MOON RIVER

Andy Williams is now drifting down that Moon River goodbye, my huckleberry friend. He joins that long list of crooners from a bygone era, Sinatra, Dino, Como and hopefully Michael Buble isn't far behind joined by Harry Connick jr. Do those two suck or should I go for a fucking hearing test. While we are on the subject of people who can't sing what's up with Katy Perry? she screams and sound like chalk on a blackboard. She should cut a duet CD with Bruce Springsteen and it could be titled WE SUCK BALLS. The biggest and oldest diva of them all for those of you who don't know her real name ( Barabara Streisand ) will be at the Barclay Center. If your a burglar living in Williamsburg that day will be a great day for you because every fucking yenta with money will be at the Barclay center listening to this leftie bitch sing Yentl.Get me a gun please so i can shoot my fucking ears off..... Igotadickinmyhand went on a shopping spree with his fellow terrorists at Costco and Payless. Guess what they bought? Shoes, no surprise there, deordorant, soap and powder. They didn't have time to go to Petco and purchase flea dip ( think about it ) Well at least they will smell good when we drop a fucking bomb on their asses. Hey all iphone5 buyers do you have enough money left in your portfolios to purchase a 5,000 dollar bottle of whiskey The Glenrothes "Extraordinary Cask".... only 50 bottles will be sold in the U.S. You can sip on a glass of whiskey while mumbling to yourself why the fuck did i buy this pisswater while on your iphone5.... Whitney Houstons daughter Bobbi Kristini was in a car accident with her brother/slash boyfriend. Their 2012 Camaro was severely damaged. Lucky for them they weren't killed driving in that GM piece of crap.they could have been impaled by flying pieces of plastic. Whatsa Matta you thought she owned a Escalade

THE NFL REFSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Hey, where did the NFL get these fuckin refs? the helen keller foundation for the blind??? Did they run an ad on Monster.Com?? or even worse Go Daddy.com??? Did they mis-spell football and it appeared as Futbol and they got a bunch of soccer ref applications.Can someone get me a gun so we can shoot these scabs in the ass and get them off the field. If this continues stadiums will start to look like the stands at a Dolphin game, fucking empty and the few fans that do show up will border on the mentally challenged. Lets just go to the fucking videotape and just elimnate these blind mother fuckers until the real jerk-offs come back to work. I'm surprised Obama hasn't stepped in because he needs all the union votes he can get. Here is a word of advise while doing a game in Baltimore, WHERE BULLET PROOF VESTS, if I have to explain, FUHGETABOUTIT. Things got pretty ugly with "stubby" Bill Belichick and that fucking hoodie he insists on wearing running and grabbing the arm of a ref after their loss to the Ravens. Bill, consider yourself lucky that you got out of there alive. The only thing worse than going to a Ravens game is going to a cowboy game. Fan IQ is none to high. Whatsa Matta the NFL can't spring for a little more coin to get the real refs back on the field.ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, At least there paid off, oops I mean paid to make bad calls. After all its the fans that will take it up the ass with higher ticket prices. Pretty soon there won't be any monoirities in the seats. Imagine paying 15.00 for a Cerveza, Que Pasa.

WHAT AM I MISSING

Don't we kill terrorists? So why is Igotadickinmyhand speaking at the U.N. I think this is a perfect time for a drone strike on that fucking building. So many terrorists in one building,man o man that sure seems tempting. Obama doesn't seemed concerned I guess it is more important to be on Letterman and the Today Show. Was that Whoopi Goldberg I saw kissing Obamas ass or Sammy Davis Jr. I thought he was dead. Do you know the five poorest states in America? None of them are on the West Coast or the East Coast. They are Mississippi, West VA. Arkansas, Kentucky, Alabama, gee what a fucking shock I was just surprised North & South Carolina didn't make the list. I have been to Kentucky and West VA trust me with the population having an IQ of 10 drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and smoking Camels and living in trailer parks they ain't never making the list of richest states. Alabama got Hank Williams Jr. and Arkansas has Wal-Mart, enuf said. They got the market cornered on gravy stained and I'm With Stupid T-Shirts. The people in Mississippi don't even want to live there but can't get their cars off the front lawn because they are up on cinder blocks. The government is about to railroad two Marines for urinating on the corpses of Taliban fighters. They should have taken the biggest shit on them as well. I am misunderstanding the word TALIBAN. You can shoot and kill them but you can't piss on them??what the fuck am i missing? Who the fuck dresses Nicki Minaj? The Hefty Bag Company, well why not didn't they dress Tawana Brawley. The Chi-coms bought 5 million new Iphone 5's and that was just in Flushing. Whatsa Matta you didn't think there were 5 million chinks in Flushing. 20 mil is being set aside by the state to bail out losers who can't pay their mortgages, more of my tax dollars being flushed down the toilet

HAPPY FRIDAY

The Jews have J date and the Christians have Christian Mingle to try and get laid. The Muslim don't have a dating service that's why Mohammed is fucking a goat. Derek Jeter said he could see himself playing for another team, how about the Cyclones you fucking asshole.... Think Obama is doing a good job? how about this number, 1.7 million in the city now live in poverty. 30.4 % are in the Bronx sleeping in the parking lot at Yankee Stadium. Household values took a massive hit in the quarter to the tune of 599 billion thats with a B. Bank of America ( One of Obamas biggest Contributors ) is laying off 16,000 workers.Those that aren't in poverty are waiting in line for the Iphone5. must be nice to have nothing to do but wait in a long line to get a fucking phone. Have you seen the symbol on the Barclays Center in Brooklyn. It looks like something from Nazi Germany..... 2.5 billion was paid out yesterday to those defrauded by Bernie Madoff. One check was for 526.9 million dollars. Who the fuck did that go to? Has anyone seen the new Honda Accord. Wow, this has more plastic than the old Honda Accord, the Japs must be recycling at a record pace. Whatsa Matta you don't like the Chevy Cruze

WE GOTTA GO THERE

The son of El Duce, little Napoleon Jr. Cuomo wants to keep the lid on state spending. Well isn't he a fucking genuis, I know he didn't get that idea from his father who spent this state into oblivion..... Who wanted to see Kate Middleton topless? Me Me I would love to see what Prince William is BANGIN ON..... Have the Muslims run out of American Flags to burn or did they all go home to watch Mohammed fuck a goat again.... All the stars came out to honor the late Marvin Hamlisch. Barbara Streisand sang a song from Yentl, Liza with a Z stayed sober long enough to belt out a show tune and I think it was Aretha Franklin but it could have been Fat Albert singing Nobody Does it Better. Even Regis Philbin showed up to put to rest a rumor he was dead. Talk about guys that can't sing Adam Levine ( Maroon 5 ) should get together with Springstein jump in the Bentley get on the Jersey Turnpike and around exit 3 hit a guardrail doing 140 mph and do their imitation of John Corzine. Hey Adam, go get another tat this time of a penis where your penis should have been.... Big game Sunday JETS and Dolphins you can watch the Jets lose on Ch2 at 1:00 Tony Sparano brings the wildcat to Miami. I wish he was in the trunk of a Buick Wildcat. Don't forget the San Gennaro Feast Whatsa Matta you don't like Italian Sausage FUHGETABOUTIT

IT IS WHAT IT IS

Yahoo yes yahoo bought Alibaba Group a Chi-com internet company for 7.6 Billion. No not Yoo-hoo the shit we use to drink as kids, Yahoo, thats a lot of fuckin wontons. An ancient text that was discovered reveals Jesus was married. Christ almighty whats next. Oh yeah I know the largest Mosiac dating back to the Roman Empire was unearthed in Turkey. What the fuck were the Romans doing in Turkey. That must have been some Empire. I watched another episode of Honey Boo Boo, I'm still confused, can somebody explain to me what in the fuck is going on with this show. If you want to stereotype life in the south then this show hits the nail on the head. Fat, stupid rednecks with bad teeth living in a house 6 inches from railroad tracks. How about American Hoggers, 4 stupid rednecks wearing overalls and cowboy boots driving around in an UTV shooting hogs, How riveting. You can always turn into Swamp People and try to understand what these rednecks are saying. What language are they speaking? This is the show where they shoot alligators in the head. How enthralling. Is there anyway we can start another civil war and this time completely wipe out the fucking South. I would love to see Grant take Richmond in living color

WEEKEND UPDATE

I was going to watch the Jet game but opted to watch the utube video of the couple having sex in the Yankee Stadium bathroom. It turned out I made the right choice.I guess watching a good blowjob is better then watching a team who sucks balls. Do the Jets suck enough? because the chick in this video was sucking like nobody i have ever seen.... What else would we expect from our Yankee fans. I guess they couldn't wait till they got back to Long Island. I bet it was an off duty NYC cop..... I really wish we had a quarterback that could throw more then 30 yards at a time. So the J-E-T-S are headed for another shitty season. By next week the fans will be begging Schottenheimer to come back. Tony Saprano you suck suck suck.Please do us all a favor and get hit by a 1969 Buick WILDCAT..... Now I have several questions I need answered. Is Joe Girardi starting to look like Freddy Mercury, does Michelle Obama have more teeth than the average person, And on the show "American Hoggers", who are the hogs? the two girls or the two guys or all four of them.what a bunch of fucking pigs..... FUHGETABOUTIT, Who thinks the Mets can win a World Series with David Wright ( Nobody ) . Is Tim Tebow praying to God during the game?and last but not least Where do the Muslims get all these U.S. Flags to burn?

THIS IS UGLY SO BEWARE

The religious fanatics are at it again. This time they are pissed off because somebody showed a picture of one of their religious figures fucking a goat or some shit like that. These fucking people live in huts, eat dirt, and take a shit in the street and they are worried about what Mohammed is doing? Burning the U S Flag in Bangladesh? REALLY you stupid bastards. You live in poverty but you can find an American Flag to burn and can afford the gas and matches to ignite it. OH I'm really scared. can't wait till you cocksuckers get hit with another flood. How about Lebanon where they wear socks with their sandals,thats a hell of a fashion statement you fuckin towel heads. Listen I'd be pissed to if I had to live in Lebanon, this place makes fucking Alabama look like paradise. Now what can you say about Yemen. Drop the Y and you got Semen. Just what they need because this god forsaken place is fucked. Then you have Egypt. One of the oldest societies, and they are still living in 5000 B.C. So all you mother fuckers can burn our flag but ofcourse its ok that your governments take our money and aid. It appears Mohammed dealt you people a bad hand while my God has blessed America Whatsa Matta you jealous. We got a missile with your fucking name on it. KABOOM

FENWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I was flipping through the channels and happened to see something that I thought was on the History Channel. It actually was the Yankees playing the Sox in Boston. I actually thought I was watching a video of what Berlin looked like after it was fuckin bombed. Has anybody seen this antique they call Fenway. The players are sitting on empty containers of Ralph's Ices with a 2x12 piece of wood running the length of the dugout. Does this fuckin place have running water?or do they have an inhouse dry well? Did the Romans watch chariot races in this place. What's with the color? Is that Kelly Green? or did somebody buy some leftover camouflage paint from the army navy surplus store that was on sale. Somebody should call Anheiser Busch and tell them that the fucking Busweiser sign isn't big enough, Wow you can see that thing from the sun. What's with that plywood wall in the outfield, is that there to keep the balls in, or the fans out, or is it hiding the view of another dump they call the Kennedy Compound. Now I know why the fans drink so much,which I must admit, been their done that and really is fucking fun, but you still have to be high as a fucking kite to enter this shit hole. Not only did I get splinters in my ass from the antique seats,but my ass is still red from the rash i got sitting on these fucking things.I gotta tell ya I still question if the bathrooms have a toilet that actually flushes or don't the fans know how to flush the fucking toilets. Fenway should be listed as an Historical Site so that when games aren't scheduled visitors can see where MOSES slept. Whatsa Matta Boston, you actually think this place is like Wrigley Field.although I must say you do have a better ballclub then the cubbies but thats for another rant.....peace outttttttttttttt

THE NEW FALL LINEUP

Starting this fall there will be a host of new reality shows. Let's start with "Trailer Park Wars", this show will be based in Alabama featuring run down trailer parks that have survived several tornado hits but you could never tell by what you'll see. You will witness the residents fighting over crack pipes and leftover crack residue. The women will be fighting over the lone drunk, toothless, uneducated man wearing the beer stained wife beater. The women will have more chins than a chinese phone book wearing gravy stained house coats with a Marlboro dangling from their one tooth. Each week the show will feature a different trailer park, but the story line will be the same. The next show is called "Dumpster Diving", each week will feature the many homeless, dumpster diving for untold treasures in Detroit. Watch as they try and redeem what they find for cash at Hard Core Pawn. Broken computers, outdated T.V.'s, laptops with no tops and cellular phones with no screens, all treasures in the eye of the beholder. How about this one, "Storage Wars of Mississippi". Watch as these rednecks try to outbid each other for lockers filled with old overalls, cow shit covered cowboy boots, rocking chairs and unused nooses, some lockers even have white outfits with little slits cut for eyeholes that have KKK emblazoned across the chest. The bidding will be low because, lets face it they are living in Mississippi. "Housewives of Little Italy" will be the smash hit of the season. Watch as Stella makes her homemade gravy and curls the one hair growing from her mole. Her husband, Tony comes home from a tough day of plumbing sales and the fireworks begin as Tony discovers a wiretap has been placed on his phone and Stella confronts him about a used condom she found in his pants pocket.I think i need to start my own fucking network......because trust me you know as well as i that some maniac will be watching shit like this.....

HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS

Are the same parents who are letting their kids eat Tide detergent pods watching shows like Honey Boo Boo, Swamp People, Teen Mom, Dance Moms, Housewives of New Jersey, because that could explain why these kids are soooooo fucked up. I can't wait for the new fall line up of shows. "Fishermen Gone Wild", "Wal-Mart and Mexicans", "K-Mart and Mexicans", "I'm really fuckin Fat so Fuck-off" and the big new hit of the season "Stripping Wars". Oh boy can't wait to break out the six pack of Dos Equos and Tidy Bowl, I love the minty flavor of Tidy Bowl Don't you? Kelly Ripa hired Michael Strahan to be her co-host. She said she was trying to reduce the un-employment of black men in New York. Maybe this putz can go get his teeth fixed.This fuckin guy can eat corn on the cob through a picket fence..... Michelle Obama has too many teeth and this guy doesn't have enough teeth. There is an assembly seat open in Flushing with 7 names on the primary. Ron Kim, Yen Chou, Ethel Chen ? what up with Ethel, Sunny Hahn, Myung Suk Lee, Phil Gim and Martha Flores-Vasques. First off Martha just get the fook out. You don't stand a chance, Second, is this a primary in fucking China or America? Whatsa Matta you couldn't find a Smith or a jones? This race has more Chins than a 500 pound women eating 10 from colume A AND 10 from colume B. Whats with the Latins and their bad legs. Mark ( Bad Hair ) Teixeira now has an aggravated calf strain. I guess thats a symptom coming off roids. Can US Yankee fans say bye bye to 1st Place. Yeah go ahead say it. You really don't think A-Rod is going to bring US to the dance, Do you?

YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP

Did you hear about the kids who are eating Tide detergent pods. Are the parents leaving these things in a fucking candy dish? Are they leaving them next to the Oreos? then WTF. My kids never went into the laundry room looking for snacks are these kids fucked up or what. I can understand Chuck Schumer almost eating one, there isn't a dumber bastard on the planet except for Joe Biden. I hope the pods are kosher or old Chuck the Schmuck may have a problem. Its fucking detergent, it belongs where the rest of your household chemicals go you dumb fucks. Does anybody want to come to my house for an Ammonia Shake? or how about a delicious Fabric Softener Freeze. yum yum. Listen you stupid lefty yuppie scum douchebags if your kids are dumber than you then I suggest you buy a different detergent. Mommy can I have some Comet on my French Fries. So now Chuck Schumer is involved here comes higher taxes on detergents. Hey Chuck, have you seen the price of gas lately? and your worried about some stupid ass kid easting detergent. The parents can't afford the price of gas to bring the kid to the hospital. Why don't you and Nancy Pelosi go into a nice quiet room put two bullets in a gun and play Russian Roulette because I don't care which one goes first as long as you are both gone.

DA JETSSSSSSS

Well that BOOOB with the douche fire helmet on( Fireman Ed ) had a good day yesterday.somehow the jets put 48 points on the board against the lump of shits.. The Bills. Don't get to excited Jets fans after all it was Buffalo and we all know the Jets ain't that good. So it must be that Bills are just that bad. Well at least the Jets won't be 0 for 16 so they now have to avoid 1 and 15. Next week its the Steelers. Do you really think that game will be as lopsided? I DON'T THINK SO. We can only hope Fireman Ed gets run over in the Steeler parking lot or he gets poisoned eating at Primanti's. This guy is a bigger douche than Alec Baldwin. It's sad to see the only true New York team in shambles. Let's face it if live in Buffalo just kill yourself now. If you ever want to get depressed just drive thru that shithole Buffalo. Let's face it you have to drive to the Garbage State to watch a game it's pretty sad. So it should be the Newark Jets and the Secaucus Giants. How in Gods name did we lose these two teams to a state thats smells worse than Staten Island. The goombas must have been asleep at the wheel or they owed a favor to the goombas in Jersey. Whats Matta not enough real estate in Flushing. New York Jets, New York Giants? Yo, once you go over the GW or pass thru the Lincoln Tunnel your in Jersey or is my GPS fucked up.

HEY ITS FRIDAY.....

There is racing today at Calder, so in the second race go with Sayyourpraysnow. While we are on the subject of horses am I the only one who thinks Kim Kardashian isn't attractive. She makes Honey Boo Boo look like a fucking 10. I would love to rest my Schlitz beer cans on her tremendously large ass when it isn't getting plowed by Kanye West. She gives new meaning to "babies got back" What a great role model for our young kids, if you got big botox lips, huge tits and a huge fat ass you to can be fucked by every black man in America. If Robert Kardashian was alive this poor fuck would kill himself. So now we have Bruce Jenner who looks like a burn victim speaking out about his step daughter. Bruce,do us all a fucking favor and take your Gold Medals and hang yourself. I really wish Kim would start dating Chris Brown ( Think about it ) Talk about somebody that got fucked more times than a Bernie Madoff clients, Madonna will be at Yankee Stadium. If your into old woman wearing leather and garter belts this is the show for you my friends. She will be singing her hits "crazy for you and your dick" " like a douchebag"and that monster hit "material twat" I think thats some of her mindless crap. Every gay latino dancer will be thrusting their crotches at her while she waves her flabby old arms and pumps her overused snatch at the audience. We all know what a great sound system Yankee Stadium has. Hopefully her singing will be drowned out by the sound of gun fire. Do you think A-Rod will be there? Just remember all you rich white folk your in the Bronx. DON'T STOP FOR GAS

ITS OVERRRRRRRRRRRR

While watching the Democratic Convention last night I thought I was stuck in a time warp. As the Dems continued to march out every minority they could find some speakers where talking about Martin Luther King and the 60's I'm surprised they didn't go back to the 30's and 40's and start talking about FDR. What the fuck do the 60's have to do with the problems this country is facing today. High unemployment, gas prices over 4 bucks again, banks that won't lend money, one of the highest taxes ever imposed on the American public and a party that is still living in the past. The only thing relevant about then and now is welfare. Once again we have people sitting on their fat asses collecting a check and not working for it. Yes you can thank Obama for that as well. This country is facing an economic calamity and we got old black men talking about how they grew up in the 60's. WTF So Dumb and Dumber took the stage last night. Jim Carrey was portrayed by Barack Hussein Obama and Jeff Daniels was portrayed by Joe Hair Plugs Biden. Obama was correct when he said the U.S. is still No. 1. Yeah if you like being No.1 in debt with a 16 trillion dollar deficit. And to steal a line from that movie " Yeah, there's plenty of jobs out there if you want to work 40 hours a week. It's time for Obama to go back to Chicago and Michelle has to give back those teeth she borrowed from Kentucky Derby winner I'll Have Another. Was this a convention or a concert? The start of the convention was delayed because workers had to reinforce the stage for Mary J. Blige this girl has a rear end that shadows Kim Kardashians. Her dress was under such stress the sequins were sweating. Follow that up with the untalented Black Eyed Peas. But there name does have the word Black in it. Four more years? I DON'T THINK SO Whatsa Matta you never saw Dumb & Dumber

MORE POLITICSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

What do you get when you have angry old white men and women mixed with pissed of latinos and blacks? You guessed it the Democratic Convention. Why are these people so pissed off. They have controlled the Senate and Presidency four years and rammed through every harmful piece of legislation they could think of. How about partial birth abortion, this lovely way of disposing of a baby occurs when the babies head pops out and the doctor sticks a pair of scissors into the back of the brain or welfare without work now there's motivation for ya. How about the largest tax increase ever, do you hear me, ever imposed on the American public, National Health Care. What a fucking morally bankrupt party, then they march out one of the most morally challenged presidents since JFK. Thats right the rapist from Arkansas, Bill Clinton. This windbag spoke for about 9 hours or so it seemed. I never heard the truth get so twisted, I actually started to believe what this piece of shit was saying and checked to see if my wallet was still in my back pocket. The only thing missing from this convention are Rev ( Tawana Brawley) Al, Jessie ( Out of Wedlock ) Jackson and Jeremiah Whitey hating ) Wright. Remember ole Jeremiah and his " Chickens have come home to roost " crack. Strange he used someting with a chicken in it. Whats next a watermelon crack. Can't wait till the plagiarizing pant load from Delaware( V.P. Joe Biden ) starts shooting off his stupid mouth. This guy couldn't speak a fucking word unless he stole it. How about his plan to segregate Iraq into 3 parts, Sunni, Shite, and anyone visiting from Delaware, well you get the point. This guy hasn't been right about anything. If you think this country can survive 4 more years of these God hating, baby killing, Union loving dirt bags I dare you to pull the lever. Whatsa Matta you lost all Hope and are now left with Change.

THE CONVENTION

Wow, the only fucking thing missing at this convention was the flag with the Hammer and a fucking Sickle. I was actually waiting to see if Stalin was going to make a guest appearance. The Dems drug out every minority they could find to give speeches. Corey Booker, isn't he the mayor of one of the worse cities in America? How about the mexican mayor of Los Angeles, isn't he the mayor of one of the worse cities in America? and San Antonio mayor Julian Castro, isn't he the mayor of one of the worse places to live in America? how about MIchelle Obama, isn't she married to the worse President we ever had?. I never saw so many angry people in one room. The delegates showed up late for the following reasons, the latinos couldn't get their cars started and the blacks slept late, the remainder didn't know where North Carolina was. It is no wonder this is the party of entitlements, welfare, national health care, unlimited unemployment, illegal immigration and higher taxes on us rich white folk. Michelle looks like a slimmer Aunt Jemina, whats with all those teeth? Does she have more teeth than the average person. There isn't a bigger whitey hater other than Spike Lee. The first black president, Bill Clinton will speak tonight. This guy is the Democratic icon of their party. The same guy who raped women and sexually abused many others similar to another Democratic icon JFK. The Dems want Betty White to give a rousing speech hopefully she forgets where she is and stays home or at the old folks home. Obama gives himself an "incomplete" on the economy. Give this pantload 4 more years and the economy will be " completely" destroyed. Whatsa Matta you think 16 Trillion in debt is a good thing? Can you say I will have one from Column A and one from Column B. ( Think about it )