BOWLING ANYONE????

Did you her about the guy who tried to offffff his wife at a bowling alley. Wow, how fuckin classy, inside a fucking bowling alley. Whatsa Matta there isn't a Dennys on Staten Island. This poor broad has to live in Staten Island and then her husband tries to kill her at a bowling alley, yes a fucking bowling alley, did he try to get the 7-10 split on her head??? How was being married to that asshole working out for you? Her husband Armando Tritto tried to wack his wife with a .357 Magnum. Obviously this guido wasn't a professional hitman. Listen Armando if you are going to off your ex-wife take her out to a nice dinner and then plug her in the car and tell the cops Robert Blake did it..... Somebody put Lindsay Lohan out of her misery. She is one drink away from joining Amy Winehouse for a final toast. Her bar tab at a recent hotel stay was $3,145.07. To you non drinkers thats a lot of fucking booze.... John Travolta is now alledged to have had a gay affair with his pilot ( not female ) for 6 years. Fasten your seatlbelts I am sure this story is about to take-off.... I am waiting for the news to break that V.P. nominee Paul Ryan had sex with a chimpanzee while Jerry Sandusky watched....jezzz i hope not..... How about those delegates from Texas. Whats with those fucking 10 gallon hats and 55 gallon drum heads. Listen if you live in Texas just fucking shoot yourself. Here is a word of advice before you fire an employee. Make sure he or she isn't packing any heat or at least make sure you are.

HURRICANE ISAAC

I thought it was a very nice gesture that the Republicans allowed the homeless and the mentally challenged to seek refuge at the convention during Hurricane Isaac,OOPS excuse me i was just informed that these were the delegates for the Republican Convention. Gov. Chris Christie gave the key note address or was that a side of beef,it really very hard to tell....Can someone tell this guy to eat a fucking salad. There wasn't enough brain power in that arena to light a 60 watt bulb. Trust me if these are the people voting, this country is soooooooooooooo fucked. So come November you can vote for the Giant Douche or the Turd Sandwich. I'M voting for the Giant Douche. Whatsa Matta you thought I was a Democrat.... Hurricane Isaac touched down in New Orleans, I was hoping this Hurrican would finish what Katrina started. Trust me nobody wants to live in New Orleans, the blacks who moved to Houston after Katrina won't come back no matter how much free housing they are offered. Unfortunately only one levee was breached during this hurricane and rumor has it George Bush was seen running from the scene. ( Think About It )..... Now we have a Navy Seal speaking out saying Osama Bin Pantload was already dead when they got there, from a single gunshot wound to the brain. Somebody should give this Navy Seal the same fate. What some douches wouldn't say or do to sell a book..... There is no truth to the rumor that Neil Armstrong will be buried on the moon, his wife said she wasn't up for the long flight and the flower cars wouldn't fit in the space capsule anyway..... Mets are only 9 games under .500, Racing today at Saratoga and the J-E-T-S are trying to score their first TD and the Yankees are only 2 1/2 games away from getting knocked out of first place. If you want to spot rich white people drinking $20.00 bottles of water you can also go to the U.S. Open. Somebody just beat me death with a tennis racket NOW

THE MAN ON THE MOON

Neil Armstrong passed away at age 82. Who was Neil Armstrong? He was the first man to walk on Area 51, Oops I mean the Moon. Neil took his final lunar orbit this weekend and the truth died with him. Whatsa Matta you actually think we landed men on the moon. I guess your the same crowd that thinks Kennedy was killed by a single magic bullet..... I figured out what is wrong with the J-E-T-S, yeah I know they suck but Mark Sanchez is giving the plays in spanish and Santonio Holmes no speakie da spanish. QUE PASA MAN its gonna be a bit difficult to win any games when your offensive coordinator looks like fucking stevie wonder on the sidelines with the bad sunglasses on.Its seems to me that the more weight Rex looses the worse the team is getting so at this point since he is getting so thin he will be one skinny out of work coach cause these sacks of shit forgot how to play football and this tebow mania bullshit well this dude can't hit a fucking barn door...how in the heck did he win so many games in college? was he in the handicapped division??? this guy looks like a linebacker trying to throw a ball and that just aint gonna cut it......hold on to your hats jet fans its gonna be fucking ugly this year......

NOW I HEARD IT ALL

Did you hear that Kim Kardashian purchased a toilet that cost 100,000.00 . That's 100 with a comma and three more zeroes. This bowl is reinforced with rebar and is said to be able to hold her GIANT fat ass without cracking. It is also a bidet that shoots out water from 6 black dicks so it can clean her gaping vagina and very ample ass crack. Is there a more obnoxious pig on the planet then this whore?..... Could somebody beat Hugh Hefner to death with a coffee mug I can't wait much longer for this guy to exit planet earth. Now he is opening his big yap speaking out for gay marriage. I guess at 86 he's got nothing to lose. Hopefully the next viagara he takes is laced with something the "Ice Man" had leftover in his hit man bag.... Alanis Morissette has been considered as an "American Idol" judge under one condition, she must go for teeth reduction so they can fit her face on camera.... Snooki is just three weeks away from delivering her demon seed. I will be 70 when this kid is in his teens shooting people with a rifle from the roof of Kent State..... I hope you don't have stock in Boeing. Quantas canceled an order for 35 Dreamliners with a list price of 8.5 billion with a B. How long have you guys been building planes? Whatsa Matta the teamsters forgot where the wings go. Don't forget to watch Tiger Woods in The Barclays at Bethpage. I'm hoping someone will beat him with a nine iron and I mean beat him with a nine iron. FUHGETABOUTIT

SAY IT AIN'T SO LANCE

Don't miss this Saturday in Central Park,apparently there have been complaints that cyclists are running down most of the yuppie douches jogging in the park,do us all a favor and buy a fuckin treadmill its alot safer and we won't have to hear about this shit in the news. whoever hits the most runners will win a two night stay in Barbara Streisands penthouse apartment overlooking Central Park. Barbara will sing Yentl and break out some songs composed by Marvin Hamlisch, it don't get any better than that baby..... Talk about cyclists, Lance Armstrong was stripped of his 7 Tour de France titles. First off who wants anything fucking French to begin with, second what a fucking moron. This lying sack of shit has denied doping charges for years and now drops his appeal on doping charges. Stripped of his titles? He should be beaten with the handle bar from one of his bikes. And to think I felt sorry for this guy when he got cancer of the nut sack. FUCK HIM.... Parole was denied for Mark David Chapman. Couldn't we just let him loose for a couple of weeks and point him in the direction of Bruce Springsteins house..... The poor guy that was beaten to death with a coffee mug at the hands of wife said her ailing 80 year husband wasn't dying fast enough. WHATSA MATTA you couldn't wait another week or two. Tennis anyone? Rodney King's cause of death was drowning by stupidity,this putz had traces of alcohol, PCP, cocaine and marijuana and if that was'nt enough he didn't even know that black people can't fucking swim. I think he should be dug up and beat senseless.

FOR THE BOYS IN BOSTON

What a great idea by the Red Sox brass or as we new yorkers call them the red sox ASS to fire Francona, hows that working out for you guys in Boston. That's the payback good ol terry gets for bringing the franchise 2 fucking World Series. SO WHAT... if a few players were having a couple of beers during a game. The fans are having a couple during the game what no good????. I bet there drinking that swill Sam Adams, my piss tastes better then that sewage. Is there a rule in MLB that you can't drink during the game, at least they weren't juicing,... well that we know of. What is a team to do between innings and your waiting your turn at bat, ooh, ooh I know lets play fuckin cards.was it atleast gin rummy? hearts? a little texas holdem? no wonder the bench seemed larger then usual they needed it to fucking deal. So management in their wonderful wisdom decides to fire Francona and hires Bobby ( The Jap ) Valentine. The players get so excited that the team is now 13 games out of first place and the team wants to say Sayanora to ole Bobby V. Whatsa matta you thought he was going to win another World Series for you guys...fuck no you should have kept the nice bald guy in the fucking dugout you assholes. The only way you win another World Series is to knock the Green Monster to the ground, use some sandpaper on the seats and then get the fuck out of Boston. and by the way how is that fantastic free agent signing working out for you carl crawford.....140 million dollar piece of shitttttttttttt...how the fuck does an outfielder need tommy john surgery??? when the fuck did this guy pitch for you guys??? in the 15th and 16th inning of a double header??? or was it while he was robbing a 7-11 and pulled his arm out when he threw a fucking baseball at the indian behind the counter...either way i hope his other arm falls the fuck off.... Hey, has anybody spotted Conor Kennedy and Taylor Swift at Fenway. They would be sitting in the Ted Kennedy Memorial Seats. Those are the ones in the bar. You think you guys in boston got it bad, J-E-T management hires Rex Ryan this lump of shit and this moron hires Tony "sunglasses" Sporano. Yeah the same guy who led The Dolphins right into last fucking place.They call their offense "ground and pound" The only ground and pound I wanna see is Fireman Ed and Woody "Qtip" Johnson getting pounded with a fucking Louisville Slugger and then get buried in the ground at the 1 yard line just fucking short of a touchdown.Kinda the way the season will go for them this year i can tell ya that. Is there any worse management in sports than the Red Sox and Jets, YEAH the Mets. FUHGETABOUTIT....special thanks to my boy bruce for my inspiration in bashing the shit out of these teams....

TENNIS ANYONE????

Just when you think you heard every fucking way someone can get murdered, you really haven't. A crazy, out of her mind 70 year old woman who is a ref at the U S Open bludgeoned her 80 year husband to death with a fucking coffee mug.Yes a coffee mug I said,did this nutbag have way too much caffeine???But Don't worry it wasn't a U S Open coffee mug. Whatsa Matta she couldn't wait a few more months, for Christ's sake the guy was 80 year old,he was bound do go sooner then later.i guess it beats getting hit over the head with the actual coffee pot.....ya think???? They were married for 50 years so I guess 51 years was wayyyy out of the question..... Did you hear about the Chi-com that won 1.5 mil at the Golden Nugget in Atlantic City. Four gumbas who work for the Golden Nugget came into his hotel room and accused him of cheating.HEYYYYY FUHGETABOUTIT The 1.5 mil he won ain't nothing compared to the law suit he is going to win. The new name will be the "Chi-com Nugget".... Can all the Jonas brothers be gay? The next big electronic chain to go down the tubes is Best Buy, trust me their stock isn't a best buy...... They had a controlled blast while working on the 2nd ave subway. Only problem somebody forget to control it. After the explosion people said 2nd ave never looked so good

SAY IT AIN'T SO ROGER

Roger Clemens is coming back to baseball,Yes the roid himself, will he be circling Yankee Stadium as the Goodyear Blimp?? No it's worse than that, he will be pitching for the Sugar Land Skeeters. How would you like to be at that game. Oh boy, 400 lb woman in hover rounds with oxygen tubes in their nostrils smoking Pall Malls and drinking Lone Star Beer. The guys are 450 lbs wearing overalls with no shirts and cowboy boots. The belt buckle has a picture of a steer on it encrusted in torquoise and he's smoking Camels drinking her Lone Star beer. The kids look like the gene pool skipped a generation. It will be a hoot Ya'll. Then it's on to Dairy Queen for a 7 scoop sundae with all the trimmings. Whatsa Matta you actually thought Roger was coming back to the Yankees. Toyota in unveiling a new car model " The Auris" This japanese piece of crap is as hideous as it's name. Toyota announced they are positve it will not accelerate on its own, but not to worry because if it does it has plenty of air bags.Can you say "Sayanora you american dog". Here is some good news, there are 2 million hispanics now registered for college. When asked they said and i quote spanish was their major and to please press 1 with any further questions. Que Pasa do you think they qualified for any illegal alien grants. College campuses are now littered with cars that can't start.

LOTS TO CATCHUP ON

Tony Scott the director of Top Gun committed suicide by jumping off a fucking bridge. He left a note behind that read "I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE THAT SHITTY TOP GUN MOVIE, I'm outta here". Goodbye Tony you won't be missed. Trust me you were no Francis ford Coppola. Phyllis Diller died at the age of 95, come on we all thought she died 20 years ago. Her career died well before she did. Is Buddy Hackett still alive? The N.Y. Giant players claim that they were not hazing Amukamara. They said the guy needed to take a good bath and were merely trying to show him what a bath tub looked like. Nicky Minaj the hot mess is resting her voice. She claims to have a bruised vocal cord.could it be because she was trying to deep throat a 12 inch dick??? thats my guess because it can't be from her singing i can tell ya that. Now I know why she can't sing, it's her damn vocal cords that get in the way.... A plane crashed into a residential area of Shirley long island. Neighbors said it was a huge improvement for the area....The rich white old plantation owners have lost their minds. Women members at Augusta? What up with that. Even more startling one of them is black women. Do you think they made her a member because they are running low on kitchen help? Whose next Al Sharptron. What is more amazing a black woman became a member before a jew. You can't get more anti-semtic than that.... Kelly Ripa will name her new co-host on Sept 4th. We know it won't be Phyllis Diller or Tony Scott.And by the way WHO GIVES A FUCK WHO THIS 80 POUND MRS POTATO HEAD PICKS AS HER COHOST...JUST PICK SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS... Conor Kennedy took Taylor Swift on a hot date the other day. You guessed it he took her to his mothers grave.Is this kid short on cash or what??? It don't get any more romantic than that.... Rosie O'Donnell had a heart attack, her doctor said it was caused by her carrying her fat ass around. He said to lay off the carpet munching for a few weeks and everything will be fine and dandy. Here is a good reason to not to vote for Mitt Romney, he hates the Yankees. No you idiot, not us northerners, the baseball team. Nicki Minaj is rumored to be the next judge on " American Idol" Producers are close to a deal , she will not be allowed to show her penis and must have her mustache waxed.

NEW REALITY SHOWS

American Ass Pickers This show will feature members of U.S. Senate picking their asses while economy goes down the tubes. This will star Harry Reid, Chuck Schumer and other has beens. You will see first hand how these lefties are attempting to destroy this country. Stalin will make a special guest appearance. Hardass Porn This show will feature The Mob Wives getting banged by the work crew from Holmes on Home. Victoria Gotti will make a guest appearance as a drag queen. She will be the one with the penis. Suffolk County Cops This will show will feature Suffolk Countys finest issuing jay-walking tickets, Chasing down motorists not weraing seatbelts and arresting themselves for drunk driving. You will be brought up close and personal as they beat their wives and drink to excess. You won't believe the homes they live in and the cars they drive. This will be a Smash Hit Trailer Park People Filmed in Riverhead you won't believe these people exist this side of the Mason-Dixon Line. Overweight woman wearing gravy stained tee shirts that reads " I'M with Stupid". Pot bellied men wearing beer stained tee shirts that reads "I'm with Stupid" Witness the men trying to score some crack while the wife stays home cleaning his crack pipes. Viewer discretion is advised due to the graphic violence when the husband comes homes from a hard day of bowling and beats his wife because, well because he wanted to.

TODAYS NEWS

What a shocker, a former Yankee on the juice. Melky Cabrera gets a 50 game ban for juicing. When asked why he would do that he simply replied " I am trying to shrink my penis". Ecuador beat Chile 3 zip at Citifield yesterday in front of 39,656 fans. That's 39,655 more fans than the Mets draw. Fred Wilpon converted the rotunda from Jackie Robinson to the Pele rotunda. There was only one problem, after the game nobody good get their cars started in the parking lot. Several tow trucks had to called in. The yuppie, hipster douchebags in Central Park are tired of getting hit by bicycles speeding through the park. Here is a good idea, stay out of the bike lanes you stupid fucks then hopefully you will get trampled by a handsome cab. Boeing can't get their Dreamliner 787 off the ground and they are fucking around with the X-51. This plane would travel at Mach 6 or 3600 mph. The U S Air Force said this will allow us to drop bombs on China in record speed. Here is some more good news from the J-E-T camp. Sanchez went 9 fo 13 with two interceptions and was sacked three times in team drills. Fireman Ed the Jet coach said he was not impressed. Whatsa Matta you thought Rex Ryan was the coach.

SHARK WEEK

let me ask you a question what the fuck is it with "its shark week" does anyone give a flying fuck if we watch sharks everyday all week on this network? do i need to see a shark eating someones ass??? do i want to see a shark swimming around looking to get laid??? fuckkkkkkkkkkk noooooooooooo ...so why the fuck does everyone make a big deal about shark week.....how's "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WEEK" sound.....now thats a show...not these things that swim around looking for shit to eat.....OOOO lets not forget the "BOSS" performed at fenway last night....now thats a show...a show that this pantload of a rocker tries to belt out songs from the 80's with that diluted wife of his... Yeah Jersey's one and only. Do you know why Jersey is considered the garbage state, wrong again not because of the smell but because Bruce and Bon Jovi live there. The Boss appeared at Fenway Park, no not to watch a ballgame but to put on a concert. The concert almost didn't get off the ground due to a wardrobe malfunction. The 55 gallon drum of vaseline Bruce uses to put his jeans on showed up late. Is there a more horrific site than a 60 year old man wearing tight pants, shaking his fat ass and screaming oops I mean singing Born in the U.S.A. almost makes you want to denounce your citizenship. That shit song is followed up by Born to Run. I get the runs when he starts to screech oops I mean sing this song. It's hard to believe 30,000 plus fans drove from N.J. to Boston. Nobody from Boston wanted to go, some said they were busy making beans and then would watch replays of old Celtic games, some said Bruce who?, and some said they were writing letters to get Bobby Valentine fired. Some even said they get enough splinters in their ass when they attend a Red Sox game. Security said they never saw so many bleach blonds, carrying knock off Gucci bags be escorted by men in velour running suits. Large fans were brought in to blow the smell of Drakkar out of the stadium. A major traffic ocurred in the parking lot when they couldn't find what Cadillac CTS belonged to who.

A LITTLE SOMETHIN SOMETHIN

Did you hear about the explosion and complete destruction of a house in Brentwood long island. Its not the explosion that worries me, what really worries me is somebody actually was stupid enough to pay 405,000.00 for this house in 2005. Really? I thought you could buy an entire block in Brentwood for that... Did you now who attended the funeral of Marvin Hamlisch? Frank Gifford did, the people that showed up thought they were attending his funeral. People were overheard saying "he looks good, I thought he was dead".... Carmelo Anothony says he owns a couple of thousand pairs of sneakers. I guess thats a pair for each broad he banged. Hey Carmelo, why don't you get another tattoo have it put on your penis that reads DICK.... An emergency supply of viagra was rushed to the Kennedy compound, Conor Kennedy was overheard saying " I'm gonna need it" Taylor is a freak in the sheets. Can you say President Conor Kennedy. Just shoot me now, no pun intended..... Michael Kors stock rose 17% to close at 49.33 per share. Must have been that suit I bought at the outlet store.... Here is some shocking news, did you know that 45.6% of asians are unemployed? Wow, if an asian is unemployed the economy is really in the shitter..... Did you hear about the latest stupid remark by Joe ( Hair Plugs ) Biden, he's the guy that was a Senator from Delaware that became Vice President. Just goes to show you any asshole can be a V.P. Everyone knows Delaware, its that sink-hole between Pa. and Md., what a polluted shit hole, but i digress. Stupid Joe in front of a black audience stated and i quote "the Republicans want to keep you in chains". Can somebody tie an ankle chain to this moron and drag him down I-95, JUST GET THE FUCK OUT and take that lefty leaning President with you. All together now can you say President Romney. Whatsa matta you thought i was voting for Ron Paul. FUHGETABOUTIT

MORE DIRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Did you hear that Ron Palillo of Welcome Back Kotter fame died at the age of 63 today. He played Horshack on this horrible comedy sitcom. They say he died from an apparent heart attack while looking at naked pictures of John Travolta. So first Helen Gurley Brown, then Ron Palillo, who's next Taylor Swift. Taylor its not to late to leave the Kennedy compound just don't go over any fucking bridges when leaving. Did you know that cracking your knuckles causes arthritis. What does getting kicked in the balls cause. Remember Cindy from the Brady Brunch, she was that young stupid looking kid with a lisp, no she didn't die but she might just as well have. She is now an Animal Rights Advocate. I didn't know animals had any rights. When they get arrested to you have to read them their Miranda Act. A 17 foot long Python was discovered in the everglades unfortunately they got him before he could get the guy that discovered him. The Jets are going to break out Tebow's Wildcate Offense. So you say big deal. Well it is, this will assure that the Jets finish in last place. Hopefully a 69 Buick Wildcat will run over Fireman Ed if the parking lot.

NEWSSSSSSSSS OF THE DAY

Taylor Swift is going out with Conor Kennedy, yes of the Kennedy clan. Everybody knows that fucking bunch. So the countdown begins when she is found hung in the house she bought near the Kennedy compound, or her body washes ashore in Hyannis Port, or she is driven off the fucking bridge. How lucky is this douchebag? 18 years old and he is back dooring Taylor Swift. How lucky is Taylor living next to Ethel Kennedy, doesn't she realize how noisy it gets when the beer trucks pull up in front of Ethels house. Hey Conor get a fucking hair cut you look like an Hasidic Jew. I have some advice for Conor, don't take Taylor to a Red Sox game because you may lose her to Big Papi. She's been banged more times than a Grucci Firework show. Did you hear about the asshole who had his Maserati stolen while talking to a friend. Wait till I tell you his name and you will completely understand. Chadwick Lange, need I same more. Hey Chad you are a fucking pantload. Go back to Florida and sell another condo to a drug dealer. Apparently your not smart enough to live in New York. Has anybody seen a Black Maserati Gran Turismo up on cinder blocks with the radio missing? Please call this schmuck at 1-800-ass-hole.... Did you here about the mother who strangled her 2 year old. Yeah this piece of shit is 29 years old and has 6 kids. We know who the mother is, do we know who the fathers are. I guess she lost it when the welfare check didn't show up. Helen Gurley Brown died at the age of 90. Rumor has it she was really dead at 80. Hey all you Iphone users that got fucked buying the Iphone4S. The S stands for Shit. You can get an 8GB for 50 buck and the 16GB for 149.00. Because they are preparing to rip us off with the IPhone5.

WEEKEND NEWS

Wow, what a shock the USA Men's Basketball Team won the Gold medal by barely beating Spain 107-100. There was only one white dude on the whole team. Whatsa matta you thought white people didn't play b ball. I wonder how many baby mommas they will now leave behind, I bet its higher than the final score.... Peter Townsend helped close out the games, how were they able to pry him away from his computer with all his child porn is beyond me. The only thing missing in the end was Liza Minnelli singing one of her hideous show tunes. Unfortunately they couldn't supply enough booze for her long flight to london.The United States left China in the dust winning 104 medals to the Chi-coms 87. The IRS will be raking in a fortune when the Olympians have to pay the tax on all those medals. Bob Costas won the Gold Medal for being the midget thrown the farthest in that competition. i heard he scored all 10's... Without Womens Volleyball nobody would have watched this televised mess brought to us by NBC.... There was an earthquake in Iran and only 180 people get killed? I was hoping the media might have left off three zeroes.... ARod's Miami dump is up for sale. 38 mil for something that looks like a Hilton Hotel. It comes fully furnished including the stained mattresses and used condoms, He said he needs the money to buy more condoms..... Hows that ground and pound working out for the JETS, not to fucking good. The JETS will go 6 and 10 this season if they are lucky. Hey Sporano just get the fuck out now!!! There is only one reason to watch Gang Green, to watch Fireman Ed get gangrene. What a fucking pant load

MORE SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT

Hey all did you know the Android phones are outpacing the Iphone. Android market share jumped from 47 to 68 %. while the Iphone dropped from 19 to 17% . Guess what? you don't need an appt with some hipster douche sporting 42 piercings and clothes that look like something I threw away when your phone breaks. Who designed those Apple Stores? Moe, Larry, or Curly. Simply walk or stumble into a Verizon facility and say my fucking phone is broke and a disgruntled, underpaid, ex Lehman Bros employee will get you a new phone. The only problem with the Android phones they sell as 4G aren't 4G. You have to stand on a window ledge holding an aluminum beer can and say a hale mary that you can get a fucking signal. Whatsa Matta you thought i wasn't going to knock the Android. The U.S. Womens Volley Ball Team beat the Ch-coms the other day. The Chi-com team is now headed back to Beijing to face the death penalty. They will be placed in Tienamen Square and a T-34 tank will roll over them. You would think living in China was enough punishment. We now have a total of 81 medals to the Chi-coms 77. An emergency shipment of doping supplies is being rushed to Olympics for the chinese athletes. The U.S. Mens Basketball Team beast Australia 119 - 86, enuf said. Womans soccer today, U.S. vs Japan. I hope we beat them as bad as we did in WWII Can you SAYANORA

CELEB NEWSSSSSS

Did you hear that composer Marvin Hamlisch died at age 68. It was rumored he died listening to a recording of Barbara Streisand singing "The Way We Were".I know that would put me over the edge.... Does anybody really believe Michael Phelps is banging Megan Rossee. I think he really is banging her brother. Did you hear about the guy who faked his on death by drowning on Long Island.Now if this is'nt the biggest asshole i have ever seen. He was trying to cash in on a 50,000 dollar insurance policy. That's 50 grand not 50 mil. He was going to split the money with his son. Wow, they must be living fuckin large.NOT.... The father was caught speeding in South Carolina when the cop asked what was the hurry, he simply replied, " I just killed myself in New York" Lindsay Lohan is in Hollywood filming a movie titled Liz & Dick. She got the part because she loves dick. Country Singer Randy Travis was arrested for a second time on DWI charges while driving a 1998 trans am and was stark naked....are you fuckin kidding me,i would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the cop walked up to that mess, i can just hear it now "officer i left so fast i forgot to put my clothes on". Can somebody take the keys away from this fucking moron and find out who his Pabst supplier is. I am still waiting for Justin Beiber to get caught walking out of or into a gay massage parlor. I would rather see the picture of him going in because the coming out picture could be scary. Hopefully Bob Costas will share his 55 gallon drum of makeup with Tommy Lee Jone, jezzzzz what a mess. I can't tell where Meryl Streep begins and Tommy Lee ends

OLYMPIC NEWS

Did you hear about the dope that was doping at the Olmpics?This dickhead from the U.S. was eating brownies laced with pot. Whatsa Mattas you left your bong at home. So this judo olympian was chopped from the Olympics,literally. Just get the fuck out. How about Carmelo Anthony getting kicked in the nuts. Do you know how many people would love to kick this guy in the nuts. After he adjusted his nut sack the U.S beat Argentina 126-97. Now if somebody would kick Lebron James in the nut sack my day would be complete. The USA Womens Soccer team beat Canada 4 to 3. I missed this event watching my clothes going around in the dryer. Lets face it, Canada sucks, no not the soccer team the whole country. The Chi-coms still lead in the medals 64 to 63. I am hoping Moldova can beat the chinks at something. Jennifer Suhr took gold in pole vault. Is pole vaulting really a sport? We got black people in New York that can vault over 8 foot high fences carrying a six pack of Colt 45 and a 60" screen T.V. What up wit dat. The Games continue. Bob Costas of NBC Sports is having another 55 gallon drum of makeup flow in. Bob, just get out, you are shot.

DRUGSSSSSSSSSSS

Rumor has it is McCauley Culkin is near death. Well at least he lasted longer than his career. They say he is dying from being addicted to deadly drugs and watching the Home Alone movies. Does anybody really give a fuck?.... Andy Reids son was found dead which is probably drug related. He left a note saying he couldn't stand Philadelhia and the Eagles and phillies suck the pipe.... We all know this but no need to kill yourself over it.... Did you hear about the Ohio man that shot his wife in her hospital bed. She was being treated for a life threatening conditiom and this moron goes and kills her. Whatsa Matta he couldn't wait another 24 hours you fuckin idiot... ya just can't make this shit up.......

WEEKEND UPDATE

Did you watch the USA Womens Volley Ball take on Italy. Why did Italy even bother to show up. Listen now you can go back to filming mobs wives. Although I have to admit these two are better looking than anything on mob wives. The U.S. beat Italy like we did in Anzio. And what was the crying about? How Italy is ranked 6th in the world is beyond me. Who did they beat to get this ranking. Samolia, Tunisia, Qatar, Taiwan? You suck, so just get the fuck out. China is back on top in the Medal department with 61 and the US with 60. Apparantly the new shipment of doping supplies arrived. Did anybody watch Nick Mangold's baby sister in the weightlifting. Baby sister? She is 5'8" and weighs 350 lbs. She should be playing for the Jets and Nick Mangold should be on the womens italian volley ball team. The USA womens basketball team beat the midget Chi-com basketball team 114-66. I tuned out when it was 74-20. All those Chi-coms look alike anyway. If you are from Pennsylvania I suggest you stop reading now. 1 person was killed and 9 others injured when Lightning struck at the Pocono 400. I believe these 10 people were standing in a puddle of their own piss while holding hands and in the other hand they were holding a can of Bud Light hoping Danica Patrick would crash her fucking Toyota into a brick wall. A long list of stupitity hails from Pennsylvania. Arlen Spector, Rick Santorum, The Philly Fans, The Eagle fans and now these 10 morons. Just in case you didn't learn this as a kid, here are some tips when it is thundering and lightning. Never stand in an open area, never attend the Pocono 400, never stand under a tree, never hold a beer can and avoid standing in a puddle of water or your own urine. Here is some shocking news. J. Lo's boy toy 25 year old Casper Smart was seen visiting a gay porn shop and exotic massage parlor. Who would have ever thunk it.

TODAYS OLYMPIC EVENTS

This is a big day for Olympics, turn in for Dwarf Tossing at noon, followed by the Mens Doubles Stoop Ball and a Marbles Single match. We wrap of the days events with 500 meter Grenade Toss. I was riveted to the T.V. watching the womens Judo weren't you. Does anybody know the outcome I fell asleep. How about that USA Basketball Team defeating Nigeria 156 to 73. Why the fuck did Nigeria even show up. I turned it off when the score was 125 to 40. Now that the Chi-coms ran out of doping supplies ( New shipment coming this weekend ) the U.s. leads with 37 medals to the Chi-coms 34. Here is the big news, a 16 year African-American took the gold in gymnastics. First of all what exactly is an African-American or for that matter what is a caucasian-american second of all did she pay the tax on the Gold Medal. If you are in a suicidal mood catch Fencing today and then you won't have to watch Taekwondo. I have a question, why isn't sky diving an olympic event?

MORE OLYMPIC GAMES

What is the world coming to when countries cheat at badminton. Is badminton really a sport? If it is why isn't horse shoes in the Olympics. Who would ever think the Chi-coms would cheat. Good news UPS delivered a special overnight package from China in a brown unmarked package. Gee I wonder what's in it. Some upcoming events today are the Womens Doubles Jump Roping, Mens Johnny on the Pony, Stickball, and the Mens 2000 meter sniper firing. The nights event will wrap up with the Mens Hijacking event. The USA Basketball team scored big time at a local nightclub. The Chi-coms now have a total of 30 tainted medals with the USA in second with 29 untainted medals. Did you know the the IRS has a tax on Olympian Medals? Our country puts a 25 grand tax on Gold Medals, 15 grand on Silver and 10 grand for Bronze. HOW PATRIOTIC. Just a reminder they are racing at Saratoga. Did you hear about the 300 lb man who donated his body to a medical school and it was rejected. holy hanna the guy is fucking dead and he was rejected? If I was him I would kill myself. I have a friend who wants to donate his body to science for the study of male pattern baldness. He wants them to find out why hair grows on his back but not on his head. Good news for people who want to kill themselves now, Obama is up in crucial swing states. Can you say NYET

THE OLYMPICS

Wow the USA beat Tunisia in basketball 110 - 63 a fucking homeless person could beat Tunisia in basketball. What a monumental victory.. The question should be how many female olympians has Carmelo and Kobe slept with so far or for that matter how many male olympians have they slept with.Do you get a medal for that? Has anyone seen the woman gymnist Jordyn Wieber? Is she a woman? She has a fucking adams apple, six pack and a penis. Check out the picture on page 60 on the Daily News. If that ain't a penis then prove it. Does China have any good looking woman? No wonder you never see a white guy with a chi-com. The girls look like guys and the guys look like girls, what up with that. The Chinks are flying in more doping supplies to try and overtake the USA in medals. Can't wait to see the mens Chinese Basketbal Team, do they even have a baketball team. Phelps won his record breaking 19th medal in the 2000 meter freestyle. Now do you think he can afford to get his face fixed and some braces.The Womens Soccer team beat the North Koreans in Soccer and sent them packing. There are a bunch of woman and coaches who will be executed upon arrival back in North Korean. Well one good thing it won't be by electricution, because they are got no electricity over there. Todays events are 200 Meter Drive By Shooting, Trout Fishing, Skee Ball, Log Rolling and Ax Throwing. Is anybody watching this crap besides the Palestinians. Why aren't they in the Olympics?, Oh yeah I know there isn't a bomb tossing event. Whatsa Matta you can't get live simulcasting from Saratoga on Direct TV