TOP NEWS

Thirty more Al Qaeda members were annihilated in Yemen. Unfortunately there are no more toothless, burkha wearing virgins left. Prevoiusly dead members of Al Qaeda have taken all the virgins. Here is my suggestion. Throw down your arms, stop eating dirt, sleeping on straw and riding goats, Jesus Christ its 2012, go get a big screen TV with HD, the new IPhone and just fucking relax, you guys are so over. Well three assholes that lost 2 billion dollars at Chase will no longer be employed as of today. The only problem being the biggest asshole that over sees this company Jamie Dimon still has his. What up with that? I had a friend that got fired from Chase for stealing pens. This guy watched 2 billion thats right with a B go up in smoke. I can prove that Obama is a lefty he was Alec Baldwins house for a fund raiser. I was informed they were in the backyard of this hideous place Baldwin owns hugging trees and waiting for Barbara Streisand to sing Yentl. 49 Mexicans found dead on a Mexican roadway, guess they aint coming to America. Now for some local news an ex-postal worker on disabilty has pocketed more than 143,000 in disabilty since 2007. She claims to have a bad back and cannot work. Here is the problem, she is working at Strathmore Bagels in Shirley and looks like she has been eating the profits. I think I know who has been dumping the bodies along Ocean Pkwy on Jones Beach. The Head Coach of the N Y Rangers. This guy looks like he juggles running chainsaws in his garage. Way to intense for a hockey coach. Hey John relax, these are grown men beating the shit out of each other up with sticks fighting over the only black thing in hockey, THE PUCK. The blood bath starts tonight at MSG. Rangers VS. Devils, enuf said. Andy Pettitte got rocked in first game back after filming Swamp People, ( I think that was him ). Pettitte has requested that Yogi Berra be his catcher on the day's he pitches. This guy takes the loss and the Yankee fans are cheering when he leaves the mound and people think there is something wrong with Philly fans. Maybe The Mets can have Seaver come back as a releiver. Fred Wilpon was overheard mumbling in his office how he longed for the days when Jackie Robinson played for the Mets. Hey did you catch NASCAR, The Bojangles South 500 at Darlington Raceway. Besides the fans that have a 45 degree slope to the forehead with there eyes close together the next best part was the post race fight between the Busch, Newman pit crews. I believe the fight was over the last can of Budweiser. Now I will give you my Preakness picks as of today. Went the Day Well with I'LL Have Another. I have to wait for the remaining triple and superfecta pick because several horses may not run such as Bodemeister, Hansen and Hierro.