AND THE WINNER IS.........

I thought "Smeagol" was a fictional character in Harry Potter so what was this troll doing hosting the Academy Awards? It turns out I was wrong, I was told it was Billy Crystal. Can anyone confirm that is was Billy Crystal. If it really was him then how come he wasn't funny. You can always tell a shitty comedian when they laugh at their own jokes.and this guy was laughing alone alot last night. I was hoping that Marty would direct Bobby DeNiro to come out and shoot this dumb bastard and put him out of his misery. Is it me or as he gets older he looks like a rabbi from Williamsburg. What a putz. Did anyone see Nick Nolte? Where did they dig him up from? Jesus Christ what happened to him,if this guy was'nt stoned to the bejesus i will eat my fuckin hat. I thought he was auditioning for the role of Bad Santa 2. Hey Nick you must be smokin some good shit. Nice outfit on the "the ass" from the Bronx, Jennifer Lopez. Listen if Marc Anthony didn't want to see your nipples anymore, than neither do I. Hey Jennifer you still look like "jenny from the block" with a big ass. My nominees were a no show. I guess Bogart,Cooper,and Gable were busy. Oh yeah they are all dead and trust me if they weren't they would be after watching this train wreck. It was the battle of the heavy weights for best supporting actress. I think they gave it to the fattest, but less likely to fall through the stage,so they gave it to Octavia Spencer for " The Help" Wow, I never saw so much tent material with sequins in my life. Was she really acting or did this role come natural for her. We are then bombarded with ads starring Ellen Degenerate. Funny?no fucking way. I guess J.C. Penny is targeting the lesbian demographic. Then we come back to the awards and they are giving Oscars for best lipstick in a drama, best short film, shortest actor in a movie, tallest actor, best actor who sleeps with an actor ( that went to Brad Pitt ), etc. We then move on to best supporting actor and Christopher Plummer wins for making it to 82 years old. After they wiped the drool from his chin he got up to accept the award. The Hills are Alive With the Sound of Music, hopefully its a funeral drill. Hey Chris, how about another Martini. The highlight of the show is a class act and no question the best actress ever, Meryl Streep. Like I said it was the highlight. Then we move on to best actor, ( drum roll please ) I had my bottle of vodka ready to throw at the T.V. when to my amazement and stunned, Georgie Clooney did not win. Hey George maybe you should have starred in " The Artist"this would have been perfect for you considering no talking was involved.and btw when your on the red carpet try pulling the string on the back of your girlfriends head ex wrestling diva stacy keebler so she might actually say something...this chick is like a fucking ventriloquist doll..not that i would not want to climb this bitch like a mountain but not i clue and georgie boy likes it that way. Don't worry you still hold the award for biggest pant load in Hollywood. So this French douche bag wins for best actor,how in the fuck do you give best actor to a guy who for 2 hours does'nt fucking act,ya gotta love how these pompus assholes from the academy try to be cutting edge and vote for a movie with no fucking sound..hello mcfly anyone home???I think this movie cost about 300.00 bucks to make and after winning this award it might gross about 301.00 bucks ..are you kidding me, did al jolson come back?all this guy needed was to be in blackface and mouth "MAMMY" well I guess the Academy doesn't have very high standards after all Frank Sinatra won for " From Here To Eternity". So we are left with this question. How do you get 5000 liberal leftist douchebags in one room? Simple, just tell them its the Academy Awards. I am sending a bill to the Academy for wasting my fucking time.