FIRE FIRE EVERYWHERE

There was a brush fire in the Meadowlands yesterday, did you hear about this? The toxic waste that flows beneath the Meadowlands must have heated up and combusted. The fire endangered the Izod Center. I was actually hoping that this eyesore along with the Prudential Center and Met Life Stadium went up in a puff of smoke. There aren't three uglier stadiums around unless you consider ( Yup, your guessed it ) Philadelphia. Have you ever been to Citizens Bank Park? or the Wachovia Center ? or how about the shit hole where the Eagles play, Lincoln Financial Field. I don't know what looks worse, the stadiums or the people that attend the games. Are gravy stained tee shirts and cargo shorts the offical apparel of Philly sport fans. These people are drinking way too much shitty Keystone Lite..... Did anyone really think The N.Y. Metropolitans had any shot this year. The franchise is 50 years old and 50 is the team batting average. They play the Phillies and then the Braves, we should be out of our misery by the end of next week. This team is more anemic than an albino. Somebody should just beat Jason Bay senseless with his own fucking bat. Well Ranger fans our misery begins tonight. I hope you don't think they have a shot at a Stanley Cup. The only cups they will be hoisting fits in their jock straps. What a sport, grown men beating each other with sticks. Big fucking deal, thats happens every night in Bay Ridge. The Knicks beat the Bucks, enuf said. Wow, The Yankees swept the Orioles. A pee wee team could beat the Orioles. Charles Manson was denied parole for the twelth time, yet Ray Lewis is allowed to play football ( Think About it )

MORE NEWSSSSSSSSSSSSS

The N Y Metropolitans celebrate their 50th Anniversary today. Who names a team the Metropolitans? Ralph Kiner will be the starting pitcher and Roger Craig will come in the game after Ralph throws 2 pitches. Craig will throw two or three pitches and Nolan Ryan will finish the game. The point I am trying to make is that the Mets SUCK. David Wright broke his pickie finger while sipping an espresso, Jason Bay will kill another Met rally with his 3rd strike out of the day, Ike Davis will break out in sweats from valley fever and Lucas Duda will drop every ball hit to right field. Right field is aptly named the MO Zone, not because of Modells but for Mo Vaughn. Thats the only place Vaughn could hit the ball. This team should be named the N.Y. Mess. The Jackson 4 are going on tour. You know why it is the Jackson 4? because number 5 is dead. Guess who won't be their opening act? Whitney Houston. Amy Whitehouse respectfully declined due to a death in the family, HERS. Al Pacino and Christopher Walken are filming a movie together called " Stand up Guys" I need more cow bell. The Car Show ends this Sunday at the Javits Center. I suggest you stay home, any parts worth taking were stolen on opening day. Rep. Charlie ( The Tax Cheat ) Rangel is running for another term despite a bad back. He blames the bad back on a suitcase he picked up stuffed with hundred dollars bills. This old fool is running for his 22nd term. Charlie, GET OUT. Guess who won't be President? Rick Santorum, the people in Pennsylvania won't even vote for him. I believe it is because they don't know how to operate the lever on the voting booth. Bobby Petrino was fired as coach for the Arizona Razorbacks for knowingly misleading the university. Well if thats the case everybody on Wall Street should be fired. ( Do you have to think about that ) Knicks lost to the Bulls, enuf said.

WEEKEND UPDATE

Mike Wallace died, get over it he was 93. I think we can come to the conclusion he won't be 94, sign me uppp. Do you know how to stop the Check Engine light from coming on in a 2011 Porsche Panamera? Answer:: Take the fucking bulb out. The designer of the Porsche 911 died this weekend, Im surprised he didn't get killed driving one of those death traps he created. 911 was a correct name because you had to dial 911 everytime this piece of crap brokedown. The upside is they did look nice sitting in peoples driveways. The Knicks are closing in on first place and even better than that tied with Sixers. Do you know the best thing about Philadelphia? Driving right straight through it. This is the same city where everybody gets their car booted because they are so stupid they can't park properly nor can they read. What is so hard about a sign that says NO PARKING ZONE. This is the same place that produced Rick Santorum. Hey Rick, JUST GET OUT. The rich, white plantation owners in Augusta couldn't be happier with a golfer named Bubba Watson winning the Masters. After he took off the Green Jacket they all celebrated in their brown uniforms. ( Get It ). How about those Mets, no Reyes and they go 3 and 0. Jon Niese got a nose job? You could have fooled me. This guy just signed a 25 mil contract and he needed Beltran to pay for the plastic surgery? Saturday was homeless glove day at Citifield. They gave away wool gloves with the fingers cut out. It looked like 25,000 homeless people in the stadium. Well at least 24,999

PLAY BALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Second Round of golf at Augusta today,who gives a fuck. The only blacks allowed are the kitchen help and Tiger Woods. The Marlins have lost 2 straight. They will soon find out what a real pant load Reyes is. Trust me if they keep losing Reyes will fake one of his famous hamstring injuries. Jason Bay continues his torrid pace towards an abyss, another 0 for 3. This was another great signing by Omar Minaya. Remember him? He wanted to rename the team the Dominican Mets. Two Pennsylvania teams played each other yesterday, the Phillies and the Pirates. I don't know what city is more depressing but I have an idea its Pittsburgh. The Philies have the Fanatic as their mascot. This thing looks like the people that go to thier games. You ever see what the Philly fans wear to a ballgame? Brown cargo shorts with an Utley jersey, some wear sneakers with the outfit but most are bare foot. Even the woman wear this outfit but the woman have there bellies hanging over the waistband with the thong hanging out the back and a tat of Rollins on their lower back. The jerseys are beer and cheeseteak grease stained. The best thing about Pittsburgh stadium is the property the stadium was built on. The Yankees open their season today at 3:00 The only english speaking person on the team is Derek Jeter, Que pasa? A crane will hoist C C Sabathia to the mound, this guy sweats gravy when he pitches. Can anybody tell me if Joe Girardi has AIDS. this fucking guy needs to eat a cheeseburger. It is impossible to listen to a Yankee broadcast, John Sterling? what a fucking douche. PLAY BALL

MEET THE METS

A harbinger of things to come. The Met season was summed up yesterday with the last spring training game of the season. A LOSE. They couldn't even beat a Yankee B team. The new season of loses begins today against the Braves. They can't even sell-out Opening Day at Jackie Robinson Stadium, oops I mean Citifield with the rapist on the mound. Nothing like having a stadium named after a corrupt banking conglomerate. Yeah the same Citi that stole millions from taxpayers. Now these same thieving pricks won't lend any of the money they stole. They just should have named the place Chase Bank Stadium. ( Get It ) The Wilpons are even giving away tickets for Saturdays game if you buy tickets for todays game. Listen Fred I have some advise for you. #1 Get rid of the Jackie Robinson shit, # 2 Honor the 69 and 86 World Series players, # 3 Sell the fucking team, # 4 Put a statue of Tom Seaver in the rotunda # 5 Sell the fucking team #6 Stop hanging around with Mario Cuomo # 7 Just sell the fucking team. How can you open the season with no closer? Listen Andy Petite is making a come back maybe you can ask Jerry Koosman what he is doing. Hey Jason Bay why don't you just quit. YOU SUCK. Now that Reyes is gone and thank god and so are the latino fans. the Wilpons are turning their focus on the asian flavor. Heejun Han from American Idol will sing God Bless America. This is the guy that looks like he is taking a shit when he sings. Gold Bless America? WTF I am telling you this organization doesn't have a clue. They must have hired management from OTB. How about the Mets paying Jon Neise 25 mil. Theres 25 mil they just flushed down the fuckin toilet. Lets move on to the Marlins. Who the fuck came up with the color scheme of this dump?HELEN KELLER? Wow, and what is that hideous looking thing behind the centerfield wall? Fish Tanks built into the walls? swimming pools? Is this a baseball stadium or a Motel 6. Then some brain child builds this eyesore in Little Havana. I got an idea they should have built this thing in the real Havana. Really no big difference they are both shit holes. Good luck with Reyes, I bet he doesnt make it thru April without pulling his fucking hammy. PLAY BALL

IN PAIN BUT STILL A LITTLE RANTING

We had another nut walking among us in Oakland, CA. This nut was a South Korean by the name of One Goh. I think translated in Korean this means One fucking Nut. He decided to take out 7 people because they critized him because he no speakie dat good. What does this guy do after he shoots 7 people? why he goes to a supermarket ( most likely Korean ) and says hey I just shot some people, is it me or are people just getting more fucked up as time goes on..... Alec Douchebag Baldwin is getting married again. Doesn't this poor girl know he is a douchebag. I know she does yoga so it is apparent her head is up her ass..... Talk about douchebags Keith Olbermann got fired again. Listen you know your life isn't working out when you get replaced by Eliot Spitzer. There isn't a more reprehensible scumbag on the planet than Spitzer except for Alec Baldwin..... Lets move on to college basketball, Kentucky beat Kansas, enuf said and who gives a fuck.... Who does the graphics for Al Qaeda? Thats some picture on the cover of the Daily News. How can they do that kind of work in a cave?fuckin amazing. When do we show these fanatics how a F-22 really works. The only good member of Al Qaeda is one that doesn't breath. Good news, GM sales are down on Buick and Cadillac. I guess the over 90 crowd just ain't buying right now.

JUST PISSED OFF

Lets start off with the Final Four. We had two toothless goober colleges fighting to see who could riot the most. Louisville and Kentucky. Hey Rick Pitino you eat the mighty one. You are also starting to look like an old drag queen and could be a double for Dustin Hoffman. Do you know the state motto for Kentucky? " We are the Oxycotin State" Do you know the best thing about Kentucky? The signs that says " You are Now Leaving Kentucky" My Ole Kentucky Home, what a shit hole. I guess if you can't go to Columbia, Yale or Harvard your next choice is Louisville or even worse Kentucky. The future Prius driving, USA bashing, tree hugging, money swindling douche bags decided to riot after a basketball game. Is that what a so called educated person does? Yeah lets go destroy property that other people worked hard for and put their blood and sweat into. Your parents must be so proud. Your lucky I'm not the Police Chief, you would be walking around with a night stick permanently imbeded in your ass. All this over a game that doesn't take much talent. Let's face it if you can dribble a ball you can play. Perfect example Jeremy Lin. Talk about Douchebags Dolan Jr, had a good teacher, his father. The Knick management knew Jeremy Lin had a torn Menicus but didn't tell ticket holders till the deadline to purchase playoff tickets came last Wednesday. Talk about a chink in the armor. Well at least they fucked Spike Lee. You talk about a morally bankrupt organization, your talking about the N Y Knicks. You will now suffer the wrath of Chinatown. Don't forget to listen to the Mets lose to the Braves today. No TV, thank god. How about that new stadium the Marlins built to house illegal immigrants. I guess the Cubans and Haitians can finally sleep indoors. Let me explain something to Marlin management. The fans Jose Reyes brings to the stadium don't spend money. They smuggle in their own beer and food and buy the cheapest tickets you sell. They usually purchase group tickets because they bring the entire familia. This stadium is located in Little Havana. good luck getting out of there alive. This place makes the Bronx look like a tropical paradise. Now lets move onto the Country Music Awards. What part of country don't these assholes understand. Where are the rhinestone suits, peddle steel guitars and violins. I thought I was watching a rock concert. WTF was kiss doing there. Hey Gene your an old, wrinkled up jewish dude with bad hair, get the fuck out. A tribute to Bruce Sprinsteen? WTF is his contribution to Country Music. Oh yeah I know he isnt country. Hey Bruce your another old wrinkled up jewish guy with bad hair. Join Gene and get the fuck out. The best thing about the Awards were the Dodge Ram commercials.