The
Hearse that carried the late JFK will be auctioned off January 21,
2012. I do find it odd they make this announcement on the same day they
announced the death of Kim Jung.
You can now own a piece of
Americana. A 1964 Cadillac Hearse. Just think what all your neighbors
will be saying, Why did he by this piece of shit, has he completely lost
his mind,
I didn't know he was that ill. Then you have to
explain it was the hearse that carried JFK. Now your neighbors are
looking at you like you have just lost your mind. Then you explain that
the ambulance that was used to transport JFK was auctioned off this year
and you can't wait to bid when it goes back up for auction. Now all that's left out of your collection is the bullet, rifle and coffin to
complete the collectors set. If your interested in purchasing the
Lincoln he had his brains splattered all over you can't purchase that
but you can see it at the Henry Ford Museum. Witnesses did say they
smelled the strong scent of Drakkar on the grassy knoll.
It is amazing what people will profit off of. I have the underwear Elvis
was wearing when he died on the throne. It must be worth a fortune
because it has the original shit stains. Do I hear any bids?? God help
us
Have
you ever seen the Capital One commercials with this guy that is kind
of bloated looking, but it is a drinkers bloat. Very heavily made up
about 5 foot 5. I'm sure you have. Well if you haven't it is the one
and only Alec Baldwin. Yes he is a legend in his own mind. Yes the same
Alec Baldwin that throws a tantrum on planes, claims he is for the little guy while driving in limos, flying first class, drinking and eating the finest of the finest. Yes the same Baldwin who thinks he can actually act.
Papa Smurf is a better actor than him.
Do you know how this pant load
rose to stardom? I will let you in on a little secret. Come closer, no
come even closer because this will shock you. Someone who gave birth to
this waste of a carbon foot print had breast cancer ( His Mom ) On his
way up the ladder of success every interview he was sent on he told the
world "Did you know my mother is a cancer survivor" Did you know my
mother is a breast cancer survivor" and all the woman who watch Oprah,
Maury Povich, Letterman, etc, etc just adored him and thus began the
rise to become one of the greatest B actors of our time. This list
includes Jack Elam, Roy Rogers, Fess Parker, Roger Moore, etc. etc This
rise to stardom brought along a brother, Billy Baldwin. His career
lasted 15 minutes, the booze and drugs over took this next to be
legendary actor. You can now see this amazing actor on Worlds Dumbest
Videos. He could have been the next Leonardo DiCaprio. We owe all this
to a Breast Cancer Survivor. I am on my way to by a pink ribbon. How
about you
The
demise of this hair bag has been clearly apparent. But to show that she
can always sink a little lower she will prostitute herself for Playboy. Her father must be so proud. This drunken, drug addicted piece of
garbage ( yes he created this waste of a carbon footprint ) must be so
elated.
The mother and father will once again be able to ear a paycheck off their daughter. What exactly does her father do besides get arrested. Yes it is a career. You are called a career criminal. What exactly
does the mother do? Does she volunteer at a homeless shelter, a candy
striper at Good Sam Hospital, or I know she helped prostitute her
daughter into show business. I think they call that a Pimp. Listen when
your daughter starts wearing lipstick and its not on her lips, when she
gets out of a limo and has no underpants on or she is stumbling around
and can't stand in nine inch heels, it is time to ask yourself, I think
we have a problem here. But Lindsay is not totally to blame she is a
product of the two cretons that spawned this mess.
Listen not
all is lost, her career is on the upswing. She will play Victoria Gotti
in the new Gotti movie. You know the movie that will also star that
bloated douche of Welcome Back Kotter fame and Grease. Come on you know
who I am talking about. Vinny Barbarino. This movie will be the biggest
flop in cinema history. Get your tickets now so you can actually watch
the freak show that goes on before the movie starts. Pull up a beach
chair. You will see shiny running suits as well as velour, the scent of
Drakkar will permeate the air near the ticket booth, there will be more
Cadillac CTS's in the parking lot then you thought GM ever built. They
are all black, you would think a funeral was starting. You will here
things like " Hey I just came to see Lohans tits, or " Yo ain't she hot,
or "Hey, I'd like to tap that, Yeah Fuhgetaboutit
Have
you ever wondered who the real talent was in the Beatles? Was it Paul.
God no he couldn't hit a high C unless he was drinking a Hi-C. Was
it Ringo. God no He was placed way in the back because not only couldn't
he sing he was no Buddy Greco. Was it George. God no have you ever
listened to the shit he recorded after the Beatles. Well that leaves
John. Lets just say his taste in woman was only exceeded
by his choice of music. Imagine, this went down was one of his finest
moments. Yeah I can imagine if that piece of trash was never recorded
what a waste of perfectly good vinyl. Lets see some of the garbage they
recorded. Help, I Wanna hold your hand, Yellow Submarine, Lady Madonna,
not ( THE MADONNA ) some of the other shit they recorded eludes me at
the this time. Thank God.
Now that brings us to the Christmas
Show at Westbury. Kenny Rogers of I just checked in to see what
condition my condition was in fame. He will perform his Christmas
Mummified Act 2011 at Westbury again this year. How many face lifts can
you get before you are unable to blink. This guys looks like one of his
Kenny Rogers Roasted Chickens. Jesus Christ enough is enough
already. I would rather shove ground glass under my finger nails. It is
time for The Gambler to check into the home and tell everybody how
famous he was and tell the nurses, don't you know who I am? I'm Kenny
Rogers remember me.
I thought all these has beens performed in
Branson, MO. when they hit 70. Just a reminder in case your a Barry
Manilow fan that he will be performing at Radio City so get your tickets
early. Does anybody know where Neil Diamond will be performing his
Hanukkah show, Dreidel, Dreidel is one of my old time favorites and I
love when he closes with Sweet Caroline. OMG
WALMART was not permitted to open any stores in India. Would you believe
protestors disrupted Parliament for days arguing that a foreign firm
could kill jobs and hurt mom and pop stores over there. ARE THEY
FUCKING KIDDING ME. This is the same country we outsource all our
Banking, Credit Card, and telemarketing business and these towel heads
think WALMART is going to kill jobs. America does nothing but create jobs for these dirt eating douche bags. What they are truly afraid of is the following.
1) Soap cheap enough for them to buy
2) Deodorant cheap enough so they don't stink like the ox they rode into town on.
3) Sari's ON SALE AISLE 10
4) Curry ON SALE AISLE 14
5) Mud for their huts ON SALE AISLE 11
6) Straw brooms ON SALE AISLE 9
Kill jobs over there? There are no fucking jobs over there. Thats why they are all here
Today
is December 6th, this is the day that will live in infamy. Those slanty
eyed, round eyeglass wearing, bucktooth sneaks bombed Pearl Harbor. Well well didn't that work out for them. After we got done kicking the
living shit out of the Germans we turned our American might on these
bunch of sneaks and practically turned Japan into a smoldering
wasteland. On second thought it is a smoldering wasteland.
What we didn't finish the earthquakes and what follows after that will
finish these Honda building douche bags off. What the hell were they
thinking? Oh yeah we will take out their Navy based at Pearl Harbor and
the United States would be defenseless. What a bunch of assholes. Not
only did we turn their Navy into sunken treasure, annihilated their
army, we also turned hundreds of thousands of civilians into ash.
Now the American people are buying, Nintendo s, Wii's, Honda's and Toyota's. If that doesn't make you sick enough Toyota races is NASCAR in
fucking NASCAR do you hear me. Toyota races in NASCAR. What the fuck are
these beer guzzling, overall wearing, rednecks thinking about. Toyota
races in NASCAR. Now here comes the kicker. Are you sitting down? Toyota
is the official car of the N.Y. Giants. That's right not the Osaka Giants
the N.Y. Giants. It don't get more American than that, the N.Y. Giants
and NASCAR
Remember all the poor souls who lost their lives on
this date and all the poor souls who fought the good fight and kicked
the living shit out of these creeps.
I just heard the best news of the day. Forget the stock market, forget the European debt crisis, forget Herman Cain.
MADONNA yes THE MADONNA will be hosting the Super Bowl Halftime Show.
This fifty something, camel toed hair bag will thrill us all at
halftime.
I can see it now. Fireworks exploding on stage, loud
thunderous music building to a crescendo and then yes then THE MADONNA
pops out of Aaron Rodgers jock
strap. She will start screaming and screeching her greatest hits ( which
escape me at the moment ) while the Blue Angels do a fly over so you
can’t hear this bitch sing.
Then, just when you
thought you can’t possible puke up anymore chicken wings from listening
to this crap I am sure she will be joined by Steven Tyler ( Aerosmith ),
Justin Beiber ( Justin Beiber ) and R Kelly ( Rap Singer ). This is the
moment you wished the Blue Angels would fly back over with a precision
air strike and leave
The 50 yard line a huge smoldering hole.
Madonna, I guess Andy Williams’ was busy or Connie Francis had a previous engagement. You have got to be kidding me MADONNA.
