SEE YA LATER ED

Have you heard the great news? The second biggest douchebag on the planet right behind Alec Baldwin has retired, Fireman Ed the unofficial mascot of the J-E-T-S has called it quits. Hey Ed,do me a favor and get another fucking hat to wear.another guy with his 15 mins of fame that thinks he is a fuckin celebrity, So after fucking the city of New York putting out trash can fires for a living you now are finally done sucking off the teet of the N Y Jets. Here is some news, you were never relevant. Its was just your circle of jerks that thought you were the mascot of the J-E-T-S. I personally just thought you were a fuckin pantload looking for a freebie. ( typical city employee ). By the way nice fucking hat. You should have been fired for stealing a fire hat and then painting it in the gangrene colors ( spelled correctly ) When you leave please take the fucking seat you were sitting in and burn the fucking thing please. Maybe you and Woody can blow each other in the parking lot. If your blowing Woody I'm sure it will be in the V.I. P. Parking lot, but it will cost you 25.00 bucks to park in that shithole we call metlife stadium It will be a pleasure to go to a game and not see you sitting on somebodys shoulder screaming J-E-T-S. Do you know what J-E-T-S stands for JUST EXIT THE SCENE. Woody Johnson is now looking for a new mascot. Will it be a can of pledge wearing a Jet cap, or how about a picture of Fireman Eds ass painted green ( could be copywright infringeent ). I got a new gig for Fireman Ed. He can now go to the Giant homes games dressed as a Giant Douche only problem he doesn't know how to spell G-I-A-N-T-S.

I'M BACK BABY

I discovered the reason why the suicide rate skyrockets around Christmas time.Why you ask? because People are listening to Michael Buble and Bruce Springsteen sing Christmas carols.My head is ready to explode........... I found myself tying a noose around my pet turtle until I was snapped out of it by Bing Crosby singing White Christmas. Now Im wishing those two guys would walk infront of a fucking bazooka. Well atleast the black folk still have black Friday.Is that politically correct??? i don t fuckin think so..... Talk about suicide The Mets offered David ( Pantload ) Wright 18 mil a year for seven years. I think he will be 50 when his contract is up..... are you kidding me... Did you hear there were no shootings, stabbings or slashings in New York, that doesn't mean there wasn't any murder. How about stranglings or poisonings? how about drowning in a bath tub? Come on you gotta give me something. If you were tickled inappropriately by Elmo get it off your fuckin chest now. This guy was touching more people than Hallmark. The Chi-coms keep snapping up those 1phones, Apple now controls 48.1 % of the market. They light the tree at Rockefeller Center tonight, don't watch because there will be appearances by Trace Adkins, Who? yeah this is the big stupid looking country singer who thinks he can sing, Mariah Carey, yeah the one who can break glass with her high pitched screech when she is getting dicked by Nick Cannon. Oh it gets worse Al ( I like white woman ) Roker and the aging rocker Rod Stewart. Whatsa Matta they lost Dean Martins phone number, oh yeah he's dead, lucky for him. I hope when they throw the switch that tree goes up like a Bangladesh warehouse. Fuhgetaboutit

BLACK FRIDAY

Did you know that Blacks get there own shopping day? All fucking day I keep hearing about Black Friday, what up with that. Can white people shop that day? Will the stores have any Air Jordans left by the time I get there....???But seriously Why do they call it black friday?is it because every loon is out at 3am looking to save 4 bucks on a coach bag???? wtf am i misssing here....do people understand all these stores do is bump the price up then show you a bigger discount so you are really paying the same amount you would normally pay but trick you into thinking you got such a great buy...bunch of scumbags once again leading the consumer in thinking that they saved a few bucks while waiting on line with every other tom,dick and harry.... The unions put another 18,000 workers on the unemployment line. The bakers at Hostess refused to negotiate with the company and were warned that if cuts weren't made they would close. What didn't the union understand? The cut part or the close part. So now another company will be shuttered and a foreign outfit from Mexico ( Bimbo Bakeries )serious, that is the name will take over the brand name. Guess what? I bet there not union at Bimbo in Mexico. This outfit already owns Sara Lee and Entenmanns. Thank God the Japs aren't into bakeries. I guess the drug cartels will have another way to smuggle drugs into this country, via Twinkie and Devil Dogs. No mas la panaderia left in the U.S. So los submarinos will be made in Mexico, Que Pasa. Well The Jets and Mark Sanchez beat the Rams but then again who hasn't beaten the Rams, enuf said. The Giants had a bye week so Eli spent the day trying to throw a pass into the end zone. I was told he was intercepted by the ball boy. Met tickets go on sales this week. Anyone purchasing more than 1 game will be allowed to take a picture with Jackie Robinson in his Rotunda. Hey Fred you stupid fuck have you seen the players Toronto signed? and they get fewer fans than you do. Fuhgetaboutit

THE JETS

Woody Johnson, no not the dummy from Toy Story but the dummy owner of the Jets says he didn't sign up for a 3-6 season so far. Well guess what, never did the fucking fans you dipshit. Is there a dumber fuck on the planet? I will answer that, yeah Fred Wilpon. He is also upset over the media perception of Tim Tebow. Why because Tebow sucks? or is it because now we have two loser quarterbacks to go with his loser offensive coordinator. No pun intended but I find this whole thing "offensive". It won't be long until the sound of crashing helmets and vicious blocks are replaced by the sound of crickets. No not the game cricket which we have no clue wtf they actually do to play this game,but the insect. So I guess it won't be long until Rex Ryan and Mike Tannenbaum join the list of those unemployed. I can't wait till they are told to get the fuck out and take that Stevie Wonder offensive coordinator with you. Do you know what Rex Ryans biggest mistake was? thinking he could be a head coach and no less a head coach in New York. Could somebody please call Bill Parcells I am now begging you I will even except Gruden and if not him my last choice would be John Madden. No im not fucking kidding. Hey Woody, it's time to get rid of that hat you found in the desk of Leon Hess. The 60's's were 50 years ago you schmuck. Leon Hess is in the New Jersey Hall of Fame a place Woody Johnson will never be unless he visits. Oh by the way the Jets will lose this Sunday they are playing the Rams in St. Louis. Do you know who the offensive coordinator is ? Thats right, Brian Schottenheimer, remember him? Rams 24 Jets SUCK. While we are on the subject of losers how about The Lakers hiring MIke D'Antoni as their head coach. It won't be long before Kobe is bitch slapping this guy in the locker room. I hope the Laker fans are ready for a losing season. R A Dicket won the NL Cy Yound Award by winning 20 games with a team that only won 40 games or there abouts. Next year he will lose 20 games but be a lot richer. enuf said

CAN YOU BELIEVE

The Marlins said adios to hamstring boy Jose Reyes. They realized real quick that they were not going to win a World Series with this pant load and the latino fans in Miami got tired real fast of his bullshit. so it's no mas for Jose. Playing in Toronto should get him a lot of name recognition, are there alot of Latinos in Toronto? I will answer that, NO FUCKIN WAY there is only 2.3 % of latinos that live in Toronto and they say its so cold they can never get their cars started and that 2.3% say they never heard of Jose Reyes.so say no way jose.... The New Marlins Park will now be converted into a cuban refugee camp since no fans will show up for any games and the cubita is free. Talk about suck, how about them Jets. The Jet players tell the Daily News that Tebow is terrible. What a shock, I didn't know that did you? Obviously if the players know it and the fans know why doesn't Rex Ryan know it. Has anybody asked Phil Simms if he would like to make a come back or how about a gay quarterback does Troy Aikman wanna play.... at this point we will take anybody who can the throw the fucking ball to the right color jersey..... The Knicks are 5-0 the best start in 19 years, when they asked Carmelo why they are off to such a great start he said the other teams can't stop looking at our tats .Did you know Robbie Cano just became an American citizen? WTF aren't you suppose to be an American citizen to work here? Did anybody check his green card? Just asking. Johan Santana was handing out lunches in Staten Island to those affected by Hurricane Sandy. I guess he was loooking for an attractive woman he could take advantage of, was he wearing pants when he was handing out the lunches. Hey Johan just get the fuck out. Could somebody teach Eli Manning how to throw a touchdown pass and not to the opposing team

O WELLLLLLLLLLLLL

Did Obama really win re-election, No Way. I knew America has some stupid people living in it I just didn't realize how many. I knew 39% of wommen who thought abortion was the key issue were going to vote for him, I knew 98 % of the black population would vote for him, this is why the election should be held early in the morning ( you'll figure it out ) but how did so many hillbillys get their cars started to make it to the polling place. That leaves the brain dead youth vote to Obama, these assholes actually think he is doing a good job. Well at least he has a job, maybe thats why they admire him or was it the promise of free health care or maybe they were impressed with the 16 trillion debt because they can't count that high. So you think the last 4 years weren't so bad, wait you aint seen nothing yet.... Major Harris of the Delphonics died at the at of 65. His 1975 hit was " Love won't let me wait" well guess what, neither will death. Who were the Delphonics you ask? I don't have a fucking clue. Paul McCartney and his hideous wife Nacy Shevell, who is just as hideous as her father who owns New England Motor Freight was in a near miss helicopter crash. The operative word is "miss" please let me know next time when the word miss is taken out of the headline. Okay all you yuppie douches Apple is testing production of an Iphone5S I understand the S stands for shit. This phone will actually be almost as good as the Sumsung Galaxy S111. The key word here is almost. The Chi-coms are hoping this phone will go into production shortly. When the Chi-com authorities were asked why, they simply replied we hate the Koreans

J E T S OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

The Jets got beat worse than LIPA in a tropical storm. It's time for the fat mans show to move on. Whose decision was it to hire Tony ( i am blind as a fuck ) Sparano. He looks like hellen keller carrying a clipboard but can't read the fucking game plan. Another great idea to bring on Tim ( like a virgin ) Tebow. This circus with Sanchez and Tebow has got to come to an end. Has anybody in football ever seen such insanity?. One quarterback can't throw and really sucks and one just sucks, you figure out who is who. Rex has said "this is the best team he has ever coached", wow I hate to see what the worst one was. How come we never get a shot at the good quarterbacks? We always get the broken down retreads like Favre or we get the fuckin lettuce head that can't throw the ball more than 5 yards. Hey Woody do you have any idea what the fuck is going on with your team. Stop huffing Pledge and wake up before MetLife Stadium starts to look like Citifield, empty except on gay pride night when admission is free. Its appears to me that the warden can't get the inmates to produce. Is this anyway to run an organized prison? The receivers for the Jets can't catch a football when its thrown right at them maybe they would be better off in wood shop class. Only problem you can't make millions making shanks. Hey Rex why not tell your players to spend more time on the practice field instead of in the fucking tattoo parlor. Mark Sanchez can't quarterback and Tim Tebow ain't the solution. So here is my suggestion, ask Joe Theisman if he can quarterback after he does his prostrate commercials. Just get the fuck out and take the hook nosed bird face looking Fiireman Ed with you and every fan that wears a helmet in the shape of a Jet. What a bunch of fucking maniacs. Whatsa matta you din't know I was a Jet fan. Go Broncos????????

GOTTA LOVE THIS SHIT

Taylor Swift broke up with her Kennedy boy toy. When she was asked why Swift replied, " He would rather play with X Box then my box". Can't wait to hear her next song. The Mets finally got rid of Jason Bay, not bad being unemployed and collecting 21 mil. This guy made Mo Vaughn look like Babe fuckin Ruth. Jason just get the fuck out and don't let the clubhouse door hit you in the ass on the way out. How about them Nets, they were involved in another close game last night, they lost 103 - 73. Does anybody know if they covered the point spread. When Deron Williams was asked why they lost he replied " We Suck ". Pete Carroll will meet his old college quarterback this weekend when they play the Jets. This time Carroll's Seahawks will beat Sanchez and his Jets by 6 1/2 points so say the odds makers. When Rex Ryan was asked about Sanchez he simply replied, " He throws the best 5 yard pass i have ever seen" I didn't think this country had 60,484,369 assholes, I was obviously wrong so it's4 more years of looking at Michelle Obama and her Jay Leno chin, in other news Gov Chris Christie had surgery to remove his head from the ass of Barack Obama. The surgery was successful but it did not to help elect Mitt Romney. Well here is some good news, a deadly quake hit Guatemala 39 people were killed, well thats 39 that won't be coming here illegally.Obama was saddened by the news because he lost 39 potential votes. Here is some bad news for you yuppie douches Apple stock is down 20%, how do you think Steve Jobs feels about that, Oh yeah he's dead. Not to worry the market was only down 313 points yesterday by the end of Obamas second term there won't be any points left. ( Get It ). Whatsa Matta you thought the American people were smart. FUHGETABOUTIT

WELL WELCOME TO ANOTHER 4 YEARS

I woke up this morning to find out that Dewey beat Truman, so where's my government cheese. I knew Romney didn't stand a chance when Wisconsin was called for Obama. You know who is from Wisconsin? Yup, Paul Ryan. This fucking dope couldn't even help Romney take his home state. As stupid as Biden is at least he carried Delaware. So here comes 4 more years of misery when we could have had 4 mores of misery. So it's free health care, unlimited un-employment coverage, 16 trillion in debt, plenty of government cheese and people think this country is headed in the right direction. Trust me it won't be long till we see bumper stickersthat read " I didn't vote for Obama" I guess the 39% of women who thought abortion was the key issue pushed Obama over the finish line. To sum it up Romney carried every state that didn't matter. Linda McMahon was wrestled to the ground in CT. She got beat worse than the Undertaker. Linda after you spent 100 mil it's time to just get the fuck out and take that steroid injected husband with you. The Republicans lost more ground than the Germans at Stalingrad, enuf said. Do the Rangers play tonight? If anybody can guess how bad the Jets get beat by the Seahawks Sunday you can win a dinner for two with Fireman Ed. Pretty sad when when Seattle is 7 point favorites. Yeah Rex, your doing a great job

ELECTION DAY

Well it all comes down to this, are you voting for the Giant Douche or the Turd Sandwich. I will let you decide who is who but the Turd Sandwich was in Madison Wi. yesterday hugging Bruce Springsteen. ( you figure it out ). So you can vote on four more years of misery or 4 more years of misery,I dont think it matters who the fuck gets in. 9 states will decide this election and to be honest these nine states shouldn't be considered part of the United States. Two are out west, Nevada and Colorado,there are more mexicans in these two fuckin states than they have in Mexico. Then we have Ohio, Wisconsin and Iowa. If 47 other states got wiped out you still wouldn't want to live in these shithole states. That leaves Pennsylvania, Virginia and North Carolina, let me sum it up by saying we are doomed. If the people who live in these three states can get their cars off the cinder blocks Obama is a shoe in. Hey were do I get my free government cheese. GM got an 11 billion dollar revolving line of credit, this is the same company that makes that hideous Malibu and Cruze and lets not forget the Duracell battery with 4 wheels the Volt. Did the companies that gave them an 11 billion credit ever drive in one of their cars? I wouldn't lend them 5 cents. Suzuki Motors filed for bankruptcy unfortunately 10 years to late. Do you know anybody who drives a Suzuki? for that matter do you anybody who drives a Volt? Keep it up GM and you won't be far behind. Are Black people allowed at the Barclay Center besides the players. The Nets lost their opener and trust me there will be many many more loses. I thought the brothers loved basketball? if so none were in the seats. Don't the Nets have their version of Spike Lee. It was a close game the T-Wolves 107 the Nets SUCK. Where is my government cheese?

AFTERMATH

Could somebody just get this congressman Tim Bishop off the T.V., what a fucking douchebag. This guy is a bigger camera hog than Chuck ( The Smuck ) Schumer. Look out when this putz comes to your neighborhood, make sure your wallet is safely secured. While we are on the subject of douchebags I didn't think there was a bigger one than Alex Baldwin, guess what? I found one, Mayor Michael Bloomberg. People are suffering in Manhattan and the outer boroughs and this shit head gave the okay for the NYC Marathon. Are you fucking kidding me. What this little midget wouldn't do to satisfy the yuppie scum . He said he would be good for business, What? If your a business without power what fucking good are these pantloads running through your neighborhood going to do for you. Well they start at the Verrazano Bridge what a wonderful time for a bridge collapse. There is racing at Aqueduct, yeah I now unbelieveable I guess Andrew Cuomo has to make his mortgage payment. Just pick the horse that likes to race knee deep in mud and you got the winner or you can always ask Vito or Tony ( get the point ) . Tim Tebow is dating a girl? Yup Camilla Belle. Does she have a penis? just asking. All the lefties are throwing a benefit to raise money for Hurricane Sandy victims. How much do you think actually will go towards that. The Boss, Bon Jovi, Billy ( the Hole ) Joel, Christina ( the Midget ) Aquilera. What a shock it will be broadcast on all NBC affiliates. Make sure Bruce goes on early so he doesn't miss his bedtime and anyone who thinks Bon Jovi can sing must be tone deaf. Billy Joel wants to appear because everybody thinks he is dead. The event is being hosted by two real no talent smucks Jimmy ( Unfunny ) Fallon and lefty leaning Brian Williams who will be wearing his " Obama 12" button

ON A LIGHT NOTE .....

The basketball season begins and thats good news because the crime rate will drop in every city with a basketball francise except for Charlotte. Has anybody been to Charlotte, N.C.? what a fucking shit hole. This place makes Arkansas look like the French Riviera. The Nets will open at their new arena the "Gustapo Center" in Brooklyn. By the way who gave Deron Wlliams of the Nets his haircut? Charles Manson and what kind of name is Deron. The Nets were suppose to open against the Knicks tonight but Carmelo Anthony postponed the game because he is getting another tattoo. No biggie because the Knicks suck and the Nets suck even more. The Knicks open against Miami on Friday at the Garden the underwater seats are going for 100 bucks. Tickets to sit next to Spike Lee are free ( nobody wants to sit next to that douche unless your Alex Baldwin ). There is no train service into Penn Station so madison square garden will be empty because Knick fans don't have cars that can make it into New York. I was looking at pictures of houses in Lindenhurst and was trying to determine if they were before the storm or after, how can you tell? I guess it was Gods way of telling you to just get the fuck out. Be careful of the towel heads price gouging at gas stations this applies to the pull and push starts. If they are simply smack them in the head with the gas nozzle as you drive over them leaving. President Obama was in New Jersey yesterday seeking votes oops I mean assessing storm damage. The only damage he should worry about is how badly he gets beaten November 6th. Hey Obama, just get the fuck out and take Michelle and the kids with you. Whatsa Matta you thought he was going to be re-elected FUHGETABOUTIT