CAN YOU BELIEVE

The Rangers won game 7,needless to say i am thrilled because I didn't want to see the suicide rate increase because our blueshirts lost in the first round. fans can get a bit nutty as we have seen over the years.19,000 white corporate yuppie douchebags will now pay exorbitant prices for the next round of playoffs. There isn't a whiter sport around unless you watch Polo or NASCAR. The Police finished picking up the drunks off the the tracks in Penn Station and workers finshed hosing off the urine on the walls and store fronts.The bars will be restocked today with Pabst Blue Ribbon and Schiltz. I never said this was a classy crowd.....last night Right down the street the plantation owners "i mean nfl owners" were picking their new workers, oops I mean players in the NFL Draft. Rich white folk shelling out big bucks on guys that might not be able to play on the NFL level. Not to worry the owners will whip these guys so to speak into shape. Surprisingly the Jets did not draft a quarterback. How about those Bruin fans, these mentally challenged drunks started tweeting racial insults towards Joel Ward ( He's Black ) after he scored the winning goal in Game 7. Such intelligent comments as " Go Play Basketball, Hockey is a White Sport", or "4th Line Black Trash", or this classic line "Makes this loss Hurt a Lot More" Kind of makes you proud to be a Bostonian. These are the same morons that kept re-electing the murderer, ( Do I have to name names ).I guess this is what the colleges in the Boston area are turning out. This is what happens when you drink that crap beer Sam Adams.i mean cmon to even come out and say shit like that nowdays fuckin amazing... We now hope the Celtics get knocked off in the first round, they may have to many black players for the Boston fans....and lets hope the red Sox finish dead last. I didn't know Boston was part of the Confederacy. The Bloods play the Crips in Miami, enuf said. The Mets swept the Marlins and Reyes went 1 for 12. I am elated with the sweep but disappointed Reyes didn't pull a hammy. Not to worry, they are 7 games back and 4 games under .500. It won't be long till he fakes an injury. The race in the AL East is tightening up, 5 teams are fighting for last place. Listen you know your teams sucks when the Orioles are in first place.

MORE SPORTS NEWS

Well Ranger fans it all comes down to Game 7. I can see the crowd gathering for this agonizing defeat. All the fans that hang onto memories of days gone by will be wearing their Messier jerseys sitting in a dimly light bar near MSG getting hammered before the game. Some Ranger fans will be getting their asses kicked by the fans from Ottawa. The Garden will be packed with more white people then the U.S. Senate. They will start booing Lundqvist when the first goal is scored against him. Neil will be beating the Ranger players senseless with the stick and without. I wonder who gave Brian Boyle a concussion?? Oh yeah I know, Neil. Here is some more good news, across the NHL home teams are 17-29 in the first round. well just make that 18-30 after tonight. How do you get 18,350 white people in one place at the same time? Tell them the Rangers are playing, Listen if your into woman with blond hair and black roots don't miss this game. More misery in Boston, The Bruins got knocked off in the first round, guess what? they ain't going to the second round. So what do you do next if your a Bruin fan? Why not go to a Sox game. Jose Reyes is 1 for 8 against the Mets on his return to Citifield. Still waiting for him to pull that hammy. Today has to be the day. Another nice outing by Phil Hughes, don't worry as soon as Pettittes' walker gets delivered he will help that pitching rotation. What a pitching rotation, A fat man, an old man, Hughes and garcia Maybe Alex can get Madonna to say a prayer for your team. Knicks beat the Clippers, enuf said. Th NFL draft is tonight. Don't miss this one, The Jets will be drafting every quarterback available.

GOTTA LOVE THE METS

Jason Bay is on the disabled list AGAIN because he is unable to hit the fucking ball. The signing of Bay goes down in the Met record books as one of ther worse signings ever. It ranks right up there with the signing of Mo Vaughn. Something called Zach Lutz was called up to replace Bay. Guess what, he comes to bat with the bases loaded and takes a strike 3 looking.what a fucking surprise. Mike Pelfrey is on the DL because this pant load is mentally disabled. Jose Reyes made his debut at Citifield as a Marlin in front of a crowd of about 1,000. Not to many if any latinos in the stadium last night. I believe these fans are now attending games at Yankee Stadium cheering for Alex Rodriguez or possible driving to Boston if they can get there cars started and cheering on Big Papi. Reyes went 0 for 4 and did not pull a hamstring, hopefully tonight that will happen. I was wondering if Gary Cohen has a secret mano y mano admiration for Reyes, what a butt boy. Why don't you get a job broadcasting for the Marlins. David Wright has mastered the art of taking strike three looking. I believe he accomplished this by watching video of Carlos Beltran. Mets won last night because the Marlin pitching staff couldn't find the strike zone. Ike Davis is batting .131 and their pinch hitter, Hairston is a powerhouse batting .160 There isn't a more boring line up in baseball and I'm including Boston. Hey Fred, why not put your stupid looking son in a uniform and see what he can do or better yet let him have Gary Cohens job. Now theres a broadcast crew, Ron Darling, Keith Hernandez and your stupid son. I suggest you let Keith and Ron do the talking. The Mets are holding a raffle this week. The fan who can guess when Jackie Robinson played for them,and will win a Tom Seaver bobblehead doll. I would like to get in my Porsche Panamera are drive it into a bridge abutement unfortunately its in the shop again.

MORE SPORTS NEWS

The Rangers force a game 7 at the Garden,flip a fucking coin and pray they pul this one out. The Mets season is over and tonight when they play the Marlins there will be a tribute to one of the biggest douchebags in baseball, Jose Reyes. You will find his fans in the 12 dollar seats. They get those special package tickets, a hamburger or hotdog, a corona and the ticket all for 12 bucks. The only thing missing is Fred Wilpon doesn't walk up the bleachers and kiss your ass. A tribute to this punk is ridiculous, he spent 8 1/2 years out of 9 on the disabled list, disrupted the club house, and never won a World Series with this team. Fred will do anything to keep the latinos in the seats, what a patronizing pant load. Maybe he should hire Jeremy Lin as a special liason with the Flushing community and fill the seats with the asian persuasion. Ike Davis is headed for the disabled list, he is not able to hit the ball and is there any pitch Wright won't swing at? There is only one team worse then the Mets, you guessed it the Red Sox. Boston had to leave the friendly confines of the Kennedy compound, oops I mean Fenway to get a win. They played a team just as shitty as they are. Maybe a change of scenery was just what the Sox needed. After all how many games can you play day in and day out in a stadium that creaks, leaks, and the fans have to bring sandpaper so they can sit in these wooden seats. You would never think this place was 100 years old, my guess would have been atleast 150 years old. This stadium makes Wrigley Field look like the Taj Mahal. At least the fan base in Chicago can hold their liquor. The N.J. Nets played their last game at the Prudential Center. The players were overheard saying thank god I won't need armed security to bring me to my car. Gov Chris Christie called Newark a vibrant city, I guess if he is comparing it to Detroit. The people who live in Newark don't even want to be there. Hey Gov. who the fuck are you kidding.

HELLO SPORTS FANS

How about them N.Y. Rangers, shut out by the Senators the other night and will be eliminated tonight. Chris Neil is a one man wrecking crew. This guy should take out the rest of the Ranger players and skate around scoring goals at will. Oh yeah thats what he does anyway. After giving Boyle a concussion he should have beat him with the stick, his own. Then we have the high school drop out fan base, wow they should stop serving beer before the 1st period. Is there a trailer park near MSG? I never saw so many woman with mullets wearing steel toed work boots and gravy stained Lundquist jerseys. This moronic crew is booing there own team in a playoff game. I think the Ranger players should have left the ice and beat the fans senseless with their fucking sticks. and i thought Philly fans were douchebags. Parents actually bring their kids to this shit, they should be arrested for child abuse. Sorry my fellow Ranger fans it hasn't been 40 years yet, looks like we may have a few years to go before our team will be hoisting any Stanley Cup. The only cups they will be hoisting is the fuckin vodka they will be drinkin after this game tonight to forget about how they blew it..... Well the Red Sox caught a break this weekend, Sundays game was rained out. The Yankees came into Fenway and beat the shit out of the Sox,and they beat them so bad it looked like a Valentines Day massacre, Bobby Valentine that is. Not only should Valentine be fired but his pitching coach should be put on the unemployment list. Does anyone on that pitching staff know how to throw a strike? This is what happens when your players are as old as the stadium. It's bad enough when you get splinters in your ass from the broken down seats at Fenway but to watch a broken down team is asking a bit much. What a fucking mess. The Mets will concede the 1st game against the Giants this afternoon by going with Miguel Batista in front of 500 fans. Fred Wilpon will be handing out tickets to the homeless and anyone who who can remember when Jackie Robinson played for the Mets. This place is as bankrupt as the name it bears. Hey the Knicks make the play-offs without bum knee Lin. Hey Jeremy just get the fuck out. The Bloods have a potential first round series against the Crips in Miami. Seating at every tattoo parlor is sold out. Sorry fans but all the rappers and Spike Lee get first shot at the best seats.

NOW THIS SHOULD BE A FUN WEEKEND

The pitching challenged Yankees have a big weekend series with the hitting and pitching challenged Sox, no no not the White Sox are you living under a rock or what. The fucking Red Sox. The Yankees are bringing the team carpenter just in case repairs are needed at Fenway. Trust me, repairs are needed. Who designed this stadium? Old man Kennedy on a bender. I would be afraid to sit under those overhangs. Bobby V. against Skeleton Man - Girardi. There will be more hitting going on in the fucking stands than on the field. Now If the Yankee fans can get their cars started it will be a packed house. This will be a series based on who gets a firm grip on last place. It don't look good for the Sox.You know what it don t look good for the yankees either so flip a friggin coin on this weekend series. The management of the Sox took a page out of the Met management playbook. Today the Red Sox celebrate the 100th year of Fenway. So what does management do? They dont invite Theo Epstein and Dan Duquette who where the architects of the 2004 and 2007 World Series championship teams. Thats just as bad as that asshole Fred Wilpon and his DNA challenged son naming the rotunda at Citifield Jackie Robinson Rotunda instead of Tom Seaver. What does Seaver get? a fucking bobble head doll made by the Chi-coms. I digress, Roger Clemens could not make it, he said he was waiting for a C.O.D. delivery of steroids and Curt Schilling had to change his socks. Now if Pedroia can get his lips off of Youkilis' ass and Bobby V can keep that big trap shut this could prove to be a great weekend

SPORTSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

The question in Boston is when the fuck will Bobby V get fired. Vegas has 5-2 odds it will be the end of next week. The Texas Rangers beat the Sox again last night. If you can't beat a shitass team from one of the weakest divisions in baseball it's over johnny. I already hear the sound of crickets at Fenway,Although That could be my mistake, it might be the sound of that dump falling apart its so fuckin old. Youkilis went 0 for 4 the another night. I have a suggestion, why not have him stay seated in the dugout and when its his turn at bat tell him that there is a beer and a hooker waiting for him at home plate and then maybe you might get some production out of this overpaid fucking pantload. And the fans think Bobby V's comments were unwarranted about him. Hey, Youkilis hit the fucking ball. Talk about losers did anyone watch the Met game yesterday afternoon. What a fucking mess. The only thing that would make this season worthwhile would be Santana clocking Reyes with a 95 mile an hour fastball and then when he is trotting to 1st base he pulls his hamstings in both legs. There isn't a bigger doucebag in all of baseball. Yankee fans should be just as depressed because after C C what have we got, and trust me, he is one breath away from doing his imitation of Dick Clark.tell this fat bastard to have a salad please. The AL East has 5 teams in last place how exciting. Hey Girardi I've seen skeletons that look better than you.he needs to go out with CC for dinner alot more. Rangers are getting closer to elimination thats why i told you tell me when they make the finals enuf said. They should just beat themselves with their own fucking sticks. How awesome is this, the Knicks are ahead of the Sixers in the standings. You ever see a sixer fan, they make the Eagle fans look like millionaires. What else would you expect from people who live in that shithole. The City of Brotherly Love? You have got to be fucking kidding me.

100 FRIGGIN YEARS

Fenway Park is celebrating its 100th year. It is amazing how they have two of the original players still playing for them. Big Papi, and Youkilis. The Sox got bitch slapped by the Rangers last night 18 -3. Wow did the Boston players think this was a football game. Texas scored more runs than Boston has gotten all year. The only thing higher than the score was the fucking blood alcohol level of the fans. It is now tightening up in the AL East, 4 teams are vying for last place. The Celtics lost to the Knicks, so it was great news all around for new yorkers. Sorry Boston fans but the Bruins are the next ones to go down. DWI arrests will be on the rise in the city of Boston very soon. The Mets didnt get rid of Hamstring Reyes fast enough. This pant load is batting .217 with the Marlins. I got a video tribute for you " SO GLAD YOUR FUCKING GONE". The rapist pitched last night and he paid back his team for the two no decisions he got. This douchebag looked like he didn't even want to be there. One of the last Minaya latinos to get rid of. Just like with Reyes we will never win a World Series with this sex offender. He is lucky he didn't touch my daughter because he would have to pitch with two broken arms and busted knee caps. Hey Gary Cohen, your a fucking pussy. As an SNY broadcaster you have an obligation to be truthful about players on this team. Stop your bull shit and do your fucking job. There is nothing worse than singing the praises of Santana, Bay, and the other malcontents on this team. If your thinking about buying a Porsche, ( and i am begging you not too ) especially a Panamera I suggest you put the gun in your mouth right now and pull the fuckin trigger. If your into having Check Engine lights going on, the Fan Clutch engaging at will and Window Control buttons collapses into the door handles than this is the car for you. I think Porsche hired some disgruntled GM union thugs to build this piece of crap. What do you get for your dollar NOT A FUCKING THING. I've been in a loaner car more than I have been in my own. They should should rename this car "The Roadside Assistance". Hey Ferdinand Porsche to bad you didn't die behind the wheel of this piece of shit but you should certainly be buried in it.

BASEBALL BABY

What is all the bullshit over Bobby V's comments about Kevin Youkilis. Hey Kevin, your 33 years old and you look like your fuckin 50. Your batting .200 and join a growing list of players with a sore groin. What up with this sore groan shit.Please Tell these friggin hookers to take it a little easy on your nuts. Listen if you can't hit in that landfill they call Fenway then its time to retire. Maybe the Marlins will sign you for 200 million. Hey Pedroia, nice to come to the aid of Youkilis, just shut the fuck up and hit the ball. Jose Reyes is getting a video tribute from The Mets on April 24th. WHY? This guy spent 9 years as a Met and spent 8 1/2 years on the fucking disabled list with a pulled hamstring. He even cost them a chance for the playoffs when he started a fight with the Marlins. Fuck you and your video tribute. Then the Mets are going to honor Chipper Jones. Is he a Met?Did he play for these fuckers we don t know about? Chipper go impregnant some trailer park trash and get the fuck out. The Wilpons who run this organization are the biggest assholes on the planet. We are going to honor a player that said "pay me one dollar more than the Mets and I will play for you" and a guy who never played for the Mets. Why don't you change the name in the Rotunda to Chipper Jones and remove the Jackie Robison number because he had nothing to do with the Mets either. Fred, its time to retire, pick up Mario Cuomo on the way to the home and ask the residents " Do you know who I am" Mario will look at you and shake his head, No. Your just a bunch of thieves, sucking off the teet of your fan base. Rangers beat Ottawa,let me know when we make the finals then i will watch. Twins beat the Yanks, lets face it after Little Lotta AKA C.C. who do we have in the rotation. I would worry about him, this guy sweats cheeseburgers when he pitches and whats with the customized parachute pants. Stop doing commercials for Subway and grab a salad ya big fat fuck. Tough division that AL East, they are all tied for last. Can't wait to see Lebron do his choke act when the Cuban Heat make the playoffs. Nice beard asshole you look like an Al Qaeda recruit. Eli Manning will make an appearance on SNL This will be like watching a train wreck. This guy can barely put a sentence together. He ain't no Peyton when it comes to personality.

DO YOU DARE

Madonna unveiled her new perfume at Macy's, Truth or Dare. To tell you the truth I dare you to wear this shit. Eau De Toilet is correct. This stuff smells like toilet water from a Port O San. If you wear this shit, latin men will be attracted to you,and trust me it won't be Alex Rodriguez. Im talking about Jose from the local car wash. Why won't this middle aged, camel toed, flabby arm hair bag just go away. Madonna do me a favor go pick up Kim Kardashian get on the freeway get that sucker your in up to 120 and hit a guard rail. While we are on the subject of Kim, is there any black dick she doesn't like. Anne Hathaway will be the next Catwoman. Now theres a pussy, cat that is. Kelly Osbourne admits she is haunted by the torment she suffered when she was a fat pig. Now she is just a fuckin pig. Aaaron Paul who stars in " Breaking Bad" was a victim of back to back robberies. This stupid douche went home from an after hour party with some friends and some people he didn't know. WTF did he think was going to happen? Well you guessed it. They stole his car keys, a laptop, a voice recorder and gold Ray-Ban sunglasses. The second robbery they broke into this assholes Land Rover and swiped a suitcase full of clothes. Beyonce sent a letter to Michelle Obama esposing her love and admiration for her. What is this world coming to when a white womwn starts writing letters to the Presidents wife. She is white isn't she?

OPENING DAY AND MORE SHIT

There will be no crime in the Bronx today, The Yankees play their home opener. Heavy police presence and an influx of causasians wearing backward Yankee caps will be the reasons for the reduction. However, crime in Greenwich, CT. will be on the rise because the criminals that were in the Bronx will now go to Greenwich because all that yuppie scum will be at the Yankee game. Mariano Rivera will celebrate his 90th birthday. Hey Mariano, get the fuck out. Angel 5 Yankees who knows. The N Y Met season comes to an end this weekend, one good thing you don't have to wait till August. Talking about teams that will be in last place all year, the Red Sox have a firm grip on that spot,unfortunately alcoholism in Boston will be on the rise. There has to be some hidden reason why Bobby V. decided to manage this team. Does Boston have a large Japanese community? Rangers beat the Senators,tell me when the rangers get to the finals and i will then turn on my tv. Two of the worse cities in the U.S. are battling it out in the NHL playoffs. Lets start with Pittsburgh, this city makes West, VA. look like a tropical paradise, what a shit hole. Pittsburghs claim to fame is a roach infested eatery called Primanti's, they make a sandwich on stale bread that contains shit and then top it off with french fries, YUMMY. These tootless morons are playing the Flyers. ( Bet you didn't see this coming ). OH yes, the city of brotherly love. Flyers fans make the Philly fans look like aristocrats. You can always spot a flyer fan, they carry signs that read " Will Work For Flyer Tickets ". I guess it could be worse, they could be playing in Harrisburg. A sharpshooting retired NYPD lieutenant gunned down a gun toting criminal that robbed a Harlem Pharmacy. It don't get better than that. One less piece of garbage on the streets of New York. Hey No. Korea, if your going to launch a missile make sure the fucking thing can get off the ground. what a bunch of PANT LOADS. Hey I got an idea, why don't you feed your own people. Here is my suggestion. We should launch some missiles at No Korea to show them how a nuclear warhead really works. KABOOM

BOSTON DEAD SOX

How does a team that started out in 1901 as the Boston Americans come up with a name like the Boston Red Sox. Well let me tell you. They got the name because of the red stockings they wore back then, how imaginative. I suppose if they were wearing brown underwear they could have been called the Boston Shit Stains. It must be depressing to win only 2 World Series since 1918, what would you expect from a team that traded Babe Ruth,what the fuck was that guy thinking about when he did that. I still think Bill Buckner was your best player ever lol lol, but I digress. Maybe you can hire the very dead and very frozen Ted Williams as your hitting coach or how about Carl Yastrzemski then you guys might remember how to hit the fucking ball out of the infield this year. The point I'm trying to make is all the great Red Sox players are DEAD. Then you get excited with the signing of this pantload Bobby V. as the manager.This guy has the bullshit out of his mouth before the question is even asked, thats why they ran his midget ass out of new york. Daisuke Matsuzaka is on the DL NOW THATS A FUCKING SURPRISE.This jap has been on more dl's then the beatles had number 1 hit songs, send this 1 from colume A and 1 from colume B back to the mainland. Junichi Tazawa is in the minors so who is Bobby V going to have a conversation with? David Ortiz? good luck with that one.big papi is one big fucking mess, trust me it will be another 86 years before your team even gets into the playoffs. Listen, why not remove the home dug out and let the players sit with the fans and have a few beers during the game,why the fuck not ( Get it ) Was the Green Monster erected to hide the view of the dump they call the Kennedy compound? No it was erected to prevent line drive home runs. My sister could hit a home run at 310 feet, unfortunately my sister doesn't play for the Red Sox. Big Papi is one step away from a Dominican nursing home asking people "don't you know who i am,baseball ben bedy bedy good to me" Cody Ross longs for those rainy afternoons in Florida and the change in my pocket adds to 100 cents which is Kevin Youklis's batting average so it kinda sounds like you guys are fucked right now . Hey Boston, Johnny Damon just signed with the Indians. Whatsa matta he's not old enough,or is it that he does'nt drink enough beer while the game is going on, thats my guess. Your starting line up is older than the 62 Mets. Here is a really good suggestion for you guys. Load up the team bus and do a Ted Kennedy, and drive them off the Chappaquiddick Bridge.GOOD LUCK WITH THIS BUNCH.

FIRE FIRE EVERYWHERE

There was a brush fire in the Meadowlands yesterday, did you hear about this? The toxic waste that flows beneath the Meadowlands must have heated up and combusted. The fire endangered the Izod Center. I was actually hoping that this eyesore along with the Prudential Center and Met Life Stadium went up in a puff of smoke. There aren't three uglier stadiums around unless you consider ( Yup, your guessed it ) Philadelphia. Have you ever been to Citizens Bank Park? or the Wachovia Center ? or how about the shit hole where the Eagles play, Lincoln Financial Field. I don't know what looks worse, the stadiums or the people that attend the games. Are gravy stained tee shirts and cargo shorts the offical apparel of Philly sport fans. These people are drinking way too much shitty Keystone Lite..... Did anyone really think The N.Y. Metropolitans had any shot this year. The franchise is 50 years old and 50 is the team batting average. They play the Phillies and then the Braves, we should be out of our misery by the end of next week. This team is more anemic than an albino. Somebody should just beat Jason Bay senseless with his own fucking bat. Well Ranger fans our misery begins tonight. I hope you don't think they have a shot at a Stanley Cup. The only cups they will be hoisting fits in their jock straps. What a sport, grown men beating each other with sticks. Big fucking deal, thats happens every night in Bay Ridge. The Knicks beat the Bucks, enuf said. Wow, The Yankees swept the Orioles. A pee wee team could beat the Orioles. Charles Manson was denied parole for the twelth time, yet Ray Lewis is allowed to play football ( Think About it )

MORE NEWSSSSSSSSSSSSS

The N Y Metropolitans celebrate their 50th Anniversary today. Who names a team the Metropolitans? Ralph Kiner will be the starting pitcher and Roger Craig will come in the game after Ralph throws 2 pitches. Craig will throw two or three pitches and Nolan Ryan will finish the game. The point I am trying to make is that the Mets SUCK. David Wright broke his pickie finger while sipping an espresso, Jason Bay will kill another Met rally with his 3rd strike out of the day, Ike Davis will break out in sweats from valley fever and Lucas Duda will drop every ball hit to right field. Right field is aptly named the MO Zone, not because of Modells but for Mo Vaughn. Thats the only place Vaughn could hit the ball. This team should be named the N.Y. Mess. The Jackson 4 are going on tour. You know why it is the Jackson 4? because number 5 is dead. Guess who won't be their opening act? Whitney Houston. Amy Whitehouse respectfully declined due to a death in the family, HERS. Al Pacino and Christopher Walken are filming a movie together called " Stand up Guys" I need more cow bell. The Car Show ends this Sunday at the Javits Center. I suggest you stay home, any parts worth taking were stolen on opening day. Rep. Charlie ( The Tax Cheat ) Rangel is running for another term despite a bad back. He blames the bad back on a suitcase he picked up stuffed with hundred dollars bills. This old fool is running for his 22nd term. Charlie, GET OUT. Guess who won't be President? Rick Santorum, the people in Pennsylvania won't even vote for him. I believe it is because they don't know how to operate the lever on the voting booth. Bobby Petrino was fired as coach for the Arizona Razorbacks for knowingly misleading the university. Well if thats the case everybody on Wall Street should be fired. ( Do you have to think about that ) Knicks lost to the Bulls, enuf said.

WEEKEND UPDATE

Mike Wallace died, get over it he was 93. I think we can come to the conclusion he won't be 94, sign me uppp. Do you know how to stop the Check Engine light from coming on in a 2011 Porsche Panamera? Answer:: Take the fucking bulb out. The designer of the Porsche 911 died this weekend, Im surprised he didn't get killed driving one of those death traps he created. 911 was a correct name because you had to dial 911 everytime this piece of crap brokedown. The upside is they did look nice sitting in peoples driveways. The Knicks are closing in on first place and even better than that tied with Sixers. Do you know the best thing about Philadelphia? Driving right straight through it. This is the same city where everybody gets their car booted because they are so stupid they can't park properly nor can they read. What is so hard about a sign that says NO PARKING ZONE. This is the same place that produced Rick Santorum. Hey Rick, JUST GET OUT. The rich, white plantation owners in Augusta couldn't be happier with a golfer named Bubba Watson winning the Masters. After he took off the Green Jacket they all celebrated in their brown uniforms. ( Get It ). How about those Mets, no Reyes and they go 3 and 0. Jon Niese got a nose job? You could have fooled me. This guy just signed a 25 mil contract and he needed Beltran to pay for the plastic surgery? Saturday was homeless glove day at Citifield. They gave away wool gloves with the fingers cut out. It looked like 25,000 homeless people in the stadium. Well at least 24,999

PLAY BALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Second Round of golf at Augusta today,who gives a fuck. The only blacks allowed are the kitchen help and Tiger Woods. The Marlins have lost 2 straight. They will soon find out what a real pant load Reyes is. Trust me if they keep losing Reyes will fake one of his famous hamstring injuries. Jason Bay continues his torrid pace towards an abyss, another 0 for 3. This was another great signing by Omar Minaya. Remember him? He wanted to rename the team the Dominican Mets. Two Pennsylvania teams played each other yesterday, the Phillies and the Pirates. I don't know what city is more depressing but I have an idea its Pittsburgh. The Philies have the Fanatic as their mascot. This thing looks like the people that go to thier games. You ever see what the Philly fans wear to a ballgame? Brown cargo shorts with an Utley jersey, some wear sneakers with the outfit but most are bare foot. Even the woman wear this outfit but the woman have there bellies hanging over the waistband with the thong hanging out the back and a tat of Rollins on their lower back. The jerseys are beer and cheeseteak grease stained. The best thing about Pittsburgh stadium is the property the stadium was built on. The Yankees open their season today at 3:00 The only english speaking person on the team is Derek Jeter, Que pasa? A crane will hoist C C Sabathia to the mound, this guy sweats gravy when he pitches. Can anybody tell me if Joe Girardi has AIDS. this fucking guy needs to eat a cheeseburger. It is impossible to listen to a Yankee broadcast, John Sterling? what a fucking douche. PLAY BALL

MEET THE METS

A harbinger of things to come. The Met season was summed up yesterday with the last spring training game of the season. A LOSE. They couldn't even beat a Yankee B team. The new season of loses begins today against the Braves. They can't even sell-out Opening Day at Jackie Robinson Stadium, oops I mean Citifield with the rapist on the mound. Nothing like having a stadium named after a corrupt banking conglomerate. Yeah the same Citi that stole millions from taxpayers. Now these same thieving pricks won't lend any of the money they stole. They just should have named the place Chase Bank Stadium. ( Get It ) The Wilpons are even giving away tickets for Saturdays game if you buy tickets for todays game. Listen Fred I have some advise for you. #1 Get rid of the Jackie Robinson shit, # 2 Honor the 69 and 86 World Series players, # 3 Sell the fucking team, # 4 Put a statue of Tom Seaver in the rotunda # 5 Sell the fucking team #6 Stop hanging around with Mario Cuomo # 7 Just sell the fucking team. How can you open the season with no closer? Listen Andy Petite is making a come back maybe you can ask Jerry Koosman what he is doing. Hey Jason Bay why don't you just quit. YOU SUCK. Now that Reyes is gone and thank god and so are the latino fans. the Wilpons are turning their focus on the asian flavor. Heejun Han from American Idol will sing God Bless America. This is the guy that looks like he is taking a shit when he sings. Gold Bless America? WTF I am telling you this organization doesn't have a clue. They must have hired management from OTB. How about the Mets paying Jon Neise 25 mil. Theres 25 mil they just flushed down the fuckin toilet. Lets move on to the Marlins. Who the fuck came up with the color scheme of this dump?HELEN KELLER? Wow, and what is that hideous looking thing behind the centerfield wall? Fish Tanks built into the walls? swimming pools? Is this a baseball stadium or a Motel 6. Then some brain child builds this eyesore in Little Havana. I got an idea they should have built this thing in the real Havana. Really no big difference they are both shit holes. Good luck with Reyes, I bet he doesnt make it thru April without pulling his fucking hammy. PLAY BALL

IN PAIN BUT STILL A LITTLE RANTING

We had another nut walking among us in Oakland, CA. This nut was a South Korean by the name of One Goh. I think translated in Korean this means One fucking Nut. He decided to take out 7 people because they critized him because he no speakie dat good. What does this guy do after he shoots 7 people? why he goes to a supermarket ( most likely Korean ) and says hey I just shot some people, is it me or are people just getting more fucked up as time goes on..... Alec Douchebag Baldwin is getting married again. Doesn't this poor girl know he is a douchebag. I know she does yoga so it is apparent her head is up her ass..... Talk about douchebags Keith Olbermann got fired again. Listen you know your life isn't working out when you get replaced by Eliot Spitzer. There isn't a more reprehensible scumbag on the planet than Spitzer except for Alec Baldwin..... Lets move on to college basketball, Kentucky beat Kansas, enuf said and who gives a fuck.... Who does the graphics for Al Qaeda? Thats some picture on the cover of the Daily News. How can they do that kind of work in a cave?fuckin amazing. When do we show these fanatics how a F-22 really works. The only good member of Al Qaeda is one that doesn't breath. Good news, GM sales are down on Buick and Cadillac. I guess the over 90 crowd just ain't buying right now.

JUST PISSED OFF

Lets start off with the Final Four. We had two toothless goober colleges fighting to see who could riot the most. Louisville and Kentucky. Hey Rick Pitino you eat the mighty one. You are also starting to look like an old drag queen and could be a double for Dustin Hoffman. Do you know the state motto for Kentucky? " We are the Oxycotin State" Do you know the best thing about Kentucky? The signs that says " You are Now Leaving Kentucky" My Ole Kentucky Home, what a shit hole. I guess if you can't go to Columbia, Yale or Harvard your next choice is Louisville or even worse Kentucky. The future Prius driving, USA bashing, tree hugging, money swindling douche bags decided to riot after a basketball game. Is that what a so called educated person does? Yeah lets go destroy property that other people worked hard for and put their blood and sweat into. Your parents must be so proud. Your lucky I'm not the Police Chief, you would be walking around with a night stick permanently imbeded in your ass. All this over a game that doesn't take much talent. Let's face it if you can dribble a ball you can play. Perfect example Jeremy Lin. Talk about Douchebags Dolan Jr, had a good teacher, his father. The Knick management knew Jeremy Lin had a torn Menicus but didn't tell ticket holders till the deadline to purchase playoff tickets came last Wednesday. Talk about a chink in the armor. Well at least they fucked Spike Lee. You talk about a morally bankrupt organization, your talking about the N Y Knicks. You will now suffer the wrath of Chinatown. Don't forget to listen to the Mets lose to the Braves today. No TV, thank god. How about that new stadium the Marlins built to house illegal immigrants. I guess the Cubans and Haitians can finally sleep indoors. Let me explain something to Marlin management. The fans Jose Reyes brings to the stadium don't spend money. They smuggle in their own beer and food and buy the cheapest tickets you sell. They usually purchase group tickets because they bring the entire familia. This stadium is located in Little Havana. good luck getting out of there alive. This place makes the Bronx look like a tropical paradise. Now lets move onto the Country Music Awards. What part of country don't these assholes understand. Where are the rhinestone suits, peddle steel guitars and violins. I thought I was watching a rock concert. WTF was kiss doing there. Hey Gene your an old, wrinkled up jewish dude with bad hair, get the fuck out. A tribute to Bruce Sprinsteen? WTF is his contribution to Country Music. Oh yeah I know he isnt country. Hey Bruce your another old wrinkled up jewish guy with bad hair. Join Gene and get the fuck out. The best thing about the Awards were the Dodge Ram commercials.