DID YOU KNOW????

Did you know Franco Harris has 4 Super Bowl Rings. The only problem is he can't count that high. Did you know Archie Manning does not have a Super Bowl Ring. Did you know the Mannings have a third son, well neither did Archie. They refer to him as that kid. Did you know that Richard Sherman actually graduated from college. Did you know that Erin Andrews will not be interviewing Sherman before, during or after the game. Did you know that Pete Carroll said that the NFL should consider medicinal pot for injuries. Hey Pete, guess what go smoke some pot after you lose Sunday. Pete Carroll coming back to Jersey were he sucked as the Jet coach and now sucks as the Seattle coach. Did you know that Bill Parcells was known as the Big Tuna., Why? Did you know that Phil Simms didn't have sons like Eli or Peyton. Did you know Joe Theismann was in back to back Super Bowls, XVII an XVIII. He is still trying to figure out what the roman numerals add up to. Did you know that his prostrate was giving him fits. Did you know Tony Siragusa is still as fat as when he played in Super Bowl XXXV. I wonder, do they make depends in his size. Did you know I was shocked that no Seahawk or Bronco players were arrested during a crackdown on prostitution this week in New York. Enuf said.

DA GRAMMYS

Daft Punk won for the best pop duo group performance. I actually thought they were the cast from Star Wars. Tony Bennett was overheard saying they suck and did you know it was out fault that the terrorist flew those planes in the Trade Towers. What doesn't somebody wack this old fool. Ryan Lewis and Macklemore won for best rap so when two white guys that look gayer than Elton John got up to accept I was shocked. Jay Z was overheard saying,"I HATE WHITE PEOPLE". A female impersonator was at the Grammys with Ringo Starr and by the way i have never seen ears as big as ringos or was that really Paul McCartney sitting on his head. Sir Paul won for best rock song " Cut me Some Slack" REALLY. Hey Paul go back to England and bang that wife of yours whose father owns New England Motor Freight. Taylor Swift didn't win anything, I guess the Grammys finally got it right,although she is a piece of ass i have to say. Who wants to be the next one to bang the shit out of her so she can right a song about you. Jay Z and Beyonce opened with " Drunk in Love" after that performance I just wish I was drunk and stoned. Pink sang " Try " while suspended above the audience i had to take 2 xanex because i was picturing her falling on stevie wonders head and killing this fuckin guy and my eyes were fixated on her feet. This bitch has got the ugliest feet I have ever seen. I didn't know at first if it was Pink or Cirques Soleil was performing. The Grammys dragged out every old washed up act they could find. Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder and Sir Paul. They invited Frank Sinatra but he had a prior engagement in Vegas with Dean Martin and Sammy Davis. I didn't know you could fit so many freaks on one stage. Just think this was the 56th Grammy Awards. 56 years ago Benny Goodman, Artie Shaw, Rosemary Clooney and The Ames Brothers were accepting awards. Aah the good old days or were they. That was when they were freaks but nobody was allowed to know.

NEWSSSSSSSSSS

Kelly Clarkson has announced she is having a girl. We hope it doesn't have horns a tail and hoof feet, in other words it isnt a demon seed. Since we are on the subject of demon seeds how about Seattles own Richard Sherman. Listen isn't pot legal in Washington State? Hey Richard, or as I call him Dick take a few hits and relax. Nobody fucking cares and get a fucking hair cut. Shermans nostrils almost inhaled Erin Andrews microphone. Rihanna was seen in Rio onboard a yacht wearing ear rings big enough to second as life perservers. Well everybody knows blacks can't swim. Kanye West was at Club 79 in Paris but Kim Kardashian was nowhere in sight. Kanye said she was getting her ass waxed. Did you know Kylie Jenner is home schooled. Bruce said there are too many blacks in the Hgh School. ( Get it ). Umemployment worldwide surges to 202 million, things are looking better everyday. Honda said they are building factories as fast as they can to resolve this problem. Jimmy Fallon will be the new host when Jay Leno retires. We hope Jimmy can get funny before Leno retires. Who will replace David Letterman when he retires? oh yeah I know how about Buster Keaton or Jerry Stiller.

END OF THE YEAR

The man who helped save the 3 kidnapped women in Ohio signed a book deal. I have three questions, Who signed the deal for him? Who is going to write the book for him? can he actually read the book when it is written? Mattel has introduced a plus size Barbie Doll. The bitch has got a double chin. Barbie, Ken ain't gonna fuck with you anymore. Ooops wait a minute rumor has it they will be introducing a pot bellied unshaven Ken doll holding a bottle of Dos Equos in one hand and a bowling bag in the other. MacArthur Airport is set to lose 1.4 million dollars for 2013. Can the politicians please put back what they stole. The new Fast & Furious movie will be released on April 10th , 2015. Does Paul Walker die in this movie, just asking. Beyonce was spotted in a Massachusetts store imitating a white women and handing out 50 dollar gift cards to the peasants that were in the store. JayZ was spotted getting his lips done. Carmelo Anthony sprained his ankle last night against the Magic. Really? a sprained ankle playing basketball. Maybe you should wear high tops for more ankle support you pussy. What is it with black men and their feet. Just Asking.

OLD PEOPLE

Do old people sitting on the couch at night watching T.V. realize they are getting old. The answer is yesss and you know why? commercials for Lyrica, Humira, Warfin, RectiCare and Cialis were holding their interest. I guess eating those mallomars with a glass of milk every night brought on their diabetes so the Lyrica will help ease the tingling they get on the bottom of my feet. The arthritis in the back bothers them everytime they go to stand up so its time for the Humira. they can't afford to retire so everytime they think about that they get Afib you know a symptom not brought on by a heart valve problem so I better order up some Warfrin. Well do I have to explain why they need RectiCare. No stupid thats not why. the seniors have been fucked over so many times I guess this will help ease the pain. This cream alarms me because it also says for other rectal disorders. What other rectal disorders are they talking about. Lets face it because of the diabetes from the mallomars they can't get a boner, hence they need the Cialis. You really don't think they are giving up the mallomars do you. My only hope is when they signed up for Obamacare the application actually was processed. If not they am back on the couch shaking their feet to get the tingling out, rubbing blu/emu on their back, feeling their heart skip a beat, scratching their ass while trying to get a boner. FUGHGETABOUTIT

WELL THERE YA GO

The nation's No.1 maker of the shittiest cars on the rode, General Motors is spending 1.3 Billion they stole from the government to upgrade 5 U.S,. plants. I guess that still leaves them 49 billion they took during the bailout from guess who? THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER. Remember last week the Treasury sold its last shares of GM for a 10 billion dollar loss. Bailouts and Obamacare, the government sure knows what they are doing, what a fucking joke but I digress. GM said it will unveil 14 new or improved models next year. OMG, 14 more hideous looking cars. Compared to Honda, the plastic being used in their cars might create a shortage of polymers. The new female CEO, Mary Barra said pink is the new black for their cars. Listen if your riding around in a GM product its time to do a Paul Walker and go down in flames, hopefully behind the wheel of your Silverado. The Dow was up yesterday 129 points on news that the American public is getting fucked royally. Wall Street always responds to good news who said the mob is a thing of the past. Beyonce's new album sold 617,000 units on itunes, " Drunk in Love" is the most popular track. This is bigger crap than "Put a Rink On It" Does anybody have a Prosche GT Beyonce can go crusing around in. JUST ASKING. Oh yeah make sure Jay Z is a passenger.

REAL CRAP

Beyonce has released her 5th album and it is titled MORE CRAP. It's going to be hard to top "Put a Ring on it". Lets face it she ain't no Etta James. You ever see this train wreck with no make up, WHOA. Susan Sarandon said she was stoned during all the award shows. Gee I just thought she was retarded now I find she was drug induced retarded. She is now 67 years old and looks it. Robinson Cano signed a 240 million dollar contract and gives his baby mama 600 bucks a month in child support that he often pays late. When asked why he replied "WHAT, TOO MUCH???. Hey Cano, your a douche bag. Could somebody please tell Miley Cyrus to keep her clothes on, she looks like a boy with tits. The physco that was doing the sign language ( not really ) at the Mandela send off will be hired by President Obama to explain Obamacare, Good FUCKIN Luck. The drama series " Breaking Bad" was nominated for a Golden Globe Award. Isn't that terrific, a show that glorifies the selling of meth. Who said there aren't any good shows on T.V. FUGHGETABOUTIT

I'M BACK BABY

Gisele Bundchen was photograghed breast feeding while getting her hair and nails done. I was shocked to find it wasn't Tom Brady she was breast feeding. The Antartica recorded it's lowest temperature ever at 135.3 below zero. So all you global warming tree huggers can go FUCK YOURSELVES. A woman was named CEO of General Motors, her first executive decision was to place tampon holders and better sun visor mirrors in all new GM cars. The government sold their final stake in GM for a lose of 10.5 BILLION dollars. Somebody should tell the government you buy low and sell high, stupid bastards. 95,000 people packed into to the Rugby Stadium in So. Africa for what they thought was a game taking place only to find a dead guy was being eulogized, riots did not break out and tear gas and rubber bullets were put back into storage for another day. President Obama did give a hearty handshake to President Raul Castro the communist leader of Cuba. Didn't anybody tell Obama Cuba is the enemy?. Instead of fucking us with Obamacare he should be fucking Cuba every chance he gets. What up with that. Curtis Granderson was introduced on his first day as a Met, fans are shocked he can speak english. No Mas

BAD CLUTCH????

The former owner of the 2005 Porsche Carrera GT in which Paul Walker died said the car had a "tricky" clutch with a tendency to stall. Well I don''t think stalling was problem here, DO YOU. If the car stalled it wouldn't have been doing 120 mph into a tree. Porsche said they contacted Toyota and will purchase the same anchors they install on their cars. Porsche stopped selling this car in the U.S. because it couldnt meet safety standards. I guess that was the first warning. Besides not buying a Honda because you can get cancer from all the plastic in their cars here is another reason not to buy these jap shit cans, Michael Boulton. Who thought it was a good idea to put him in your commercials screeching out Christmas songs while standing on top of those hideous looking cars. Services will be held for Nelson Mandela today at FNB Rugby Stadium in Soweto. Four U S Presidents will be in attendance. South Africas own Barack Obama, President Bush, no not father Bush and the worse President ever Jimmy Carter and our first black President Bill Clinton. Somebody tell Jimmy he won't be getting a send off like this one. We believe Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett will be the half-time entertainment. Eleanor Parker a three time Oscar nominee who played the scheming baroness in " The Sound of Music" has died at age 91. I guess the hills are not alive with the Sound of Music.

TGIFFFFFFFFFFF

A teen was arrested for stealing parts from the crash site of Paul Walkers accident. Listen I don't think Paul Walker has any use for them do you?? It appears the Stock Market is up on news that 200,000 worthless part time jobs were created. This means 200,000 people are now making 7.25 an hour for less than 32 hours. After they sign up for Obamacare their take home pay will be a negative 480.00. Yup it appears the economy is headed in the right direction. Workers at McDonalds are demanding 15 bucks per hour. Wow, 15.00 bucks to say would you like fries with that or Te gustaria papas fritas con eso. Former CEO of Tyco Dennis Kozlowski will be released from prison after serving 8 years for stealing 134 million. When asked what he will do he said " Spend the 134 million I stole" Let's break it down, thats 16.75 mil for every year served. Some asshole paid 197 G's for the handwriiten lyric sheet to Springsteens " Born to Run" I guess that old saying is true " One man's garbage is another man's gold". Springsteen SUCKS. Playboy is heading into its 60th year, I only buy it to read the articles. With all the porn on the internet who the fuck buys Playboy. Robinson Cano wants to extort 300 million for a 10 year contract from the Yankees. Isn't extortion illegal? Cano's dad said it appears the Yankees don't want Robbie. The Yankees said he will be 65 when his contract ends or 90 in latin years. Robbie go play in Seattle it has a very high suicide rate. Enuf said.

OOO BOYYYY

The coroners office in Los Angeles released Paul Walkers cause of death, FLAMES. Enough said. Mariano Rivera gave Derek Jeter a life size blow up doll for xmas saying "he can finally have a wife". The only problem is the doll is female. Now somebody tell Mariano to get the fuck out because nobody cares about him anymore. Celebrity Chef Nigella Lawson said she took cocaine 7 times. I guess her receipes required it, lets see 2 teaspoons of salt, a dash of sage and an eight ball you are good to go. Sinatra's Upper East Side penthouse is up for sale and all it takes is 5.6 mil. and a can of renuzit to get rid of the smell left from Marilyn Monroe. While we are on the subject of Sinatra did anyone watch Mob City last night. Wow, I wasted 6.99 on a bottle of Drakkar to try and set the mood and was gravely disappointed. I don't know what was worse the acting or the script or both. Thank god South Park was on. A Norman Rockwell painting " Saying Grace sold at auction for 46 million. I have Norman Rockwell plates and they are worth 1.99, what up with that. December 25th is the birthday of Jesus Christ. Do we sing Happy Birthday or Blue Christmas by Elvis, just shoot me now.

TIS THE SEASON???????????????

Tis the Season? The season for what? Listen you cannot turn on the radio without hearing Christmas tunes, thats right not Carols. Faith Hill singing Christmas songs, she can't carry a tune in a Salvation Army bucket. Then if your ready to stick the barrel in your mouth or go in the garage and take the pipe how about Elvis singing Blue Blue Christmas. When your ready to take your final breath make sure the radio is playing Bob Carlisles Christmas Shoes. This lovely song has mom dying on Christmas Eve and the her kid is in the store trying to buy her a pair shoes for Christmas. For Christ's sake ( No pun intended ) you have got to be fucking kidding me, What happened happened to Sleigh Bells Ringing right about now I will even take Dominick the Donkey. Do you know why the suicide rate increases around this time of year? because the democrats are in control of the Senate. And you thought it had something to do with the holidays, fooled ya. Listen Xmas is suppose to be a joyous occasion, Christ was born. If you want to play depressing songs then how about on the day he died. Whatever happened to Happy Birthday To You. A great new series starts tonight on TNT at 9:00, Mob City. The series is based on the 40's mobsters in Los Angeles. Ah the good old 40's when mobsters were mobsters, Bugsy Sigel, Mickey Cohen, Frank Sinatra well maybe not. Make sure you tune in tonight. Leave the keys in the CTS and put on a splash of Drakkar your in for a treat. FUGHGETABOUTIT.

WELL HERE YA GOOOOOOOOOO

I just got my Kardashian Christmas Card. Hey wait a minute is this a Christmas Card or a picture from the Paul Walker car crash. I did spot a burn victim in the picture I believe it is Bruce Jenner, but he wasn't in that car was he. I guess Kanye isn't part of the Kardashian familly because I don't see any black guys in the photo and the kid born out of wedlock North West. What kind of name is North for a kid and worse yet North West. If I was this kid I would overdose on Tramadol as soon as I could get my hands on some scrip. When asked why the black side of the family wasn't in the card Khloe replied " they celebrate kwanza". Odom was too busy trying to score, no not in basketball and said he would never have dicked Khloe if he wasn't high as a fucking kite. Kanye was on tha radio ranting about rich white men. I guess rich black men are okay. Did you hear speed was a factor in the fatal car crash involving Paul Walker. That LAPD sure do have some fucking geniuses on the force. I wonder how they figured that out. LETS GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE

WHAT CAN I SAY

What can you say about the Jets. Lets start with they SUCK. We have a quarterback that can't throw the fucking ball to his own team and another that should'nt be allowed in the same room with his father. We have an offensive coordinator that makes Tony Sparano looks like a fucking genius. Rex had the same game plan as usual, NOT TO HAVE ONE. Its time for Rex and his crew to just get the FUCK OUT. What can you say about Paul Walker. He wont be starring in the new Fast & Furious movie called Crispy and Welldone. Maybe Vin Diesel should have been driving instead of Walkers friend. Listen if your riding in a Porche shouldnt you have a fire extinguisher as standard equipment. What can you say about David Beckham who was made to jerk off to a picture of a male soccer player as part of a school hazing. When did he think this wasn't a good idea? Was it after the money shot? Does it make you gay when you jerk off in front of other males? YES

DA JETSSSSSSSSSSSS

Can somebody tell Geno Smith that he is suppose to throw the ball to the guys wearing green uniforms. Did the Jets actually think they could win with a ground game, what a fucking mess. When Geno was asked why he had a bad day he simply replied " I SUCK". Maybe the Jets should play at night, Do you know why? Because most black people are still sleeping at 1:00pm in the afternoon. Here is a message for Ed Reed GO BACK TO BALTIMORE. Listen if you go into this shit hole they call Baltimore and can't beat a quarterback that looks like he has down syndrome then just pack it in, oops you already packed it in. The Raven fans were holding up signs with the number 3. I was assuming that was their IQ. Listen if you live in Maryland you cant be too fucking bright. The jets are not going to the playoffs or any Super Bowl with a black guy that has an italian first name. It's time to bring in the albino quarterback, Matt Simms...... What can you say about the Giants. 81,000 fans attended the Giant game at MetLifeless Stadium. 80,000 were there to watch the Cowboys. The other 1,000 were Giant fans drunk in the parking lot tailgating from there 1989 Honda Civics. While we are on the subject of Honda's, they were ranked #1 by Kelly Blue Book for resale value. Kelly Blue Book said " Who doesn't like a car with lots of plastic and vinyl" . The N Y Nets are off to a horrible start. JasoN Kidd told his wife the beatings will continue until the Nets win. She is in for a long season. Who thought this punk was going to be a good coach. The Knicks play in Portland tonight. If they can keep Amare and Carmelo out of the strip clubs they might have a chance to win.

CELEBRITY NEWS

Does Hannibal Lecter cut Alex Baldwin's hair? This guy looks like he should star in a remake of Physco, because he is a physco. Did he get hold of moms cancer meds and why doesn't somebody just smack the shit out of this asshole. He called a photgrapher a cocksucking faggot. Isn't that like an oxymoron, because if your sucking cock then you are a faggot, just asking. His daughter "the thoughtless little pig"and thats a quote from him to her on a voicemail that i am sure everyone heard a few years back has come to her dads defense. She said he is not a racist or a homophobe,she did say he a certified nut case..... It has been 50 years since JFK was wacked oops I mean assassinated. Can somebody finally tell us who assassinated this fucking guy, I am dying to find out. Dying might be a bad choice of word..... Rumors are flying that Faith Hill and Tim McGraw are filing for divorce. Faith Hill said she can no longer take his big hats and little penis. Tim said he went tone death listening to Faith trying to sing. Can't wait to hear the words of their next country duet. I believe Geno Smith is color blind and while we on the subject what kind of name is Geno for a black guy. Geno throw the fucking ball to somebody on your team, Buffalo might be in New York but they are wearing BLUE uniforms you stupid ass. A fan fell from the third tier of the Buffalo - Jet game, I was praying it was fireman Ed. Kanye West is going to make an honest woman of Kim Kardashian. Can you imagine the guest list on the West side of the family. This will be a bigger wedding then the Corleones except no italians will be at this wedding. FUGHGETABOUTIT.

OOO BOYYYYYYYY

Two nuts faced off in court yesterday, the son of a cancer survivor Alec Baldwin and a Kings Park physco ward patient Genevieve Sabourin a Canadian actress. She claims Alec banged her with his 2 inch penis while banging his daughter Hilaria, oops I mean his wife who is close to his daughters age. What kind of name if Hilaria it rhymes with Milaria. Sabourin is charged with aggravated harassment, stalking and attempted criminal contempt. Too bad there isn't an attempted murder rap attached to the indictment. They should both be locked up, but I'm not sure being a douche bag is a crime. I just got the Ben-Gay account and was told all the shipments are hot. The Mets are trying to add a little juice to their line-up. Ooops I mean juiced up players Jhonny ( spelled correctly ) Peralta and Nelson Cruz. Maybe we can get Keith Hernandez suited up and start doing lines in the club house. Maybe the Mets can sign Robinson Cano after he files for unemployment

WHATSA MATTA

John Gotti Jr.'s velour sweat suit was damaged yesterday following an altercation outside a CVS while purchasing a bottle of drakkar in Syosset, N.Y. The sweat suit sustained knife holes and blood stains in the stomach area. Gotti was rushed to Syosset Hospital with a stab wound and his sweat suit was rushed to his tailor in Howard Beach for repairs. He claims he was trying to break up a fight outside the CVS when he was stabbed. Yeah, I bet. He refused to talk with police. If you happen to hear that somebody was found with a bullet in his head in the Syosset area then you will know who the stabber was. Gotti's Cadillac CTS was not harmed in the incident, however a bottle of Drakkar was found shattered on the ground in the parking lot. His neighbors said they can't believe it, he is such a good neighbor. FUGHGETABOUTIT. Do you know how much a Marmot Mammoth jacket cost. Well if your a 16 year old gang banger its free for you if you don't mind the bullet hole you just put in it. Then this stupid bastard then posts on Facebook what he just did. It appears brains at not a requirement to become a member of the Bloods. The biggest disaster to ever hit the Philippines, no stupid not the japanese invasion during WWII but Typhoon Haiyan. The people said that can't get medical attention because the Obamacare web site is down. Some Philippinos said they didn't get a notice in the mail their insurance was canceled because there homes are gone. NEED I SAY MORE. The N Y Mets tried to trade Ike Davis to MIlwaukee, Ike said Oy Vey there are only 30,000 jews in Milwaukee and the beer sucks. Robinson Cano may have to file for unemployment because MLB teams have no interest in paying him 300mil. I believe he would max out at 475.00 a week on unemployment Que Pasa

NEWS WORTHY

Toyota said their profits were up 70%. They credit this to the lower price to purchase plastic. ( you figure it out ). The biggest drug dealer CVS said revenue rose 6% to 32 billion with a "B". Ever wonder why they can't find a cure for cancer, well stupid theres your answer. A black man was elected mayor of New York. No stupid it isn't David Dinkins his name is Bill DeBlasio. Hey wait a minute he isn't black but his family is. Well just like the Jeffersons ( no not Thomas ) they are moving on up. A heavyweight was elected Governor of New Jersey, no stupid not Mike Tyson, I mean a real heavyweight, Chris Christie. He beat his vowel ending challenger Barabra Buono. When she was asked what she will do now she replied, make an appearance on Mob Wives. Hey Barbara, get the fuck out. Why does it always seem to be a problem with voting machines in mimority neighborhoods. How fucking hard is it to press a lever that says DEMOCRAT, REPUBLICAN, CONSERVATIVE, INDEPENDENT. Oh yeah I know you have to know how to read. An 86 year old woman who ran the marathon Sunday died in her hotel room after the race with her running shoes still on. Oh well I guess she completed the marathon of life. Hey at 86 aren't you suppose to be drooling on yourself and crappping your pants. Who could possible be worse than President Obama, how about a President Hillary Clinton. Not only would she be the first woman President elected but also the first lesbian. James Dolan said if the Knicks continue to lose he will close the Knicks locker room and make the players get dressed in Penn Station, he will also turn off the lights at the Garden and make the Knicks play in the dark. The Knick City Dancers have filed for unemployement. How does a prick like Dolan get to own a major sports franchise, oh yeah I know his father the prick that owns Cablevison. Can somebody at Cablevison please fix my fucking wi-fi connection

REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????

President Stupid said " If you like your healthcare plan you can keep your healthcare plan" President Stupid said this at least a dozen times.As it turns out the word "IF" actually meant I FUCKING LIED. You can keep your plan IF your plan was in effect before the new law MAYBE. You can keep your plan if your a member of Congress. IF you are Joe Citizen you ain't fucking keeping your plan or the last dollar you got in your wallet...... Porky Pig look alike James Dolan went on the war path ripping into Carmelo Anthony whose ex wife tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios according to kevin garnett, GM Steve Mills nixed the Knicks City Dancers. I don't know about you but the only reason I go to a Knick games is to watch the Knicks City Dancers. I actually try to guess which one Carmelo didn't bang. Dolan expects the Knicks to win a championship this year. REALLY? You ain't ever winning a championship with Carmelo Anthony on your team.JR Smith returns Sunday from his suspension for having way too many tats. The Knick have already committed 53 turnovers, no stupid not the kind Pillsbury makes..... You know your season is at an end when the Ducks beat you. It was the Ducks 2 the Rangers SUCK. Has anybody seen the Tort. Lets move onto Richie Incognito of the Dolphins. The mis-shapen pant load has been suspended for things like extortion, ethnic slurs, and death threats. Is he a friend of Aaaron Hernadez by any chance???? According to ESPN Incognito was bullied as a youngster being called a fat-ass lard-ass and whale, well if the shoe fits. With a name like Incognito thats what this tub of shit should have been. He will no longer be playing in the NFL so trust me he will be INCOGNITO