chapter 11. Exide Batteries lost the Wal-Mart account.who's dick was'nt getting sucked anymore. Did you know this before they filed Chapter 11. Of course not, the douches on Wall Street never tell you that. The U.S. has recovered 400 pages from the long-lost diary of a key Nazi official who advised Hitler and helped plan the Holocaust. It was found in Buffalo. No there is no Buffalo Germany but there is a Buffalo, N.Y. FUGHGETABOUTIT